So, once I was sure that Alice had fallen asleep, I declared my intentions.
“Nin, Yuki, I want to go and have a look at the house from above. I can’t, for the life of me, see why Steve would just come back and set our house on fire. I am sure there was more to it than what we saw. And I want to go and have a look. I’ll be back soon, it won’t take long.”
But when I headed toward the fitness room and the door, a collective. “Hey, wait, not so hasty!” stopped me.
I turned around and tried to reason with them.
But Nin and Yuki were having none of this.
“I agree with you.” Nin said. “I mean that we should go and have a look at the house. But you will not go alone. Absolutely not! It’s either me or Yuki who will accompany you. Make your choice.”
And Yuki just vigorously nodded at this!
I could understand their reasoning, somehow. And therefore I refrained from challenging it.
I just stared at them pensively, making my choice. My first and obvious choice was Nin. But should anything happen to both of us, it would be disastrous for Yuki and Alice.
So, after some deliberation, I said. “I think I would like to go with Yuki. If you feel up to it, that is?”
“Not really.” she replied with a sigh. “But I see the logic why it should be me.”
Nin shot me a murderous glance and looked for a moment as if he were going to call the whole thing off. But then he heaved a sigh and sank back in his seat. Yuki squeezed his hands as she got up and came over to me.
“Thanks, Yuki!” I gave her a hug, then turned and walked to the door.
“Let’s go then!”
Nin who accompanied us to the door, held Yuki very tight to himself once more and then stood back to let us get out.
I lead the way down the tunnel and out into the grove. The rain had turned into a heavy April downpour by now. We would soon be soaking wet. We kept near the trees and moved up the hill. When we were level with the still smouldering ruins of our house, we ran across the meadow toward our house.
“It’s absolutely awful.” Yuki whispered. “Look, Lia, everything has been burnt! Why did they do this? Why does Steve hate us so much?”
“I haven’t got a clue, honestly.” I answered, a bit absentmindedly because something had caught my eye.
There! Aside of the house and pinned to a tree was a sign board! I had never seen it before.
I walked toward it. It was a not made of paper but plastic and something was written on it. I pointed toward it and we both almost broke into a run to get there.
It felt eerie.
The message was meant for Dad.
“We have them all! Your children as well as your ex-wife and her family!” It read. “If you want them back you had better cooperate and get in contact!”
This was absolutely ridiculous! And I just snorted in derision. I hadn’t been aware that Steve was so prone to theatrical antics and grand, empty gestures. But this was really the outside of enough! As if Dad would fall for such nonsense!
But then I read on and a rush of absolute terror followed by nausea ran through me.
“Papadopoulos and his lot were easy prey, too! And how they talked! It took us a while but eventually they caved in! The same will happen to your children! Get in contact!”
Papadopoulos! They had him! Had made them talk! Torture!! Josh! Josh! No, please not! No, NO!
I felt like choking.
“Lia! Calm down, it’s just a trick!” Yuki was shaking me to catch my attention.
“Lia, Lia, look at me! It’s not true! Of course it’s not true.”
Only now did I realize that I was sobbing, hard and uncontrollably.
“Josh! Josh! Please not!” I whispered, and Yuki shook me even harder.
“Lia, look at me! Focus! This is nonsense! Nonsense meant to unravel your Dad! Us! But it can’t possibly be true!”
“Why not? It says that they got Papadopoulos! That they tortured him and the people who were with him!” I had trouble breathing. “Josh is with him! They got him!”
Yuki shook her head vigorously. “But don’t you see, Lia! It’s a trick! If they had them, they would never have left such a board. They would come straight for us instead! Because they would know where we are! Use your mind, Lia! It’s obvious that the part about us, your Mum and Nate is hokum. Meant to frighten your Dad into betraying his whereabouts! You can be dead certain that the same applies to the part about Papadopoulos! If they had him, they’d know where to find us! But they don’t! So they can’t have them! Don’t you see?”
