Late that night Cam came into my bedroom, and even though we were far from the potential gate, I couldn’t bring myself to deny him. All he really wanted was to sleep next to me. He deserved some comfort after all that sex with a temporary vampire, that is, with me.
On Saturday afternoon, I was reading in the living room. Cam and the kids had gone out to the backyard to toss a baseball around. Although I could hear them laughing and calling to one another, it was quiet inside the house. Sunlight came through the front windows and lay in patches on the flowered rug. It occurred to me that if the worst happened, and Ari and Sean never found me, I could stay in Cam’s house forever.
I could invent a terrible fight with that mythical boyfriend in L.A. and just stay on to care for the kids. After a decent year had passed and the other Nola had been declared legally dead, Cam and I would marry. No one would be censorious, not even surprised, that he’d fallen in love with her cousin who looked so much like her. We’d probably have another child, once my implant ran out and nature took its course.
I’d need a Caesarean. The scar would return, and Cam could pretend his Nola had never left him. Eventually, I would go stark raving nuts.
I tossed the novel aside and stood up. I was thinking that I’d go for a walk, just to get some fresh air, when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs from the storerooms. The sound seemed to jerk me out of time into a suspension of fear and joy, mingled for one brief second. I came to myself and ran straight for the corridor just as Ari walked out of the stairwell. He was wearing his jeans, his leather jacket, and the Beretta in its usual holster over a white shirt.
He grinned, a beautiful brilliant smile, and held out his arms. I rushed into his grasp. He kissed me, then kissed me again. Over his shoulder I saw Dad, halfway down the stairs and smiling. In one hand he carried an orb, the lovely blue-green orb of home.
“Sean’s on the other side,” Dad said. “Jeezus H, it took him long enough to find you! I’m going back upstairs. This lousy gate isn’t as stable as I’d like.”
He turned and hurried back up. Ari stayed with me.
“Let’s get out of here fast,” I said. “I can’t bear to say good-bye to the family that’s been sheltering me.”
The back door squeaked open. Cam had heard the footsteps, the voices. I knew he was coming down the hall and panicked. I pulled away from Ari but couldn’t decide which way to run.
“What?” Ari said. “You should at least leave a note.”
“I’ll explain later.”
Cam walked into the living room. He stopped at the edge of the rug, just behind the couch, and stared at Ari. Ari hooked his thumbs over his belt and stared back. Narrowed eyes, tense shoulders, tight jaws—both men looked only at each other in an instant male bonding of jealous rage. Explanations had just become unnecessary. I kept thinking about Ari’s Beretta, so close at hand. My heart started pounding.
“I’m sorry, Cam,” I said. “I’m going home.” I waved vaguely in Ari’s direction. “He came to fetch me. It’s like I tried to tell you, I’m a cop. This is Ari Nathan, my partner, the guy from Interpol.”
Feeble? Yes, incredibly feeble, but at the moment I couldn’t think of anything better. Cam said nothing, merely transferred his gaze to me. I’d warned him, I’d told him repeatedly that I’d leave, but his SPP showed that he’d never believed me till that moment.
“Tell the kids I had to go in a hurry,” I said. “I’m sorry. Tell the neighbors my boyfriend came to get me, and he was pretty angry about things.” This last was true enough. I didn’t need to look at Ari to know that.
“Wait.” Cam sounded as if he were being strangled. “Will I ever see you again?”
Ari caught my arm and jerked his head in the direction of the stairwell. I shook free, took one step away, and froze when Donnie rushed in with Beth right behind him. I went down on one knee, and they ran to my arms. I hugged them both, then stood up. I had to pry Donnie’s arms from around my waist.
“Don’t go,” Beth said. “Please don’t go!”
“I have to,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
Donnie turned and raced for the hallway. I knew he was crying. I looked at Cam.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Be well. Please, all of you, be well.”
Ari stepped in between us. He caught my arm, swung me around, and gave me a hard push between the shoulder blades. “Move,” he said. “The gate won’t stay open forever.”
