‘The old bird’s landed, if you can call that a landing, more of a crashing than a landing in my book!’ Billy gabbled as they hurriedly headed for the wrought iron gates of Hampton Court Palace.
‘Which old bird would that be?’ Merlin quipped.
‘Both are, I imagine. They’re both cuckoo!’ Billy quipped back.
‘I hope he’s alright!’ cried Scarlet.
‘The gate’s closed!’ grunted Merlin getting out of the hansom cab and rattling the main gates. From the outside looking in, it appeared as if John Joseph Merlin was locked in prison and was attempting to escape.
‘Don’t worry about that, soon have them open,’ Billy cried scaling the gates as if he were a monkey at a zoo. ‘There you go, no problem,’ Billy grunted pushing the gate open as Merlin and Scarlet pulled it open wide enough for them all to squeeze through.
By this time it was starting to get dark, although a full moon was shining like a giant gold sovereign in the heavens above.
‘What time is it?’ Scarlet enquired.
‘I’d say about seven o’clock,’ Merlin replied instantaneously.
‘How do you know that? You didn’t even look at your fob watch,’ Scarlet said looking puzzled.
‘I was using that giant moondial to tell the time by,’ Merlin said pointing at the moon.
So the Four Musketeers all hurried towards the maze hoping Mr Humdinger was all fine and dandy, or at least still in the land of the living.
‘Look, there’s the flying machine!’ Alfie balled.
‘You mean the flying machine that looks exactly like a giant cuckoo?’ Billy replied.
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ said Alfie his eyes beaming as brightly as the moon.
‘No signs of Humdinger though,’ Billy said looking all about him.
‘Perhaps he’s still lost in the maze,’ Scarlet replied.
‘It’s not that difficult to find your way out of the maze. Once upon a time there used to be four mazes in Henry VIII’s day. Now there is only one and it’s surprisingly tiny compared to other famous mazes,’ Merlin replied, as if he were one of the old keepers who sat in a raised seat in the maze making sure nobody got lost. It would take a thousand old keepers if this was a 4D maze in time and space, a curious thought to have at this time and one that had just popped out of Merlin’s head as if by magic.
‘Let’s go to the Clock Courtyard, he might be there. Humdinger always loved the amazing astronomical clock in the Clock Courtyard,’ said Merlin widening his gait as if he felt time was running out. Time was always running out on someone or other, or so Old Father Time often laughed playing the role of the court jester.
‘There he is, there he is!’ Scarlet shouted pointing at Horace H. Humdinger who appeared to be walking about in somewhat of daze. Perhaps the bump on the head was the cause of the state he was in.
‘Let’s hide out of sight, he must be waiting for someone,’ Scarlet said, her eyes darting this way and that as if she were using her 3D dragonfly senses to access the situation.
‘But who?’ Billy grunted as he got down on his haunches.
Time seemed once again to stop as the time travellers all held their breath in anticipation of the next act of this drama.
47
The Clock Courtyard Theatre
Ten minutes later, which to the waiting audience felt like an hour, something happened. The question was, was this happening one of the magical kind? It appeared to Scarlet, Billy and Alfie that the astronomical clock in the Clock Courtyard was literally holding court, cranking up the suspense to an unbearable level as it toyed with the very mechanics of time.
‘What’s he doing now?’ hissed Billy as he stood up to get a better look.
‘He’s got his fob watch out. Perhaps whoever he’s waiting for is late on parade,’ Scarlet hissed back, which made it sound as if there were a pit of snakes nearby just waiting to strike.
‘No, look, Humdinger’s opening up the watch and holding it up to the moonlight,’ Merlin added in a whisper.
Suddenly the powerful luminescent rays of the moon burst through a thick cloud covered in dark cobwebs, and struck the face of the watch and deflected onto the face of the celestial dial in the Clock Courtyard, which lit up. Tiny lights rotated around the clock face at lightning speed, lighting it up like a Catherine wheel. Numbers, letters and signs of the zodiac appeared to change places with one another in the blinking of an eye.
