by Vi Carter
“What are you looking at?”
I look away from the mirror. “Nothing.” I intend to walk past her toilet but she steps out with the glass in her hand and anger in her eyes.
“Are you going to tell?” She steps into my personal space.
“Tell who? And about what?” I know she is talking about drinking since Linda had already warned her, but it isn’t my concern or my business.
“You know what. Don’t act dumb.”
“I won’t need to tell, Linda. You smell of drink, Wendy.” I feel sorry for her. She had more than just one glass. “Why don’t you go home and I’ll tell her you are sick.”
The impact of her hands on my chest moves me back towards the sink. I’m startled for a moment. “What’s your game?”
“I’m only trying to help.” Now I wonder why I’m bothering.
“You say anything and I will make being here painful for you.” Wendy leaves the bathroom with her empty glass in hand. I rub my chest as I meet my eyes in the mirror. It’s hard to hold my own stare.
I do three more dances before Linda brings me back to my room. I’m still red faced when we are alone wondering if she knows what he did to me. She doesn’t speak and I’m grateful for that right now. The moment the door closes on me, I’m left alone in my room. I’m facing my bed and my stomach twists. Something is sitting on it. Kicking off the heels, I walk across the wooden floor bare foot and pick up the golden notepad. Opening it, my heart pounds but each empty page has my confusion deepening. Was it to write my thoughts in? I check the bed again and notice a pen and a slip of cream paper that I hadn’t noticed before. Picking up the small square of paper, I hate how my hands tremble. I’m terrified and excited to see what’s in it. The first thing I notice is how nice his handwriting is. I bite my lip as I take in the curves and dips before I actually read the words.
What is your deepest fantasy Cara?
Seeing my name brings a lump to my throat. It reminds me I’m a person, but right now I’m just existing for him. I’m surviving, not living. Throwing the notepad on the bed, I get out of my clothes and make my way into the bathroom. Instead of a shower, I decide on a bath. Turning on the large golden taps, I tie a nightgown around me as I wait for it to fill. I’ve left the double doors open and can see the notepad on the bed like a beacon. The question is spinning in my head. What was my deepest fantasy? I knew the answer and that’s why my face burned. Striding across the room, I pick up the pen and notepad but hesitate. There was something freeing in writing it down, my hand shook a little but I felt lighter. In my own basic handwriting my fantasy was there on the first page. The actual thoughts of it coming true had my stomach tightening. Ripping out the page, I glance around the room before stuffing it in the third drawer. I shift my underwear over it so no one will find it. It was my fantasy not his.
I return to the bathroom and remove my nightgown before taking the three steps down into the bath. It was in these moments that I could really pretend that I belonged here and this was just a normal day. Taking the cloth and soap that’s positioned behind my head, I start to wash myself. When my hand slides between my legs, I slow my pace down and close my eyes. My fantasy of having two men at once is all I can think about now. My hand dips inside me and it feels different doing this in water, so I focus on the outside as I picture them taking turns. They have no faces, no names and they take what they want. My blood roars in my body as I move my hand faster and grant myself relief. Immediately after, I feel embarrassed as I stare out into my bedroom, and at the notepad that’s on my bed. I sink under the water, keeping my eyes closed. The water is still under here and it’s nice. It’s a cocoon of safety from him. Breaking the surface of the water, I push my hair back out of my face. My stomach twists painfully as I think of my father. Was he worrying about me? Was his debt from the club and not gambling like he had said? Was my father one of the men in those back rooms? Was he asking some poor girl to act dead? A coldness has me climbing out of the bath and wrapping the nightgown tightly around my waist. Stepping into my room I don’t hesitate as I pick up the notepad and open it to the first page, I write one sentence in it before I close the notepad and leave it on the dresser feeling a bit better. Picking up the cream note that he had left for me, I hold it for far too long not sure what to do with it. Crumbling it up, I throw it into the bin beside my dressing table. I smile feeling a bit better that I had made a good decision. Now as I lie down in my bed, I wonder if he will make my fantasy come true.
My deepest fantasy is getting out of this place.
CHAPTER TEN
HIM
A twig snaps behind me and I turn. Jake stares at me before looking at the corpse at my feet. I’m waiting for him to ask what happened or run, but he does neither.
“You need a hand?” He steps closer and stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets.
“I don’t want to involve you,” I say as I stare down at Mickey. Blood still oozes from the bullet hole in his head. A pool is growing on the forest floor.
“That’s what friends are for, getting rid of bodies.” He grins at me before jutting out his chin. “I’ll go get shovels.”
“Thanks.” Jake always pushed boundaries, but I’m not entirely sure how I feel about him being okay with burying a body. This isn’t his first time, it isn’t mine either, so I won’t ask him any questions in hopes he doesn’t ask me any. I know having Jake involved is dangerous. He returns with two shovels. Handing me one, he starts to dig a hole. Taking off my suit jacket, I place it and my gun on the ground in front of a large tree. We dig in rhythm, one scoop each and I can see the grave forming.
