To Nick’s surprise, Theo walked over and threw his arms around him as best he could while Nick was lying down. Awkward as it was, Nick buried his face in Theo’s shoulder. The warmth from his body was a small comfort.
“You’re not naïve, and you didn’t do anything wrong.” Theo pulled away and perched on the edge of the mattress. “Sebastian, on the other hand . . . There are a few choice words I’d like to use to describe his recent behavior.”
“Actually, right up until he asked me to leave, he was great. Charming. Sweet. I’d even say romantic.” Nick heaved a sigh. “I really started to think he liked me. He should change his major to drama. He’d make a hell of an actor.”
Theo’s brows knit together. “What makes you think he was acting?”
“Um, the part where he kicked me out as soon as he got what he wanted.”
“Believe me when I say he’s going to hear from me about that, but for the record, I know Sebastian. He’s never been as besotted with a guy as he is with you. It’s written all over his face. I can’t explain why he did what he did, but I’m telling you right now, it’s not because he doesn’t care. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have taken the time to explain everything to you. I don’t believe for a second he was faking it.”
The words were meant to be comforting, Nick was sure, but all they did was smart. “It doesn’t matter if part of it was real. He still chose the bet over me. He could have come clean at any point, but he didn’t until I forced his hand.” Nick sighed. “Anyway, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry I didn’t hold out longer. I know you wanted me to keep up the ruse forever, but I couldn’t do it anymore.”
Theo mumbled something like “—wasn’t the point—” but Nick couldn’t quite hear him.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” Theo put a hand on his shoulder. “Get some rest. Eat something. Do whatever it is you need to do to feel better about this. Oh, and Nick?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
Nick quirked an eyebrow at him. “Why?”
“This is all my fault. I never should have dragged you into this. I thought . . . Well, I thought Sebastian was more of a grown-up than he is. I thought he would make better choices. Regardless, I gambled with your happiness in the hopes that things would work out one way, but I knew they might not. For that, I apologize.”
“It’s okay. I just dunno what I’m going to do come Monday. Everyone saw Sebastian and me together at the party. When they find out he’s dumped me, or whatever you want to call it, I’m going to join the list of guys he’s tossed aside.” Nick exhaled a tight breath. “I really didn’t want that to happen.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that.” Theo stood up. “I know it’s hard to see anything good about Sebastian right now, but I know for a fact he’s not going to broadcast what went down between you two. He’s going to bottle it up.”
“What makes you think that?”
“It’s his way, but also because if he does say anything, I’ll snap his neck.” Theo winked. “All teasing aside, Sebastian may surprise you yet. I’m not saying any of this to excuse what he did—you should be furious with him—but I don’t want you to worry.”
“Thanks, but forgive me if I don’t hold my breath.”
“You gonna be okay? I told you about the bet ahead of time so it wouldn’t blindside you, but it seems like you’re still taking this pretty hard.”
Nick wanted to deny it, but he respected Theo too much to lie to his face. He paused, took stock of himself, and then shook his head. “I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet. I’m sure the next couple of days are going to be a roller coaster.”
“Want some company? We could go do something. Take your mind off things. Want to see a movie? Or go to brunch and get you good and drunk on mimosas?”
Nick groaned. “No alcohol. Ever again. I think I’d like to take a nap. I’m exhausted all of a sudden. And then I have a lot of reading to catch up on. Actually, are you going to Dante’s house between now and Monday?”
For some reason, Theo’s cheeks filled with color. “Yeah, why?”
“I left my bag there with all my notes and shit. I can pick it up, but I’d rather not go anywhere I might accidentally run into Sebastian.”
Theo nodded. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll bring your bag by later tonight.” He started for the door. “If you need anything else, text me, okay?”
“Okay.” Nick grinned. “So, going to Dante’s today, huh? You two have plans?”
“Oh, nothing serious.” Theo’s voice was neutral as he opened the door and paused in the threshold. “We have some things we need to talk about, since we had sex this morning and all.”
