Then she huddled to my side as we sat on the sofas. I slipped my arm around her shoulders and held her tight.
“Do you want to say anything, tiger? For the little girl?”
Nin glared at me from across the sofa, but Yuki squeezed his hand and smiled at me. She understood.
“I don’t know…,” Alice began a bit uncertainly. “I want her to find her way to where her mum is now. And that they can be happy together again. If I could undo her killing, I would wish for this. But this is not possible. But I will always remember. And when we reach Mum and Nate, Uncle Phil and Aunt Kamene, David and Ben, I will tell them and we will light a candle for her every year. Can we?”
“What a lovely idea!” Yuki replied. “Of course we will do this. What’s the date today?” She consulted her calendar. “It’s the 13th of May – let us light a candle for the victims of the Nemesis every 13th May from now onward, what do you think?”
Nin indulged her and said that he thought it was a good idea.
I remained silent. After all, why should we remember the dead, innocent victims of the Nemesis collective on any specific day? We would be reminded of them almost daily, especially once we started our trek southwards. I wasn’t one for celebrations or special days, never had been. I was probably too matter-of-fact. I would never forget what we’d seen and would pray for the innocent victims anyway, Remembrance Day or not. And, but that thought I would definitely keep to myself, I was getting ready to revenge the dead. But I guessed that it was better to indulge Alice and Yuki here. If they needed some sort of ceremony to give them a feeling of security or whatever, let us do it.
“What do you think, Lia?” Alice didn’t accept my silence.
“If you wish, then let us, by all means, declare May 13th the day of Remembrance for the victims of the Nemesis. Sounds a bit pompous, but it’s fine by me, tiger. As long as you don’t expect me to hold speeches.” I added in a sorry attempt to alleviate the heavy atmosphere.
“No one will.” scoffed Nin. “You are useless at this. I suggest that we will delegate the task of holding a speech to Nate, he is good at this sort of things, isn’t he?”
“Yes!” Yuki agreed. “I always liked his addresses in school. He certainly knows how to captivate his audience. And, remember Nin, what he said was always to the point and meaningful. I liked his speeches at the beginning of a new school year. He really knew how to motivate us while still being really friendly and nice.”
“That’s settled then.” Nin grinned. “Kind of funny to talk about future celebrations with Nate and all the others. Being cooped up here all those days kind of made me focus on us and I somehow didn’t have much room for thought about Mum, Dad, Nate, the twins, Uncle Phil and everyone. It will be very strange to meet them all after all this time and the events we witnessed, don’t you think?”
“No, it will not be strange, but wonderful!” Alice replied with quite some force. “How can you say that you don’t think about them? I think about Mum every day. Especially in the evening, before falling asleep.”
“I didn’t …,” Nin began, but then he saw my face and shut up.
“You are right, Alice.” Yuki said. “I also think of them all every evening. And also about Josh and his friends. The thought of them all gives me strength, helps me to go on. And, you know Alice, I am sure they all think about you and us, too, every day.”
I could have given her a kiss for this! Exactly what Alice needed!
Nin had realized his faux-pas by now, too, and gave Alice a big smile.
“Sorry, tiger, I didn’t mean it like that. All I wanted to say was that my mind has been preoccupied with our situation here, our safety and everything. Of course, I am also looking very much forward to seeing Mum and Nate again, and everyone else.”
Alice nodded at him wisely and leaned in on my a bit more.
Then she asked, looking up at me. “Lia, do you think Josh will come soon now? We are close to end of May, aren’t we?”
Ah, yes! Josh! It would be a great relief to have him here.
“I hope, Alice, I hope so very much.”
“I am sure that it’s now just a matter of a few days and they will be here.” Yuki chipped in.
How sweet of her to try to be optimistic. But I wasn’t fooled. What if they didn’t come within the next few days? When would we know that we should stop waiting for them? That they would not come at all? It was these thoughts that my entire being shied away from. To hope for their coming was one thing. To wonder what we would do if they shouldn’t come, was something else entirely. And certainly nothing I was prepared to contemplate now.
“Let’s not talk about this now, please.” I said looking at all of them. “We can play some game. Or, if you are ready, let’s go to bed instead. But, please, let’s not talk about Josh and his friends now.”
They respected my plea and we spend a lovely evening playing a simple board game.
We went to bed early.
But no matter how easy I tried to play this, inside, I felt like a tightly wound up clock. In fact, it felt as if a clock had started to tick away in my brain. Or was it my heart? A count-down of sorts. And what would happen at the end of it? I didn’t dare think about it. But the thought remained with me all the time. And every now and then my heart seemed to miss a beat. It was like with a sensitive, sore wound. The pain was always there and made it impossible to forget. And whenever my thoughts actually hit the question “When will he come? Will he come?” it felt like tearing open that wound. I felt that I would not be able to take this much longer before I’d go crazy…
But for Alice’s sake, as well as Nin’s and Yuki’s I had to try to be as normal as I could. I must. And it seemed to work, at least with Alice. She didn’t look at me like Yuki did, whenever she thought I didn’t see it. Yuki’s loving, caring gaze made me feel even worse, because it made me realize that they knew, Yuki and Nin, how hard it was becoming for me. And that they felt with me. Which made me feel worse. I hated this kind of attention.
I wished I could have gone outside a bit; alone, of course.
But this was out of the question. Nin had decreed that we’d stay inside for at least four days. Which was probably a sensible decision, but not easy on any of us.
On the fourth day we were all dying to get some fresh air. And so we all went out after dark. We remained in the cover of the grove. But we walked over toward the farm house. The sky was clear and the moon and the stars could be seen very clearly. It was wonderful. The air smelled like warmth, like summer.
It was easier to sleep afterwards – After breathing the fresh spring air.
And we had made plans of what we would do the next day.
Wait. Mostly. For Josh and the others. That they would come soon.
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