A River Valley Christmas: Tommy's Wish
The River Valley Series, Volume 4
Tess Thompson
Published by Tess Thompson, 2016.
This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.
A RIVER VALLEY CHRISTMAS: TOMMY'S WISH
First edition. November 4, 2016.
Copyright © 2016 Tess Thompson.
ISBN: 978-0998357201
Written by Tess Thompson.
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Table of Contents
Tommy’s Wish
By: Tess Thompson
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
A River Valley Christmas:
Tommy’s Wish
By: Tess Thompson
Chapter One
The late afternoon air smelled of arriving snow and the ashen hued sky hung low and dense, darkness approaching early on these shortest days of the year. Tommy ran along the paved road, racing against the approaching nightfall, knowing his wife fretted if he was out past daylight. There are cars, and bears, she often said. These were just a few of her concerns on a long list. She was a worrier, and despite his intentions of making life easier for her with his presence, it was not always possible to assuage her fears and trepidations, despite how much he loved her. He increased his pace, feeling the high that came about twenty minutes into his run, his lungs and muscles working at full capacity, and tunes playing in his ears. This time of year in particular, with the dreary weather and short days, he felt particularly alive while outdoors. Sometimes he felt like a caged animal that wanted to crawl the walls to freedom.
He logged another two miles, then turned around. Despite the cold, the air was static and the spicy scent of the dense forest of fir and pines along the road was pleasant and familiar. Because he’d run this route so many times before, the trees were known to him in all seasons, as were the dips and turns of the road, and the flowers and ferns and fallen logs. This time of year, the dogwoods, maples and other deciduous plants were barren, their tender branches exposed to the unforgiving winter, and he found their fragility beautiful, like older women who allowed themselves to age gracefully.
Tommy reduced his pace to a jog as he entered his dirt driveway, jumping over a puddle the shape of a teacup to avoid getting wet. He slowed to a walk, wiping sweat from his brow with the back of his arm, and smiled at the sight of his home in the distance, ridiculously thrilled by the strands of white lights he’d strung across the front that twinkled at him in the near darkness. Welcome home, they seemed to say. His home contained the two loves of his life: his wife and daughter. Family life was not always easy, yet it suited him. Every day he thanked God for sending him these miraculous creatures to love and care for. He and Lee had been married two years and his stomach still fluttered when she came into a room. He did not think it was possible to love her more than the day he married her, and yet, he did. It was not only the enduring passion that surprised him, but how it had morphed into a connection so deep it was impossible to discern between his happiness and hers. And the love for his daughter? It made him nonsensical and crazed and worried and joyous all at once, until he was soft and pliable and useless.
He stretched his calf muscles by leaning against the side of the house, before opening the front door, slowly so that it wouldn’t creak. The hour was nearing half past four and Ellie-Rose would still be napping. At two-and-a-half, she still slept several hours in the afternoons, for which both he and Lee were grateful. Because of their hectic and unconventional work schedules, it was often a time for them to reconnect, make love, or just talk. Today, however, Lee had encouraged him to take a run. She knew he needed physical activity before the day ended or he would be pacing the floor after dinner instead of snuggling on the couch with her.
The warmth of the room enveloped him like a wool blanket. He shed his outer layer and sighed with happiness. This was the start of a glorious five days together, with neither of them having to be anywhere other than dinners with family and friends. Annie and Lee had decided it was best to close the restaurant for the holidays, as it was not typically busy with the town empty of tourists this time of year.
After tossing his long-sleeved running shirt, damp with sweat, into the laundry, he wandered to the back of the house, in search of his wife and a shower, not necessarily in that order. On both sides of the hallway, Lee had decorated the walls with framed photographs: Ellie-Rose at her baptism, the two of them exchanging vows at their wedding, Linus and Annie standing in front of Riversong, a group photo of their whole gang at a picnic last summer at Drake and Annie’s river spot, him singing at the Riversong bar, Ellie-Rose on her grandmother Ellen’s lap. Evidence of a wonderful life. Thank you, God, he thought, as he passed.
He entered the bedroom and sat on the chair in the corner to take off his shoes and socks, gazing outside. A flake of snow fell, then another. Ellie-Rose would be beside herself if it snowed and stuck. How perfect for the holidays. A sound like the squeaking of a machine that needed oil came from the master bathroom. His breath caught. It was Lee, crying. She was a quiet crier, mostly sniffs and long, shaky breaths, interspersed with high-pitched notes, each one of them piercing his heart. He crossed the room to the bathroom door, which was open several inches. Lee was sitting on the floor next to the tub with her arms around her knees, sobbing. When he pushed the door open, she looked up, wiping her cheeks with both hands.
He knelt next to her, smoothing her hair away from her face. A plastic wand of some kind was discarded next to her on the floor. “What is that?” His gaze moved to the box that sat on the counter.
“I’m not,” she said.
Pregnant? Of course she wasn’t. It was impossible. He was sterile. “Honey.” He couldn’t think what else to say.
