‘And I’m on five hundred a week. Plus free board,’ said Brian.
‘You’ve got it made, Takatau.’ Milne’s expression changed. ‘On a more serious note, I wouldn’t get too out of it tonight. We’ll be up at five tomorrow.’
‘Okay,’ said Brian. He looked at his empty beer bottle. ‘So what’s doing now?’
‘Well, I’ve got to get my speeches together. And one or two other things. That’s going to take me all afternoon. You may as well join the others at the reception.’
Brian thought for a moment. ‘Ron. Do you think they’d miss me? I wouldn’t mind … I don’t know. Just being on my own for a while.’
‘Sure.’ Milne looked at his watch. ‘They’ll all be back at work before long. Do whatever you like. And I’ll meet you in the kitchen for dinner around half past seven. What’ll you do? Go for a surf?’
‘Maybe,’ said Brian. ‘I might go for a ride on my bike.’
Milne smiled. ‘Hey. You’re Takatau. You can do just about whatever you like.’
Milne closed the conference room door and went to his office. Brian went to his room, changed into a pair of shorts and gym boots and walked down to the warehouse. He pushed his mountain bike down to the grass, then pedalled off, away from the People’s Palace.
The road finished just past the power station and turned into a narrow trail running alongside the harbour. Soon that finished and Brian was bashing the bike through trees and scrub. It was much like the drive out to the temple. Huge trees, canopies of ferns, flowers everywhere amongst breadfruit, avocado and other fruit trees. Beautifully coloured parrots would screech off into the green as he approached, others would stay and check him out with big round eyes. He had to brake several times to avoid squashing a few fat lizards lying in the sun and go around them. A break in the trees led to the harbour. Brian pedalled to where the rainforest met the sand, got off his bike and stood beneath a coconut tree.
The strip of sand was a beautiful white ribbon running along the harbour, scattered with shells and coconuts. Brian kicked a few aside, then sat down on a rock and stared at the clear blue water. A number of events and things Brian had seen in, and getting to, Lan Laroi would stay on his mind. But Taggart’s body lying in the dust with his eyes open would be paramount. The only thing that eased the ghastly memory was knowing that if Taggart had got hold of the gun, Brian would be lying there instead of the agent. But it didn’t alter the fact he had just killed a man. And starting tomorrow there would be bodies piled everywhere. But at least he didn’t have to look at them. No. Somebody else would. Killing and maiming people was a lot different when you had to do the dirty work yourself. Brian smiled thinly. But that’s what I joined up for. Brian stared at the water, losing all track of time as he enjoyed the peace and solitude. It seemed to slowly flush the disquiet from his mind and replace it with a better understanding of his position and, for some strange reason, thoughts of the father he never knew. Milne’s old friend. Brian picked up a coconut and lobbed it into the sea. Yes, he thought, as he watched it bobbing up and down in the water. Sometimes a soldier’s son’s just got to do what the son of a soldier’s just got to do. Eventually he walked over to where he’d left his bike and pedalled back to Key Street.
The reception was long over when he went past the bar. There were a couple of sailors on the jetty and a few people around the store. Brian waved and kept pedalling. He found the school and the hospital a street back from Key Street. The kids had gone home so Brian pulled up and had a look. The school was similar to the Key Bar, only about a quarter the size. It had open sides with a thatched roof. At one end a large blackboard faced the desks and around the walls were gaudy paintings on sheets of white paper. It had that cheery innocent look schools have and reminded Brian of his days at Bondi Beach Public, right down to the battered bike rack next to a row of tiny bubblers in the grassy playground. Next to the school was a small wooden building like a windowless shop with one door. Above the door it said simply LIBRARY. Brian knocked then opened the door and stepped inside. There was a small counter surrounded by shelves full of books and one long shelf stacked with videos. A door behind the counter led to a small kitchen and storeroom. There was no one around and Brian checked out some of the books. There were a lot of children’s stories and books about the planets and other countries. Books on American Indians and other native cultures and novels by popular authors. The videos were mostly travelogues: Europe, America, the subcontinent. There was a stack of blank videos for taping and bootleg videos of popular films, Gladiator, Planet of the Apes, Jurassic Park, and a few old ones, The Blues Brothers, Kelly’s Heroes, Mad Max. Brian picked up a real old one and laughed. Fritz the Cat. I might have a hot one and watch that one night, he thought. Brian replaced the video and left, closing the door behind him.