She shook me impatiently.
Slowly, the truth of what she was saying sank in.
Could it be? Had I panicked and overreacted?
I took a deep breath and my sobbing slowly abated. But I had to bend down in order to steady my breathing and fight the sudden dizziness.
“Let’s go back, Lia. There’s nothing we can do here. We’ve seen the message. Now let’s go back to Nin and Alice. They must be anxious for us!” Yuki urged.
“Give me a minute! I feel dizzy!” I whispered. “And, don’t tell Nin or Alice about my panic, will you?” I pleaded with her.
She looked at me, gently and very tenderly. “It’s between you and me, Lia. But you don’t have to be brave for anyone. You don’t. We all love you and you don’t have to put on an act to make us believe that you are strong. I know how anxious you must be for Josh! I hope that he will come soon and put your mind at ease.” She gently stroke my hair. “I love you, Lia! Don’t try to be brave when you’re not!”
“It’s just that I wouldn’t know what to do were Josh not to come! Yuki! It would kill me!” The words tumbled out before I could stop myself.
“I know. I know.” She softly replied. “But this here is all just a lie! And I am sure that Josh and his friends will be here within a few days, some weeks at the most. Be confident and positive! For Josh’s sake, too.”
With this, she took me by my arm and gently led me away. And I followed meekly, feeling limp and weak.
Why was I suddenly such a wimp! Normally I was more in touch with reality. What was happening to me? I felt awkward and stupid, self-conscious and very, very vulnerable. Why was it that I felt dizzy as soon as my thoughts drifted toward Josh and where he might be? It was too much! And I couldn’t afford this weakness now. I had to be strong and brave, at least for Alice’s sake!
“It’s okay, Lia, it’s okay!” Yuki whispered and squeezed my hand tight.
“I am alright, Yuki! At least I think so! For now, I am okay. Thanks a lot for your friendship and understanding!” I squeezed her hand in response. “I am glad you were with me just now.”
We had by now reached the edge of trees again and were heading down toward the entrance of the tunnel. It was still pouring heavily and we were totally soaked. I felt exhausted and cold and I could see that Yuki was shivering too. Suddenly, all I wanted was to get indoors.
Yuki had to open the door of the tunnel as I was completely useless. My fingers felt too cold.
I felt ashamed for my weakness, but at the same time I also felt drained of all energy and power. I could barely stay on my feet and when we headed up the tunnel I stumbled several times.
Inside, Nin and Alice were awaiting for us. Alice had by now woken up and looked confused.
I simply sank onto the sofa and let Yuki explain.
Alice scrambled over to me enthusiastically and settled on my lap. I embraced her and she smiled, for the first time since we’d been outside. It was a relief. I hugged her tight and whispered sweet words into her hair while Yuki told Nin about what we’d found. He gasped when he heard about the message. But he, too, quickly decided that it must be a fake. That Steve was trying to prompt Dad into hasty and unwise actions.
“I don’t think that it can be true! Just imagine. Were it true, I mean, if Papadopoulos, Josh and his friends had really been captured by the Nemesis they would have come straight for us. They would have known abou
t the sub-basement and all.”
“That’s what I told Lia, too!”
“Why, were you worried, Lia?” Nin inquired a bit incredulously. “Didn’t you spot the obvious?”
I just glared at him and shook my head. Alice snug up to me and embraced me.
“I am glad that you are back! Uh, but you are very wet! And you are shaking, Lia! Are you cold?” She exclaimed.
It was the easiest way out and I took it. I lifted her from my lap, slowly got up and walked toward the bathroom.
“Yes, Alice, I am really cold, wet and cold. Let me go and change into something dry. Then I’ll feel a lot better.”
I locked the door behind me and broke down; at least a little. I tried to keep the sobbing light. As if one could do this. But it had all been too much today.
And deep inside, I felt the fear take hold.
