“Six months, and it wasn’t serious?” Sebastian whistled. “You must comprehend a lot in the concept of being serious.”
Nick looked him square in the eye. “I do. To me, being serious means I think I might marry that person one day. Is that a problem?”
Sebastian lost their game of eye-chicken and glanced away. “No. Admittedly, I don’t think I know what being serious is to me, and here you’ve got it all figured out.”
“I wouldn’t say that. It is kind of interesting, though.”
“What is?”
Nick smiled. “Us. Together. You have all this sexual experience but no relationship experience, and I’m the opposite. What do you suppose that says about us?”
“That we’re weirdly perfect for each other?” Sebastian winked.
“Maybe. Though I’ll tell you right now, I don’t do casual. You’re not going to get any anonymous, emotionless sex out of me.”
“Oh, I believe that. I’ve kissed you. I’ve felt how passionate you can be.” Sebastian eyed him up and down. “You bring that same fire to bed with you, right?”
It might have been his imagination, but Sebastian thought he saw Nick’s eyes darken. “Wouldn’t you like to find out.”
Sebastian wet his lips and stepped closer to Nick. “I would.”
At some point, the sun had slipped out of sight, leaving only a faint orange afterglow to suggest it had ever been there. In the houses all around them, lights were flashing on. Illumination from inside Sebastian’s apartment filtered out as well. Nick’s face was bathed in a delicate mixture of light and shadow. Every aspect of the view was painfully romantic.
Nick’s throat moved, indicating that he’d swallowed. “Are you going to kiss me again?”
Sebastian let out a weak breath. “I was thinking about it. Will you toss me over the ledge if I do?”
“No, I’d do something much worse. I’d let you.”
Sebastian was finding it difficult to breathe. “Why would that be worse?”
Nick’s voice lowered to match his pitch, no louder than the wind wafting past them. “Because there’s a party’s worth of people right inside, and I don’t want them to see. I don’t want to share any part of this with anyone else.”
Minutes before, Sebastian had been grateful for this chance to get to know Nick. But now, he wished with everything he had that they were inside. Somewhere private. Somewhere he could kiss Nick and hold him and try to communicate all the things he wanted to say but couldn’t.
“I won’t kiss you,” Sebastian said, even as his brain, body, and heart all begged him to reconsider, “on one condition.”
Nick frowned as if he were a bit disappointed. “What’s the condition?”
“I told you something about myself earlier that I haven’t shared with many people. The goal tonight is for you to get to know me, but I also want to get to know you. Tell me something about you. Something important.”
Nick looked away, toward the purpling sky. After a long moment, he turned back, wearing the saddest eyes Sebastian had ever seen.
“My dad was my best friend, and when he died, it was awful. I was a mess, so much so I took time off from college. You know what a serious student I am. I’m sure you’ve realized that for me to do that, I must have been in a bad place.” He paused and seemed to steel himself. “My dad’s death rocked my whole world, but . . . it was only the second-worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Sebastian had to swallow before his throat opened up enough for him to speak. “What was the first?”
Nick opened his mouth to answer.
And that was, naturally, the exact moment they heard a click, and then the sliding glass door opened.
“Guys!” A rumpled Theo stumbled outside. “What are you doing out here in the dark? Come inside and party with us.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who locked us out here, Theo.”
“Well, that was then, and this is now, and I want you to come back inside.” He started to take a sip from the cup in his hand, but Dante appeared and snatched it away.
“Seriously, guys,” Dante said. “Come inside before someone catches a cold.”
Nick looked at Sebastian. “Finish this conversation later?”
“Oh yeah.” Sebastian reached out and gave his waist a light squeeze. “Count on it.”
Nick didn’t move away from his touch. In fact, he leaned into it.
If Theo or Dante noticed, they didn’t say anything as Dante hauled Theo back inside. Thumping bass poured out from the speakers in the living room, beckoning them to the dance floor.
Sebastian gestured for Nick to go first, and together, they walked into the fray.
