by Crymsyn Hart
The four leaned over and gave him each a kiss and then backed away to let Kalliope pick him up. He weighed more. “Did they feed you anything?”
“A few peeled grapes. Nothing too extravagant. Ohh baby,” he snuggled against Kalliope’s right breast. “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about.”
She lifted up the frog to eye level. “Look, I don’t care how many women you go after, but stop doing that. It’s very disturbing and not to mention ick!”
“Ribbit. I’m sorry toots, but yar my maker. I’m only at home with ya. I promise to be nice even though ya smell so good. Give me some suga’.” Humphrey closed his eyes and puckered his frog lips. Kalliope could not deal with it any more. She threw the frog toward the door. He opened his eyes and had a startled expression on his face. While he soared through the air, he grew wings, started flapping, and landed perfectly on the ground. That stumped Kalliope. Who ever heard of a frog with wings? Not green leather ones, but white feathered angel wings. Then again, who heard of a womanizing amphibian? Magick was so much fun. Unexpected things just kept happening to her.
She shook her head and accepted her fate. I’m stuck with the stupid frog. Humphrey waited patiently for her. She knelt down and watched the frog’s eyes go wider than half-dollars.
“Okay, Humph. Here’s the deal. You be decent to me. No more wise cracks about any of my body parts, wanting to kiss you, and stop calling me toots, babe, baby, or anything else. If you can do that, I’ll drop you off after I’m done saving the world and you can spend your life in the hands of those four over there. If not, I’ll turn you into frog legs. Deal?”
“Sounds good, toots. I mean, Kalliope.” Humphrey smiled at her, showing his gleaming pearly whites and batted his eyes.
She overlooked the slip. “Great. If you can fly, then let’s go. You’re heavy to tote around. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you weigh as much as a Thanksgiving turkey.”
The frog battered his eyelashes giving her a dumb grin. “Ya lead and I’ll follow ya anywhere.”
Chapter Five
Kalliope exited Mount Olympus through an arched gold gate. When she left, she noticed a goddess sitting on a large stool reading a book. She had it pressed close to her face. Kalliope glimpsed the cover. Poker for Idiot Beings by The Almighty Cheesecake. She couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of a book written by a cheesecake, let alone it being Almighty. It called to mind a conversation she had with Flidais. The ex-goddess had told her cheesecake was indeed a god. Humans had built shrines to it, and partook of its goodness. Kalliope had tried to explain those were restaurants called the Cheesecake Factory. However the goddess had made a good point which didn’t just pertain to the existence of cheesecake as a deity. Thoughts gave form to things. If thought about enough, the things could come alive. Therefore with millions of PMS-cheesecake-craving women indulging in the rich dessert, it had taken shape in the astral realms and become a living, breathing thing that liked to play poker.
Good enough that he had a book out. I’ll have to tell Flidais when I get back. She’ll have a cow. She headed down the curvy road with the flying frog beside her. She walked a ways, feeling the air growing heavier as she descended. For a while, she could barely see in front of her because of the fog. Finally, she was low enough that she saw she was headed into an emerald green valley that stretched for miles. Clumps of trees dotted the landscape here and here. There was large river that wound its way through the valley. The water was not blue or even muddy brown. It was ruby red, the color of blood. A vessel glided on the river. She wondered where the boat was going.
At last, she came to the opening of the valley. The mountain road kept going, but her instincts told her to veer off. She had learned over the past few months to listen to those silent urges because they knew what they were doing. They had saved her more than once when Cromm was after her. Once she stepped foot in ankle high grass, she sneezed. She waited for the flush of lust to overtake her and see if any pebbles had levitated. Nothing had. She sneezed again. Nothing happened.
“Yar sick.” The frog handed her a tissue.
She blew her nose. “Thanks. Where did you get these?”
“I’m here to serve ya. If ya need somethin’ I make it appear.”
“So if I wanted an ice cream sundae you could make that appear?”
Humphrey smiled. There was a fly buzzing around them. The frog’s tongue shot out and grabbed it. “Mmmm. That’s some good fly. As I was sayin’. Only if yar in dire need. I’m an extension of yar magick.”
“And you know all of this, how?”