“I’m late, almost three weeks. I thought...” She started to cry again, tears sliding down her face faster than she could swipe at them. “I just thought maybe a miracle had happened. You could’ve been misdiagnosed. Or maybe one got through somehow.”
“The doctors said my sperm count was so low as to be undetectable.” He spoke gently, fighting the rising feelings of guilt and remorse.
“I know they say it’s impossible, but what’s your line about miracles?” she asked. “I’ve been sitting here trying to think what it is.”
She was referring to a lyric in one of his songs. “Miracles are everywhere if you know to look for them.”
“Yes, that’s it.” She sniffed and gave him one of her sweet smiles, but it didn’t reach her eyes like it usually did. “I was hoping for a miracle.”
He sat next to her, taking her hand. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I would give anything to give you another baby. I didn’t know you wanted one so much.”
“It’s just everyone’s having babies. Annie. I know Bella will have one before we know it. Their families will grow, but ours will stay the same.”
Gathering his thoughts before speaking, he bought a few moments by kissing her hand. “We can adopt. Would you like to? I’m open to it.”
“I don’t know if I can stomach the heartache and disappointment. It’s so hard to get a baby, especially if you have one already.” She paused, and when she spoke, her voice quivered. “Would you consider a sperm donor?”
A sperm donor? He felt sick. Another’s man sperm? Could he stomach that? Not that it was any different than how Ellie-Rose came to him, really. Lee’s first husband was essentially a sperm donor, wasn’t he? What was different? It was unfair, he thought. Unfair that he couldn’t give this perfect woman what she wan
ted most. “Of course I would. Whatever you want.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder. “You’re the most generous man who’s ever walked the planet.”
“You deserve anything you want,” he said. “Anything.”
Ellie-Rose appeared in the doorway of the bedroom. She carried her favorite blanket and had one thumb in her mouth, which she took out long enough to speak, before popping it back in place. “Mama sad.” With that, she plopped on Lee’s lap and snuggled into her small chest.
Lee buried her nose in Ellie-Rose’s strawberry blonde curls. “I feel like there’s a missing person at our table.”
“I understand.” He kissed the top of her head, reeling. Women, no matter how much you loved them and tried to understand them, were mysterious creatures, with boundless hidden rooms inside their hearts. He must never forget what a privilege it was that she allowed him into those unseen chambers, despite his clumsy ways. “We can talk about it later tonight. Come up with a plan. We’ll figure it out.”
“Thank you.” This time her smile reached her eyes.
He kissed her, then rose to his feet, and held out his arms to Ellie-Rose. “Come on, baby, let’s see if the snow’s sticking.”
Chapter Two
The next morning, he drove the highway to town with a list of needed groceries. Lee was a list maker, and holiday meal shopping was no exception, everything written out in her precise handwriting with exact pounds or quantities. It hadn’t snowed enough the night before to stick in the valley, but the mountains were covered in white, fading into the cloud cover, so that he could not tell where mountains ended and sky began. The landscape, like a desolate black and white photo, appeared in shades of gray, and matched an encompassing gloominess that had come over him since Lee’s confession. He’d tried to shake it - this feeling that he had failed his wife in the most fundamental of ways, but so far had been unsuccessful. No matter how evolved he tried to be, he was still just a man who wanted to make his wife happy.
As he entered the city limits, however, the sight of white lights strung between street lampposts cheered him. He couldn’t wait to give his carefully chosen gifts to his girls, hidden in secret places in the house. Having a child at Christmas made him feel like a kid himself, full of joy and awe at the beauty, smells, and sentimentality of the season. Christmas, he thought. The most magical time of year. Miracles are everywhere if you know to look for them. Ellie-Rose and Lee had been his miracles. Dare he hope for another?
He parked on the main street in front of the community church, which looked festive with its recent facelift and strings of lights and garlands, plus twin wreaths on the dual front doors, so that he could drop a bag of canned goods for the food drive and toys for kids. On Lee’s list, at the bottom, underlined:
Buy two dozen cans for the food drive. Pick up dolls at the toy store (they’re wrapped) and leave under the tree at church.
Lee had once been the recipient of both food and toy drives. She teared up talking about those stark childhood Christmases, believing she would have perished of a broken heart were it not for the kindness of strangers.
The grocery store bustled with harried shoppers buying supplies for their holiday meals, Christmas country music barely discernible over crying babies, rambunctious children and metal carts bumping one another. He tackled the food drive items first, aiming for non-perishable goods: peanut butter, soups, pasta, potatoes in a box, corn, refried beans. His cart half full, he methodically secured the items on his wife’s list, other than the spices, which he would save for last, since it was nearest the checkout line. First he would pick some wine. Lee never remembered to add wine because she didn’t drink, but he knew with their family and friends coming for various holiday meals, he needed to stock up on some good reds. It had to be the good stuff, too, not his usual ten dollar bottles, or Linus and Annie would scold him.