I moved, let him hustle me up the stairs into the other Nola’s private lair, where I’d committed an odd sort of adultery with her husband. Dad was waiting by the window, open to let in the sunlight and fresh air. He held up the orb and looked into it, stayed stone-faced and utterly immobile as everything changed around us. The venetian blind came down with a clatter. The sunlight dimmed to an overhead bulb. We were standing in Aunt Eileen’s storage room at the top of the Houlihan house.
Sean stood in the doorway and grinned at me. I ran to him. He laughed and hugged me while I babbled “thank you” over and over again. Finally, I let him go.
“How did you finally reach me?” Sean said. “I’d been trying ever since Ari came back without you. Let’s see, I got the first hint Thursday night, and then yesterday morning—whap! The information flooded in.”
“I guess I finally found the right frequency.” I was afraid to look at Ari. Although he had his rage firmly under control, I could feel his hurt without even needing to run an SPP. “I was really desperate by then.”
“So were we all,” Dad said, grinning. “You should have seen our Ari, yelling at everybody, especially dear old Spare14.”
“I’m afraid I made a fool of myself,” Ari said, “several times over.”
The double message made me wince. “Speaking of Ari,” I said, and I managed to force out a false smile, “why don’t you guys go on downstairs? We’ll join you in a minute or two.”
Dad laughed, Sean snickered; mercifully, they did leave. I shut the storeroom door and turned to look at Ari. Lying, I knew, would be a waste of time.
“Okay, yeah,” I said. “I did sleep with that guy. That’s what’s wrong, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Are you surprised? Do you have the sodding brazen nerve to be surprised?”
“No, but I did it because I needed the Qi to break through. I couldn’t reach Sean without it. I tried from the first day onward and made no contact, nada, zip, jack. If it makes you feel any better, the sex was totally unfair to him. I never should have used him that way, but I was desperate.”
“I can’t imagine he suffered much during the experience.”
“You don’t understand. His wife was killed in a terrorist explosion, and she was one of my doppelgängers. Oh, sure, he liked it at the time, but how do you think he’s feeling now? For a little while he had her back, and now she’s gone again. Forever.”
Ari considered this for a long couple of minutes while he looked at me with the same cold and accusing stare.
“Look,” I said, “I never would have had sex with him if I hadn’t realized there was a gate in that room. That’s what let Sean find me, isn’t it? The message I finally managed to force through. I never let him touch me until Thursday night, when I realized that the room had a gate.”
“And I suppose you didn’t realize sooner.” Sarcasm dripped from every word.
“I had a concussion from the explosion in the park.” I reached up and pulled back my bangs to reveal the scabby scar from my cut. “I could barely see straight, much less think straight.”
Ari winced at the sight of the scar, but he returned his expression to the stone face. From his SPP, I could tell that he was weighing what I’d told him, back and forth in his own mind, like evidence in a deposition. All at once I was furious.
“Besides, my beloved darling.” I managed to keep my voice calm, but it was a struggle. “You left me there. You never looked back, did you? You never once looked to see if I was okay and able to follow you. I was lying there bleeding on the ground,
and you never looked back.”
He winced again, turned halfway, turned back.
“Is that all the answer I’m going to get?” I said. “A sour face? I told you to wait before you threw the orb. Did you hear me? I yelled.”
He nodded a yes. I had to admire him for admitting the truth, instead of just saying no, I didn’t hear a thing. He spent a couple of minutes staring at the floor.
“Well?” I snapped. “I know you resent it, that I’m the head of the squad. Is that why you didn’t wait?”
“No! I’d already tossed it and couldn’t catch it.” He raised his head but looked somewhat to the right of me. “I failed you. I’ve felt for days like living hell—I mean, that I not—that I didn’t look back.”
I had never heard his English glitch before. Coming from him, it shocked me. Finally, and with a tremendous effort, he looked me in the face.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I was wrong. I should have checked with you first. Before I threw it, I mean.”