The frog shrugged. “No idea.”
“Great. You’re a big help, Humph. I’ll ask Morgaine next time I see her. I’m sure there’s some invisible book on the rules of having a familiar. Let’s keep going. Keep those tissues coming.”
They walked for what seemed liked hours until Kalliope came upon a man. From the looks of him, she assumed he was another god. He was tall, lean, and muscular. He had a tan, golden hair, and he wore a short white toga showing off well sculpted legs. Slung across his back was a quiver of arrows. The bow he held was long and curved. The string was taut. He was about to release an arrow. He let the string go. The arrow flew through the air and landed with a thunk in a distant tree. The god took another arrow from the quiver and set it to the string. He pulled the bow back and was about to release it again when—
“Achoo!”
The god’s concentration was broken. The arrow curved off its mark and got lost in brush. He turned. When he did, Kalliope was left dumbfounded. He was perfect. He was handsome, gorgeous, and god she needed sex. Right now! She took a few steps toward the god. Her body was overcome with her lust fever. The god said nothing. He took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. God, he was hot. Her hands twisted around his neck while her tongue met his. Right as she was about to deepen the kiss, a searing pain sizzled against her chest, driving the fever away. Kalliope broke the kiss and backed away. When she did, she realized what she had done.
Oh no! Lugh! What am I going to tell him? What can I tell him? I’ll tell him I was sick and didn’t know what I was doing. Please don’t let him hate me for kissing another guy. I didn’t mean it. I swear, but oh God what a man! No. Bad, very bad! But his lips are perfect and those abs. What a work out I could give him!
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Kalliope didn’t meet his intense blue eyes. “Yes. Fine. Thanks. Sorry. I’m not myself.”
“What? Oh that? Don’t worry about it. Beautiful women always kiss me when they first meet me. You look familiar. Have we met?”
“I don’t think so. Who are you?”
The god stuck out his hand. “I’m Apollo.” Once their hands touched, a spark went through her. The witch sneezed again. She waited for the fevered lust to sneak up on her, but it didn’t. She bit her lip just in case.
“I’m Kalli.”
“I knew I knew you from somewhere. You’re Lugh’s new squeeze. I’m so glad you got rid of that bit—” Apollo threw his arms around her and gave her a big bear hug that almost crushed her.
She returned the hug. The god went limp in her arms. She looked at his back and saw an arrow sticking out of his shoulder. It was embedded pretty deep. He was out cold. Her hands touched the wound. Apollo wasn’t bleeding. Kalliope unwrapped her arms and lay the god down on his stomach.
“I knew you were a whore!” Standing in front of her with the bow in her hand was Nas.
“What did you do?” Kalliope asked.
The color drained from Nas’s face. The bow fell from her hands. “What did I do?” The crazy goddess fell to her knees beside Apollo.
“Nas, you’re an idiot. I’m not cheating on Lugh with Apollo. He was giving me a hug.”
“Yeah and I bet you play tonsil hockey with every adoring sun god you meet!”
“Whatever. Look I don’t have time for you. I have to ‘save the world’. Now I have to get him some help all because of you. Then I have to find D
el wherever she is. Hey, Humph, can you not look at her tits and help me out here?” Kalliope bent over to pick up the god. Nas grabbed the chain around her neck.
“Where did you get this?” the goddess asked, her voice shaking.
“Lugh gave it to me. Do you mind?”
“But he would — couldn’t give that to you. It only means one thing.”
The goddess’s appearance changed. Her hair turned bone white. Black circles appeared under her eyes. Her dress darkened from white to black. Nas let out a wail that sent chills down Kalliope’s back and made her cover her ears. This chick has seriously lost it.
When the goddess looked up again, tears trailed down Nas’s cheeks. “What’s the matter?” A pang of sympathy went through Kalliope. Nas fingered the stone one more time. She wiped her eyes.
“Don’t you understand?”
“Understand what?”
“Lugh gave you a piece of his heart. When a god does that, it—it—means they truly love you. It’s really over. After all these years, Lugh doesn’t love me anymore.” Nas started to sob and cover her face. Where her tears fell, small, white, star shaped flowers sprang up. Humphrey gave Kalliope a tissue. She smiled at the frog who flapped away to give the women some time alone.
