"I know." She turned back to face him. "I know that Shea and Jesse will take good care of him. And with Devlin and Carly staying at the house, too, he'll be safe. But I can't help worrying."
"I'm worried, too," he admitted. He looked over at Janie and gave her a small smile. "It's part of a parent's job description. But he's going to be fine. Dev promised me that he wouldn't ever be out of someone's sight. Even in school, there'll be a deputy in the building."
"How far is the cabin?" she asked.
"I'd forgotten that you've never been there." He shifted into a lower gear as the truck started up the incline. "It's a couple of miles, but it seems longer because the road is pretty primitive. We'll be completely isolated."
"That's what I'm worried about," she muttered, and Ben felt the now-familiar tightening low in his abdomen. He was in a constant state of semiarousal whenever he was around Janie. But so far, other than their wedding night, he'd made sure they were never alone. When they were at home, Rafael was always there. And when he was at Heaven on Seventh, half of Cameron was there, too.
Now he and Janie would be completely alone, isolated in a cabin miles from the nearest people. What are you going to do?
He was going to pretend like nothing had changed between them. He was going to act no different than he would if they were home, and Rafael was watching their every move. He would make it through these next few days, no matter what. Even if he felt like he was going to explode.
He pointed out different parts of the Red Rock as they drove along, trying to keep the conversation light. Janie responded eagerly, as if she, too, was trying to pretend that nothing was different. Finally they pulled up in front of the tiny cabin, tucked against the shore of a small lake, and Janie's voice died away.
"It's awfully small," she finally said, a desperate tone in her voice.
"It'll be easier to keep an eye on what's happening outside," he said, and he knew his voice was too hearty. "We'll only have to take a few steps in any direction."
She glanced over at him, and he saw the awareness in her eyes, an awareness she tried to hide. She must be thinking the same thing, he thought as he looked away. It would only take a few steps in any direction to be in each other's arms, too.
"Let's get unloaded, then we'll take a look around outside the cabin." He would keep as busy as possible during the day, and hope that he'd be exhausted enough at night to fall asleep.
A minute later they stood in the kitchen of the cabin, looking around. Ben carefully plugged his cell phone into the wall and turned it on. Devlin needed to be able to reach them. When he turned back to Janie, he could feel her anxiety rising as they surveyed the cabin. There wasn't going to be anywhere to hide, he realized. There was only the tiny kitchen that opened onto a small living area, and two small bedrooms. He knew that both held a set of bunk beds and one single bed.
"Which room do you want to sleep in?" he finally said. "Does it make a difference?" Her windblown hair curled wildly around her face, and she licked her lips as she stared at the two rooms. Ben closed his eyes as heat seared him.
"Let me take a look." He dropped his pack and escaped into the closer room. Closing his eyes, he waited for the fierce desire to ease. When he thought he could control himself, he looked carefully out of the window, judging the room's accessibility, then went and checked out the other room.
"I think this room would be better," he said as he walked back into the living room. Janie had pulled her hair away from her face, he saw with relief.
"All right." She avoided his eyes as she set her suitcase down in the room he indicated. She lingered in the room for longer than she needed to, then walked slowly into the living area again.
"I looked through the kitchen. There's enough food here to feed an army for a week," she said, trying to make her voice light.
"Dev told me there are trout in the lake. Do you fish?" She shook her head, but her eyes lit up. "I've always wanted to learn, though."
"Great. That'll give us something to do." And an excuse to get out of the cabin.
"If you want to look around outside, I'll fix dinner. You must be hungry. I know I am." She was chattering, and her nervous energy seemed to fill the room. "How does spaghetti sound?"
"Sounds great." He hurried through the door, letting it bang shut behind him. He had to leave. His mind was filled with ways of using that energy of hers, and none of them was a good idea. "I'll be close by."
"I'll call when dinner's ready."
