by Vi Carter
The smugness in Linda’s voice dies slowly as she speaks. Saliva fills my mouth.
“You should just leave this place Cara.” Linda wavers and I can’t speak. I’m out the door and moving into the club. The music, laughter and people all swirl around me as I move through the crowd. I get weird looks. People step out of my way as I stumble. My father is dead.
A hand grips my upper arm and I lash out, connecting with Linda’s face. I blink and tears fall down my face. “Don’t touch me.”
The beat continues to pound, but it feels like everyone is watching us. Linda releases me and if she could breathe fire, I’m sure she would.
I don’t think as I step into the hidden hallways and make my way back to my room. I don’t remember walking here, but I’m standing in the bedroom in front of my bed. I want to do something. I want to cry, scream, something, but my body isn’t reacting to any of it.
“Cara,” I say my name out loud and something tightens in my stomach.
“Cara,” I call louder and flinch at the harshness of my voice.
My hand strikes my face, the burn is instant. “Wake up,” I tell myself as I strike my face again.
My legs lose their mobility and I find myself on the wooden floor holding onto the quilt. I don’t know what is more horrifying, that I had no idea how I felt about my dad dying or that I didn’t want to leave this place. This place that had twisted me up so tightly until I broke. Broke in the worst way possible, I had feelings for my captor.
I was disgusting.
Something sticky on my hair touches my chest. The man’s cum. Laughter bubbles up my chest and I let it out. My hands tighten on the quilt that I rip from the bed. Something inside me sparks to life and I pull off all the bedding before opening my drawers and throwing my clothes everywhere. I pull the room apart until I’m breathless. Stepping into my wardrobe, I take every piece of material off the hangers. I pull a nightgown around me as I put my feet into a pair of sneakers. Taking one final look around the room, I slip through the secret door and make my way back to the club. I get a lot of stares as I walk through the front and out into the changing room. Something is going right. Candy’s here. When she sees me in the mirror, she spins around.
“Holy Shit Cara. What happened?”
My throat burns again. “Could you give me a ride home?” I don’t blink. I try to stuff all my emotions down.
“Of course, sweetie. I’m finished now in ten minutes.” She stands up and walks to me. “Did something happen?”
“My dad died,” I say.
Candy’s hand covers her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
I look away from her watery eyes.
“We can go now.” She takes my hand in hers. “Just give me a minute.”
I nod as Candy disappears. I’m aware of all the new girls glancing at me. It feels surreal to be standing here feeling so out of place.
“You ready?” Candy’s changed and is holding a handbag. I follow her out into a parking lot. We stop at a brown car and Candy unlocks my door first before she goes around to the driver's side. I get in and hate how my hands tremble as I put on the seatbelt. How long had I been here? I think it was weeks. Maybe months. It is like a time warp. I can’t stop looking as we leave the castle behind in the rear-view mirror. Not just the castle, but Gerald.
“You want to give me directions,” Candy says and it pulls me out of my head.
“Number seven. Dunaghmore Park,” I rhyme off and my stomach twists painfully. Candy doesn’t ask any more questions as she drives me home. When she pulls up outside the house, I don’t want to get out.
“You want me to come in with you?” Candy asks.
I shake my head and turn to her. “No. it’s fine. Thanks so much for giving me a lift.”
She pulls me into a hug and I don’t close my eyes. I don’t allow myself to feel this comfort. “I’ll be in touch.” I unbuckle my belt and get out of the car. I don’t look back as I open our small front black gate. The green grass either side of the pathway is devoid of flowers or shrubs. A boot statue is the only thing at the front door. I lift it and pick up the spare key. Pushing it into the keyhole, I open the door and step into the darkened hall. Turning, I wave at Candy who’s still sitting there. I flick on the lights and close the front door behind me. It takes a few seconds before I hear Candy’s car leave.
