His body reacted to his thoughts and he felt himself grow hard. Shifting his place on the sofa, Jake shook his head to rid himself of the image invading his mind. But it remained.
He stole a quick glance at her, knowing he shouldn't. Knowing he'd see the unspoken words he heard in her voice.
“No, I don't,” he whispered. “I don't know anything about you, Cassie.”
She smiled sweetly as her fingers kept working magic, gently kneading the knots in his shoulders. It was like a slice of heaven.
“You know I write crime novels. In fact, you had a field day teasing me about it the other night. You know about my life, my family. You've seen my apartment, my editor's hideaway. You've even seen me in my pajamas. I'd say you know more about me than most of the men I've been involved with over the years.”
“Have there been many?”
“Not enough to be even remotely scandalous,” she said with a light chuckle. “But we aren't going to talk about me anymore. I want to know about you, Jake Santos.”
He closed his eyes again and tried to concentrate on what Cassie was doing to him, to let the tension gripping him ease. In the end, it was futile. Instead of relaxing, her gentle ministration wound him tighter and tighter into knots. Hell, having her in the same damned room as him was enough to give him a full blown heart attack!
“I've been on the police force for nearly—”
“Oh, no you don't. I don't want a resume.”
She stopped kneading his shoulders and moved in front of him, kneeling down on the floor at an intimately close range.
“I want to know what's in here,” she said, gently pointing her finger to the center of his chest. “Starting when you were a child and going all the way up to what you had for lunch the day we met at Rory's.”
His lips tugged into a wry grin. “This could take a long time.”
Tilting her head to one side, she gave him an irresistibly sweet smile, but it never reached her eyes. “I don't think we're lacking for time. Not here anyway.”
Jake straightened himself on the sofa, moving over to the end. Reaching over, he tapped his hand on the seat at the opposite side. Cassie obliged by sitting where he’d indicated. The wide gap between them made it easier for Jake to think.
“I already told you I grew up in West Orange. I'm the youngest of six kids and the only boy.”
She held up her hands in a time out signal to halt him. “Whoa! Five sisters? Five? And you're the baby?”
He couldn't help but laugh, thinking about his childhood. He was always trying to get away with something or another until one of his sisters bagged him. They'd called it the sister patrol. He didn't have a prayer.
“I'd hardly call me a baby. But yeah, I have five of the toughest, sweetest sisters a guy could ever have.”
“They must love you.”
“They tortured me ruthlessly when I was growing up.”
Cassie giggled. “I'll bet they didn't. I'll bet they spoiled you rotten, and you loved every minute of it.”
Jake smiled warmly. It was exactly that way. But even now, he had a tough time admitting it. He'd been outnumbered too long.
“You try having five older sisters and wait your turn in line for the bathroom. The only bathroom in the house, mind you. They bossed me around and never let me get away with anything.”
“Oh, you poor thing. Someone save the man,” she teased. But she sobered quickly. “They must hate you being a cop.”
“They sure as hell weren't happy about it when I went through the Academy. I think my youngest sister, Beth, still hasn't quite accepted it. If it was up to her, I'd be designated to desk duty until the day I retire and get my gold watch.”
“Only Beth?”
He shrugged. “They worry. But I can't see me changing things any time soon. I love what I do.”
“Did you always want to protect people?” she asked when the conversation lulled.
His cheeks flamed just a bit. “Nah. When I was little I wanted to be a cowboy.”
She laughed at the serious look he cast her until he too was laughing.
“How in the world did you get from cowboy to cop?”
“Well, there was the issue I had with horses.”
“Which is?”
“I’m terrified of them.”
Her already large eyes widened with surprise. “Really?”
Jake shrugged and then abruptly stopped laughing. He didn't much like thinking about the dark side of life. His profession alone was enough to give him a healthy dose of it without drudging up old memories.
“When my sister Jenna was in college, some guy tried to mug her.”
“Oh, God, that’s awful.”
“Yeah. Being Jenna, she wasn't about to let the prick get away with her paycheck so she fought real hard to hold on to her purse. My parents didn't have a lot of money and with six kids, there wasn't much to dole out when college came rolling around. My sisters sometimes worked two and three jobs to get through school. Law school tuition was steep, and although Jenna knew Mom and Dad would have helped her out, she wanted to do it herself.
“All five of my sisters are pretty tenacious when they put their minds to it. But especially Jenna. She's a little rough around the edges sometimes and it puts people off before they get to know her. Most of my friends were scared as hell of her when I was growing up.”
Jake chuckled with the memory and then sighed. Cassie wasn't laughing. She was watching him intently, hanging on his next word.
“Her hard edge makes her a damned good lawyer. But deep down, Jenna's as soft and sweet as they come and that mugging did something to her. Until that point I don't think she ever thought there was a situation she couldn't handle by herself.”
“Everyone needs someone, sometimes.”
He nodded. “At first she seemed okay with the mugging. My parents were a wreck and insisted she go to the hospital to get checked out. Being Jenna, she just went off about being fine and couldn’t figure out what everyone fussing about. She didn't want to talk about what had happened and didn't want anyone else to, either.”
