When William hung up from leaving the message on the voice mail for Aujanae, there was an overwhelming urge in his soul to contact April. Why continue to keep depriving myself of all pleasure simply because I cannot get anything but hurt and pain from my wife? he thought.
“Hello, April. Wow. I really missed you, lady.” William spoke as if he was literally intoxicated.
“I can tell,” she replied with more control than she actually felt.
April still loved William, but after being hurt by him so deeply, she decided she would play her hand close to the vest. Unless he was calling to say he finally decided to leave Aujanae and be with her forever, she would keep him at least an arm’s length from her true feelings from now on. Besides, she had no idea how he would react once she told him her news.
“How have you been?”
“I have been okay. How about you, William? How have you been?” April replied, still in control.
“April, I have never been anything but honest with you, so I honestly have to tell you that I have had it rough for the past seven days. I have been missing you, and . . .” William hesitated, not sure if he should tell April about him and Aujanae separating. He then decided to just go for it. “Somehow, April, Aujanae figured out that you and I were having an affair. She asked me to leave.”
“What! How? Wha—William, when did this happen?” April was stunned and totally unprepared for what William said to her.
“Ironically, it happened the same day you and I fell out. When I got home, Aujanae was not there. When she finally did come in, she told me she knew that I had spent Sunday and Monday morning with you.”
April had a string of mixed emotions running through her soul, and surprising to her, guilt was the one taking center stage. It had never truly been her intention to hurt William’s wife. She knew the woman must have been devastated to discover the truth, however that happened. April actually felt sorry for what Aujanae must have endured, must still be enduring.
She also felt fear that Aujanae may somehow retaliate, especially in light of the news April had yet to share. She quickly pictured William’s wife standing in the pulpit at church on a Sunday morning, telling everyone about her and William’s affair and how the two of them managed to infect her with an STD that could prove to be deadly.
She also felt a little excitement at the possibility that now she and William could possibly be together forever. That was probably the reason for his phone call, she thought with a half-smile—a smile that disappeared quickly when the reality of today’s doctor’s visit came back to her remembrance. April continued grilling William in hopes of pushing that thought down, at least for the moment.
“William, what happened? How did she find out?”
“Long story short, my alibis blew up in my face. She found out I was not with my cousin last Sunday because he was out with Aujanae’s girlfriend. She then went to call me at work on Monday to speak to me concerning what she learned regarding Sunday, and she discovered I was not at work. She figured out it was you by woman’s intuition and your Sunday seating arrangements. She asked me questions to fill in the blanks. She now knows everything.”
“Oh, wow. That is terrible, William. Had you planned on telling her, or were you just going to walk away from me and resume life as normal with her?” April’s question was sincere.
“My plan was to handle things without having to say a word. I guess my plans meant nothing because God had other plans.” William’s response was regretful.
The sorrow in the pit of April’s stomach came crawling back with a vengeance. William was not the first married man she had been involved with. He was also not the first one who had been caught by his wife. This was the first time, however, that she ever experienced any disappointment over the wife’s hurt feelings. She attributed it to this being the first time she had ever had any real feelings for the woman’s husband. Or maybe it was because God had truly started to deal with her since she had been going to church on a regular basis.
“So what are your plans now, William?” April asked evenly. There was no hope or disappointment in her tone. She was simply curious.
“Do you mean immediately, like right now? Or are you talking about my plans for the future of my life? My answer to the latter question is I have no real idea, but for an answer to the first question, I would like to see you. Right now.”
Under normal circumstances, April would have been thrilled to see him and thrilled that he wanted to see her, but right now she held so much guilt. She did not know if she would be comfortable being with him and dealing with all the guilt. There was guilt over what they did to Aujanae, guilt over what she still had to share with William about her STD, and guilt over how that would again cause Aujanae more hurt.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, William. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. I am dealing with a lot of my own stuff right now, part of it being the pain of our breakup. I don’t know if I can handle having a wound that is still so raw reopened again when you walk out and leave me tonight.” April was proud of herself for her resistance.
“What if I don’t leave you tonight, April? What if I stay all night? It’s not as if I have to rush home to my wife or anything. I can spend the entire evening holding you. I can get up in the morning, have breakfast with you, and we can leave for work together.”
In the fourteen months they had been together, the two of them had never spent the entire night together. April could not resist the thought of laying her head on William’s chest, with his strong arms protectively cradling her as they slept. She felt a twinge of jealousy as she realized he only wanted to stay with her all night because his wife had rejected him, but it only lasted a second. All of the guilt and shame seemed to melt away instantly as well.
“I will see you when you get off work,” April replied softly, longingly.
David had talked with Toriyana at least four times in the past seven days, but had yet to tell her about the time he spent with Katrina. Each time, after hanging up from their conversation, he vowed to himself that he would be honest with her the next time. Each time he began the next conversation, he was sure he would tell her before they were done talking. Each time, the phone calls ended without a confession.