“You want to tell me what he did? Lie with your woman? Steal from you?” Jake has stopped digging and leans on the shovel but I don’t stop. I don’t want to have this conversation.
“No,” I answer while digging faster.
“Come on man. What did he do?”
I pause now and look at Jake. “He ... wasn’t dressed appropriately.”
I continue digging and Jake joins me, he doesn’t ask any more questions.
“I think it’s wide enough.” We both get out of the grave. It looks a little short but it should work.
I take Mickey under the arms while trying to keep his head away from me. Jake grabs his legs and we drag him over.
“He isn’t fitting.” We drop Mickey down and his legs hang out of the grave.
“Just bend them back,” I say to Jake.
The noise of Mickey’s bones breaking has me widening my arms in question.
“What? He will fit now.” Jake bends back the leg he broke before moving to the other side of the grave with the shovel.
“Breaking his legs is your only solution?” I ask.
My answer is Jake bringing the shovel down on Mickey’s other leg. It slips and slices through flesh. Jake yanks it back taking flesh and blood with it, he slams the shovel down again cutting into the leg. “You shot him in the head and what? Because I broke his legs, I’m the bad guy?” Jake asks from the grave where he twists Mickey’s other leg. My gun isn’t far away and killing Jake would solve a lot of problems with Linda, and he was already standing in the grave. I could just cover it over.
Jake smiles up at me. “See? He fits.” He climbs out and picks up the shovel to start covering Mickey’s body.
“Don’t be sour over me breaking his legs.”
I take the other shovel and decide against killing him. “I’m not,” I say as I throw clay on top of Mickey’s face. We bury him in silence and when we are done, I move some twigs and leaves and cover the ground to make it blend in with the rest of its surroundings.
“What were you doing out here?” I ask Jake. I had wondered from the moment he’d arrived.
“Sometimes those old bags drop jewelry. So I was coming to check.”
“Jake I warned you.” I slide back on my jacket and hold the gun reconsidering using it.
“Yeah and I don’t come here while they are at it. I just check the ne
xt day.” He still holds his own shovel and grabs mine from the ground. “I’ll return these.”
I tuck the gun in the band of my trousers. I’m not in the mood to dig another grave. “Okay. Thanks.”
“Like I said, that’s what friends are for.” Jake isn’t stupid. He would try to use this for some later dealings, but I would sort it when that time arrived.
As he leaves, I take one final look around me to make sure the area doesn’t look too disturbed. Kicking some clay across the spilt blood, I return to my car.
A scratch on the hood has me gritting my teeth. It must have been where I had tapped it with my gun earlier. Mickey’s phone rings on the floor of the passenger side of the car. Picking it up I look at the caller ID “DAD”. I silence it and drive back out of the forest and down alongside the castle. The further back I go, the more overgrown the land is. It took a lot to keep the house running and that budget didn’t fully extend to the back grounds. It was wild and overgrown and one day I would do something with it. Getting out of the car I take Mickey’s phone with me and walk for a while until I can hear the river. It runs at the back of the property. Once I reach it, I wipe the phone down and when I reach the gushing water, I throw the phone in. I stand and watch it disappear between the white foaming waves. From this viewpoint I can see for miles in the distance. Fields and more fields along with forested areas surround the castle, growing up here was a curse but at moments with Jake it really was an adventure.
My throat burned. Bending over, I coughed savagely as Jake laughed.
“What is in that?” I handed him back the cigarette he had rolled. He takes it and inhales deeply. “A bit of hash that’s all.” He offers it to me but I decline.
“Don’t be a pussy man. I thought you wanted freedom.” He pushes the cigarette towards me and I take it. Only this time I take a short drag. My body seems to grow heavier and I give a long exhale while looking at the cigarette. “It’s good,” I say and Jake slaps me on the back grinning before taking the cigarette back.
“I love this shit. Me and the boys smoke it all the time. Beats going to school.” I envied Jake and his freedom. He had friends that always had his back. Skipping school wasn’t possible for me. My grandfather wouldn’t allow it. I snatch the cigarette back out of Jake’s hand and inhale deeply, causing myself to cough.
“No one is going to take it from you.” Jake laughs and lies back on the grass.
I was always curious about his friends, and when he told me the adventures they went on, I would pretend I was with them too. I was the leader that was always daring, and didn’t care what happened. I was Jake. I had always envied him and even now a part of me still does.
I make my way back to the house, removing my shoes in the wetroom, I wash the soles under the water until all the mud is gone. Leaving them on the floor, I return to my own quarters and change my clothes, I bag everything that I was wearing and place them in the fireplace where I light them on fire.
My phone rings on the desk and I pick it up. “Mr. Norris, Mrs. Conyngham would like a word.”
“Tell her I’ll be in the tea room in a moment.” I hang up and retrieve the ring from my drawer.
Mary is sitting in the tea room and when she sees me she places her cup on the saucer and rests it on the small table. I greet her with a kiss on each cheek. Her thinning blonde hair is brushed back and puffed up to try to disguise the gaps.
