by Lee Piper
“You left.” The man was gifted in the art of stating the freakin’ obvious.
“You noticed that, huh?”
“Why’d you leave?”
Is he fucking serious? I spun around to face him. “For the same reason you chose to stay.”
He looked confused. “I thought we were all having a good time.”
“No, you and Katrina were having a good time. In fact, you were both having such an amazingly good time that neither of you realized you had an audience—me. And I got to watch the whole Katrina and Levi Are Having a Fucking Good Time Show for over two goddamn hours.”
“What’s this really about, Grace?”
His sudden change of tack pulled me up short and I stopped. But I was angry. Oh boy, was I still angry. If I thought about it long enough, I’d come to realize that I was more pissed at myself than anyone else. I mean, I had just wasted yet another day of the conference mooning over his sexy ass. Once again, I’d allowed my insatiable female parts to distract me from doing what I needed to win my dream job. Not only that, but I’d also allowed myself to develop feelings for the damn guy. Fucking strong ones.
I swore under my breath.
“Katrina and I are just friends, there’s nothing between us anymore. What we had finished a long time ago.”
“Anymore? Anymore? Jesus Christ, Levi, you might want to run this newsflash past Katrina because I’m pretty sure she didn’t get the memo.”
He stepped closer, his arms outstretched as though trying to placate a wild animal. “Grace, calm down.”
I shot him a withering look, breathing raggedly.
“Katrina and I grew up on the same street, okay? We played together as kids, and yeah, when we were old enough, we fooled around a bit. But it was never anything serious.”
“Try telling her that,” I spat, though somewhat mollified by what he’d said.
“Kitten, there’s nothing to tell.” He paused. “What’s with you weirding out on me all of a sudden?”
Turning around, I gazed out the window, only it was now dark so all I could see was my own reflection. The girl staring back at me appeared lost. She looked like she was wading through a post-apocalyptic wasteland and couldn’t find anything remotely familiar. The bewildered expression on her face quickly dissolved any lingering fight I had left in me. My forehead hit the glass with a soft thud. “I can’t compete with Katrina.”
“What?” Levi moved closer until he was standing directly behind me. I could feel his breath move the wisps of hair which had escaped from this morning’s attempt at a sophisticated updo. Though after the day I’d had, my hairstyle now looked like a rodent had crawled onto the top of my head, unwillingly entangling itself in my chaotic strands and subsequently died a slow, agonizing death.
I turned around to face him, my eyes searching his. “I can’t compete with her, Levi,” I repeated softly. “She’s a better fit for you than I am. Seeing you both together just proved it.”
He raked frustrated fingers through his hair before moving away, pacing back and forth in front of me. “So we’re back to playing these character roles, are we?” He stopped. “Hang on a second, what was my line again?” Levi stepped in close, his eyes piercing. “That’s right, now I remember: I’m not interested in her.”
The man’s sarcasm was seriously irritating.
I pushed him away. “Just shut up and listen will you?” Taking a deep breath, I ticked off each reason on one of my fingers. “Katrina’s beautiful, she’s talented, she understands your music in a way I never will, she wants the same things you do, and she wants to get into your pants. She’s the whole fucking package, damn it. But me?” I spread my arms wide. “This is it, Levi. This is all I am.” I let them fall dejectedly back to my sides again and looked down at my feet. “I can’t compete with her. I can’t compete with someone who’s so freakin’ perfect for you.” Looking up at him again, I added, “I mean, you guys have a history for God’s sake, a long one.”
He got angry then. If it wasn’t directed at me I would have found it unbelievably sexy. Who am I kidding? The man was eye candy regardless of who he was yelling at. “You’re talking shit, you know that?”
That got my attention. Even more so than the way his broad chest heaved with each breath. I glared at him. “Excuse me?”
Levi leaned in close, his nose almost touching mine as he murmured, “You heard me. You’re. Talking. Shit.”
I glowered, wishing him a pile of dismembered body parts at my feet.