Refusing to turn around and look at Janie, Ben took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. He couldn't allow this. He couldn't let himself want Janie this way. It was too dangerous. He had to focus on their situation, not on how she tasted and felt in his arms.
And it wasn't fair to Janie. She deserved more from life than the little he could give her. She deserved to have it all—a husband who loved her, a family of her own. He couldn't give her any of those things, so he had no right to touch her.
Keeping that thought in his mind, he tried to focus on checking out the area around the cabin. He couldn't completely get Janie out of his head, but after a while he was able to concentrate on his job. Using his tracking skills, he determined that no one had been around the cabin for at least a couple of weeks.
That confirmed what Shea and Jesse had told him. Working quickly, he constructed a crude warning system that would tell him if someone tried to approach the cabin. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.
When he went back into the cabin, the smell of spaghetti sauce filled the air. Janie looked up from a bowl where she was mixing canned fruit for a salad. Garlic bread sat on the counter next to her. "Dinner's just about ready."
"Shall I open the wine to let it breathe?" he asked gravely.
Janie's eyes twinkled at him, and he saw her relax. "I don't know about wine, but there are a few cans of beer in the refrigerator."
Ben shook his head. "No, thanks. I don't want alcohol to dull my wits. I need to be alert."
Her face tightened and the twinkle disappeared from her eyes. "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking of."
He swept her into his arms before he could stop himself. He couldn't stand the way the light had disappeared from her eyes. "It's all right. I was the one who made the stupid joke about the wine."
"It wasn't a stupid joke." She tried to smile, and failed miserably. "You were trying to cheer me up, and it worked."
"I was trying to make you smile." When her lips turned up involuntarily, he pulled her closer. "I can't resist you when you smile."
Her eyes widened. "I didn't know you were trying to resist me."
"All the time," he muttered, unable to let her go. He knew it was wrong, knew it was stupid, but the light in Janie's eyes and the stunned delight curving her lips held him mesmerized. She couldn't possibly want him as much as he wanted her.
But apparently she did. Instead of moving away, Janie moved closer. She was so close now that every part of her body pressed against his. The softness of her breasts was crushed against the plane of his chest. Her legs trembled where they touched his. Heat and passion flashed through him, scorching him with their intensity. And Janie must have felt it, too, because he saw an answering echo in her eyes.
"We can't do this, Janie," be said, and he heard the desperation in his voice.
"Why not?" Her answer was fierce. "We're married. And there's nobody here to see us or stop us. Why would it be wrong?"
"Because it wouldn't be fair to you. Because it wasn't part of the deal. Because I can't give you what you need."
"You have no idea what I need, Ben Jackson. And you have no idea what I want."
"No, I don't, and it has to stay that way."
She leaned back slowly, looking up at his face, but she didn't move away. "You have so much to give, Ben. Why are you so afraid of giving it?"
"You know nothing about me, Janie. You wouldn't be so eager to take anything from me if you knew who I really was."
"Why don't you tell me, then? We have all kinds of time and nothing to do. I can listen for as long as you want to talk."
He wanted to tell her, he realized. He wanted her to hear the whole ugly story. He wanted her to say it didn't matter, that what happened five years ago wasn't his fault, that he didn't have anything to be guilty about
And that frightened him. It frightened him almost as much as the desire that clutched at him whenever he was near Janie. So he let her go and took a step backward. "We don't have all kinds of time right now." He tried to make his voice light, and suspected he failed miserably. "It looks like that spaghetti is getting cold."
She watched him for a moment, and then she nodded. He realized uneasily that instead of the anger he expected, or even frustration, there was nothing but understanding and compassion in her eyes. And that was the last thing he wanted to see. "I guess you're right," she finally said. "We have a lot to do this afternoon." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Let's eat."
The silence was strained during dinner. Occasionally Janie would ask something about the cabin, or about the area surrounding it. He tried to lighten the atmosphere by telling her stories about the cabin. He told her how Abby and Damien Kane had stayed there while they were protecting Abby's twin nieces, and how Jesse had found Shea hiding the refugee children in the cabin. She smiled and made the right comments at the right time.