I sit down and slide the ring across the table.
“Ah, Ger will be delighted.” Mary pours me out a cup of tea, I had no intentions of staying but it would be rude to decline.
“Thank you Mary.” I pour in a small amount of milk and take a sip. Only then does she speak.
“We had a small gathering here yesterday.”
I knew that. They had hired out the top floor that had been designed for large private parties.
“I hope it went well,” I say.
She smiles, but it’s a quick flash. “Of course. When Ger was leaving, she said she saw the man that had robbed her on the premises.”
Jake is becoming a huge problem. “Are you sure? That seems rather odd.” I sip the tea and she mimics my actions.
“It does seem odd. But she’s sure.” There’s a look in her eyes that tells me she wants to say more but is being careful with her words.
“I will get out all the footage from yesterday and take a look.”
Her hand touches my arm. “I do appreciate it, Gerald.”
Setting my cup down, I remove my arm slowly. “You are very welcome, Mary.”
Mary, after all, was one of our top clients so I was always gentle with her.
“Are you free tomorrow night? It’s going to be a warm night.” She gives me a smile and a shrug while raising her tea to her pumped up lips. She wanted to use the forest.
“I’m afraid that’s not possible, Mary. The forest won’t be in use for a while. We had an incident where a member of the public broke his legs while trekking through it, so we are being looked into by our insurance.”
“You really need to have a word with Lady Linda and have her close this off to the public Gerald. Riff-raff trailing around the grounds and through the house is beyond me. I don’t like having to mix with those types of people.” She holds up both hands in disgust as she speaks.
“I will do that Mary, and I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you.”
“A big inconvenience. You should say that to Lady Linda too. A discount would soften the blow.” This woman could buy and sell us, but if she needed to feel like she controlled this situation, that is fine by me.
“I will make sure you get a generous discount.”
Mary smiles and rises as I do too. I kiss her on both cheeks. “Always the gentleman Gerald. I hope Lady Linda knows how lucky she is to have you as a loyal staff member.”
“Yes she does.” I leave her and enter the hall, my eye immediately drawn to the painting of my grandfather. My whole body tightens and I feel he watches me all the way to the elevator that I take up to my quarters.
Once I’m in the library, alone, I open my laptop and rewind the tapes. I stop and hit play, her room is empty, but my note still sits on her bed along with the notepad. I flick to the second screen, she’s filling the bath up. She looks contemplative as she stands and walks to the bed. I can’t stop the jerk in my pants as she writes something in the notepad. I can’t see but I look forward to reading it later. She tears the page out and stuffs it in the drawer before getting into the bath. I’m ready to switch off the laptop and make my way to her room when she starts washing herself. Her head rolls back in pleasure as she touches herself. My trousers grow tighter as I sit there and watch her release. I needed her and I needed to know what she wrote on the piece of paper.
Before going to her room I unplug the fuse on the fuse box knocking off all power to her room.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HER
I am aware when the lights go out; the darkness behind my eyelids grows even darker. Searching the darkness for him has my heart rate escalated. I can hear him breathing. I know he’s here. The notepad and the question about my fantasy has my stomach tightening. Was he here to find out what I had written down? If he had seen it, would he make my fantasy come true? I shiver and tighten the nightgown around me. All the hairs rise along my naked body beneath the nightgown.
“Did you get my note?” His deep voice has me sitting up straighter now, I let one leg dangle off the side of the bed as I search the darkness for him, following the sound of his voice.
“Yes.” My voice sounds so small, like it’s been consumed in a crowd.
“Tell me your fantasy Cara.”
I let my foot slide down the side of the bed and touch the cold wooden floor to take some of the heat away from my body.
“To go home.” My voice trembles on the words.
“Follow my voice.”
I’m standing now taking two steps towards his voice.
“We both know you don’t
want to go home.”
My body jumps, he is so close, his words have me swallowing down my confusion. “I do want to go home,” I tell the darkness, but my words fall flat. I don’t want to stay here and be used and humiliated, but going back to my life, to my father, to the struggle, that I didn’t want. I knew what it meant to be hungry and cold. Here I didn’t have to worry about that. Yet, I had new worries. I was afraid of what this man would do to me. What he intended for me.
I freeze as large hands touch my neck. His breath fans across my forehead and I close my eyes. Fingers trail along my arms until they reach the band of my nightgown where he pulls the rope, allowing the material to open wide. My face burns and I close my eyes as he pushes the material from my shoulders and it pools around my feet on the ground.
His hands return to my neck, the heat sears into me. He moves my head to the left and right gently but completely in control. “I could kill you so easily.” His whispered words in my ear have the blood and heat draining from me.
“I want to break you Cara.” He whispers in my other ear and I hold my breath, my heart is pumping blood too quickly around my body, making me light-headed. He releases me but his hands don’t leave my body. Light fingers flitter across my stomach and stop at my pussy. I want to tell him not to, but I’m starting to learn that it’s pointless. His hands move between my thighs and I tighten my legs.
“Open them.”