Set amongst the trees a hundred metres away was the local hospital. It was a white adobe, not much bigger than a house, with a garden out front and an open double door between louvred windows. Brian got off his bike, knocked and stepped inside. There didn’t appear to be anyone in the hospital, either. A small reception surrounded by filing cabinets faced the door, with a single bench seat on a polished wooden floor. A corridor ran past an X-ray machine and a triage theatre and several rooms with beds and no patients. Business at Lan Laroi General appeared to be lousy. Then Brian remembered something Milne had told him: no stress, no junk food and not much hard work on the island. Brian also surmised there would be no morgue or cemetery either; the local sharks took care of all that. What a fantastic public health system, smiled Brian. And free, too. As he got back on his bike, Brian glanced at his watch and looked over at the sun sinking towards the ocean. He’d certainly missed the late.
By the time Brian got back to his room, had a shower and changed into a clean T-shirt and a pair of shorts, it was time to meet Milne in the kitchen. The President was seated in his freshly cleaned and pressed flying uniform and appeared to be enjoying a beer after a hard stint in front of the camera. Lengi was at the stove, stoned off her head again. Brian said hello, got a bottle of beer and sat down opposite the President.
‘So how did the filming go, Ron?’ he asked. ‘Did you get your speech down?’
‘Two speeches, Brian,’ sighed Milne. ‘And it was punishing. But I got them together. After we’ve had a feed and I’ve relaxed a bit, I’ll give you a look.’
‘Who did the taping?’
‘Keleu and Airu. Thank Christ they’ve got plenty of patience.’ Milne took a hefty pull on his bottle. ‘So what did you do?’ he belched.
‘Went for a bike ride along the harbour up past the powerhouse. Sat around and had a think about things. Then I came back and checked out the hospital, the school and the library.’
‘What did you think?’ asked Milne.
‘You got a great education and public health system. And I like your bootleg video collection. I might hire Fritz the Cat.’
‘Yeah. It’s an oldie but a goodie,’ agreed Milne. ‘So what were you thinking about while you were pedalling along? Anything in particular?’
Brian gave a non-committal shrug. ‘Ohh, this and that. But I’m still with you all the way tomorrow.’
‘Yeah. We’ll shit it in,’ said Milne.
‘I’m certain we will,’ agreed Brian.
‘Just follow old Sawi’s instructions and you can’t go wrong.’
‘Sawi. I trust you implicitly.’
Milne sniffed the air. ‘You can trust me on tonight’s food. That’s for sure.’
Lengi served up baked snapper fillets with coconut chilli sauce and crab risotto with a salad and wedges. No sweets. Sliced melon and lime wedges; guava juice, rolls and coffee. While they were eating they talked about surfing and Brian said how nice it was sitting under the coconut trees where he had pedalled to along the harbour. Milne said a little further along was a big turtle nesting ground and mangroves full of crabs. When they finished eating they thanked Lengi and took their coffees into the office.
Milne picked up a videocassette and put it in the VCR. ‘Grab a seat and see what I spent all afternoon getting together.’
‘Righto,’ said Brian, sitting down facing the TV set in the girls’ office.
‘The first one’s for the locals. The second one’s for Clooney. With a bit of mucking around, the girls will boost it out tomorrow morning on our satellite.’ Milne sat down and aimed the remote. ‘Okay. Here we go.’
There was a patch of blue then Milne appeared on screen sitting at his desk wearing a white T-shirt with the Lan Laroian flag on the front. Behind him was a flag and a map of the world. He looked a little self-conscious behind the smile.