“Nas,” she handed the tissue to the goddess and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.” Kalliope didn’t realize how much the goddess had loved Lugh.
The goddess sniffled and accepted the tissue. “Why do you care how I feel? You hate me. I’m not blind. I can tell part of you is afraid of me even though you’re a big bad witch now.”
What Nas said was very true. Part of her did hate the goddess for leaving her locked in a vine prison and making her life a living hell for a few days. And Kalliope was still afraid of what Nas could do to her. Above all that, Kalliope understood how the woman felt. She had experienced it first hand with Quince. Her heart had been broken. She planned on marrying Quince. She even had her dress. He just kept postponing the date. That was almost four years ago.
“You’re right. I’m still afraid of you, but I don’t despise you. A strong dislike, maybe. But I don’t hate you. I still think you might try to turn me into a bush again, but that’s beside the point. Look, Nas, I know you love Lugh and he rejected you in front of the other gods. I know how you feel. I walked in on my ex while he was having sex with another woman. It broke my heart. I didn’t think I could love anyone again. I went on dates because my friends set me up. I don’t know the whole scoop about how far back you go, but I know you cared for Lugh.”
The goddess sniffled again. Her gaze met Kalliope’s. Power washed over her, but she didn’t break the gaze. She thought if she did, Nas would figure she was lying to make her feel better. So, she rode the wave of power until she sneezed again. The goddess smiled sadly. There seemed to be an air of acceptance about her now. Maybe they were coming to a truce.
“Thank you. The other creatures you’ve encountered all said you were noble. They were right. I’m happy for Lugh and you. It sucks for me, but oh well―there are more gods out there. I’ve known a few who wanted to hook up.”
“So, no more trying to turn me into a thorn bush or shooting me with arrows?” Kalli asked.
Nas shook her head. “Truce. I’ll even help you out with getting the Furies. They’re such bitches. It’s kinda my fault you’re in this position as it is.”
If she had not imprisoned Kalliope, then she would never have eaten the three apples and stood up for Flidais. By standing up for Flidais, she had made a deal with Dagda not to make the goddess human. Now she was here. Not all of it was bad. Kalliope had fallen in love again. The sex was amazing, mind blowing, orgasmic. She grinned when she thought about Lugh. Always naked. He was hers. Her mind drifted to his rigid manhood. How soft it was. How much she wanted to wrap her mouth around it. The way he smelled of fresh pine. When he touched her, everywhere lit up. She needed him. She needed him now. Her eyes darted to the unconscious god on the ground. He was available. Maybe unconscious, but he wouldn’t mind. His lips had felt great. She could tell he knew how to use them. It wouldn’t be taking advantage if she turned him over and—
“Universe to, Kalliope. Did you hear what I said?” Nas asked.
Her thoughts turned back to normal. Humphrey hovered with the arrows in his webbed feet. His eyes were glued to Nas’s chest. Kalliope groaned. How she conjured him up, she had no idea. Slowly, he flapped behind the goddess and rose in the air, keeping his eyes glued to Nas’s cleavage.
“Those are luscious. Ya got a great rack.” The familiar ogled the goddess.
“Thank you. Kalliope, you are sick.”
She shivered and feverish heat overtook her. I can’t believe I wanted to take advantage of Apollo, especially when he’s out cold. Oh God, I have to get him to Morgaine, save the world, and then take more cold medicine. “Yeah, I have a cold. Every time I sneezed at home, things started levitating. Then all I want to do is have sex with the first man I see.”
Nas couldn’t help but giggle.
“Yeah, it’s pretty bad. Poor Lugh. I think I wore him out. Oh sorry. I’m sure you didn’t want to hear that.”
Nas was silent. “No. It’s okay. I mean it hurts and all, but I can accept that now. I know you won’t hurt him. If you do, well, I’ll just turn you into a cactus.” Nas grinned.
Kalliope returned it with a weak smile. “So, do you know where I can find this Del chick Zeus was talking about? Hey, Humph, can you get the rest of the arrows and the bow, too?”
A thin line of drool hung from the corner of his mouth. The frog blinked out of his daze and then nodded, flying off.