“Don’t give me some sob story about how ‘This is all of you’ and ‘This is all you’ve got’.” He even used the air quotation marks. I was officially ready to kill him. “They’re fucking excuses, bullshit lies and you know it.”
I raised an eyebrow in warning.
“Ever since we first met—”
“Eleven days ago,” I yelled.
“Yes, eleven days ago. Deal with it already.” He took a calming breath. “Ever since we first met, you’ve always held back. You’ve never shown me who you really are.” His eyes blazed accusingly as he planted his hands on the window either side of my face. “Not once. And all because you don’t trust me enough to open up. So don’t give me this crap about how you’ve martyred yourself and still come up lacking, or that you don’t know me better than anyone else. Because what you’re telling yourself is fucking bullshit.”
A red mist descended. “You’re such a hypocrite.”
He stepped back, incredulous. “Me?”
“Yes, you.” I mimicked the incredulity in his voice. “How dare you stand there and accuse me of holding back, what about you, huh?” I stepped forward, poking him in the chest. “What have you refused to share with me?” It was a low blow. I knew it the moment it came out of my mouth, but I was so beyond angry, I truly didn’t care.
He stilled, his voice deadly quiet. “I’ll tell you when I’m good and ready.”
“And I’m telling you,” I spat, poking him in the chest again, “you’re a fucking hypocrite.” I spun away from him, slamming my hands against the window, rattling the glass in its frame. “Just go fuck your lap dog downstairs,” I threw over my shoulder. “I bet she’s still waiting for you.”
“Watch your goddamn mouth when you talk about Cat.”
I froze. Not because he’d yelled at me, that I could handle. I froze because of the possessiveness he’d just shown. I froze because of the nickname he’d given Katrina. And I froze because it was a nickname uncannily similar to the one he’d given me.
Ouch.
After all, if he cared about her the same way I thought he cared about me, and if what they shared was anything similar to what I thought we did, then Levi had been in love. So the guy could say whatever the fuck he wanted, but categorizing their past relationship under the pathetic guise of just fooling around, was a complete and utter fallacy.
I purposefully turned around. “What did you just call her?”
He faltered slightly, immediately registering his blunder.
“What did you call her, Levi?”
“Cat. I called her … Cat.”
Nodding slowly, I murmured, “Thought so.” I pushed past him. “You’re a fucking asshole.” And I ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
Once inside, I braced myself against the basin. It was the only thing keeping me from crumpling to the floor and never getting back up again.
We were finished.
What Levi and I had fleetingly experienced, that sense of us being pieces of the same jigsaw puzzle, was now obliterated. Even if by some miracle we managed to once again fit into the places prescribed, surely the gaps between us would only serve to define how utterly cracked we were. I mean, the fissures would be too obvious, too difficult, too impossible to ignore. I shook my head. I guess we’d both kept secrets. Neither of us completely trusted the other, and as much as we wanted to delude ourselves, a relationship couldn’t be built on half-truths.
I couldn’t even look in the m
irror. My wretched heart was too bruised and sore. Stupidly, I’d wanted to give it to Levi, but he’d already given his to Katrina—Cat—years ago. How could I ever trust in what he’d told me? How could I ever believe in what he’d made me feel?
The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t stand feeling that naked anguish for another second, so I picked up the first object I could find and hurled it at the wall. Glass shattered everywhere, rebounding off the marbled surfaces, spraying the room with glinting daggers.
“Fuck.” I looked down at a sizable shard that had somehow become lodged in my upper arm. Blood slowly seeped through the material of my sleeve. It began gravitating its way downwards, eventually trickling over my exposed skin and then dripping onto the tiles, creating a small pool at my feet. I stared at it, mesmerized. Strangely, when compared to the agony I was experiencing on the inside, the searing pain that I should have felt merely resonated as a low hum.
“Grace?” I could hear Levi calling me. His voice sounded so far away. “Grace, are you all right?”
I didn’t say anything. I was too fascinated by the trail of blood oozing steadily out of the wound and soaking the fabric of my entire sleeve.