‘My beautiful people of Lan Laroi,’ he began. ‘This is your President and Sawi with an important message. By now the great Chiefs of the island will have told you we are going to war with the Ongi. Sadly, this cannot be avoided. However, you are quite safe and Sawi promises no harm will come to his people. Sawi has powerful allies, the Loo Noo, who will be doing all the fighting, with secret and terrifying weapons that you are better off not knowing about. The Loo Noo live on the moon and are part of the prophecy of the silver circles as handed down by the old ones. With the help of the Loo Noo and Takatau, we will win the war against the Ongi. So you have absolutely nothing to fear. It is the Ongi who will face fear. Although the conflict will be short, wartime conditions must be enforced until further notice. But it is not all bad, Sawi has provided for his people. Starting today, everybody except the military, the school, the library and the hospital will be off work for two weeks on full pay. There is plenty of food to go around. But if we start running low on booze, I will recall the brewery workers. Because of the powerful weapons being used by the Loo Noo and the magic they must spread across the island to protect its people, you will suffer a little discomfort for the time being. A slight buzzing in your ears and you will feel a little tired. But there is nothing to be alarmed about and it will go away before long. The only other thing is, except for the military, the Key Bar will be closed until further notice. That is all. So relax and enjoy yourselves as you always do. Sawi will protect you and keep you informed how the war is going. Goodbye for the time being, my people. And as always, peace and joy to Lan Laroi.’ Milne smiled at the camera and the picture cut out.
Milne turned to Brian. ‘How was that?’
‘Very good, Sawi,’ said Brian. ‘You’re getting better. Just as long as the people don’t run out of piss and start rioting in the streets, you’re laughing.’
‘We won’t run out of piss. Don’t worry about that. Even if I’ve got to get the whip out.’
‘And who are the Ongi?’
‘Outsiders who would do the island harm,’ said Milne. ‘Evil people.’
‘And the Loo Noo?’
‘That’s you and me. In our masks. It’s just a name I thought up. They’re supposed to come from the moon. Lunar. Loo Noo.’ Milne shrugged. ‘I reckon it sounds all right.’
‘It sounds like a flavoured milk drink.’
Milne ignored Brian and stood up to change the tapes. ‘Okay,’ he said, sitting down again. ‘Here’s my message to good ol’ CC. How do you think he’ll handle this?’ Milne pushed a button on the remote and eased back with his coffee.
The screen was blue for a moment. Then Milne came on seated at his desk, again with the flag behind him. This time he was wearing his freshly cleaned flying uniform and wings. His hair was neatly combed, he had just a little make-up on and he looked young, confident and handsome.
‘Citizens of the United States of America and the world,’ he began. ‘My name is Ronald Milne, President of the Republic of Lan Laroi. Recently you would have seen the President of the United States, Clifford Clooney, threatening to invade the Republic of Lan Laroi over the loss of five American helicopters sent here on an alleged rescue mission to save two American prisoners and one French prisoner currently being held by the Lan Laroian government on drug charges. President Clooney had branded me a notorious drug dealer and terrorist, and I was to hand myself into American custody prior to the invasion to save further bloodshed. Although I refute the accusations that I am a drug dealer and a terrorist, and I state unequivocally that Lan Laroian forces did not shoot down the helicopters with North Korean missiles. Apart from a few small arms the only weapons we have on Lan Laroi are a lightly armed tugboat, and an unarmed seaplane. The helicopters were brought down by engine failure.
‘Nevertheless, in my last address I agreed to hand myself in to American custody and let the American military take over Lan Laroi. Since then, there has been a dramatic change in plans. The Lan Laroian government has discussed this with its allies the Loo Noo, who have a spiritual connection with the island of Lan Laroi going back thousands of years. And our allies are firmly against this course of action. I will now read a message from our allies the Loo Noo.’ Milne began reading from a prepared statement on his desk.
‘To President Clifford Clooney of the United States from the Loo Noo. We regard the rescue mission sent against the island of Lan Laroi as an act of war. And the planned invasion, a further act of war. The Lan Laroian people are our friends and it is our obligation to protect them and their sacred island from evil. We now consider you, President Clooney, to be the evil one. Therefore a state of war now exists between the Republic of Lan Laroi and the United States of America and its allies. Namely the French and the English. The Loo Noo does not apologise for the destruction and loss of life that will follow. This is war. But as the Loo Noo does not wish to completely annihilate the United States and its allies, peace negotiations can be conducted between President Milne of the Republic of Lan Laroi and President Clooney of the United States of America. There is a direct line open to the Lan Laroian government in the afternoon. Do not try to negotiate directly with the Loo Noo. Only with our friend President Milne. Goodbye. Peace and Joy to Lan Laroi. And death to the evil one.’