I’m looking down the empty hall. My heart is pounding too hard. I need water. I walk into the kitchen, my leg connects with the table. I step away and flick on the light. The table had been moved away from the back door. He must have moved it after I left. After he sold me. A roar is building up inside me. I go to the press and take down a glass before filling it up. Sipping it slowly, I stare around the kitchen. It feels so small. So foreign to me. Placing the glass on the counter, I turn off all lights and lock the front door before going upstairs. Some part of me wants to feel something about my father’s death, so I go to his bedroom. His bed is made. All his clothes put away. His room doesn’t produce any emotion about him. The only pain I’m feeling is my loss. I had no idea what to do now. A large part of me wanted to go back to my room. My room in the castle.
There was something seriously wrong with me. I turn off the light in my dad’s room and enter the bathroom. Running the bath, I strip off my clothes. The closet room in the castle was three times bigger than my bathroom. I feel like I can barely breathe here. Once the bath is full, I step into it. The water’s piping hot and immediately turns my white skin pink. The constant pinch along my skin is what I focus on as I wash my body. Blue eyes so intense flash behind my closed eyelids, so I open them. But some twisted part of me seeks the darkness. I get out of the bath and turn off the lights before stepping back in and I smile. Everything here at this moment is possible. All the most intense emotions rise to the surface. Fear of what Gerald will do, excitement of what Gerald will do. Gerald. Tears make a path down my face as I finally admit to myself that I have feelings for him, whatever that makes me? I wasn’t sure but I couldn’t remove the fact that Linda telling me Gerald knew I was in the backrooms, hurt me more than my father's death. Being let go, hurt me even worse. I let a sob out and it finally allows me to grieve in the darkness where no one can judge me.
CHAPTER TWENTY
HIM
I’m in the library, seated behind my desk. My mind won’t stop picturing Cara bent over it.
“It’s just we had a report that he was seen here.”
I look at the Gardaí who sits in the chair across from me. “Yes, he was here. He was helping out around the castle. He wasn’t the easiest to take directions so he quit.”
The Gardaí scribbles the lies in his notepad. “When was this?” He asks looking at me over his notepad.
“We have so many staff coming and going. Let me think.” I exhale loudly and sit back in my chair.
“It’s really important that you try to remember the exact date.”
I force a smile. “Of course Gardaí. Tuesday last week.” That was the last day he was on the property. Sticking even partially to the truth made this easier. “I don’t like to speak out of turn, but it wouldn’t do any harm to keep an eye on the father,” I say.
The Gardaí sits forward. “You think he has something to do with his son’s disappearance.”
I shrug and hold up my hands. “Yeah. It’s silly. Forget I spoke.”
“No, anything you can tell us would really help.”
I nod. “His father was very abusive towards him. With his fists.”
The Gardaí scribbles in his notepad. “Mickey told you that?”
It would be a hell of a lot easier to say yes. But me and Mickey would have had to be close for him to share that with me.
“No, his father was here with him, when we were ironing out the details about his job. He hit him in front of me for speaking out of turn. Mickey was afraid of him. I thought I might be able to help the boy.” I look away from the Gardaí. “Poor kid.”
The Gardaí closes his notepad.
“Thank you, Mr. Norris. You have been more than helpful.” I take the Gardaí’s outstretched hand and shake it.
“Anything I can do to help.”
He shakes the notepad at me before slipping it into his jacket pocket. “You’ve given us loads.”
I walk the Gardaí out to the front of the property. Lights along the driveway light up his path as he climbs back into his car and leaves. I don’t go back in until his tail lights disappear beyond the hill.
I make my way to the club. Linda is back to herself and I knew she had taken Cara to the club tonight. I told her to give Cara center stage. She was ready to shine. I need her presence right now. I don’t want to think about Mickey rotting away in the forest. I feel I had given the Gardaí enough to investigate Mickey’s dad, and if they looked deep enough, they would find all his other ventures. It might be enough to overlook small details, like not finding his body.