Levi threw himself at the door and broke through, frantically searching the small space until his eyes found me. They instinctively dropped down to my arm and the mess I was making on the floor. “Grace?”
I looked up at him, dazed, though the room swam dangerously with the movement and I could suddenly hear the faint roar of the ocean in my ears.
“Shit.” Levi quickly grabbed a washcloth and the dustbin from below the vanity unit. He brushed the scattered pieces of glass off the counter, before putting the cloth inside the dustbin and dropping it back onto the floor with a crash. He strode towards me, hastily picking me up by the waist and then gently sitting me on top of the vanity unit. Grabbing my bleeding arm, he raised it above my head.
I grimaced at the sharp pain that shot through my body. My head spun violently and I swayed, but kept silent.
Levi looked down at me. “Don’t move. Stay right where you are, got it?”
I blinked, not trusting my ability to follow his instructions if I nodded again.
Then he was gone. And I don’t mean he moved out into the bedroom, I mean he was really fucking gone. Levi left the hotel room entirely. So I remained partially collapsed, slumped against the chilled bathroom tiles and looking like a drunk student asking to be excused from class so I could go throw up in the toilets.
And still the blood flowed.
Though at least it was now heading in the opposite direction, neatly balancing the crimson carnage it wrought on my favorite work dress. To be honest, I didn’t want to look at it. So I stared straight ahead, purposefully keeping my mind as blank as the marble in front of me. I refused to remember the last time I was sitting in this spot. I wasn’t going to dwell on the savage argument we’d had leading up to this moment either. And I definitely wasn’t going to ponder the bitter repercussions yet to come. I would fall apart at the seams if I did. Instead, I just sat there and concentrated on my breathing.
In and out. In and out. In…
Levi finally returned, carrying what looked like an industrial-sized first aid kit in one hand and a soft drink can in the other. I could only assume he grabbed them both from downstairs, probably from the receptionist who eye-fucked him at the front desk. By the size of the kit, it looked like she’d been overly helpful. Christ. Judging by the dimensions of the box, he could have treated a whole squadron of soldiers, not one hotheaded glass thrower with a shitty right aim.
He dumped the first aid kit on the ground and handed me the open can of Coke. “Drink.” The man was going to make an awesome teacher one day.
I shut my eyes and took a deep mouthful, spluttering as I swallowed and bubbles fizzed the back of my nose. The sugar helped. I was already feeling a little less dazed and more … broken. Maybe I should throw the can at the mirror too? With any luck it would ricochet back off it and strike me dead.
“My dad wasn’t around much when I was a little kid.” Levi spoke softly and I looked across at him, surprised. He was bending over the open plastic box, pulling out scissors, tweezers, antiseptic cream, gauze and a bandage, refusing to meet my enquiring gaze. “So it was always Mum, Dom and I at home.”
He stood and moved towards me, placing all the items on the counter. I tried to read his face, to figure out why he was telling me this, but he still didn’t look at me. “Dad was detective inspector of the WAPD. He was based in Perth, so he would drive off at the start of every week and sometimes return home on weekends. Mum loved what he did, she would worship the fucking ground he walked on when he was back and never stopped talking about how important his work was when he was away. Man, she’d go on for hours about how his dedication to the police department meant people all over the country were that much safer in their beds at night. She loved his paycheck too, a comfortable life was what she called it. I guess that’s because we always got everything we wanted since money was never an issue.”
Levi used the scissors to carefully cut open the sleeve of my dress. I didn’t care it was my favorite, I just wanted him to keep talking. He placed the scissors back on the counter and picked up the tweezers. “And she was right in a way. We did have everything we wanted. A big house, heaps of expensive stuff, a swimming pool, even a tennis court, not that anyone used it. The whole lot. But it wasn’t until I turned nine that I found out where all the money came from.” I heard the chink of glass as it dropped into the dustbin and was amazed that I hadn’t even felt Levi take it out. I was too engrossed in his story.
