Granddad says that French women are tuff cookies but that they are also very forgiving cos they turn a blind eye to their husbands wanderings. I don’t realy understand Granddad sometimes, but he seems to think that the French women being blind in one eye and letting their husbands wander about is a good thing. I think it sounds dangerous. Besides, Nathalie has two normal eyes so I don’t get it. Maybe French women go blind in one eye when they get married? But then why wood anyone want to get married?
Jess can come home soon wich is making everyone super-happy. Mummy is all smiley now and I hearded her singing in the shower yesterday.
Luke is super-happy too cos everyone keeps saying how great he is for helping Jess. Even Daddy said it!
He came over to Granddad’s house and told Luke he was super-proud of him. Luke shrugged like he didn’t care but I could tell he did cos his face went all red.
Granddad normally doesn’t even speak to Daddy but he offered him a cup of coffee! Daddy said he’d love one but then his phone rang and he had to go. Jenny had some mergensy.
‘She probably broke a nail,’ Luke said, and me and Granddad and Mummy laughed. It was nice to see Mummy laughing. I felt all warm inside.
So, that’s the good news. The bad news is that the play in school is a disaster and I don’t want to be in it any more.
First of all it took Declan ages to say ‘Are there any rooms free?’ He got stuck on ‘There’ and T isn’t even one of his bad letters! I think maybe he was nervous. Anyway, I decided to help him out so when we praktised the same lines again, I saw him begining to stuter on ‘There’, so I said: ‘Don’t bother asking for a room, Joseph. This inn is full.’
Declan got all grumpy and pushed me and said I was robbing his lines. Except it took him ages to say ‘robbing’, he got stuck on the R, which is one of his bad letters, so I said it for him but it made him even more crazy.
I know Mrs Lorgan said no one should finish Declan’s words because it is important for him to speak for himself, but he was so red in his face I thawt he might have a heart attack so I was trying to help. I don’t think Mrs Lorgan will be too happy if one of the kids in her class dies.
Declan pushed me really hard after I said ‘robbing’ and I banged my elbow on the side of a chair and it hurt. But Mrs Lorgan didn’t even ask me if I was alrite. She said ‘Let Declan say his lines and do not interupt.’
It’s just so dum. Every time we practise the play, the first bit with Mary and the angel Gabriel takes about five minutes and then Declan/Joseph comes in and starts stutering and we all have to stand around and wait … and wait.
But Declan isn’t the only problem. Tommy is being a total pain. He finaly agreed to be the donkey but today, every time I tried to say my lines he made a ‘neigh neigh’ sound really loud so no one could hear me.
Mrs Lorgan told him to stop but he said he was just getting into his part as the donkey. Mrs Lorgan was called out for a ‘quik word’ by the gym teacher and she told us to practise again. Tommy did the noise again. So I shouted at him to stop.
He shouted back, ‘It’s the same as you robbing Declan’s lines.’
I had enuff of Tommy so I told him he was a rubbish donkey and that he was stupid becos a donkey says ‘hee-haw’ and a horse says ‘neigh’.
Tommy said that knowing boring facts doesnt make me smart, it makes me weird. He said no one in the class is intrested in my stupid facts and that his Mum said I was ‘special’, like his brother with Down Sindrum.
‘You’re special needs,’ Tommy said.
‘I am not. I’m smart.’
‘You’re a weirdo,’ Tommy said.
‘Yeah,’ Declan joined in, ‘you’re a d-d-d-d–’
‘Dork?’ Tommy tried to help Declan.
Declan shook his head. ‘D-d–’
‘Dickhead?’ Tommy wispered.
Declan shook his head again. ‘D-d–’
‘Dumbass?’ Tommy tried again.
‘No!’ Declan shouted. ‘D-dweeb.’
I hate them all, even Mrs Lorgan, and I know it’s bad to hate your teecher but I do.
I was so glad when school was over and Mummy came to collect me. I love when she comes to collect me. She used to all the time but since Jess got sick it’s only some times. But when she does we have a chat on the walk home and she asks me things and it feels like everything isn’t different and scary. I let her hold my hand and I don’t care who sees. I like holding her hand. It makes me feel safer.