‘Look, another man, where did he come from?’ Billy grunted getting back down on his haunches.
‘He appeared to come out of the clock face,’ Alfie cried rubbing his tired eyes.
‘Must be a trick of the moonlight,’ said Billy.
‘I can see the man but he’s standing in shadow,’ Scarlet added moving forward trying to get a better look.
‘Good to see you, my young apprentice,’ the man said shaking Humdinger’s hand firmly.
‘Did he say young apprentice? He must need glasses!’ Alfie grunted trying to be funny.
‘SSSHHH they’ll hear us!’ Scarlet hissed.
‘Good to see you, master, it’s been too long,’ Humdinger replied as his face cracked and a smile appeared as wide as a crescent moon.
‘Well, they do say time flies,’ the man laughed.
‘Yes they do,’ Humdinger replied looking back at the maze where his flying machine was parked.
‘I wonder where the thief is hiding. Probably in the gloaming, that’s where most shadowy figures hide or at least they do in the storybooks,’ Scarlet said imagining on her feet.
‘Wonder no more,’ Merlin replied pointing at another shadowy figure as they appeared as if by magic from behind a tree.
‘If you would like to pass that watch to me I’ll add it to my collection,’ the thief said coolly pointing a pistol at the two men.
‘How quaint, an antique I presume?’ the man in the shadow laughed seemingly unperturbed by the man or his weapon.
‘If you’re asking me if it’s just for show, then I’d say I’m not entirely sure. Let’s find out, shall we?!’ growled the thief in menacing fashion as he cocked the firing mechanism then fired the gun directly at the man. If the man was but a shadow surely the bullet would pass straight through him.
The bullet hit the shadowy figure directly in the face but instead of collapsing to the ground he just stood there, then a few seconds later he nonchalantly spat the bullet out onto the ground as if it were simply a loose tooth.
‘Lead poisoning, it will kill you every time!’ the unknown man coughed, this time keeping a straight face.
The thief could not believe his eyes, he was sure he had done for the man.
‘The old bullet-catch routine. The only man I know who can pull off that trick is Harry Houdini!’ Billy exclaimed blowing out his cheeks in admiration.
‘Who?’ John Joseph Merlin asked looking puzzled.
‘He’s an up-and-coming magician from the future,’ Scarlet replied telling it like it was.
‘What’s he doing here?’ Merlin asked.
‘Good question. We saw him doing street magic or at least we thought it was him. He stopped us when we were passing on our way to your house. He smashed Billy’s watch then put it back together again. Not the best trick I’ve ever seen, however the bullet catch most certainly is!’ exclaimed Scarlet in wonderment.
‘I know this is going to sound, well, frankly mad, but you don’t think Houdini and the thief are working together? I mean, the bullet catch is nigh on impossible. Many men have died trying and they weren’t attempting the trick in the dark,’ Scarlet said thinking out loud as the thought occurred that this was all simply a staged magic act and nothing more, as if unwittingly they had all been led up the garden path.
‘Harry Houdini working with a common thief? Never!’ Billy exclaimed shaking his head vehemently.
; ‘I heard a rumour Harry Houdini was a spy during the First World War, spying for the British naturally, and let’s face it, he’s always breaking out of one prison cell of another handcuffed and manacled,’ Scarlet added trying to make sense of what they were seeing. Of course seeing isn’t always believing!
‘You’re jumping to conclusions, the shadow may not even be Houdini, it may even be Houdini’s hero, Robert Houdin,’ Billy replied making up another unlikely story.
‘Billy’s right, the shadow could be a vampire or a werewolf, as there is a full moon out and Houdini a vampire or a werewolf hunter,’ Scarlet scoffed trying hard not to smile.
‘Look, he’s stepping out of the shadow, it’s an old man, he’s even older than Humdinger!’ John Joseph Merlin exclaimed.
‘See, I told you that wasn’t Harry Houdini,’ Billy sniffed triumphantly.
‘Then who is it?’ John Joseph Merlin snapped.
‘Another good question,’ Scarlet replied.