“I woke to the sound of Mum and Dad arguing one night. It wasn’t unusual, they fought all the time when he was home. Dad would get so sick of her following him around the house like a,” he paused before continuing quietly, “like a lap dog.”
I grimaced, hating myself.
“She’d try to preempt all his needs like a fucking servant. But there was something about that fight which sounded different. It scared the shit out of me when I heard something hit the wall pretty hard. I mean, Dad had never been violent towards her. So I ran to their bedroom and threw open the door. I didn’t really know what I was gonna do if Mum had been hurt, I was pretty small for my age back then. It didn’t matter anyway because it was Dad’s briefcase that made the noise, the one he took with him whenever he went away. He was so protective of it. If Dom or I went anywhere near the thing, he’d fucking lose his mind and beat the shit out of us. I learned that lesson the hard way.”
Levi unzipped the back of my dress. There was nothing sensual about it, yet the closeness of him sent shivers through me. He carefully peeled it off my blood-soaked skin and let it drop down to my hips. Next, he found another clean washcloth, wet it and began meticulously cleaning my skin. Never once did he look me in the eyes.
“Anyway, Mum was holding a heap of photos and documents in her hand, screaming and waving them at Dad. But he ignored her. He just kept picking them up off the floor. I think Mum must have sensed me in the doorway then, because she turned to find me staring at them, confused. She raced forward, gathered me up and ran to grab Dom out of his bed too. We were on the next flight to Melbourne and stayed with our Auntie Val, Dad’s sister, for a while. Mum didn’t have any family of her own, you see, and Auntie Val more than made up for it. Her and Dad were never close. They hated each other, though I’m not really sure why. Anyway, she was an obvious choice when Mum had to get away from him because Tyler and Finn were there to keep us boys entertained.”
The other band members were his cousins.
Interesting.
Levi put the blood-soaked washcloth into the basin, collected the antiseptic cream and opened it. “So, one night I came downstairs to get a glass of water. As usual I couldn’t sleep and when I walked past Auntie Val’s bedroom, I overheard her and Mum talking. Well, Mum was howling really, so it was pretty easy to figure out what she was saying. Apparently Dad wasn’t th
e hero she once thought. He’d been accepting bribes for years in return for turning a blind eye to some of Western Australia’s most notorious criminal networks.” Levi gently rubbed the cream into my cut, which didn’t look at all life threatening since the blood had been cleaned up. Not that I gave a shit. I was too busy reeling from Levi’s words to give a damn.
“The photos Mum found were of pedophiles and kids from a child sex ring that Dad was supposed to have infiltrated and then busted. Only he didn’t. He just accepted a wad of cash in return for his silence and pretended the investigation had turned cold. He fucking ignored the whole thing.”
I gasped, too shocked to do anything else.
Levi placed some gauze on my arm and then started wrapping a bandage around it. “And after a month Mum went back to him.” He laughed bitterly, clearly disgusted. “She always went back to him. He would promise her that he’d change and she’d believe him every fucking time. She never ratted the son of a bitch out either. Not once. I think that hurt the most, when the two people you thought most trustworthy turn out to be most criminal.”
Levi finished bandaging my arm and slowly started packing the items away. “I didn’t say anything about it to anyone either, and I’ve never forgiven myself. At the time, I thought no one would take me seriously because I was so young. But now I just think of all of the damage done to those innocent kids the whole time I stayed silent.” Self-loathing was etched all over his face. “As soon as I was old enough, I got a job and talked Dom into moving out with me. I didn’t want any part in what Dad did. I didn’t want his money or anything that it bought.”
He closed the first aid kit, snapping it shut with a click. “The whole cover-up was exposed a couple of months after Dom and I found a new place. It was all over the news and Dad’s been serving time ever since.” Levi straightened then, gripping the handle of the box so tightly the whites of his knuckles showed. He stared at the blood-soaked floor. “I hope he rots in there. It’s the least that motherfucking bastard deserves.”