When we got home, Mummy didn’t rush off to make phone calls or to go to the hospital. She made me a hot choclate and sat down and talked to me. She asked me about school and I was going to tell her all about the play but then Nathalie came in and said there was a man who wanted to tell Mummy that the coffee was the best he ever had. Mummy looked confused.
‘Who is it?’
‘I don’t know. A hairy man who say you tell him the coffee ’ere is fantastic and he agree with you.’
Mummy went to peep out the door into the café and then she did a big smile. I looked out to see who she was smiling at.
She walked over to a man with a big beard and crinkly eyes. They had a little chat and then I heard her say about Jess and the remishen. The beardy man put his arms up in the air and cheered and Mummy laughed.
‘He is not perfect. Un peu caveman. But the beard can be fixed and he has nice eyes and a kind smile. He’s not so bad,’ Nathalie said.
I don’t know what she was talking about. I think maybe she’s in love with the beardy man. I was going to tell her about French women getting married and going blind in one eye and not knowing where there husbands went wandering off to, but it’s a bit confusing so I’ll let Granddad tell her.
23
Kate stood at the kitchen window, looking out over the small garden. There was nothing much to see on the cold December morning, but suddenly the bare tree looked beautiful, not bleak. She could hear birds twittering and a dog barking in the distance. It was as if a fog had been lifted from her. Kate couldn’t remember seeing or hearing things clearly for months.
She felt lighter and younger. The constant headache had lifted and the tension in her neck was gone. Jess was in partial remission and Luke’s bone marrow would get her into complete remission. Kate knew it was going to work. Jess looked better already. They had to wait four weeks until they could test to see if she was in complete remission, and Kate was determined to make those four weeks wonderful and distract them all from the waiting.
The fact that the weeks fell over the Christmas period was perfect. Another good sign that all would be well. It was a turning point. She could feel it in her bones. Their lives were going to get better. Jess would get well and they’d be happy again. She was even getting on well with Nick. Life was good right now. Kate was determined to grab the ‘good’ with both hands.
Recently her life had shrunk to home and hospital, but today she was taking Jess horse-riding. She was so happy that Jess was getting a chance to ride again. She knew it would give her a great lift.
Hazel had organized it. She said it was her Christmas present to Jess. She’d rung Kate and insisted on doing it. ‘Chloë told me how much Jess loves riding, so please let me do this for her,’ Hazel had said. ‘We love Jess and we feel so helpless, so you’d be doing me a favour by letting me sort this out.’
It was amazing, really. Kate didn’t know Hazel well. They had that mothers-of-kids-who-are-friends relationship – a little chat on the doorstep here and there, but that was it. They were different. Hazel lived a life of luxury, and Kate could barely pay her bills, so she felt they didn’t have much in common, yet since Jess had been diagnosed, Hazel had been incredibly kind.
Aside from buying Jess clothes and treats that Chloë brought in on her visits, Hazel constantly texted Kate to check in with her. One particularly bad day during Jess’s infection, Kate had come home to a big box of Jo Malone shower gels, candles and perfumes. There it was, sitting on the doorstep, with a big bow and a
note that said, ‘Thinking of you. Hazel.’
Kate had always liked Chloë, but she had worried that Chloë was a bit spoilt. How wrong she was. Chloë did have everything a girl could dream of, but it hadn’t made her spoilt at all. In fact, she was the most generous, loyal friend Jess could possibly have had. Some of Jess’s other friends had made an effort in the beginning, but they had gradually tailed off when Jess never returned to school.
Chloë, however, was ever-present. Kate had grown very fond of her. She bounded into the hospital in her bright clothes talking non-stop about things a twelve-year-old should be talking about – annoying classmates, boys, make-up, hairstyles, clothes … Kate loved seeing Jess giggling with Chloë about silly things. It made her worry less about Jess’s childhood being stolen.
She heard footsteps and turned around. Luke opened the fridge and began pulling out mounds of food. Luke, her hero. Kate smiled at him. ‘Morning.’
‘Hey,’ he croaked, and began to fry some eggs.
‘Sit down, I’ll do that for you.’ Kate went over to the cooker. ‘Four eggs? Seriously?’
Luke cut three big slices of granary bread. ‘The coach is still saying I have to get my protein intake up. Besides, I finally feel hungry again so I’m going for it.’