The thief reloaded his gun and aimed it at the man, sure this time he would finish the man of steel off. A shadow being made of steel, now that really was unbelievable!
‘Now I don’t think you want to do that, it’s a waste of valuable ammunition and bullets aren’t cheap. I envisage a world war just around some corner or other,’ the shadow man replied coolly walking up to the thief as bold as brass. The thief tried to fire the gun but as he did so the man held his hand up and the gun jammed.
In desperation the thief threw the gun at the man, who caught it with effortless ease, then the thief turned tail and tried to run in the direction of the maze, but his feet appeared to be stuck in glue.
‘I see you still haven’t lost the magic touch, Merlin,’ Humdinger said casually.
‘Magic, it’s like riding a bike, my friend, unless it’s one of those infernal contraptions, the penny farthing, a death trap if ever there was one!’ replied Merlin the Magician finally stepping out of the shadows.
‘Merlin!’ Merlin exclaimed shaking his head.
‘Merlin the Magician, wow, even I didn’t see that one coming. Bravo, bravo, gentlemen!’ exclaimed Alfie standing up to applaud the theatre of it all.
‘It appears we have an audience, master,’ Humdinger said spinning on his heels like a man thirty years younger than him.
‘It appears so. Come out, we will not harm you,’ Merlin the Magician replied waving the small captive audience over.
One by one Billy, Scarlet and Alfie came out of hiding and walked nervously to where the three men were standing.
‘Well I never, if it isn’t my young apprentice, John Joseph Merlin!’ Horace H. Humdinger cried as John Joseph Merlin appeared onto the stage that was the Clock Courtyard in Hampton Court.
‘Two Merlins for the price of one. This is one hell of an illusion. All we need is Harry Houdini to turn up as if by magic and we really will have us the greatest magic show ever staged,’ Billy mused, not as lost for words as one might have imagined.
‘Merlin, it’s like looking in the mirror. I’m glad to finally meet you. I have heard only good things about your work. The automatons are most inventive, most inventive,’ said Merlin the Magician who appeared to be looking in a Bronze Age mirror, for John Joseph Merlin was only forty while Merlin the Magician was a great deal older and looked as much.
‘Likewise,’ John Joseph Merlin replied almost lost for words. Now obviously he was being kind or he made this comment in jest, unless this mirror was a crazy mirror from a funfair. It is not a well-known fact that John Joseph Merlin invented the inline skates and once upon a time, while road testing them at a party, crashed headlong into a mirror.
‘So how come you are in the same neck of the woods as me? St John’s Wood, well, as near as damn it. You haven’t been following me, have you?’ Humdinger asked John Joseph Merlin as he looked at him suspiciously out of the corner of his eye.
‘Now I know you’re going to find this hard to believe but the man over there is a thief, a time thief. He has been stealing time, well, in a manner of speaking. And these young people over here are from the future,’ John Joseph Merlin replied hoping his story was as straight as he imagined his newfound friends to be.
‘Hard to believe, not a bit of it,’ Humdinger laughed.
While this conversation was going on Merlin the Magician appeared to lose concentration, enabling the thief to break free from the spell he was under and run in the direction of the maze.
‘Don’t worry, I’ve put a spell on the maze. It’s now four-dimensional, he’ll never find his way to the goal in a million years, let alone the exit,’ Merlin the Magician said coolly.
‘He’s got the moonstone watch. We only got here thanks to your dragonfly brooch watch, Mr Humdinger, the one you made for the princess. Who was the princess by the way?’ Scarlet asked, her enquiring mind still needing to be satisfied as she took the watch out of her pocket and showed it to the clockmaker Humdinger.
‘Ah yes, the dragonfly watch, I’d forgotten how exquisite a piece of work it is. Shouldn’t praise my own work but when it’s as good as this, well, you’ll have to excuse an old man his little flights of fancy,’ laughed Humdinger almost salivating at seeing the dragonfly watch once again. ‘And as far as the mystery of the princess goes, I imagine I made it for Princess Elizabeth but it was so long ago even I can’t remember for certain.’