But nothing could ease the tension that lingered in the air, hovering between them like an uninvited guest that couldn't be dislodged. Every time he looked at Janie he remembered how she felt, how she looked when he held her in his arms. And every time he looked at her, he remembered her words.
She apparently wanted him as much as he wanted her. Or almost as much, anyway. She couldn't possibly want him with as much urgency, as much heat, as much need as he wanted her. It simply wasn't possible.
As soon as he'd finished his dinner, he pushed his chair away from the table. "Why don't I clean up, since you did the cooking?"
"Thank you, Ben, but don't you have things to take care of outside?" She stood and grabbed the plates as if they would shield her from the tension that simmered between them. "I'll clean up if you want to finish whatever you were doing."
He didn't need another invitation to escape from the cabin. He practically ran down to the lake, where he stood and looked out over the clear blue water and tried to put the woman in the cabin out of his thoughts.
But that was impossible. Janie was part of him now, and even when she eventually left, as he knew she would, he wouldn't be able to forget her.
He stared out at the water as he thought about the last few weeks of his life. Janie had been right. He should have asked someone else to marry him. She was far too dangerous to his peace of mind. She was temptation and seduction; she was everything he'd ever wanted. He hadn't counted on the fact that she would want him, too. Janie was making it almost impossible to do what he knew was right.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, absorbed in his thoughts, when he realized Janie was close by. He always knew when Janie was around. It was a sixth sense that had developed since the day she'd come to Cameron. It had gotten much more refined since she'd been living with him.
"I saw you standing down here," she said, her voice quiet as she stopped next to him. "Are you thinking about what we'll do if the murderer finds us here?"
Hell, no, he wanted to tell her. He was thinking about how he was going to survive the next few days. Right now, the murderer would be a welcome distraction.
"I was wondering how smart the trout are," he said, scrambling for an answer. "I'll give you a fishing lesson tomorrow, if you like."
"I'd like that." There was genuine enthusiasm in her voice, and he chanced a look over at her. "There weren't many opportunities to go fishing back in Chicago."
"With any luck, we'll have fresh fish for dinner tomorrow."
Janie stepped closer and slipped her arm through his. He tensed, but she didn't pull away. She just stood and looked out at the lake, her arm linked with his. "Under other circumstances, I think I would really enjoy this cabin."
There was a note of sadness in her voice, and he instinctively moved closer. "There's no reason we can't enjoy it now. He's not going to find us here, Janie."
She sighed, and the sadness in the sound pierced his heart. Without thinking, he put his arm around her shoulders. "I won't let anyone hurt you," he murmured.
She turned to look at him, and he saw the pain in her eyes. "I know you won't, Ben. And that's what worries me. I don't want to be responsible for you getting hurt. Or worse."
"Nothing is going to happen to me, either." He managed to dredge up a smile. "Don't you know that criminals are generally pretty stupid? I haven't met one yet I couldn't outwit."
But Janie didn't smile back. "This man isn't stupid," she said quietly. "If he was, he'd have been caught a long time ago."
"I was joking, Janie." Refusing to listen to the warnings in his head, he pulled her into his arms. "Believe me, I'm not underestimating this guy. If your murderer is the person who broke into Heaven on Seventh, he's one smart guy. I'm just trying to cheer you up."
Her softness nestled against him like she belonged there. Suddenly, all the warnings that his head was screaming were not enough. His good sense disappeared in a wave of heat. All he knew was that he was holding Janie, and she felt too good to let her go.
Before he could stop himself, he bent to kiss her. Desire flashed through him at the first taste of her lips. When she opened her mouth to him, pressing closer, he groaned and forgot every vow he'd made. His body throbbed with need and urgency, and nothing mattered anymore except the woman in his arms.
