She got as far as the part describing the rape before her stomach lurched. She made a mad dash for the bathroom and hurled what was left of her dinner into the toilet.
Her heart broke for the woman who had been Bryce’s first wife. Who was Hailey’s mother.
After rinsing her mouth, she went back to finish reading the letter. She’d come this far, she needed to know the whole story. She skipped to the part where Jillian described the events of that night.
I know you’re wondering why I didn’t go to the police. But I think you already know the answer to that question. No one would believe me. I went to the hotel room of a famous professional athlete. I’d been seen at a bar well-known as a place to hook up with jocks. I’d been seen leaving that same bar with you less than two weeks before. Not to mention the clothes I wore that night could be considered slutty.
Rachel felt sorry for the woman, and angry at the way the world worked.
I tried to put the whole incident out of my mind. A two-day hangover went a long way toward convincing myself that it had just been a nightmare, brought on by too much alcohol and possibly drugs slipped into my drink. But just when I’d convinced myself that it hadn’t really happened, I missed my period. Two more weeks of denial, a desperate plea with God, and finally a shoplifted pregnancy test convinced me that the nightmare was real.
Then I saw you on TV. You stepped up to the plate like you were meant for greatness. There was something about you that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but I suddenly felt a sense of peace. Like you would somehow save the day.
There was a small part of me that hoped you would simply offer to pay for an abortion. But deep down, I knew you would step up and you did. I never expected you to propose, but I couldn’t say no. Not when you offered hope, not only for me, but for my child.
I know you think I did it for your money. Even though you didn’t have a lot when we were first married, it was clear that you would be the star you’ve become. But that wasn’t the reason I went along with the wedding. I knew you’d be a great dad. And you were. From the moment Hailey was born, you were all in. And it scared me. I was afraid you’d love her more than you could ever love me, even though I knew deep down you’d never love me. So I pushed you away. I made you feel like you weren’t needed for anything more than your bank account.
For that I am truly sorry.
I wish I could have done so many things differently. But since I can’t change the past, I can only hope that you haven’t changed your mind about being Hailey’s dad, even though you are not her biological father. She’s such a sweet and loving child, and she absolutely worships you. My therapist says I should someday tell her the truth about her conception, but I disagree. If she only knows you as her father, she’ll be better off.
Rachel folded up the letter. So many emotions poured through her. Hailey wasn’t Bryce’s biological daughter. He knew she wasn’t his, and he’d still brought her home when she needed him.
But he’d had no idea the facts behind Hailey’s birth. He’d found his ex-wife in crisis and he’d done the only thing he could do—protected his daughter.
Now he’d been told the ugly truth. And he’d run, literally, out the door.
After what felt like hours, but had been only thirty minutes, Bryce returned. He was sweaty and flushed, looking like a man who’d just been through hell and survived.
“Oh Bryce, I’m so sorry.” She couldn’t help herself; she pulled him into her arms. “I read the letter. I was worried about you.”
He held on as if she were an anchor in a storm.
“Are you okay?” She leaned against his chest, feeling his heart rate steady with each breath. “I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.”
“I was going to tell you.” He relaxed against her. “I just needed to clear my head a little first.”
“Of course.” This wasn’t the time to get pouty about him shutting her out. Or to worry about how she measured up to his first wife. Her insecurities were so trivial in comparison that she felt foolish for even feeling an ounce of doubt. “Just tell me what you need.”
“I don’t know right now.” He pulled away. The anguish in his eyes was devastating.
“It wasn’t your money she was after.” Somehow reading the letter made Rachel feel like she knew the woman a little better. “It was your heart she wanted.”
“She didn’t love me. And she knew I didn’t love her.” He sounded like a man so full of regret that her heart ached for him. Even more than when she’d first read the letter.
“No. But she knew you’d love Hailey.” Her hands instinctively moved over her own womb. “She knew you’d be a good father.”
“But I wasn’t. I wasn’t there for the first nine years of Hailey’s life.” He raked his hands through his hair.
“You’re here for her now. When she needs you the most.”
Bryce sank against the sofa.
“If I’d only known. I could have…” He heaved a great sigh.
“Would it have saved your marriage?” Rachel’s heart lodged in her throat.
“No.” He sounded weary. “But, I could have been kinder. Maybe more understanding.”
Bryce leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I guess just try to be as supportive as possible.” Rachel couldn’t believe she was encouraging her husband to be there for his ex-wife.
“No. I mean, I don’t know what to do about Hailey. I was going to file for permanent custody.” He lifted his head; the anguish in his eyes was heartbreaking. “I can’t take the chance that Jillian will relapse, but if I take Hailey away from her I can almost guarantee that she will.”
Chapter 31
For the next two days, Rachel stood by while Bryce struggled with the knowledge that Hailey had been conceived during a rape. And ten years later, his ex-wife was still traumatized by it. The reports of Bryce being involved in a sexual assault, even though false, must have brought back horrible memories for her.