Nick sat straight up in bed. “You what?”
But Theo giggled and disappeared out the door, shutting it behind him.
Bastard. I’m so happy for them, though. At least one good thing came out of the party last night.
At that thought, Nick’s excitement drained away, leaving him limp. Before he could stop it, his memory of that morning replayed in high-definition. Nick got to experience again all the twisted emotions he’d felt when Sebastian had confessed to him and asked him to leave.
He repeated his reasoning for ending the charade in his head, as if hearing it for the hundredth time would be more impactful than the previous ninety-nine. So much had happened at the party. Nick had no longer been able to deny that things were getting serious between them. Walls were breaking down. Sebastian had said he’d told Nick things he hadn’t told anyone else, and in truth, Nick had done the same.
Nick couldn’t have allowed this to go any further without being a hundred percent sure it was real. The bet had to end, and he’d had to see—for good or for ill—how Sebastian really felt.
So much for that.
He shook himself as melancholy crept over him. This was silly. He’d known what he was getting into, so why couldn’t he shake off this shock?
Because what Theo said was right. Sebastian may have let you down in the end, but there’s no way all of that was fake. For a while there, you two really had something. And he let it go. The bet was more important to him than you, and that hurts. It hurts more than you ever thought it would.
Fuck this. Nick wasn’t about to spend his day wallowing. Sebastian had never been his; therefore, he hadn’t really lost anything.
Shoving those thoughts aside, Nick looked around for something to distract himself with. His sketchbook caught his eye first. He’d set it on his desk two weeks ago and hadn’t picked it up since. Too busy. He moved to get it, but at the last second, he remembered the subject of his most recent drawing: Sebastian’s eyes.
He snatched his hand back.
His laptop sat on the bed next to him. It seemed like the most obvious way to distract himself—he could stream Netflix, or, God forbid, study—but then he thought about what would load as soon as he opened it. He’d left his browser open to Facebook. He had a dozen new friend requests from classmates, and Sebastian himself.
There had been a tiny part of Nick that had wondered if Sebastian had added him so he could send him a relationship request.
Again, so much for that.
Is there nothing I can do to take my mind off him? Am I doomed to dwell on this forever? He wasn’t my boyfriend.
And yet, no matter how many times he told himself that, the ache in his chest worsened with every beat of his heart.
He ended up burying his face in his pillow and fighting back tears. He refused to cry over this. The last time he’d cried had been at his dad’s funeral, and this was nowhere near as painful as that. Sebastian didn’t deserve his tears.
Without warning, the door opened. Nick pushed himself up enough to see a rumpled-looking Deen trudge into the room. Bags had appeared under his eyes, and for once, he was wearing normal clothes: a T-shirt and baggy shorts. It was like seeing a teacher outside of school for the first time.
Deen spotted him right away. “Hey, you’re a
live. I was starting to worry.”
“Am I alive?” Nick let his head fall back onto his pillow. “I don’t feel like I am.”
“Did you overdo it too? I swear, I’ve never been so hungover in my life.”
“Yeah,” Nick lied. “Have you already eaten?”
Deen moved over to his bed and climbed gingerly onto it, wincing whenever the movement rocked his head. “Yeah, after waiting for you until I couldn’t anymore. We had a date, remember? You said you’d fill me in over breakfast.”
Nick groaned. “Oh God, I totally forgot. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Deen lowered himself onto his mattress with the care of a bomb defuser. He lay on his side so he could look at Nick. “When I left Sebastian’s party last night, you’d run off with him somewhere, so I figured you two were . . . busy.” He grinned. “Wanna talk about it?”
Nick swallowed. “I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you.”
“Not one to kiss and tell, huh? I promise I won’t go all straight guy on you about it.”
“No, really.” Nick’s stomach lurched. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“What? But you didn’t come home last night. I took that to mean you’d slept over at Sebastian’s. I was gonna text you if you didn’t show your face soon, but I wanted to give you a chance to bask in your new romance.” Deen put a wrist to his forehead as if he were swooning. “Ah, young love.”