Jake blew out a slow breath, puffing his cheeks. “If you'd seen the bruises on her face….” He clamped his eyes shut as if that would wash the image away like turning off the TV. But he could still see the quiet fear in his sister's eyes.
“He didn't…sexually assault her, did he?”
Jake shook his head quickly. “That's what I thought at first. Maybe something happened and she couldn't handle telling anyone. She was knocked around but she insisted he'd only tried to steal her purse, and because she fought back, he'd beat her up.”
Jake got up and walked to the wood stove, opened the door. He stoked the fire and loaded another two logs into the stove, trying not to relive that day like it was yesterday.
“I'd gotten up during the night to…you know, just to check on her, and as I walked to her bedroom door I heard her crying.”
“That must have torn you apart.”
“You have no idea. I'd seen Jenna cry before, but always when she was watching some chick flick on TV or something like that. I wanted so bad to go into her room, give her a big hug, talk with her…something. Just to tell her it was over and she was okay. I was so afraid the guy raped her and she was suffering with it all alone. But I wanted to kill the bastard for putting his hands on her.”
“Did you go to her?”
He shook his head. “She would have hated for me to see her that way, and knowing Jenna, she would have pulled herself together just for my benefit. I figured she needed a good cry and I'd only keep her from it if I went to her. So I sank down to the floor in the hallway and sat there, just to make sure she was okay. Just because, I don't know, I needed to.”
He scratched the back of his neck, feeling the tension gripping him from the memory. “She cried most of the night. The next morning at breakfast she acted as if nothing had ever happened. That's when I knew, strong as my sisters are, they need to be protected. The guy
never did get her money, but I'm sure he got one hell of a beating back from Jenna for his effort. That's the only solace I got from it.”
Cassie sighed. “Did she ever talk about it again?”
“Not voluntarily. A few months later, I asked her about it, and she tensed up like it had just happened. She insisted her body wasn't raped, but the man who'd mugged her had raped her sense of wellbeing, and that was almost as bad. That was something she was never going to forget.”
“So you do this for your sisters?”
Jake glanced at Cassie's beautiful brown eyes and shrugged. “Everyone has a sister or mother or someone who's afraid to walk across a parking lot to their car. Now I have nieces and nephews to add to the mix. I don't like thinking about what they might face as they get older. Someone has to make it safe for them, so why not me?”
Sadness clouded Cassie's face. “I envy you your big family. I'm an only child. I would have loved having a sister or brother.”
“My sisters are like mother hens, every single one of them. I made up for not having a brother by having five brothers-in-law that take care of my sisters well. And I have more nieces and nephews than I can keep track of half the time.”
Cassie tucked her knees up to her chest and looked at him as if he was telling her a fairy tale, hanging on his every word.
“You look much more relaxed now that you're talking about your family.”
Rolling his shoulders, he said, “I'm always relaxed.”
Cassie shook her head. “No, you're not. At first, I thought you were so tense because of the shooting at Rory's. Then I thought you were angry because I insisted on you coming with me into protective custody.”
Jake's gut coiled. Had he really given her the impression he didn't want to protect her? It wasn't his desire to be the one to keep her safe that had plagued him for days. It was doubting his ability to do it effectively. Because in these few short days Cassie had gotten under his skin. He had feelings for her he didn't want to explore. Couldn't if he was going to be able to protect her. The more time they spent together, the harder it would be to keep from doing just that.
“I'm sorry I've been such a bear.”
A flash of humor brightened her expression. “Don't worry. I'm getting used to it. Besides, it's understandable under these circumstances. Who'd ever thought a few days ago we'd be here like this now? When I was slipping into that disgustingly small dress to go to Rory's I thought I'd be chained to my computer by now, writing about the life of a prostitute climbing her way out of a world she didn't want to be in.”
“With CJ Carmen's help, of course,” he said.
She dipped her head as color crept into her cheeks. “You laugh, but I bet you'd like CJ.”
“She must have a lot of spunk, like you.”
Cassie’s face was suddenly serious. “I wish,” she said softly. “I'm nothing like CJ.”
“You do a pretty good job yourself, Cassie.”
“You really think so?”
Lord, Jake couldn't help himself. He reached out and touched her face, brushing his thumb across the beauty mark that teased him so often, knowing he'd be in trouble before he did it. Her skin was as soft as a rose petal, just like he remembered, tormenting him in a way that made his groin tighten. His breath lodged in his throat.
Jake wanted to kiss her. Knew he shouldn't. But dammit, he was going to. He'd done things far crazier than indulging in a simple kiss.
“Jake?”
Her breathing was shallow and she spoke on a whisper that sounded much like a plea. It wasn't just him. Cassie wanted him to kiss her and that was all the convincing he needed to do it.
#
Chapter Nine
Jake’s hand had a will of its own, reaching up to touch Cassie’s silky hair and digging his fingers into the dark waves until his hand settled on the back of her neck. He didn't need to coax Cassie forward to reach her lips. The distance he'd been seeking when he had invited her to sit with him on the sofa now made it easy for him to scoop her up into his arms and pull her into his lap.