When she pulled his shirt out of his jeans and began unfastening the buttons, he drew in a sharp breath. When she touched his chest, her fingers lingering over the smooth skin of his chest, he couldn't breathe at all. And when he bent his head to trace the curve of her breast with his mouth, she moaned and quivered beneath him, and every bit of air left in his body exploded out of him.
"Please don't stop," she said, her voice husky and low.
"I can't," he said, and his words were ragged. His fingers trembled as he opened the buttons on her shirt. "God help me, Janie, but I can't stop."
"Good." Her voice was fierce with desire, and he felt her fingers fumbling with the buckle of his belt. When the last of her buttons gaped open, he pushed the shirt aside to find a lacy bra beneath. His whole body hardened painfully. "Janie," he whispered, not sure what he was asking.
"I want you, Ben," she said, her voice shaky. "I always have."
He reached out to trace the darkness of her nipple through the lace of her bra, and she drew a sharp breath and clutched at him. His own legs felt wobbly, and he knew that if they stayed here another moment, they would be making love on the rocky shore of the lake.
"You deserve better than this," he said, sweeping her up into his arms. "Let's go inside."
"As long as you don't let me go." She linked her arms round his neck and held on tightly.
Just as he opened the door, the telephone he'd left on the kitchen counter rang shrilly. He stared at it for a moment, then slowly put Janie on her feet.
* * *
Chapter 11
«^»
Frustration screamed through Janie as Ben set her on the floor. He moved away from her quickly, reaching for the phone.
"I have to answer it," he said, finally looking at her. "It's probably Devlin, and if he's calling, it's important."
She nodded, not sure she could trust her voice. Even the telephone was conspiring against her. And Ben had grabbed for the shrilling handset like it was his salvation.
"Jackson." Ben's voice was terse, and Janie watched as he listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.
His face hardened, and she instinctively moved closer to him. Something was wrong.
"Thanks, Dev," he finally said. "I'll keep my eyes open." He paused. "Yeah, I know.
I'll keep in touch."
Ben laid the telephone gently on the counter, then looked up at her. "That was Devlin," he said. "Ron Perkins just called him. Do you know Ron?"
"He's Grady Farrell's ranch manager," Janie said, nodding. Everyone in Cameron eventually came into Heaven on Seventh.
"That's him." Ben's voice was grim. "Grady seems to think a lot of him. And Dev thinks he's okay."
"What did Ron want?" Premonition hummed through Janie, and it wasn't a pleasant one.
"He told Dev that someone had been asking about you at May's. He didn't think anything of it until he heard about your burglary. Then he remembered the guy."
"Did he tell the sheriff what this man looked like?" Janie asked, hope rising inside her.
Ben shook his head. "Perkins said that the guy was average looking. He said he looked like everyone else in the bar, and that's not much to go on. And Perkins said the guy wasn't asking about you directly. He would have remembered that. He was talking about Heaven and the food, and the discussion came around to the owner of the restaurant. Perkins said he never would have given it a second thought if it hadn't been for the break-in. But when he heard the news, he wondered. He thought some of the guy's questions were kind of odd. That's why he called Dev."
"So what do we do now?" Janie shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. The early autumn day was wan, but she was suddenly cold.
"I don't think we do anything." Ben paced from one window to the next, staring out at the mountains surrounding them. "But we have to assume that the murderer from Chicago has found you. It would be stupid to dismiss this conversation Perkins had with a stranger as a coincidence. But that doesn't mean he knows where we are right now. Only Shea, Jesse, Carly and Dev know that, and I trust all of them. As far as anyone else in town is concerned, we went on a honeymoon, and nobody knows where we are."
"Couldn't Ron Perkins point this man out to the sheriff?" Janie asked.
"Maybe. Perkins said he'd probably recognize him, but he hasn't seen him at May's since that evening. He did promise that he'd call Dev right away if he saw the guy again."
THE MARRIAGE PROTECTION PROGRAM Page 13