Nick wasn’t sure what it was, but something snapped within him. The next thing he knew, the tears he’d been holding back welled up in his eyes. He couldn’t bite back the little sob that escaped from him.
He tried to wipe his cheeks, but he was too late. Deen saw and gasped. “Dude, are you okay?”
Embarrassed, Nick turned his face away, burying it in the crook of his elbow. He ordered himself to stop, but a second later, something brushed his back. Warm arms slid around him, followed by a face pressed to his shoulder, and the tickle of soft hair against his cheek.
Deen didn’t ask him what’d happened again. He didn’t say anything else. He just hugged Nick and didn’t let go until Nick had finished crying. Then he hugged him some more.
By the time Monday arrived, Sebastian was exhausted. He hadn’t slept through the night since he’d told Nick the truth, and nothing could distract him from his catastrophe of a life.
For one, his sheets smelled like Nick no matter how many times he washed them. It was impossible, and yet every time he lay down at night, he smelled Nick’s shampoo on the pillow next to him.
For another, every few seconds, he swore his phone vibrated. He’d snatch it out of his pocket and check it, praying for a text or a call from Nick, only to find nothing. He was beginning to wonder if heartache had hallucinatory effects.
To top it all off, Dante and Theo were being insufferable. Dante kept trying to get him to talk about it, which was usually Theo’s job. Dante was relentless, no matter how many times Sebastian told him to leave it alone.
Theo, on the other hand, was suspiciously mute on the subject of Nick. Sebastian had asked him a few times if Nick was doing okay, but Theo refused to answer. Funnily enough, every time Sebastian asked what time he should come by on Monday to get Barbzilla, Theo would laugh and say, “I’ll get back to you.” It was like he knew something Sebastian didn’t, but Sebastian couldn’t fathom what that was.
The weather was gorgeous as he trekked onto campus: sunny and bright, with fluffy clouds sailing by overhead. It was the kind of cusp-of-autumn day he’d cherish if his mind weren’t filled to the brim with anxiety.
As he slogged past the dining hall and caught sight of Theo’s dorm, his heart started to pound. Powell Hall looked more intimidating than it ever had before. What if he ran into Nick? That was how they’d met in the first place, after all. They’d spotted each other from across campus, like something out of the many movies they’d compared their lives to.
Damn tiny university. If he didn’t run into Nick today, he was bound to run into him eventually. What would happen then? Would Nick scream at him? Or worse, would he ignore him?
Sebastian was grateful Nick hadn’t said much before, but now he was burning to know what Nick was feeling. How was he taking this? Did he care at all?
He has to care. There’s no way he doesn’t care. Not after everything we shared.
A wave of melancholy washed over him. Sebastian gave his head a brief shake to dispel the gloom. If only Theo had given him some sort of news. He could . . . He could . . .
You could what? What exactly do you want to do when it comes to Nick? Apologize? Beg for forgiveness? You fell on your own sword because you were convinced he’d never forgive you, but now you want to see how he feels?
There was a part of him that screamed yes, but another part was terrified. If Nick rejected him, his heart would break all over again. If Nick forgave him, then Sebastian would have to do something he’d never done before. Something too frightening for words.
He’d have to be in a relationship. One where he cared deeply if it worked out or not.
The thought made him queasy, not because he didn’t want Nick, but because he’d never let himself be vulnerable that way before. What if they dated, and he kept ruining things? What if he hurt Nick again? What if they fell in love, and then everything fell apart?
But what if it doesn’t? What if it works out?
The thought made him stop short in the middle of the stone path. It figured he’d start being optimistic after he’d obliterated his chances. Jesus, what was he going to do?
He was on the threshold of Powell Hall now. His attention had been so focused on the front door—which he’d expected to swing open and reveal Nick at any moment—he hadn’t looked at his surroundings.