The fear that Josh had been captured, tortured, maybe killed. No matter how obviously true Yuki’s and Nin’s reasoning was, the seed of fear and doubt had been planted. That something might happen to him. That he couldn’t possibly travel all the way from England without encountering trouble. How was he to make it! Oh, how was I going to deal with this!
You sissy! Can’t you see the truth when it’s starring you in the eye! It’s been a hoax, a trick to prompt Dad to a false move!
Yes, but what if? What if Josh nonetheless has run into trouble? What if? And we’ll never know! I will never know what happened to him!!
I don’t know how long I stayed inside the bathroom. When I finally got out, the others didn’t say anything but were very sweet and supportive,– even Alice, my little darling!
I let them. I was deeply grateful that they didn’t ask me any questions but gave me room to breathe.
We discussed a little what to do and decided to stay indoors for today.
Yuki suggested that we might as well start this schooling scheme for Alice. So, she and Nin put together a time table for Alice’s schooling. And Yuki even gave Alice her first lesson, English grammar and a dictation, then Nin taught her some maths.
Alice enjoyed it. She made Piglet and Malinda sit next to her and pretended they were a small class. It was funny and sweet to watch, but I had no energy to join in the cosy scene. I was just a looker-on for now.
And every now and then the fear rose within and I had to fight hard to make it abate.
When we retired for bed I couldn’t sleep. The entire night my thoughts circled around Josh and his friends and around Papadopoulos; but mostly around Josh. I didn’t sleep one minute.
Chapter 18 – a present
24th and 25th April 2072
I was absolutely exhausted by next morning and the others could clearly see it.
Yuki was very sympathetic but I shrugged her off rather rudely. Instantly, I felt horrible. She didn’t deserve this. And her understanding face didn’t help either; it just made me feel even guiltier and more uncomfortable. I wasn’t my usual self and I hated that the others could clearly see it. Had it been possible I would have gone away and spent the day alone somewhere.
But it wasn’t possible and so I tried to be normal.
“Lia, what’s wrong with you?” Alice’s innocent and concerned question made me cringe within. She was right and I was behaving like a silly goose, but I found it hard to break out of this grumpy unlike-me-state.
“Look, I made you some tea.” Alice was so sweet. She placed the steaming cup in front of me and stood there watching me intently.
“Thanks, little one! Thanks a lot!” I managed to choke out. Trying to smile at her I felt even worse. She was my little sister, after all. I was to cheer her up. Not she me.
“I am sorry, Alice, for being horrid today. I just feel like being beside myself, do you understand?”
She snuggled closer. “I know, Lia, sometimes I also feel like that. Then I am horrid to Piglet and Malinda, even though it isn’t their fault at all. It’s not a nice thing to do but sometimes I can’t help it. And now it has happened to you.” She paused and took my hand. “Josh will be here soon, Lia, don’t you worry?”
I felt like I had been slapped!
That my sister, my little darling sister should worry about me worrying for Josh was the outside of enough!
You sissy! You weak stupid goose! Pull yourself together and show some strength. Alice needs your support, not you hers! For Pete’s sake! Get a grip on yourself!!
“Alice, you make me feel utterly ashamed of myself. You are so sweet, but I really shouldn’t sit here wallowing in self-pity! This really isn’t the thing to do for me. I feel sorry for being so horrid. Let me go and have a shower and then I will feel better.”
With that I got up and walked over to the bathroom, conscious of three pairs of eyes following me.
This time I didn’t cry. The cold water brought me to my senses. Shivering but refreshed and ready to finally face the day and my family I came out and apologized to them all. “Nin, Alice, Yuki – I want to say sorry for having behaved so badly this morning. It won’t happen again, I promise.”
Yuki smiled at me encouragingly and Alice beamed happily. Nin looked a bit more dubious but he refrained from commenting which was just as well.
“So, what’s up today?” I asked, in a very obvious attempt to change the subject.