As he activated the Bluetooth in his car on his drive home from work, he determined that he would tell Toriyana the truth this time.
David had had lunch with his cousin William that day. William told him all about his marriage being over because he cheated on his wife. He even expressed how the other woman had been devastated when he would not leave Aujanae to be with her. William told him how the guilt of what he had done to both women was eating at his soul.
David still did not consider his budding friendship and growing attraction to Katrina to be as bad as what William did, because he and Toriyana were not married, but he had to admit to himself that there was definitely some guilt on his part. If there were not, he would not be having such a hard time being honest with Toriyana about spending time with Katrina.
David and Katrina had seen each other twice in the last seven days, with plans to hook up again for a quick bite to eat before choir rehearsal this week. David thoroughly enjoyed Katrina’s company. Each time they were together, his attraction to her grew. Yet his growing attraction to Katrina did not in any way diminish the love stored in his heart for Toriyana.
“Call Tori,” David said to his voice-activated service in his car.
After three rings she answered. “Hey, David.”
“Hi, baby. I pray all is well with you.”
“Other than me missing you, all is well,” Toriyana said through her yawn.
David still had a hard time always remembering the time difference between Arizona and Detroit, for the most part. When he wanted to avoid talking to her, he usually had no problem using the time difference as an excuse. As he looked at the clock on his dash, he realized it had to be nearly 9:00 P.M. in Toriyana’s world.
“I’m sor
ry, baby. I forgot about the time difference again. You are probably on your way to bed.”
“It’s no problem, sweetie. I was actually catching up on some reading. I was just finishing up a great book I have been trying to complete titled, The List, by Dr. Sherri Lewis.”
“Dr. Lewis? Is it fiction or non-fiction?” David knew that Toriyana usually only read for pleasure.
“It’s fiction. Dr. Lewis is a licensed medical doctor. Now she writes great novels. This is one of her older ones, but I haven’t had a chance to finish it until now.”
“Oh. Cool. How was your day at work?” David asked.
Their conversation was on its very familiar path of simple small talk, keeping each other abreast of the minute details of each other’s lives. David kept it this way intentionally, hoping not to alarm Toriyana with the unsettled nature of his spirit about what he really needed to talk to her about.
“Work was interesting, as always.” Toriyana said with the same exuberance about her job that she always had.
Toriyana worked as a paralegal in the district attorney’s office. She was so great at her job that she was actually assigned to the D.A. himself. Her job always held so much excitement and gave her an opportunity to get an up close and personal look at some of the most interesting crimes and accused criminals in Detroit. Toriyana knew she could probably make a lot more money doing what she did for an attorney in a high-powered law firm, but the thrill of doing what she did kept her right where she was. The only thing that would make her walk away from her current position would be a proposal of marriage from the man she loved, which would mean an automatic move to Phoenix, Arizona, to be with her husband.
“And how was your day?” Toriyana asked as they continued their habitual banter.
Toriyana’s question brought to David’s mind the conversation he had with William at lunch, which immediately brought to mind what he knew he had to do. He would not share the personal business of his cousin with Toriyana, but he used it as motivation to propel him forward in his task.
“My day was interesting as well, love,” David said dejectedly as he blew out a strained breath.
“Interesting how? You sound as if it was about as interesting as a prostate exam.” Toriyana chuckled at her humor.
As strange as it felt thinking this way, David almost hated to hear the mirth in her voice. It made it that much harder to have to tell her something that he knew she would not find funny at all.
“Listen, Tori, there is something I need to tell you, something I know you are not going to be pleased to hear. Toriyana . . .”
Toriyana immediately tensed up. The only time she could remember David calling her by her full name was when he took her to dinner to tell her about his decision to move to Phoenix for work. The only thing he could possibly tell her at this point that would be so serious was that he was breaking up with her. She sat up straight in her bed where she had been leisurely reading and relaxing, and braced herself for the information.
“Tori, the last thing in this world I ever want to do is hurt you. I love you. I love you very much.” David’s heart actualized the depth of that truth as he said it, making it even harder to go through with his confession.
Toriyana surely appreciated hearing that right now, because she too loved David very much, but she knew there had to be some heart-shattering news that accompanied the endearment. She silently waited for it. Tears had actually begun to fall from her eyes as she anticipated hearing David end their relationship.
“It is because of my love for you that I have to be completely honest with you.” David released another choppy breath then continued. “Tori, I have . . . um . . . gone on . . . um . . . a couple of . . . of dates with a female here in Phoenix.” He rushed through the final part of his statement and ended it there.
Oh my gosh! It’s worse than I believed. Not only was he breaking up with her, he had already found her replacement, Toriyana thought.