Somehow, he’d completely missed the two figures sitting at a picnic table under a tree. The same one he’d strolled up to while Nick sketched. Sure enough, sitting in the same spot as that day, was Nickolas Steele. And he wasn’t alone.
Sebastian’s brain supplied a name the moment his eyes slid over to the man sitting suspiciously close to Nick. Minho Ghim. A notorious gossip hound and a former paramour of Sebastian’s.
Well, paramour might be a bit strong. They’d hooked up once back in freshman year, and then they’d never spoken again. It wasn’t by design; neither of them had pursued the other.
Though now that Minho was talking to Nick, Sebastian’s interest flared up like a roman candle. Horror scenarios ran through his head. Minho could be telling Nick all about their brief fling. Nick could be doing the same. They could be commiserating. Congratulating each other on dodging the bullet that was Sebastian “Fuck Up” Prinsen.
Before he could work himself up into a proper tizzy, Nick glanced his way. For a second, his eyes slid past him, but then they snapped back like they were attached to rubber bands.
The emotions that rolled over Nick’s face were as easy to read as bold print. Surprise, followed by awkwardness, and then a healthy dose of anger. He turned to Minho and said something. Minho looked over at Sebastian too, and Sebastian swore his heart actually skipped a beat.
His first instinct was to about-face and hightail it in the opposite direction, but then Nick spoke again, inaudibly. Minho nodded, and with one final glance at Sebastian, he scuttled away. His phone was already in his hand. He was probably going to text the whole exchange to everyone he knew. Awesome.
Keep in mind, you brought this on yourself.
With a sigh, Sebastian approached the picnic table. Nick watched him. It wasn’t until he was about three feet away that Nick seemed to make a decision. He jumped to his feet and moved like he was going to flee into Powell Hall. Sebastian almost let him, miserable as he was, but his hand acted of its own accord.
He grabbed Nick by the shoulder. “Wait.”
Nick stiffened beneath his touch and didn’t look at him. “What do you want?”
“To talk.” It was true. Sebastian wanted—needed—to explain himself to Nick. If the
re was even the slightest chance this was salvageable, he had to take it.
“I told you before: I don’t have anything to say to you.”
Sebastian’s throat tightened. “I deserve that, but I don’t think it’s true. I bet there’s a lot you’d like to say to me. Loudly. While a jeering crowd throws tomatoes at me.”
Nick laughed and then narrowed his eyes, like he was mad at himself. “I hope you didn’t come here to see me, because I have a date with the dining hall, and then class after.”
“No.” Sebastian swallowed, which made his tight throat ache. “Honestly, I came to see Theo and claim Barbzilla. Running into you is both a bonus and a nightmare.”
Nick laughed again, but this time, it was without any trace of remorse. “Barbzilla? Good luck with that.”
Does he know whatever it is that Theo’s not telling me?
He was itching to ask, but he held back. “Give me five minutes of your time. Please. I want to apologize again and explain some things.”
“Look, Sebastian, if you’re going to lie to me again—”
Sebastian put his hands up. “No, I swear. I’ll be totally honest. I was honest with you the last time we talked, but there were some things I left out. Things about me. I need for you to know them. As an added bonus, if you want to yell at me after, I’ll sit there and take it for as long as you need.”
Nick shook his head. “No. I can’t believe you’d ask me for a favor after everything that happened.”
“Please?” He wet his lips. “Please talk to me? I’ll beg.”
The pause that followed was endless. Sebastian heard nothing but his own heart jackhammering in his chest. Then, Nick shifted his weight.
“Okay. Five minutes.”
Nick followed Sebastian across campus with no small amount of trepidation. Sebastian was silent as he escorted them “somewhere private” to talk. As they walked, Nick debated if he could still make a run for it. He’d sworn a hundred times this weekend to never think about Sebastian again, and after the hundred and first time, he’d decided he could at least promise never to speak to him again. And yet here he was, strolling by Sebastian’s side like everything was fine.
The Academy Page 26