Nick had been to his fair share of college parties. In his experience, they came in two forms: raging keggers at frat houses, or pretentious “gatherings” where English majors sat around, drank red wine, and talked about how James Joyce was a latent homosexual.
Sebastian’s party, he soon discovered, was a bizarre mixture of the two. On the dance floor, people grinded to The Smiths. People were drinking like it was 2012, but instead of doing keg stands, they were making martinis with actual olives. Someone had broken out a joint—of course—and a discussion concerning the economic effects of government-subsidized marijuana followed it as it was passed around.
It was by far the strangest party Nick had ever been to. He was dying to ask if all Academy parties were like this, or if this was specific to Sebastian’s crowd. But as he peeked over at Sebastian standing behind him—so close, Nick could feel his warmth—there was another question on Nick’s mind: Were they attending this party as each other’s dates?
Did Nick want to be Sebastian’s date? After spending so much time waiting around to see what Sebastian would do, shit seemed to be moving awfully fast all of a sudden.
It might be time to pump the brakes a bit. It’s only been two weeks, and I’m not ready to trust Sebastian after two heart-felt conversations. Plus, this seems like a perfect opportunity for me to make some of those elusive friends I keep talking about.
Nick half turned to look at Sebastian over his shoulder. “As the host, you should be greeting people.”
Sebastian nodded. “As a guest, you should be mingling.”
“My thoughts exactly. But first, I think I’ll check out the drinks station.”
“Sounds good. I’ll put the Scotch away and catch you later.”
They parted ways. Nick dove into the sea of people dancing in the living room. As he waded through, he caught sight of Theo and Dante bobbing along to the blaring music together, but they were too far away for him to say hi. He also spotted Angela—the girl from his physics class—grinding aggressively with another girl while they stared into each other’s eyes.
Didn’t Sebastian mention something about an Angela getting together with someone? If so, good for her.
Nick made it to the dining room and waited patiently for a couple of boys to grab beers and leave before he surveyed the options. There was enough gin to mistake this place for a 1920s speakeasy, along with bags of ice in a cooler. Nick didn’t want to go the martini route like everyone else had. That left tequila—big no to that—or vodka, which was doable.
“Nick?”
He glanced toward the voice. Standing in the open doorway to the living room was none other than Deen. He was wearing his usual fashionable clothes and a huge smile on his face.
Nick’s whole mood lightened at the sight of him. “Deen! What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same question, but I bet I know the answer. Sebastian convinced you to come.” He walked over and slapped Nick on the back. “As for me, it turns out once you get invited to one of these things, you get invited to all of them. Like being on the world’s best mailing list. Does that make me a cool kid now?”
Nick laughed. “I dare say it does.”
Deen turned pointedly away from him and said nothing.
Nick waited for a momen
t before tapping him on the shoulder. “Deen?”
He whipped back around, smiling. “I was practicing being too cool for you, now that I’m popular.”
“I see.” Nick shoved him. “Promise you won’t forget us little people?”
“I’ll try. You making a drink?”
“Was about to, yeah. You want?”
“Hell yeah.”
They made screwdrivers and then stood on the edge of the living room/makeshift dance floor, watching the pulsating multitude.
“Man, I love this.” Deen took a deep breath. “Smells like teen spirit.”
Nick chuckled. “You know, some of the people here aren’t teens anymore, myself included.”
“You poor things. I don’t turn twenty until January, so I’m enjoying the last dregs while I can.”
“Think you’ll come to a lot of these parties? Now that you’re popular?”
Deen shrugged and took a gulp of his drink. “Some of them, I’m sure. But not so many that they stop being exciting. There’s a lot more to college than partying, you know. There’s movie night once a month in the auditorium and the shows the choir puts on around Christmas. And driving into town in the middle of the night during finals week because if you don’t get some Starbucks, you’re going to fling yourself off a bridge. Oh, and girls. Have I mentioned girls? I’d like to meet one who makes me want to skip partying on the weekends so we can stay in and watch Netflix.”