If only he would talk to her. But he kept his feelings well-guarded. What else was new? Besides his complete and utter devotion to his daughter. He’d taken on a whole new role as an all-star father. And this time, instead of spoiling her with things, he was giving her what she needed most. Time. Attention.
Rachel was torn herself. On the one hand, she was proud of how Bryce had stepped up as a father. She was encouraged for his future relationship with their child. But she wished he had more time for her.
Patience. He had to get through this crisis with his first family. The child came first. And if he was serious about pursuing custody, the devotion he showed her would go a long way.
He hadn’t asked Rachel to stand by him, but he’d been noticeably relieved when she’d asked him to put her suitcases away for her.
She wasn’t going anywhere and they still had a few months before the baby came. Would the baby’s big sister be living with them? They would definitely need a bigger place.
The house she’d looked at when she thought Bryce had been partying in Pittsburgh came into her mind. She wondered if it had come on the market yet. Even if it hadn’t, she needed to step up the house hunting. Bryce was too busy with Hailey to do the preliminary research. And if she could find the perfect house for them, it would show him that she was ready to commit to this family.
Rachel texted her real estate agent explaining that some family things had come up, but she was ready to view properties in earnest.
* * * *
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us to the Exploratorium?” Bryce had to admit he was disappointed. They were starting to feel like a family. Him, Hailey, and Rachel. Soon there would be a baby, and more than anything, he wanted for them to come together as a team.
“I would love to, but I’m not feeling great. I think I need to save my energy for work tonight.” Rachel gave him an apologetic smile.
“I thought you were past the mornin
g sickness.”
“I thought so, too. Now I’m just tired.” She rubbed her lower back, and if Hailey hadn’t been standing right next to them, he would have offered to give Rachel a massage. A full body massage. But he supposed the last thing she needed right now was to get naked.
God, he missed sex. He missed the taste of Rachel’s skin. The feel of her hands on him. And those little noises she made when she climaxed. Well, the noises weren’t always little, which was one of the main reasons he hadn’t made an effort to seduce her. The apartment was too small.
Rachel probably wasn’t feeling up to rounding the bases with him anyway. If she was too tired to spend the morning exploring the science museum, she probably wouldn’t have the energy for a marathon lovemaking session.
“Well, get some rest.” He kissed her on the cheek and it was enough to get his blood pumping. Not good when he couldn’t do anything about it.
“I will.” She had that pregnancy glow thing he’d heard about. “You two have fun.”
Rachel ruffled Hailey’s hair, bringing a big grin from his daughter.
“I hope you feel better.” Hailey smoothed her hair down, but she was still smiling.
“Thanks. You keep your dad out of trouble, okay?”
Hailey giggled and grabbed his hand as they headed out the door. “Do you think she’s really tired, or do you think maybe she’s tired of me?”
“Oh honey, I know Rachel adores you.” Bryce pulled his little girl into a reassuring hug. “It’s hard work making a baby.”
That didn’t quite come out right.
“I mean, it’s hard work growing a baby inside her body.” Bryce took Hailey’s hand and led her to the elevator. “Think about it, the baby is growing a heart, lungs, a brain. And arms and legs and a cute little nose.”
He tweaked her nose, eliciting a smile and a slight eye roll.
“Was my mom tired a lot when she was pregnant with me?”
“Yeah. She was pretty sick the first few months, too.” Not to mention she’d survived a rape. She may have had some PTSD, as well. So many things about his marriage now made sense. Jillian hadn’t hated him; she’d been hurting. Hurting in a way he hadn’t been equipped to handle.
“Why do babies make their moms sick?”
“I don’t know.” He wished he had a better answer. “I guess that’s just the way it works.”
“Sometimes babies even make their moms sad. Like really sad.”
Had Jillian made Hailey feel responsible for her problems? Anger flared, but he was able to keep it under control.
“Honey, it’s not your fault your mom is sick.”
She shrugged, as if she didn’t quite believe him.
“Hailey, look at me.” He turned her around to face him and placed his hands squarely on her shoulders. “Your mother loves you very much. And so do I.”
Tears filled her eyes and she nodded before wrapping her arms around him in a death grip.
“Hailey, I love you and I’m going to make sure everything will be all right.”
Somehow he would have to make good on his promise.
* * * *
“I’m so glad you contacted me.” Catherine Beck greeted Rachel when she arrived at her office. “That house you were interested in just came on the market this morning. You’ll be the first to see it.”
“Great.” Rachel was nervous. What if Bryce didn’t love it as much as she did? And how did she negotiate price? The whole world knew what Bryce’s current salary was, but they wouldn’t think about how it wouldn’t last forever. “I look forward to seeing the inside.”
“The kitchen was recently remodeled in the main house.” Catherine’s enthusiasm was contagious. She chattered on about the home’s features as they drove to the house. “But the pool house could use some updating. Everything is functional, but it’s a little 1990s with the whitewashed oak cabinets and ivy wallpaper borders.”
“There’s a pool house? With a full kitchen?”
“Yes. It also has two bedrooms and one bathroom.”
An idea formed in her mind. But it was crazy. Just not done.
