by Tiana Cole
“I just…we shouldn’t have…This shouldn’t have happened.” Madison finally said on a soft sigh. But she knew it was no use. The fact was, it had happened.
“Hey,” he tilted her face gently towards him until he could look into her eyes in the dim light. “This was meant to happen, okay?”
Madison sniffled gently before finally nodding her head, another wave of tingling desire spearing through her at the friction of his hand against her skin. “Yeah, okay.”
“I know you don’t see it now, but you will, I promise. Once I explain everything.” His words were almost indecipherable as a huge yawn split his face.
“Yeah, you keep saying…” an answering yawn interrupted her sentence and she had to start over. “You keep saying that, that you have to explain.”
“And I will, I promise. First thing tomorrow,” Another yawn, “I’ll tell you everything.”
Her stomach dropped a little at the portentous words but before she could answer sweet slumber was already pulling her under. She fell asleep in the warmth of Christopher’s arms, feeling safe and secure for the first time in as long as Madison could remember.
Chapter 6
There was a wet lick on her ear and Madison batted sleepily at it, thinking that it was Christopher ready for another round. She didn’t think that was possible after last night’s marathon. He had woken her up several times during the night, his erection hard and hot between her thighs. Sometimes he had been slow and tender, other times fast and urgent, but every time she had faded back to sleep after an earth shattering orgasm that had her sliding back into unconsciousness.
The wet feeling came again, and this time she was awake enough to tell the difference between Christopher’s tongue and the, rough one that kept licking her cheek. Then came the purring in her ear and she knew for sure.
“Lucky! Stop it!” With a soft chuckle she pushed the kitten away only to have him pounce back on top of her.
When Madison fully was awake that morning, she realized she was still in the same position as she'd fallen asleep the last time they had made love: curled up in a ball and feeling warm. But the light was shining in through the windows, the drapes were not drawn, and there was one noticeable difference about how she was feeling. Christopher was no longer wrapped around her.
She had opened her eyes slowly. Just as slowly, she turned and unfolded from her fetal position, pushing Lucky away again as she stretched on the big bed. She looked behind her. Christopher was gone. She closed her eyes and blinked hard, just to make sure it hadn't been a dream. He was definitely gone, and when she ran her hand over the empty space beside her, it was cool to the touch.
Madison looked around the room, half expecting to see him there, but then the feeling of a completely empty apartment overwhelmed her. She threw her body back against the bed and blocked the sunlight with her arm as it all crashed home. She could feel the tears welling up inside her.
You fool, what have you done?
Madison cried for a few minutes, but then she thought she heard a noise in the apartment. Was he still here? Was he in the bathroom, or making coffee in the kitchen? She dragged her tired body from the bed, feeling the aftereffects of the alcohol from last night. Grabbing her robe, she opened the bedroom door and saw that the bathroom door was open. She pushed it and looked around. The tiny room was empty.
Going into the living room, Madison knew the sound she'd heard must have been from another apartment.
“Christopher?” she said, as she entered the room and looked over at the kitchen. She was alone.
At the door, just where she'd made love to Christopher with a ferocious passion, she sank to her knees. There were no more tears to cry, but she felt sick to her stomach. It wasn't because of the wine: it was the feeling of her own disgust and shame for stooping so low as to sleep with a married man.
She covered her mouth with her hand and ran to the bathroom, retching over the toilet bowl, but not managing to throw up. If she could only throw up, she thought, the sick feeling in her stomach might go away.
Madison walked slowly back into the living room and flopped onto the sofa. She saw the time on the little clock on the window sill. She had to be in work in two hours. But she couldn't bring herself to go in. What if someone from the party saw her leaving with Christopher? They'd all know by the look on her face that she had slept with him.
She leaned forward and hugged her knees. She could smell Christopher all over her body. She hated him almost as much as she hated herself right now. How could he do that? He said he wanted to talk, but that was the last thing either of them wanted to do by the time they got to her apartment. It was all about the passion. A passion she could not resist.
It had been building inside her for weeks, she couldn't deny it, and now she had given way to that passion and Christopher had run away. He'd gotten what he wanted. For him, it had been all about the chase.
This time, when the wave of nausea hit her, she ran again to the bathroom and threw up the entire contents of her stomach. She sat with her elbow hooked over the bathtub, the smell of her vomit making her feel sick again. She flushed the toilet and sat on the closed lid. In the mirror above the sink, she saw her reflection.
She screwed up her eyes tight, not able to look at her pathetic face.
“You're a slut, a dirty...”
She ran the shower. It got very hot and she stepped in, the steam filling the small room as she stood with her hands against the tiled walls, letting the scalding water run down her body. It got so steamy she thought she would pass out, and so she turned off the taps.
Grabbing a towel, she wrapped it around herself and went back to the bedroom. As she climbed back under the covers, the tears came again, despite her best efforts to hold them at bay. Her mind was full of anger, shame, and confusion. Her feelings for Christopher swirled through her in powerful torrent, too intense to put a name to, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to anyways, and she was sure he felt just as strongly for her.