“That’s the dream.” Nick held his cup out, and Deen bumped his against it. “Speaking of which, are we doing the whole sock-on-the-doorknob thing?”
“Ew, no.” Deen’s lip curled up. “We’re way too awesome to be that cliché. We’ll come up with something when there’s an actual need.” As Deen spoke, the kitchen door opened and revealed Sebastian. Nick’s attention immediately locked onto him. So much so, he almost missed Deen’s question. “Although, if you’re here with Sebastian, maybe that time has come?”
“Uh, not quite. It’s kinda complicated, actually.” As if sensing he was being discussed, Sebastian spotted them and made his way through the crowd. Nick took a generous gulp of his drink. “I’ll fill you in tomorrow over breakfast?”
“Deal.” Deen turned away. “Go get ’em, tiger. I’m gonna get my dance on.” He disappeared into the throng.
A minute later, Sebastian appeared in front of Nick. “Long time no see. I would have joined you sooner, but some people were making grilled cheese in my kitchen. It would have been fine, except I have a gas stove, and drunk people plus open flames equals disaster.”
“Yikes. Glad you caught them in time.” Nick held up his cup. “I got me a vodka and orange juice. The most basic party drink of all time.”
“That’s actually one of my go-to cocktails. Make me one?”
“Sure. Consider it a small payback for hosting this party.” Nick whipped up the drink in record time and handed it over.
Sebastian took the cup, his eyes and fingers lingering on Nick. “Do you want to dance?”
“Um.” The heat in Sebastian’s gaze made Nick swallow. His initial reaction was to say yes, but he’d said he was going to mingle. Thus far, he’d talked to one person, and Deen didn’t count for obvious reasons.
You met more people with Sebastian earlier than you have the entire time you’ve been at the Academy. Clearly he’s better at breaking you out of your shell than you are. Maybe you should stick by his side tonight.
Then again, he was pleasantly buzzed from the going-on-three drinks he’d had. And after all the emotional bonding he’d done with Sebastian, his guard was already down. If they danced right now, Nick was positive they’d end up making out on the floor. In front of everyone.
The Academy’s infamous rumor mill would spring to life if that happened. The whole university would know by Monday. Nick wasn’t ready for that kind of attention. What if things didn’t work out between them? Would he become yet another heart Sebastian had broken? Minho popped into his head, saying, I told you so.
Nick believed Sebastian had changed, and there was no denying Nick felt something for him, but until he knew what that was, he couldn’t risk going public.
Before Nick could decide what to say, a flash of red caught his eye. Theo. He was pulling Dante off the dance floor by the hand, heading for a set of couches that faced each other with a coffee table between them. Currently, they were unoccupied, but Nick suspected Theo was about to change that.
Nick seized the opportunity with both hands. “Why don’t we hang out with Theo and Dante? I haven’t talked to them the whole party.”
Sebastian frowned. “You can talk to them anytime. Dance with me. Please?”
Damn, it’s hard to say no.
If only Sebastian weren’t so tempting, standing close to Nick, looking at him like he was the only person in the jam-packed room.
Nick scraped together his resolve and held firm. “I want to relax for a bit. Enjoy not being locked on the balcony anymore.”
Sebastian’s frown had become a full-fledge pout, but he relented. “All right. I guess I can stand to spend some time with my own best friends.”
They made their way to Theo and Dante. Slowly. People stopped to talk to Sebastian along the way, and Sebastian introduced Nick to everyone. Nick did his best to memorize names, but he was hyperfocused on how . . . couple-y it felt, having Sebastian by his side, introducing him like a boyfriend.
One thing was for sure, Sebastian made it a hell of a lot easier for Nick to meet people. And to loosen up. And to have fun. Perhaps Nick’s nose-to-the-grindstone plan had been holding him back. Come Monday, he’d have to think about finding a good balance between school and his personal life.