“So let’s take a look at the main house, shall we?” Catherine retrieved the key from the lock box and opened the door.
From the moment she stepped inside, Rachel knew she was home. The view was incredible from the large open living space. An open floorplan flowed from the kitchen into the dining room and out onto the deck. It was a park-like setting, the built-in pool had the feel of a mountain spring with rock outcroppings built around the edges and forming a small waterslide.
Beyond the pool was a pool house. The main structure was built in 1963, reminiscent of a Frank Lloyd Wright style. The pool house appeared to be a more recent addition. It was on the other side of the full acre property, tucked into the trees so that it almost felt like a completely separate home.
What if?
Bryce needed to be in Hailey’s life. Sending her back to Pittsburgh would devastate him. But since she wasn’t his biological child, getting full custody would be difficult, especially if Jillian chose to fight him.
Jillian would be getting out of rehab in a few weeks. Maybe she would need a change of scenery. Maybe she would be willing to come to California. She would need a place to stay. A place close to her daughter, but not exactly under the same roof as her ex-husband.
It would be a temporary solution until the courts or Bryce and his ex could sort things out.
“Let’s take a look at the master bedroom, shall we?” Catherine pulled Rachel out of her head. “It’s got a good-sized closet for a home of this age.”
Rachel followed down the hall, but she’d already been sold on the property. The view, the landscaping, and the pool house were enough to make her fall in love. But it was the overall feel of the home. It was open, spacious, yet very private. A place where she and Bryce could get away from it all and cozy up with their family. So the fact that she was picturing an extra member of the family—a woman she’d never even met—wasn’t weird at all.
Chapter 32
Bryce was one of the last ones in the clubhouse after a tough loss. Hopefully it wouldn’t stretch into a June swoon. There was a lot of season left to play, he knew that, but tonight he felt like he usually felt in August. Dog tired. Sore. And there was still a month until the All-Star break. He’d like to blame his fatigue on the extended postseason.
That wasn’t the problem. For the first time, he’d let his personal life interfere with his career. Hell, he’d missed a game, and he’d had to work a lot harder at staying focused since then. He managed most nights. Muscle memory, training, and the fact that he’d been playing baseball longer than he’d done anything else in his life except eat had kept him from losing all his focus.
But keeping his head in the game was getting harder and harder with each passing day. He’d been in contact with his lawyer, and he knew he had a better shot at hitting over .400 for the season than he did of gaining full custody of Hailey without a fight.
And if Jillian chose to fight him, it could get real ugly. Especially considering that up until recently, his only parental contributions had been financial.
He was worried about what a lengthy court battle would do to Hailey. She was just starting to open up to him about how worried she was about her mom. She was like him in some ways, even if not genetically. She didn’t like to talk about her problems. She preferred to act like everything was just fine and as long as she kept a smile on her face and a bounce in her step, no one would know she was hurting. Her sweet and docile behavior worried him more than if she’d been a brat. If she’d complained about having to leave school two weeks before the end of the year and miss out on all the fun activities. If she’d whined about having to leave her home and her things behind. If she’d shown any of that preteen angst, he’d feel a lot better. He’d feel like he was a real dad.
A real dad. What did that even mean? Was it about genetics? A legal definition? According to his lawyer, remov
ing his name from the birth certificate would require more than just his ex-wife’s assertion that someone else might be the father. Might.
There was still the possibility that Jillian was trying to hurt him, that her pain was too great to withstand his happiness.
But the letter. It seemed genuine. So full of anguish. He believed she’d been raped—his teeth ground together at the thought—but maybe after ten years, she could be confused about the timing.
The timing of this crisis couldn’t be any worse.
He was married. For now. He woke up some nights drenched in sweat, the image of Rachel’s packed bags and the look of betrayal in her eyes haunting his dreams.
What would a court battle do to her? How could he protect her and their baby from Jillian’s pain and the shitstorm that came with it?
Rachel wasn’t in the clubhouse. After a loss, she usually didn’t do a post-game interview. It was late, so Kaitlyn would have taken Hailey back to the apartment so she could go to bed at a reasonable hour. Maybe Rachel had gone home with them.
Or maybe she’d been waiting for him in the parking lot.
He made his way out to the nearly empty players’ lot. Her Range Rover stood under one of the bright lights and Bryce had a flashback to that day back in April. When she’d puked all over his Corvette. He’d thought he had problems then. Oh, the contract was intimidating. He wasn’t hitting. One-night stands hadn’t satisfied him.
He’d been a World Series champion and a world class idiot.
“Hey, Bryce.” Rachel stepped forward and took his breath away.
“Rachel.” Somehow she was standing there before him. A lesser woman would have run a long time ago. The rumors, allegations, and pictures circulating the Internet would have been enough to send her packing. Throw in a crazy ex-wife—in all fairness she was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder—and it was a wonder that she hadn’t thrown those packed bags out the window and followed right behind.
“Rough night, huh?” Her voice was like a healing balm. His muscles felt looser, his head clearer.
Earning a Ring (More Than a Game Series Book 4) Page 27