‘I’m really proud of you, Luke.’
‘For making the team?’ Luke grinned.
‘Yes, and for helping to save your sister.’
Luke squirmed in his chair. ‘I wish everyone would stop saying that, Mum. I didn’t save her. She’s not cured yet. I just helped.’
‘Well, thank you.’
‘Sure.’
Kate lifted the fried eggs onto a plate and handed it to Luke. ‘So how are things with you? Is everything all right with school and Piper?’
Luke shovelled a full egg into his mouth and chewed. ‘School is okay. Piper is good. She was so happy about Jess she cried for half an hour, like rivers of tears. We’re going to catch a movie later.’
‘She’s lovely. I’m really glad you met her.’
Kate watched a smile spread across Luke’s face. ‘Yeah, she’s pretty great. I’m lucky.’
‘She’s lucky too. You’re pretty fantastic yourself.’
Luke flexed his arm. ‘Yeah, I’m not bad.’
Kate coughed. ‘So are you guys …’
Luke put his hand up. ‘Stop. Don’t even go there.’
‘Luke, I need to know that if you’re having sex you’re being careful.’
Luke put down his slice of bread. ‘You’re ruining my appetite. Please stop talking.’
‘Luke? I need to know.’
‘Oh, God.’ Luke looked down at his food, blushing. ‘Yes, Mum, we are careful.’
‘Good.’
The door opened and Jess came in. ‘Morning,’ she said, beaming.
Kate jumped up. ‘Morning, sweetheart. How did you sleep? How do you feel? Sit down and I’ll get you something to eat.’
Jess shook her head. ‘I’m fine, Mum. I’ll get my own breakfast. I’d like to. Let me make you a cup of coffee.’
‘Don’t be silly. Sit down and save your energy.’
‘Mum!’ Luke caught her eye. ‘Let Jess do it. She wants to.’
Kate did as she was told. It felt very strange to be sitting still while Jess made her coffee. She wanted to jump up and carry the kettle for her. Jess’s arms were like two little twigs and Kate was worried she’d drop the kettle or burn herself when she poured the hot water into the coffee cup, or trip or stumble or … Breathe, she told herself. Breathe and let Jess do this.
It was very difficult, but Kate managed to stay seated and not jump up, although she almost did when Jess made a little ‘oof’ sound, as she picked up the heavy kettle. As she moved to help her, Luke reached out and grabbed her hand. ‘Don’t, Mum,’ he whispered. ‘She wants to feel normal again. Stop fussing.’
Jess came over with a cup of coffee and placed it in front of her. ‘There you go, Mum.’ She was smiling from ear to ear.
Kate took a sip. ‘Well, that’s the nicest cup of coffee I ever tasted.’
Jess rolled her eyes. ‘You don’t have to say that.’
‘It is, though, Jess, because you made it.’
‘Favourite child!’ Luke exclaimed. ‘I always knew it.’
‘I don’t think so, Golden Boy,’ Jess retorted.
‘Yeah, right.’ Luke swatted his sister with his hand, grinning. ‘It’s always been “Jess is so helpful”, “Jess is so thoughtful”, “Jess is so perfect”.’
‘That’s such rubbish. It’s all “Luke is so great at rugby”, “Luke is so handsome”, “Luke is such a good example to the other two”.’
‘Well, I am.’ Brother and sister laughed.
Watching her two children bantering back and forth, laughing together, looking so happy made Kate want to jump up and down and shout, ‘Yeeeeees!’ Life was almost back to normal, and it felt so good. She took out her phone and texted Maggie: Good news! All going well with Jess. Get yourself over here later if you can. I’m opening the pink champagne tonight! x
Kate drove towards a huge house, then followed the signs for ‘Stables’ around the back and down a laneway that led into a large yard.
‘Wow,’ Jess said. ‘This is incredible. Look at that horse, Mum! It’s so beautiful.’
Kate watched as it was led out of the stables. It looked like a thoroughbred racehorse, the kind you’d see at the races.
Hazel had said something about a friend of theirs who had horses and would be delighted to have Jess up for a ride. This was like a professional riding stable. Kate could see at least ten horses peeping out from their boxes.
A huge black Range Rover pulled up beside them and Chloë waved out of the window.