The club is busy and I keep to the back, to the shadows. I still don’t want Cara to see me. I wasn’t sure anymore why. If it was fear or the power I felt at keeping that from her. B, who’s been with us for a while, is on center stage. She isn’t great and I scan the room for Cara or Linda. I see neither. I move along the back wall towards the bar. Simon and two other part-time staff members move quickly serving drinks. Each dancer that passes me, smiles but I don’t return them. I can’t see Candy either. She is close to Cara. I wait until B steps off the center stage and the lights dim. I move around the room and cut her off at the changing rooms.
“Hi,” she’s panting as she looks up at me. There is always that slight look of fear in the dancer’s eyes whenever I approach them.
“Have you seen Cara?”
Her brows pull together. “Cara? Yeah.”
I stare at her.
“She’s out back. In the boom boom rooms.”
My stomach hollows out and I manage a nod to B, before I walk across the room. I don’t bother with the shadows or trying to disguise myself. I need to get to Cara and get her out of there. The idea of anyone touching her has me moving faster. Damien takes one look at me and steps aside. I open each door and ignore the angry shouts and screams that sound from each room. Each door I open I feel more panic. Where was she? I get to the final room and it’s empty.
Maybe B was wrong. I go back to Damien, who doesn’t turn as I close the door behind me.
“Where is Linda?” I ask him, looking out on the club. I still can’t see her or Cara.
“In her office,” Damien answers without moving his head.
I find Linda in her office, she doesn’t seem surprised when I step in. I try to keep the rage that whirls inside me under control. But each passing second is making it harder.
“You sent Cara into the back rooms?”
Linda’s holding a yellow file and closes it. “Yes.” She places it on her desk and sits down. “This is my job. These girls are my…”
“Not Cara.” My fist hits her desk and she jumps, startled. “What did she have to do?” I ask, not wanting to know, but needing to know.
“I’m not breaking my client’s confidentiality.”
“This is the final time Linda. What did she have to do?”
“Masturbation, that was it. I picked a simple one.”
“No, you picked a degrading one.”
Linda laughs and it’s loud. “You kept her in a room like a dog. You have no right to come at me.”
I push my hands into my pockets. Right now the only place I want them is around Linda’s neck. If I started to squeeze, I wouldn’t stop until she stopped breathing.
“It was more than that. Where is she now?”
Linda stares at me. Her eyes harden. “Are you telling me you have feelings for her?”
What I felt for Cara was confusing to me. I wasn’t about to try to explain it to Linda. “Where is she?” My voice rises, and I’m unsure how much longer I can wait.
“Gone.” Linda stands up now. “She was here to pay a debt. That debt died when her father died.”
I feel like someone has taken all the air out of the room. “Gone. Gone where?”
“Gerald. You were becoming obsessed with this girl. Look at you. I don’t recognise you anymore.”
I turn away from Linda.
“It’s better this way.”
“For who?” Anger like I have never felt before floods my veins. “For you?” I take a step towards her. “For me?” She backs away. “But not for Cara. I want to kill you right now.” I admit as Linda’s back hits the wall.
“She’s fine, Gerald. She’s gone home to bury her father.”
I stop advancing on her. “You told her that her father died?”
“Yes.” Guilt coats Linda’s face.
“How?” I ask and she can’t look at me.
“How Linda?”
“I was angry,” she shouts back.
I’m at her desk now, and I round it. “How?”
“When she was finished with Carl.”
Linda screams as my fist smashes into the wall beside her face. Pain burns my hand and races up my arm.
“You’re a vindictive, twisted bitch. Get out of my club.”
Linda’s fear scatters for a moment. “You’re firing me?”
I step away before I hit her. “Get out.”
She’s shaking her head. “I’m in love with you, Gerald. I was jealous.”
“You think I’d touch someone like you?”
She stands straighter now. “What is so special about her?” Her nose flares with jealousy.