That admission cost him. I could sense a pain that went a lot deeper than mere male ego. Living hell, all right. I’ll admit to feeling a nasty little knot of satisfaction.
“I realized what I’d done the minute we got to Four. I looked back, and I knew.” Ari was keeping his voice steady by sheer force of will. “Things got worse once I told the family. We were all frantic. Sean was hysterical. He thought you might be dead. Then two days ago he told us he’d picked something up. Yesterday noon the location became clear, as he told you.”
“It took you a while to reach me, then,” I said.
“We had to get permission to re-enter the floating level.” Ari shrugged as if shedding a burden. “I finally convinced Spare14 that if he didn’t let me go retrieve you, I’d quit TWIXT. I had it all worked out, not that I told him about my plan. Flann and I would go on our own. They could arrest me later, once I knew you were safe. I’d claim I’d forced Flann at gunpoint, so he wouldn’t have been culpable.”
“You would have done that for me?”
He nodded and turned away. He picked up a dusty book from the top of one of Aunt Eileen’s storage cartons, then put it down with its edge precisely matched to the edge of the carton. Anger management? No, I decided. Guilt. His SPP reeked of it.
“I told you,” he said. “I know I failed you. I would have done anything to make it right. Will you forgive me?”
I was still angry enough to make him wait. “Yes, of course,” I said eventually. “I know you were thinking of getting the others to safety.”
He looked at me, sighed, and held out his arms. I let him enfold me and sensed that he’d chained his rage in its usual corner of his mind. Even his ordinary anger had faded away. The hurt remained, his, mine, and my memory of Cam’s hurt. They made my soul ache. I choked back tears. And the kids!
Ari misunderstood my silence. “You do forgive me, don’t you?” he said.
“Yes, I do. Can you forgive me?”
“Of course!” He sounded weary, a little sad. “It’s that or live without you, and this last fortnight showed me that’s out of the question. I missed you like a knife to the heart.”
“And then you saw Cam and got stabbed again.”
“Yes. And another thing, I’m sorry I shoved you like that. Another failure on my part. I was honestly afraid that the gate would close and trap us on Six, but that’s no excuse. I was fighting with the rage from the moment he walked in.”
“I saw it, yeah.” I rested my head against his chest. “But you won the bigger battle. You didn’t draw your gun. You didn’t punch him or slap me.”
“True.” He hesitated. “I do know how he must feel, with you gone. You’re right. You did him no favor.”
“And now the kids have been deserted again.” My voice broke, and much to my utter shock, I could no longer hold back my tears. “You saw how they acted when I was leaving. Those poor kids, Ari!”
He sighed again and stroked my back, murmured a few words in Hebrew, over and over until at last I could stop crying. It took some while. I found a tissue in my jeans pocket and wiped my face and runny nose.
“I love you,” I said.
“Good. Remember that from now on.”
“Oh, come off it, you jerk! I wouldn’t have felt so deserted if I didn’t love you so much.”
His smile bloomed, and my face insisted on smiling in return.
“About the children,” he said. “Maybe we can arrange for you to see them again, provided it’s safe, of course.”
“We’re going back?”
“If we can. The job’s not over. Ash, the Axeman, they’re all still on the loose. And then there’s young Rasmussen. He’d rather like to see his family and friends again. We’ll need to get him back to Six.”
“This time the Agency is going to have to make me official. I’m going to stick it to Y. If I’d been a recognized part of your team, I would have had a communicator. I could have just called the liaison captain in L.A. when I got left behind.”
“True. Annie’s already dealt with Y. Rather firmly, I gather from what she told me. He’ll give you any status you’d like. I’m quite sure of that.”
Rather firmly. I smiled. I figured she’d raked him over the coals, all in a quiet little voice, during a trance session or over the phone. I hoped for both.
“I’ll make sure that Spare14 sets things up at our end,” Ari said. “You needn’t worry about that.”
“Okay, and I want a word with him, myself. Are you telling me you had to argue with him about going back to get me? What was he going to do, leave me there?”