“We haven’t decided yet,” Nin replied; glad to talk business instead of feelings. “I went to check the weather an hour ago and it is still raining heavily. We could still go on that binocular shopping trip, if you feel like. But we might as well spend the day inside. It’s up to you.”
Yuki and Alice were all for staying inside and after some deliberation I agreed with them. We had had enough excitement these last few days. It would do us all good to stay inside and get into a kind of routine.
We sat down in earnest and devised a plan how to go about this school-for-Alice-thing. And she got some more lessons. I taught her something about the animals of Kenya. It seemed an appropriate thing to do in view of the fact that we would be heading there soon. She wanted to know about the chameleon and guinea fowl – a somewhat strange mix – but I obliged her.
“You’ll want to ask Aunt Kamene about that tongue-twister about chameleons. It’s in Kikamba and hard to remember, but it is very funny. I can’t tell you how it goes, but it really is very funny.”
“Do you speak Kikamba?” Yuki wanted to know.
“No, I am ashamed but I don’t, even after all this time knowing Aunt Kamene. I know a little Swahili, but surely you speak it much better than I.”
Yuki laughed and bent her head as if she were shy at this praise.
“I am looking very much forward to getting to know your Aunt Kamene and their place. Maybe it is because to reach there will mean safety, but it can’t be just that. It already feels like home, without me ever having been there. I am really looking forward to us getting there!”
“Me, I have been there, but I can’t remember much.” Alice chipped in enthusiastically. “We will discover the place together, then, won’t we?”
“We will, little tiger, we will!”
It was fun and it helped me forget about Josh and our worries here.
That day, spent indoors, speaking about Kenya was magical. It stayed with me for many days afterwards; sustaining me with strength and determination.
It helped me focus.
Our goal, after all, was to get away from here safely and to travel to Kenya, to meet with our family!
It would not do to give up or to let ourselves be led astray. We must make it there. We simply had to!
When we decided to braid our hair into dozens upon dozens of little braids, Nin got bored with us and declared that he was going to take another glimpse at the weather outside. Within five minutes he was back, disappointed, the rain had even intensified.
There was no use going outside and so we three girls settled into a cosy afternoon of mutual braiding, gossiping and sipping tea. Nin busied himself with some electronic equipment in the fitness
room but came over to us every now and then.
It was a good afternoon and despite the general inaction and laziness we all felt tired in the evening and went to bed early.
That night I slept deep and sound, without any nightmares. In fact, I couldn’t remember any dream I might have had during the night as I woke up the next morning.
I was the first one to be up.
By the time I had prepared breakfast, the others slowly woke up and while we sipped tea and ate our cereals we talked about the plans for the day.
Nin was all for going outside. He was itching to go for a drive and explore the wider surroundings. He was convinced that we’d seen the last of the Nemesis the other day and that it was safe to head a bit further. He disappeared quickly to check the weather and returned beaming.
“It’s just perfect spring weather! Moist from yesterday’s rain but otherwise beautiful! Clear skies, the sun will soon be drying everything. Let’s go out a bit!”
We all agreed. Yuki wasn’t really keen on going far and neither was Alice, but at least they agreed to go out. We took all our gear which included two guns, Yuki’s strong-bow, my binoculars and a backpack with some food and water.
It really would be convenient for us to have more binoculars and night vision goggles. I decided that I would support Nin’s plan to head out to that shop he’d mentioned if the coast was really clear outside.
Which it was.
Nin had been right, it was a splendid spring day, the air smelling fresh and clear, a hint of summer detectable. Birds were singing and everything was just beautiful, if one could forget the horror of the last weeks.
We all involuntarily took a deep breath and smiled.
Everywhere fresh, light green, tender leaves were sprouting forth. The trees and bushes would soon be covered in green leaves again, those wonderful soft, tender, green leaves they only carry for some weeks in spring and that seem like a promise to life’s strength and ability to overcome everything.
It made us almost forget where we were and what had happened. Almost.
By now I, for one, had become used to seeing no one around whenever we were outside.
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