He found Mike in the wine aisle with his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, examining a bottle of Washington Cabernet. “Hey buddy,” said Tommy.
“Merry Christmas, Tommy,” They hugged, man-style, with a brush of chests and a pat on the arm, all in under a second.
“Where’s your lovely bride?” asked Tommy.
“She’s at home, baking cookies.” He patted his stomach. “This married life is making me fat.”
He chuckled. “Come by the center anytime and I’ll work you out.”
“Sure. Yeah. Maybe after the new year?”
“I’ll keep you to that,” said Tommy.
“You’ve got a full cart there. Food drive donations?” asked Mike.
“Yep, but, man, it doesn’t seem like enough. I always feel a little guilty this time of year. I have so many blessings and others have so little. It doesn’t seem like we even make a dent.”
“I hear you. But, listen, we’re giving it one heck of a try. One person at a time. One act of kindness at a time.”
“Speaking of which, can you make it over to the community center tomorrow? We’re doing a little party for the kids. Presents and cookies, that kind of thing.”
“Sounds great, but I’ve got to pick up Zac and his girlfriend at the airport. Can’t wait to meet her. Although I have to admit, I’m a little nervous given his past experiences with women.”
“But he’s clean now, Mike. He’s not the same person he was three years ago.”
“Right you are. If that isn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is.”
They spoke for a few more minutes, but knew not to dally. Wives were waiting, they agreed, so no time for a chat and a beer like they often enjoyed together. After he said goodbye, Tommy headed to the spice row, and was scouring the shelf for pumpkin pie spice, God help him if he could see it in the sea of seasonings, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was Darla Schmidt, one of the kids he worked with after school down at the community center. Dressed in an oversized coat and knit cap, she gave him a shy smile. “Hi Tommy.”
“Darla, what’s up?”
She shrugged. “Nothing much.” Darla rarely talked about her home life, so he could never be sure of her exact circumstances, but he suspected that her mother had fallen prey to drugs — meth specifically. In spite of its idyllic appearance, drugs still managed to invade their small town, wrecking lives faster than Tommy and his friends could wage a war against them with plans to better the community with jobs. In the last few years, they’d put hundreds of people back to work at the new call center and the lodge, but it wasn’t enough. Drugs were too insidious.
Sticking her hands into the pockets of her overcoat, she looked at the floor instead of making eye-contact. “Thanks for coming to my winter concert last week.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it. You know that. I was proud of you. Lee said you have the voice of angel, and I’d have to agree.”
“Really?”
“Would I lie to you about something as serious as music?” he asked, smiling.
“No, I guess not.”
Darla had dark hair, almost black, with eyes to match, and had no idea she was pretty. Petite in both stature and girth, she could be mistaken for a much younger child from the back. When she’d first started coming to the community center after school, she’d struggled with schoolwork, despite diligent study with him as her tutor. It hadn’t taken him long to suspect she was dyslexic and had paid out of his own pocket to have her tested. His suspicions had been correct. Through some effort on his part, he facilitated adjustments with the high school to accommodate her disability. During the last twelve months, she flourished, earning A’s and B’s and having the confidence to try out for the choir. The two of them had a special bond, rooted in music. Lately, he’d introduced her to a bunch of the country music from the 1980’s. “Please don’t tell anyone I’m listening to this stuff,” she’d said, when she admitted she liked ‘his music’.
Today, dark circles formed half-moons under her eyes. “You doing okay?”
“You know, Christmas. Kinda depressing.”
To his surprise, her eyes filled with tears. She looked at the ceiling, blinking. A teardrop caught in her bottom lashes, shining like the holiday lights. “I don’t know if I can make it or not. I might have stuff to do.”
“I’ll save it for you, if you can’t come. Annie’s making sandwiches and cookies, though, so I hope you can come by.” Her face had grown thinner than the last time he’d seen her, making her eyes almost too large for her small features. He realized he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her at the center. It must have been at least a month, now that he thought about it. Annie had hired her as a busgirl at the restaurant, so he’d assumed she’d been too busy to come by, but perhaps it was something to do with her home life. Her oversized coat hid her frame, making it hard to discern how thin she’d become, but he sensed a fragility about her, like a slight breeze could uplift her from the ground. “You eating all right?”
“Yeah, sure.” She pulled her hands out of her pockets, adjusting her cap directly over her eyebrows. “How’s Lee and Ellie-Rose?”
He grinned. “They’re doing well. Ellie-Rose is kind of getting the whole idea of presents and Santa this year. It’s a blast.”
“I saw them at the park last week. Lee was pushing her in the swing and Ellie-Rose was laughing super hard.” For the first time, Darla smiled. “It was really cute.” She stuck her hands back in her pockets. “Ellie-Rose is lucky.”
“Lee’s a great mother, no doubt.” For some reason, he felt compelled to say something else. “She had a terrible mom growing up, so, you know, it’s not impossible to break the cycle.” He immediately regretted saying it, worried that he might have offended her.
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