“Kalliope, Delphi owns a bar. You have to go there because she’s the Delphic Oracle. Don’t you know Greek Mythology? Even I know that. What a witch you make!”
Kalliope bent over Apollo and grabbed his arms. “I can’t help it if I’m not good with mythology. I get what I need for circles and that’s it. Before I ever met you all, I was a crafty pagan who did spells when I needed to. I looked up information on whatever pantheon I was going to summon to watch over the circle. Fine. Del owns a bar and is the famed Delphic Oracle. Now help me with Apollo.”
Nas picked up the god’s feet, lifting him as if he were nothing. The two enemies, now uneasy friends or maybe just acquaintances, Kalliope hadn’t made up her mind, said nothing to one another while they carried him to a tree. Kalliope sneezed again. The tree shook and its leaves fell.
“Where are you taking him?” Nas asked.
Kalliope didn’t answer. Part of her was amazed Nas was helping her. Just a few minutes ago, she had tried to shoot her with an arrow. Another part of her was freaking out because Lugh’s friend had been shot by his crazy ex. She had no idea what she was going to do with the god. She didn’t know if the arrow had killed him. There was no blood. And she was not about to pull the arrow out. She didn’t want to hurt him further. Then again, she didn’t want to see what he would try to turn her into when he opened his eyes and realized he had been shot with one of his own arrows.
Morgaine is the only one that can help. She’ll know what to do. I’m sure she’ll be surprised that I killed Apollo.
With that thought in mind, Kalliope placed her hand on the tree and pictured Morgaine’s apartment. There were tons of plants and her black cat that hated Kalliope. A small breakfast bar adorned with oranges whenever Kalliope went over there and walls plastered with rock posters. Power surged through her and into the tree. Trees made good doorways. That was how she had escaped Cromm when he was coming after her. She had her back against a tree and wanted to get away. She fell back into the tree landing at Stonehenge where she had first met Morgaine.
The tree bark softened underneath her palm. The brown bark shimmered. This was a true show of her power. Yeah, she could pull a penis shaped orange out of thin air and create a magickal frog that sprouted wings, but seeing the power acting the way it did always astounded her. She picked up the unconscious god again and started t
o bring him through the tree. She was halfway through when Nas halted.
“You coming?”
“I’m not welcome in Avalon.” Her voice seemed sad.
Kalliope sighed. “Why?”
“When Dagda banned me from the gods he also included Morgaine and anywhere she inhabits. I think he’s afraid I’d go after her. Morgaine and Lugh used to have a thing.”
“Figures. The man I get involved with had hundreds of girlfriends and two other wives before he deiced to fall in love with me. Only I would get stuck with the baggage. Okay. I’ll get Apollo through, but can you go to Del and find out whatever you can about the Furies?”
“Nope. Can’t do that either. She only speaks to mortals.”
“Can you at least find out anything on the Furies? How they escaped? If they have any weaknesses? Anything would be a great help.”
The goddess nodded. “I can do that. When I find out, can I come find you?”
“Sure. Why not? No matter what I’m doing, come and let me know.” Kalliope dragged the god through the tree the rest of the way. Right when his feet were through the bark, Humphrey flew in with the arrows and the bow.
“Will do.” Nas called while the tree sealed itself. When she arrived on the other side, she stood in Morgaine’s living room. Everything was silent. The only thing running was the trickling fountain buried underneath the plants. Kalliope waited for the cat to come out and attack her, but it didn’t. She looked around and assessed her situation. She was in a normal apartment in her world, with a turkey-sized flying frog that had white feathery wings, and a tan Adonis with an arrow sticking out of his back, and she was dressed to go to a Halloween party. The reality of the situation was rather comical. Before any of this happened she would have thought she was dreaming.
Morgaine must have been in Avalon. Kalliope looked at the unconscious god. She felt another hot flash coming upon her. She decided one minute with him on the floor was not going to kill him considering he might already be dead. Before the wanton lust overtook her, a sneeze got her instead. All the furniture and the plants rose in the air. When the plants lifted, she heard some rustling. A black blur flew by her and landed on Humphrey. It was Snowball.