How could he just walk out like that? 'How could I have been such a fool' were the words that went around and around in her head until she passed out with the exhaustion that her disappointment in herself at being so weak had caused.
In what seemed like no time at all had passed since she drifted back to sleep, the phone beside her bed was ringing. It shocked her awake, and she grabbed it without thinking. Maybe, she thought, it was Christopher saying he had an urgent meeting he had to go to, and he was sorry he had had to leave the way he did.
“Madison?” It was not Christopher's voice.
“Yes?” she said weakly.
“You sound bad. What happened?”
“I..um...”
“Madison, it's Amanda. You should have been at work an hour ago. I thought something had happened to you. Did you drink too much last night? I thought you'd left early?”
“Amanda, I'm so sorry. I...I did leave early. I wasn't feeling too good, and this morning I feel worse. I threw up. I'm sorry I didn't call – I fell asleep again.”
“Oh dear,” Amanda said, and she clucked like a concerned mother hen over the phone. “Sounds like you're coming down with something bad. Can you get to the doctors?”
“I think if I just stay in bed it will pass, whatever it is,” Madison sniffed.
“I hope so. Well, keep me posted. I'll need to get someone from the agency to cover you. We're very busy today.”
“I'm really sorry, Amanda.”
“It's not your fault, honey. You've probably exhausted yourself with all the shifts you've done these past weeks. Maybe it's your body's way of telling you to slow down, young lady. Anyway, got to go. We are slammed here. Make sure you take care of yourself, now.” With that, the other line went dead.
Slowly, Madison hung up the phone, her stomach feeling like she had just swallowed a lump of lead and it sat hard and cold inside her. She had lied. Not an entire lie; she did feel sick. She rolled onto her back and wondered what Christopher was doin
g right now. Holding hands with his wife? Maybe picking out a crib? What the hell had she been thinking? She hadn’t been, that had been the problem all along. Her brain, with the help of the wine and champagne from last night, had completely shut down.
She slapped her hands to her face and took a deep breath, realizing she couldn't stay in bed all day. Whatever he was doing, Madison knew she never wanted to see Christopher again. If he and Ailsa came to the hospital, she would do all she could to avoid them. How could she face them now? After everything?
Gradually she pulled herself up out of the bed. The towel that had been wrapped around her was cold and damp. Quickly she pulled on some sweat pants and a t-shirt and went to make the bed. She shook out the pillows and could still smell Christopher on the sheets, the scent of him permeating the air, inescapable.
She grabbed the top blanket and sheet and flung them across the room. Pulling at the bottom sheet, she ripped it from the mattress and flicked it in the air. Next, she pulled at the pillow Christopher had used, wanting to rip the pillowcase off too, when she noticed a folded piece of paper about to slip between the bed and the wall.
Madison couldn't remember having put a letter by or on her bed, and she reached over for the piece of paper. Her name was written on the folded half. She opened it and didn't recognize the writing, but saw immediately that it was signed by Christopher. Hastily, her heart in her throat, she scanned the words.
Dear Madison:
I'm sorry I had to leave before you woke up. You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to disturb you.
I know last night wasn't planned, but maybe you could tell that I have had deep feelings for you that have been building up inside me for a long time. I couldn't stop myself. I know that’s no excuse, but it is the truth. I hope you will forgive me for giving in and making love with you.
I know your feelings about sleeping with a married man, and that's what I wanted to talk to you about last night, before we kissed each other. After that kiss, I lost all control.
Please don't feel embarrassed by what we did. It wasn't just physical for me. I hope it wasn’t for you either. Believe me when I say that what I feel for you is very deep, and very real, and more than I ever expected to happen when I first met you all those months ago.
But I need to talk to you, Madison. When I explain what has been going on between me and Ailsa, you will see I am not just some jerk who fools around on his wife and uses women. That really isn't me at all.
I want you to know the real me. I want to finally tell you the truth.
Please call me as soon as you've read this. I will drop everything to come to see you.
I can't wait to hear from you.
Christopher
Madison sat down heavily on the bed. Christopher must have left this on the pillow and somehow it had slipped off. She might not have seen it for days.
She held the letter in her hands. Her hands shook as she read it again, her dark eyes fighting tears as his words sank deep. She got up and paced the room. Her head and heart were being torn in two very different directions. Her head was telling her to forget any of this had ever happened. Forget Christopher. Whatever it is he has to say, he is still a married man. Not only that: his wife is pregnant, and he is just months away from becoming a father. What right did she have to break up a family? She had always considered adultery wrong and against her beliefs. Yes, she had been weak once, but she could change jobs and never have to see the Knights again.
Even if there was more going on with Christopher and Ailsa than she knew, even if she’d become pregnant without him, they were still married, and that still meant something. At least it did to Madison.
What right did she have to break up a family? She recalled the look on Ailsa’s face that day in the parking lot when she had looked up at Christopher. Madison didn’t know if it was love or not, but she was certain that Ailsa cared deeply for her husband. There had been real affection shining in her grey eyes that day.
Madison continued to pace, and her heart continued to break. What could she do? Unbidden, memories from the night before surfaced. In as long as she could remember, maybe for the first time in her entire life, she had felt whole. She had felt complete, like that was the only place she truly belonged.