David pulled his car into the driveway of his house and hit the button for the garage door to open. He then pulled the car in, but did not get out. He sat in the car with the car running and left the garage door open, because he did not know when he would actually have the strength to get out of the car. He did not want to inadvertently die of carbon monoxide poisoning.
After several seconds of silence, David eventually heard Toriyana crying. At that moment, the thought of carbon monoxide poisoning did not sound like such a bad idea after all. He had no clue what he was supposed to say to her right then.
“So let me make sure I understand this, David. You . . . you started seeing another woman and you called me, sounding all normal in the beginning, only to set me up and tell me you want to break up with me. Is that about right?” Toriyana forced her words out past her pain. She then blew her nose loudly into her phone receiver.
“No. No, Tori. I was not calling to break up with you. I don’t want to break up with you,” David said eagerly. “I . . . I just wanted to tell you the truth. I . . . I did not want to be dating someone else behind your back.”
Toriyana snatched the phone away from her ear so quickly it nearly flew from her hand and across her bedroom. She righted her fumble and instead stared at the phone like it had turned into some foreign object.
“What do you mean, David? How can you not want to break up? You are already seeing another woman, going on dates and shi—stuff.” Toriyana was normally not a curser, but that little obscenity nearly got away from her. “Why are you telling me this if you are not breaking up with me?” Toriyana’s sadness had not dissipated, but she spoke from the anger that had now joined it.
David struggled to find the right words to explain what he wanted to say to Toriyana. He decided to just start talking, and hopefully it would all just make some sort of sense when he was done.
“Tori, when we talked last week and you told me you were not going to be able to come for our planned visit, I was upset. I had been missing you so very much. I still do. After we hung up, I started to doubt whether or not our relationship could survive the distance between us.” David got stuck there for a moment and became quiet.
“So because you missed me so much, you decided to go out and find yourself a temporary replacement for me right there in Phoenix. Distance problem solved, right?” Toriyana asked mockingly.
David actually had to admit to himself that there was a little truth in Toriyana’s sarcastic statement, but he did not want to put it quite so crudely.
“No. I was not trying to replace you, baby, but I was lonely and frustrated, so I convinced myself that it was not such a bad idea to hang out with someone here.” David was not sure if what he said was any better after he said it.
“And how did you convince yourself of that?” Toriyana had raised her voice a bit. Anger seemed to be the prevailing emotion now.
David tried thinking of a clever way to tell her without bringing up the fact that they were not married. He knew that if Toriyana had her way, they would be married, or at the very least engaged. Nothing at all came to mind, however.
“Tori, I just thought . . . I thought . . . I mean, technically we are both two single people. So . . . so there is no harm in a single person dating more than one person.” David again rushed the final part of his statement. For him it was like snatching a Band-Aid off quickly to help lessen the pain.
For Toriyana, it did lessen the pain, but it fueled her fury. “What! Single? What do you mean we are both single? David, I thought we were in a committed, monogamous relationship. Last time I checked, which was earlier today, both of our Facebook pages said In a Relationship. When did you change our status to single?”
Even with the air conditioning in his car going at full blast, David had begun to sweat. He knew Toriyana would be upset, angry even, but he still believed in what he was saying, at least halfheartedly. David then thought of an ally to help foster his cause.
“Tori, Facebook is not the Bible. God does not recognize our relationship as monogamous.
There are no instances in the Bible of exclusive relationships, other than those of married or engaged couples.” Oops. He had slipped and said what he was trying to avoid saying.
Toriyana could not believe what she was hearing on her cell phone. She was so stunned she was not even sure if it was David Mathis, the man she loved, that she was talking to.
“So let me get this all straight, Mr. Mathis. You are now seeing another woman because you decided to move to Phoenix and, for lack of a better phrase, disrupt our relationship so much so that you obviously don’t even consider it a relationship anymore. And because you are single, it gives you the prerogative to relieve your loneliness with some hoochie in the same area code, even though you know good and darn well that I wanted to get married and would have happily joined you in Phoenix as your wife, but only as your wife. Do I have it all correct, single man?”
Toriyana’s tears were a mixture of pain and rage, confusion and resentment, sorrow and regret. She regretted that she hated and loved him at the same time. She wanted to scream, but she was afraid that once she started she would not be able to stop.
David sat on the other end of the phone with his heart in his throat. He felt terrible for making Toriyana feel like this and helpless to do anything about it right now.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Tori. Your statement was completely true. The only thing you left out was the fact that I love you. I really love you. I know that probably makes no sense to you at this moment, but the way I feel about you has not changed.”
“Really? Really? Who is she, David? While you are being so honest, tell me the whole truth. Who is she?”
Toriyana’s question caught David completely by surprise. David had introduced Toriyana to Katrina on her last visit. He was sure she would remember her. Even with all the hurt and trauma he had caused, he still felt a little gratification in the fact that he had been completely honest with Toriyana thus far. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now.
“Tori, baby, that is really not important,” he said unstably.
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