She didn't protest. Instead, Cassie willingly wrapped her arms around his shoulders, gazing into his eyes with a white-hot desire that surged him on. Her full lips parted with the escape of a soft gasp. His gaze settled there, knowing what pleasures he'd find in taking the next step.
With her small body curled into his lap as if they were form-fitted for each other, the way a man and woman should be, he bent his head and covered her soft mouth with his. She was exquisitely perfect, sweet and tantalizing. His hand slid to the small of her back, stroking her, pressing her hard against him so he could feel more of her.
A soft moan bubbled up from her throat. He kissed her there and made a trail of tiny kisses along her neck eliciting the desired response. She smelled of baby powder and clean soap. A heady fragrance mixed in with the smoky scent of the fire.
Cassie clung to him, squirming in his lap and driving him mad. Framing his face with her hands, she pulled him back and kissed him hard, deepening their kiss, thrusting her tongue deep into his mouth with an explosion of passion. Her fingers dug into his neck with every thrust, every moan of pleasure.
Cassie was not the fragile woman he'd originally thought. She knew what she wanted and was bursting like a powerful inferno.
They parted much too soon for Jake's liking, breathlessly clinging to each other and trembling. As he gazed at her, he was reminded how utterly long it had been since he'd taken any form of pleasure with a woman. Cassie's lips were moist and swollen from their crushing kiss, her hair a wild mass that hung forward, framing her face. Her long black lashes fluttered open to reveal a well of desire he wanted to drown himself in.
Good God, he wanted to make love to her. He wanted to drink her in until there was nothing left. It was all he could think about. It would be easy to just pick her up and carry her into the bedroom until…
The awareness that he couldn't do that very thing slammed into him. He couldn't…
Jake sat straight up stiffly and eased Cassie off his lap. It didn't matter if she noticed the visible signs of his arousal. He needed the space. He needed even more to get the hell away from her.
If he dared to look at her, he’d forget all the reasons why he couldn’t make love to her and he’d come undone. Damn, how he wanted her.
“I shouldn't have done that.”
Cassie was still breathing deeply when she spoke. The heartbreaking confusion clouding her delicate features was unmistakable.
“Done what? Kiss me or pull away? If it's the last one we can rectify that easy enough.”
She reached for him again, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He had to close his eyes, shut down his mind, to keep from pulling Cassie back into his arms.
Jake drew in as much air as his lungs could hold and held her back before attempting to speak.
“Kissing you is not a good idea.”
Her expression collapsed. “A few seconds and you've already had a change of heart?”
He didn't say anything. How could he tell her the truth? After the shooting five years ago, he'd thought sleeping with a woman was his salvation. Not consciously, of course. That had come out later after many sessions with the department shrink and a lot of soul searching on his part. He couldn’t even recall the faces and names of some of the women he’d been with during that period. He’d been reckless, testing his boundaries just to feel alive. He’d survived where other officers had not.
It nearly destroyed his peace of mind and quite literally could have destroyed his life. But he’d gotten over looking at woman as sexual objects and distanced himself from any romantic attachments so he could focus on getting himself back to the thing he needed. His job. Jake wasn’t about to destroy himself again just because the woman he was charged to protect was sexy as hell.
“Was it the kissing or the idea that wasn't good?” Cassie asked, her lower lip jutting out. But she valiantly fought to keep from showing her pain.
“
I don't think I have to comment on how that kiss was. You were right there with me. It was…”
Mind blowing? The most incredibly intense experience he'd ever had with a woman, and it was just a kiss? If just kissing Cassie was enough to cause a complete meltdown inside him, he could only imagine how perfect making love to her would be.
Jake didn't have to imagine it. He knew. Making love to Cassie would be incredible. And that startled him to the core because despite his past, despite the aggressive need he’d felt after the shooting, being with Cassie would be making love, not just sex.
But he couldn't say that to her. If he did, he'd be reaching for her again, scooping her up into his arms. He’d be carrying her to that tiny bedroom and placing her down on that enormous bed. He'd be making love to her all night, and then some, until his body finally quit.
He wanted that as much as he wanted his next breath. But he couldn't tell her that.
“You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings,” she said softly, abruptly pushing up from the sofa.
Although they were right in front of the woodstove, the sudden distance from Cassie left him cold. He already ached to have her in his arms again.
She chuckled without any humor. “I never got high marks in the kissing department.”
Jake almost choked on his words. “Says who?” How could anyone think kissing Cassie was anything but a cosmic explosion?
She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. Dipping her head, she avoided his probing eyes.
“It doesn't matter.”
“Cassie, if any man ever told you something like that then he was nothing more than an idiot.”
Her dark eyes lifted to meet his straight on. The uncertainty in her expression made his chest squeeze so tight he couldn't breathe.
“Do you mean that?”
“My pulling away from you has nothing to do with not wanting you. In fact, that's all I've been able to think about.”
“Me, too,” she admitted, her lips stretching into a coy smile.
“But that's the problem. I can't protect you if…”
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