They reached Dante and Theo, who had collapsed on one of Sebastian’s couches. Theo was talking animatedly about something while Dante fanned them both with a coaster. They were sweaty from dancing and had matching giant grins on their faces. They looked adorable together.
If they end up dating, I am so giving myself matchmaker points.
“Hey guys,” Nick said when they were within earshot. “Having fun?”
Theo startled a little and moved away from Dante. Nick almost snorted; it was such an obvious guilt reaction. Like a kid who’d snatched his hand away from the cookie jar.
“Hey.” Theo’s eyes darted between Nick and Sebastian. “Great party, Sebby.”
Sebastian answered so fast, it seemed automatic. “Don’t call me Sebby.”
“Is there a reason you don’t like that?” Nick asked.
“Sebby is cutesy. Sebastian is sophisticated and dignified.”
Nick laughed. “No, Sebastian is that Jamaican crab from The Little Mermaid.”
Sebastian shot Nick a sour look. “As a movie aficionado, I reluctantly give you points for that. As a person who didn’t get to pick my name, I say fuck you.”
“Fine by me.” Nick glanced back over at the couches only to find Dante beaming at them. “What?”
“Oh, nothing.” Dante batted his eyelashes. “I was watching you two be all cute. Flirting. Bantering. Falling in love. Ah, young romance.”
Nick opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Sebastian slipped an arm over his shoulder and smirked at Dante. “Jealous?” He touched Nick’s chin, turned his face toward him, and planted a brief but firm kiss on his lips.
That one interaction, which lasted barely five seconds, was all it took.
Nick heard giggles behind them and wrenched his head around to see. A group of people were watching them, grinning. One guy took out his phone and started typing. Was he telling everyone he knew about the kiss?
Fuck.
And that wasn’t the end of it. Sebastian was smiling, but not at Nick. He was looking at Dante, and his expression said it all: smugness with a hint of victory. Nick would have bet all the money in his bank account right then that Sebastian hadn’t kissed Nick out of affection or a desire to share his happiness with his friends. He’d done it to stake his claim. To rub it in Dant
e’s face that he’d landed Nick, as if Nick were some sort of trophy.
Selfish, arrogant, egotistical bastard.
Nick was suddenly too furious to speak. He wrenched himself away from Sebastian and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other while the room tilted. For a second, he thought it was the alcohol, but he’d never felt more sober as anger burned through him.
Plunking his drink down on an end table, Nick pushed his way through the sea of bodies, not certain exactly where he was headed. His only criterion was that he go somewhere Sebastian wasn’t. He started to head for the kitchen only to remember there were people in there. Veering off toward the hallway, he made it all the way to the mouth before fingers closed around his arm.
“Nick.” It was Sebastian’s voice.
Nick shook him off and kept marching.
“Where are you going?”
He ignored the question. The short hallway had three doors: left, right, and straight ahead. The one to the right was closed, but the other two were open, revealing a bathroom and a darkened bedroom. Nick considered locking himself in the former before Sebastian said his name again.
What’s going to cause more of a scene? Sebastian pounding on the bathroom door while you shout at him to go away? Or telling him to fuck off quietly in his room?
Nick headed for the center door, feeling around for a light switch and flicking it on. A brief glance gave him the details: navy walls, a white throw rug covering the hardwood floor, and a big bed with black sheets. Above it hung a watercolor painting of a skyline Nick knew well: Chicago. Had he been one iota less furious, he would have asked Sebastian about it.
Footsteps followed behind him, proceeded by the sound of the door shutting, and then a click. The lock. Sebastian must’ve sensed they were going to need privacy. He didn’t speak. The only sound was the muted thump of bass and distant voices, which blended together into a meaningless hum.
Nick turned slowly around. Sebastian was eying him from a safe distance, face pinched and wary. For a long moment, he let Sebastian stew while he decided what he wanted to say. The tension between them swelled.
When Nick finally spoke, his voice was harsh as steel wool. “What were you thinking?”
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