Kate and Jess got out of the car. Kate wrapped Jess’s scarf around her neck. ‘Are you sure you’re warm enough?’
‘Oh, Mum – yes!’ Jess wriggled away from her and ran over to Chloë. The two girls hugged.
Kate joined Hazel, who was wearing a long fur coat that must have taken many animals to make.
‘Hi,’ Hazel said warmly, and hugged Kate, then Jess.
‘Your coat is so soft,’ Jess said.
‘She’s a murderer,’ Chloë said. ‘It’s rabbit. Real rabbit fur. Hundreds of poor bunnies died so Mum could wear that coat.’
Hazel stroked it. ‘Darling, there are far too many rabbits in the world. They’re not exactly an endangered species.’
‘They will be if you keep buying coats like that,’ Chloë reprimanded.
‘Kate and Jess didn’t come here to listen to a save-the-rabbits speech. Now, come on, Julian’s waiting for us.’
Julian turned out to be the stable manager. He was lovely with the girls. He introduced Jess to all the horses and told her he’d picked a very special one for her to ride.
‘This place is amazing,’ Kate said. ‘Thanks so much for arranging it.’
‘My friend Louise got it in the divorce settlement.’
‘Some settlement,’ Kate noted.
Hazel dropped her voice. ‘She found her husband in bed with one of the stable boys – I know it sounds like a Jilly Cooper novel, but it actually happened.’
Kate giggled.
‘He didn’t want anyone to know, so he gave her everything she wanted in the divorce.’
‘Is she here? I’d like to thank her.’
‘No, she hates horses. She spends all of her time at her house in Turks and Caicos.’
Kate was incredulous. ‘Why did she want the stables if she hates horses?’
Hazel raised an eyebrow. ‘Because she didn’t want him to have them. I’d be the same if my Keith cheated on me, I’d take the house in Portugal even though it’s on a golf course and I hate golf. You’ve got to get them where they hurt.’
Nick didn’t have anything for me to take, Kate thought. All he had were debts.
Jess and Chloë came out riding two gorgeous brown horses with shiny manes.
‘Mum, my horse is called Jess!’ Jess said.
‘She’s the best we have.’ Julian winked.
Kate went over to have a word with him. ‘Is she a calm horse? Jess cannot fall off – it would be a disaster.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Julian said. ‘Hazel filled me in. Jess is going to have a great time and be completely safe. If it’s any comfort at all, my niece had leukaemia when she was a kid. She’s twenty-seven now, got married last week.’
Kate wanted to kiss him. ‘That’s a huge comfort, thank you. I love hearing stories like that.’
‘Come on, Julian, let’s go!’ Jess called out.
‘Jess, don’t be rude.’
‘She’s not rude, just keen. We like that. All right, let’s go to the indoor arena and have some fun.’
To Hazel and Kate, he said, ‘Ladies, I’ll get one of the lads to make coffee for you. He’ll bring it into the arena. It’ll keep you warm while you’re watching. What would you like?’
‘I’ll have a decaf skinny latte, please,’ Hazel asked.
‘Can you do lattes?’ Kate was amazed.
‘We have the best coffee machine in town. Louise gave it to us last Christmas.’ Julian smiled.
‘Wow! I’d love a cappuccino.’
Indoor arenas, coffee delivered to you by stable-hands … This was the life, Kate thought. She should have married a millionaire.
As she walked to the arena with Hazel, she muttered, ‘I married for love the first time, but if I ever get married again, it’ll be for money. I could get used to this.’
Hazel laughed. ‘It’s nice, all right. Not having to worry about money is a huge thing. Believe me, I know. My dad died when I was four and Mum brought me and my three brothers up on very little money. As Keith always says, “You weren’t born to money, Hazel, but you certainly got used to it very quickly.”’
They both cracked up laughing.
‘The thing is, though, when you look at Jess and what’s happened, you realize that money means nothing, really,’ Hazel said. ‘Health is wealth, right?’
‘Yes,’ Kate said. Her mother used to say that. ‘It really is. It’s strange, I never thought about the kids getting sick. I always worried about them being in car crashes, or drowning in swimming pools or falling out of trees, but never, ever cancer.’
The Good Mother Page 17