But her heart, her heart which pounded madly in her chest, knew it couldn't do without Christopher. Her heart would not let her forget the night they had together, and the overwhelming emotion of making love to him, enhanced by what she could still feel between her legs. Her heart knew she ached to have him back in her arms. And more than that if she could, in her life as well.
But how was that possible? She thought again of Christopher’s letter, all of his protesting that she didn’t understand, and how she didn’t know the whole truth about what was going on between them. Despite herself, a glimmer of hope blossomed in her chest, and she made her decision then and there.
She picked up her phone. She knew Christopher's cell number as well as she knew her own. Before her head could tell her it was wrong, her heart made its choice. She dialed his number. His voice made her exhale and her shoulders finally relaxed as the deeply spoken words rushed over her like something sweet and warm and heavy.
“Hello, this is Christopher Knight?”
“It's me,” she said simply. It was all that was needed.
“Oh, thank God. It got to be so late that I thought you would never call. I was about to jump in the car and drive over there. You got my letter, right?”
“That's why I'm calling,” she whispered, suddenly full of uncertainty again. Her heart and head warred on inside her and even she wasn’t certain who would be the victor.
“Can we meet?”
“Christopher...I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know what you and Ailsa have got happening in your lives, but... do you really think I should get involved? Shouldn't we just try to forget last night happened and put it down to a big mistake?”
There was a long, weighted pause on the other line before she heard him speak again, and the desperation that laced his words had her resolve crumbling like sugar cubes in a rainstorm.
“I can't let you go, Madison. Please – you have to hear what I have to say. That’s all I’m asking. Just listen”
“Isn’t that what you said last night?” She asked quietly, poignantly, as a blurry memory of him begging to talk last night in the bar swept through her muddled thoughts.
“This is different. Please. I’m just asking for one chance to set things right, to tell you everything. I won’t even come near you, I promise.”
A part of her wanted to immediately make him take the promise back, but she knew it was smarter that way, that it was for the best.
“Will you meet me somewhere? Leticia’s maybe? That little coffee shop that we met at last time.”
She did not answer. Madison’s mind was full of memories of him. She was sure they would be all she would ever have of him, and honestly, she wasn’t sure it would be enough. In fact, she was positive that it would never be.
“I'm on my way,” he said when she was silent for too long. “But Madison?”
There was another long pause before she finally answered. “Yes?”
“What I have to tell you has to stay a secret: a lot of people could get hurt if it gets out. When I tell you what I have to say, you'll be one of only four people who know. You understand?”
“No, not really, Christopher.”
“You will soon enough, I promise you that, love.”
Her heart thrilled at the endearment, even thought she was sure he meant nothing more by it.
“Okay, I’ll be here. See you soon, Christopher.”
“That's great, Madison. But just remember: you have to keep my secret.”
Chapter 7
True to his word, Christopher arrived at Madison’s apartment in less than twenty minutes. He really must have left right away to make it back in such good time, especially as it still morning rush hour in the cit
y.
The intercom buzzed and she raced to the door to buzz him up, not even bothering to ask who it was. She knew. Lucky danced around her ankles purring madly, he must have sensed some of the excitement that she had tried to keep hidden, but couldn’t deny herself. She was excited to see him again. Excited, and nervous.
There was a knock at the front door and she jumped despite the fact that she was expecting him and her heart raced wildly in her chest as she opened it slowly, revealing him inch by inch. He was so handsome he took her breath away, standing there in a crisp dark grey suit but with the tie almost all the way undone as if he had habitually tugged at it.
“Hi,” she said on a whisper.
“Hi.” Christopher smiled sweetly at her and she was done for. She felt like she would have agreed to do anything for him at that point. But what he asked was the last thing she expected. “Let’s take a drive.”
“Where to?”
“It’s a surprise.” He just grinned at her, looking like a little boy, and she was stunned at this new side to him, this playful side that she had never seen before. And she wondered how many other, hidden sides this complicated man had for her to discover.
It didn’t take long for her to throw on a knee length cotton dress and a light jacket to protect against the slightest of chill in the air. He held out his hand as they left her apartment and after a brief moment, placed her own in his, trying to hide the fact that hers was trembling ever so slightly.
He led her down to his car, helped her in, and got in the driver’s side. The engine roared to life and with one last heart stopping grin for her, they were on their way.
“Are you going to tell me now?”
“Tell you what?” He gave her a quick glance through sparkling, mischievous brown eyes and she couldn’t stop the grin she sent back.
“Where are you taking me?” Madison sat in Christopher's car as he drove. It had stayed sunny and he had the roof down.
“I thought you might like to get out of the city for a while,” he replied with an overly casual shrug. “I didn't like seeing you like that. Back there, earlier. You just looked so...so broken-hearted, and I knew it was because of me.” He paused for a moment. “I can’t stand the thought of you hurting because of me.” He said this softly, solemnly, and it had Madison reaching out with one hand to cover his on the stick shift in between them. She didn’t know what to say to that, and they continued on in a warm, easy silence.