Milne looked directly at the camera. ‘There you have it, folks. A message from my allies, the Loo Noo. Now I have a direct message to the Chief Seppo, President Clooney himself.’ Milne made a magnanimous gesture into the camera. ‘Well, you heard them knackers. A state of war now exists between Lan Laroi and you and your allies. By the time you get this message you and the rest of those dropkicks in the Pentagon won’t know your arse from your elbow. And don’t blame me, Edgar Head, you started it. Now the Loo Noo will finish it. But hey, I’m an easygoing sort of bloke. Call me when you’ve had enough. The lines are open every arvo. See you later, sweet potato. This is President Milne signing off. Peace and joy to Lan Laroi.’ Milne faded out and the screen went blue.
Milne turned to Brian. ‘Well, what do you reckon?’
‘What do I reckon?’ said Brian. ‘Christ. Poor old Clooney’ll go spare when he gets that. If he can understand the last part. Remember he’s very NOOU.’
‘Yeah, I know he’s not an Australian. But he’ll get the picture somehow. Stiff shit if he doesn’t.’ Milne finished his coffee. ‘So what’s your play now, Wing Commander?’
‘I was going to call round and see Keleu,’ said Brian.
‘Good idea,’ winked Milne. ‘Okay. I’ll see you in the kitchen at five-thirty.’
‘Righto, Ron. See you then.’
Brian left Milne in his office and, chuckling to himself at Milne’s speech, walked down to Keleu’s and knocked on the door. Keleu answered it wearing her blue hemp neck-to-knee pyjamas.
‘Hello, Brian,’ she said. ‘Come in.’
Brian followed Keleu down the hallway into the loungeroom. Airu was sitting on the lounge wearing the same pyjamas as Keleu. They were watching some show they’d taped via SBS about American Indians. It looked interesting. Brian sat down in the nearest lounge chair.
‘So what’s doing, girls?’ he said. ‘How’s things?’
‘We are watching TV,’ said Airu. ‘Did Sawi tell you the rules about tonight?’
‘Rules?’ said Brian.
‘Yes. We are not to leave
the house. We have to be up at four to hook up with the satellite.’
‘That’s an early start, all right,’ said Brian.
‘He also said there is to be no tampering,’ said Keleu. ‘Not until tomorrow.’
‘No tampering till tomorrow,’ smiled Brian. ‘Are you sure you can wait that long?’
‘Brian,’ said Keleu. ‘Do not be cheeky.’
‘Yes, Takatau,’ said Airu. ‘Behave yourself. Or we will throw you out.’
Brian got a beer, then settled back with the girls and watched TV. The show was interesting, if a little slow, and by the time he finished his beer he was yawning and almost asleep. Brian imagined that after putting Milne’s message to Clooney down, Keleu and Airu would have discussed it with him. But they never mentioned it. Finally Airu turned the TV off and Keleu walked him to the door.
‘Brian,’ she said, looking up with her arms around him. ‘I can only wish you luck tomorrow in the war against the Ongi. But I am sure the Loo Noo are good people and we will win. Not only do we have the Loo Noo and Sawi to protect us. We also have Takatau.’
‘And you can’t get any better than that,’ said Brian. ‘Goodnight, Keleu.’
Keleu reached up and kissed him. ‘Goodnight, Brian. I will see you at breakfast. Then I will see you again tomorrow night.’
Keleu closed the door behind him and Brian walked up to his room. He cleaned his teeth then hung his uniform over a chair and put together whatever else he thought he’d need for tomorrow. He got down to his jox, yawned and walked out onto the balcony to get some air and do a little star-gazing. It had started to rain. Brian watched it tumbling down for a few moments then went inside. He turned off the lights then got into bed and stared up at the ceiling. It had certainly been an eventful day, with more promising to come. But it was too late now to worry about anything, and the rain on the roof was soothing. Before long Brian was sleeping soundly.
The Ultimate Aphrodisiac Page 31