‘Oh, don’t forget to tell him about Wilbur and the Clock People,’ Alfie blurted out wanting to tell the story before anyone else got their big oar in like, say, his big sister!
‘You know about the Clock People?’ Humdinger and Merlin the Magician said as one voice.
‘Straight from the horse’s mouth, you might say,’ Alfie said taking the snuffbox from Scarlet’s pocket and opening it up to reveal Wilbur.
‘Do I look like a horse!’ Wilbur scowled standing with his hands on his hips like an angry leprechaun.
‘My, my, have you grown,’ smiled Humdinger taking out a pair of double half-moon scopical watchmaker’s glasses from his pocket and peering at Wilbur through them.
‘Grown?!’ Alfie and Scarlet exclaimed as one.
‘Oh yes, the little people were smaller than this. Not much bigger than a flea. One or two ran away from home and joined the flea circus in the early days, or was it the Circus of Horrors?’ Humdinger replied keeping his face as straight as he could without corpsing, movie speak for laughing.
Scarlet and Alfie weren’t sure if Humdinger had said this in jest or not. He was either teasing, telling a tall tale, or what he had told them was the story, the whole story and nothing but the fairy story, leaving out Hans Christian Andersen and the fairies at the bottom of the garden for the time being.
‘So the thief has stolen the Clock People’s home as well as a priceless historical timepiece from horology!’ Humdinger exclaimed looking outraged.
‘Yes, that’s about the size of it,’ Alfie piped up.
‘In that case we had better catch your time thief before he disappears into the maze of time!’
‘What if he’s already in there?!’ exclaimed Scarlet in a panic.
‘Well, it might take some time to get out. Can’t say how long, maybe a few minutes, maybe a few years. The last time I got lost in the Time Maze I was lost for five hundred years. Mind you, I didn’t have the time map of Hampton Court Maze in time and space or the time compass with me at the time. I know Einstein said time is an illusion and I hate to disillusion one of the greatest thinkers this world has ever seen, but as an illusion it’s a bad one I’m afraid,’ Merlin the Magician chuckled, being less than compendious.
‘I think I had better stay here. Mrs Merlin makes a fuss when I get lost in my work, so I can’t imagine what she will say if I get lost in time and for five hundred years, I’ll never hear the last of it,’ spluttered John Joseph Merlin not quite getting the hang of the old time paradox and its man
y complexities.
‘I think I’ll stay put this time, as travelling for a man of my age is all a little wearisome – passports, suitcases, bad hotels – I think I’ll travel first class all the way in my cuckoo clock in the clouds. But let me know how the story ends, please do,’ said Horace H. Humdinger as he shook everybody’s hand, including Wilbur’s, and then wished them the best of luck. Merlin the Magician also wished them all the best of luck, even though he was coming along for the ride. Well, a little luck spell couldn’t hurt, now could it? Purely for insurance’s sake, naturally a bit like taking an insurance policy out if you were travelling on a magic carpet!
Tick tock, tick tock, tick… as time suddenly hung still in the air like a magic carpet trapped in time.
48
The Merlin Effect
‘As soon as we reach story’s end I will let you know how things turned out, and if not me, Hans Christian Andersen will and he’ll do a better job. Storytelling isn’t really my thing. I’m better at all that real magical stuff than cheap tricks,’ the magician known as Merlin said laughing out loud.
‘So Hans is travelling in time again, is he?’ Humdinger asked.
‘Yes, telling his wonder tales to anyone who will give them an ear, leaving out Vincent van Gogh for the time being, although I suppose in theory he hasn’t even begun his story,’ Merlin mused not making much sense.
‘Well, best of luck, it’s been lovely to meet you all and remember, William, you’ve always got a job with me if you so wish,’ John Joseph Merlin sniffed, a little misty-eyed. In truth walking through the mists of time always left you a little misty-eyed.
‘I will certainly give it some serious thought,’ Billy replied shaking the great man’s hand. Billy was a wanted man in his time, so perhaps escaping to another time would be prudent, after all, not even the law’s arm was that long!
The Clock People Page 29