“No, of course not.” Ari let me go and stepped toward the door. “The problem was the risk. Every overlap to Six has grown so weak that the World-Walkers Guild have refused to let any of their members use them. Not just the one in McLaren Park—there are gates to Six in other countries and other world levels, and none are quite right. Spare14 wanted to stockpile extra transport orbs and do a proper evaluation. This meant a consultation with HQ and another fortnight’s worth of specialist examinations.”
I glanced around the cluttered storeroom. “This gate worked just fine.”
“Indeed, it did, but no one knew that, did they? Not until this morning. We have access to Six now, yes, but who knows for how long? If we’re going after Ash and the Axeman, we have to move fast.”
“Dad will know how long the gate will stay open. He’s the one who made it.”
“True, and it worked because he was the one operating within it. Who knows if anyone else can do what he did this morning? If there were only some way to get him to cooperate with TWIXT!”
“Yeah, and if wishes were horses, all beggars would ride. I’ll talk to him, but don’t hold your breath.”
Ari picked something up from the floor: my shoulder bag.
“We brought this up.” He handed me the bag. “Flann thought the gate might not be fully functional. It might have been possible to toss the bag through even if we couldn’t transit. You would have had your ID and the second orb that way.”
I took the bag and hugged it. “Yeah,” I said. “I could have done something with this.”
“Of course. Once you had the right tools, you would have been back the same day.” He smiled. “You’re quite competent, you know, in your own peculiar way.”
That’s when I finally, really, and truly forgave him.
We left the gate room and hurried downstairs. When we reached the hallway at the bottom, I heard voices—family voices, wonderfully familiar, my family’s voices—in the living room. We walked in. Dad was talking on his cell phone while Aunt Eileen, Michael, and Sean hovered nearby. His tense voice, their frightened faces, told me that he was getting the wrong kind of news.
“Maureen?” I said.
“It’s Kathleen on the phone, yes.” Aunt Eileen hurried over to me and kept her voice low. “Mo’s all right, but Chuck shot at her. He missed. Jack’s gone to the San Anselmo police to see if there’s anything they can do.
”
My stomach clenched. Oh, yes. I was home.
CHAPTER 13
EVERYONE HAD TO HUG ME and tell me how glad they were to have me back. I hugged everyone in turn and told them they couldn’t be half as glad as I was. With the ritual over, I left the family waiting for a report about Jack’s visit to the police. I went to the kitchen to call Annie privately. When she recognized my voice, she laughed in sheer exultant triumph.
“You’re back!” she said. “They got you through.”
“They sure did,” I said. “Ari told me you’ve been in contact with Y.”
“Contact? Yes, I suppose you might call it that. Once Ari told me about the problem with your status, I was too angry to go into trance, so I called the office. Y returned the call, and it’s a good thing, too, because we talked for an awfully long time. It would have been so expensive! But he did finally see reason.” Her voice simmered with remembered indignation. “You need to get in touch with him first thing Monday morning or even sooner, if you can. He’s genuinely worried as well as guilt-stricken.”
“I’ll do that. Have things been quiet on the Chaos front here, or have there been any eruptions?”
“Reasonably quiet. Jerry is convinced that he’s being followed by giant squid. I think he takes too many drugs. That roommate of his! Who knows what he has lying around their apartment?”
“Everything available, that’s what. I bet he’d sell curare if he could get it. But look, the squiddish Chaos critters are entirely too possible a phenomenon. I’ve seen them, too.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, they probably are real. You need to call him.”
I certainly did need to. Annie had given me an idea. Sean, unfortunately, had never met Maureen’s Unpleasant Ex, which meant he couldn’t use his talent to find him. Jerry’s roommate had druggie connections all over the Bay Area. He might know where Trasker was hiding out.
I’d just clicked off when my father strolled in. He sat down next to me at the table.
“You were wanting to talk with me?” Dad said.
“Yeah. Did Ari tell you?”
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