“When I get back here you better be gone.” I leave her office as she screams after me.
***
Cara’s room is carnage. Sitting on her bed, I look around at the destruction and try to picture what she was feeling. The mess surprised me. I didn’t think she would have come back here. There was nothing for her. Her anger was a visible thing. She must have been devastated at her father’s death. She shouldn’t have been. He had sold her. She was worth far more than that. My phone rings and I take it out immediately, wondering if it’s her.
It’s a silly error. She didn’t have my number. She didn’t know who I was. She ran the moment she had the chance. Could I really blame her?
“Jake, now is not a good time.”
“You need to get out of there now.”
I stand up and step over all the scattered clothes. “Don’t be worried, the Gardaí were already here. I pointed them in the direction of his father,” I say as I leave the room. “You shouldn’t be ringing me.” I’m tired and my voice doesn’t hold the anger it should at him ringing me.
“Listen to me, Gerald. This is not about Mickey.”
I stop walking.
“Linda’s gone off the deep end. She’s reported you for keeping a girl captive in your house.” There is a long pause. “Is it true?”
He wouldn’t judge me, I could say it to Jake. I really didn’t think he would care.
“No.”
“Okay good. The Gardaí just passed the bridge, they’re on their way.”
“I know you said you didn’t. But if there is someone in room twenty three I’d advise you to remove them.”
My heart pounds as I rush back to Cara’s room, shocked that Linda gave the room number. “There is no one to remove, but thanks for the heads up.” I hang up and enter the room. I don’t think, but just start putting all the clothes back in drawers and the wardrobe. I’m not great at making up the bed, but at least it doesn’t look like the room was ransacked. I leave the room and remove my suit jacket to try to cool down my body.
“Marcus,” I say into the phone when it rings. I hope I sound calm.
“Mr. Norris. There is a Gardaí Manning here to see you.”
“You can escort him to the library. I’ll be there shortly.”
I hang up and enter my own room. Opening up the double doors to my wardrobe, I step in and turn on the lights. The third row down holds all my jackets. Taking a navy one off the hanger, I slip it on. Gard
aí Manning is walking around the library. He isn’t the same one who was here only a short time ago. He’s looking at the books, just like Cara had.
“I’m very popular today,” I say.
He turns around, opening his suit jacket. He steps down and reaches out a hand that I take. “I do apologize but we got a very serious complaint that we have to look into.”
I point at the seat in front of my desk and he declines.
“This won’t take long Mr. Norris. We had a complaint that you are holding a Cara Black here against her will.”
“Can I ask who made such a complaint about me Gardaí Manning?”
“I’m afraid not. But I would like to take a look around.” Of course he would, and I would allow him into Cara’s room. I just couldn’t make it easy.
“This establishment is private. You can search the area that’s open to the public. I don’t want to upset my clients. Do you understand Gardaí Manning?”
The Gardaí have been paid to turn a blind eye to the club. As long as everything was consensual, they always looked the other way. It cost a lot, but having that free rein is what made this club the best in the country.
“I understand Mr. Norris, but someone being kept against their will is an entirely different thing. We were given a room number. If I was allowed to see that room and see it’s empty we could drop this matter.”
I exhale loudly. “Fine. What is the room number?”
“Twenty three.” He studies me closely as he says it, waiting to see if I flinch or panic.
“This way,” I say calmly. I give him the scenic route. I was a little impressed that Linda had the nerve to sell me out. Her anger was something I had experienced before, but that was a long time ago. A time when she didn’t know me. She had been so broken down by her family and the system that it really didn’t take much to bring her back up. Once I got her standing, I knew I had found something special in Linda. Someone who didn’t really feel anymore. They had sucked the life out of her. Stripped her bare. But I gave her revenge, I gave her a job and her self-respect back.
Now stepping into Cara’s room, my own anger returns at Linda’s betrayal. “Room number twenty three. I don’t have much time.”