“I’m on vacation. No rush.”
“Have I ever told you I love your hair? It looks fantastic against my legs. Maybe I should have been a blonde.”
“No, no, no. Your hair is perfect for you. It looks like milk chocolate.”
Toni’s smile grew, and she looked like she was about to say something, but didn’t.
“What?” Noel asked.
Toni shook her head. “Nothing. Just thinking about something.”
“Come on.” Noel rolled onto her side and captured some skin between her teeth. “Tell.”
“Nothing big. I just remembered that Heidi says that, too.” A frown started to form, and she said, “I don’t like to talk about personal things she’s said to me. That seems kinda…I don’t know…rude or something.”
“Rude?”
“Yeah. That’s in the past and that’s where it should stay. You don’t need to hear about things that went on between Heidi and me.”
Noel moved so she was on her back again. She was trying to wedge her concerns into the conversation, and it was hard to do with Toni looking right at her, innocence nearly pouring from her expression. “I don’t think it’s a bad idea to talk about our past relationships. Particularly the things we learned from them.”
Toni’s laugh was sharp and short. “I learned to stay away from being in a committed relationship. That’s about it.”
Still afraid to look at her, Noel said, “But that’s changed. Maybe we should talk about what’s different now.”
Toni had been stroking her idly, but she stilled, her hand resting on Noel’s arm. “Almost everything’s different. I’m not the same person I was then.”
She couldn’t stop herself. She had to look into Toni’s eyes. “How can that be? How does a person change?”
“It’s been decades. I was a girl then. Shouldn’t I have changed in all that time?”
“Decades? How’s that possible?”
“Why wouldn’t it be possible? She was my first girlfriend, and that was twenty years ago.”
Noel sat up, shocked. “Your first girlfriend? She was your first?”
“Yeah. I’d had some awkward encounters with a couple of girls, but she was the first person I had a full sexual experience with.”
“I’m stunned. Make that flabbergasted.”
Toni put a hand on her and tried to push her back down but Noel resisted. “What’s so surprising?”
Noel shook her head as though trying to dislodge unpleasant thoughts. “Either I’ve been jumping to some conclusions or I’ve been misled.”
“About what?”
“About you.” She pulled away, then stood and started to walk across the room. When she reached the window she leaned against the frame and stared out for a few minutes. “I wasn’t going to tell you this,” she said softly, “because I didn’t want to hurt your relationship with her, but I’m not sure Heidi has your best interests at heart.”
By the time her sentence was finished Toni was standing behind her, her arms around Noel’s waist. “Tell me what she said.”
Surprisingly, she didn’t sound angry. Her voice had a note of resignation in it, but Noel didn’t comment on that. Maybe she could circle back around and get to that, but the big issue was Heidi’s fiendish subterfuge, not Toni’s inability to find fault with her friends.
Noel continued, “I like Heidi. I really do. But I think she intentionally led me to believe that what she knows about you is pretty recent.”
“Yeah. So…? She knows an awful lot about me.”
Noel turned so that she could see Toni’s eyes. They were full of equal amounts of curiosity and trepidation. “She tried to convince me that you couldn’t be faithful. And, even though she didn’t specifically say so, I think she wanted me to believe that she had recent evidence of that.”
Toni let go and moved back to the bed. She sat down on the edge, bending over, her face in her hands. After a few long moments, she sat up and shook her head. “Here’s the whole truth about us. I was nineteen and Heidi was twenty-five or six when we met. I was desperate to have sex and she was very willing.”
“Who wouldn’t be?”
Toni’s smile was a little sad when she continued. “I liked her a lot, but I don’t think I was ever in love with her.” She looked up at Noel with a touching amount of vulnerability in her eyes. “Do you know what I mean? I loved her, but I don’t think I was in love with her. There wasn’t any spark there. I just needed to have human contact.”
“I understand.” Noel walked over, sat, and snugged an arm around her waist. She leaned her head against Toni’s and waited quietly for her to continue at her own pace.
“I wasn’t in any position to be in a relationship. I was just figuring out that I was a lesbian, but Heidi was sure that we were made for each other. I was at fault for not knowing my own mind better, and I let her think what she wanted to think because I didn’t want to hurt her.”
“You’re a kind person.”
“Kind people don’t cheat.” Her words were full of self-recrimination. “I was living in an apartment with two other women when I met Roxy one night at a bar. It didn’t take long for her to move in and for us to start sleeping together. I was such a jerk.”
“You were a very young woman, Toni. Cut yourself a little slack.”
“I don’t deserve any. There’s no excuse for treating a person like that. One of the best things Max ever did for me was kick my ass about that.”
“Max did that?”
“Yeah. She and I were just starting to be friends. She’d only had The Sandpiper a little while and it needed a lot of repair. I was just trying to figure out how to get work and she needed a lot of it. It worked out great,” she said, chuckling. “I worked like a dog and she paid me like one. But she also gave me great recommendations to everybody she knew. She set me up.”
“Tell me what she told you about Heidi.”
“It wasn’t so much about Heidi as it was Roxy. She said there were always women who could turn your head, but that people with class didn’t allow that to happen. She made me admit that I took the easy way out by having sex with Roxy.”
“What do you mean ‘the easy way?’”
“I knew Heidi would break up with me if I cheated on her. I was really attracted to Roxy, so I did it. That saved me from having to gut it up and do it the right way.”
“So you wanted out of the relationship anyway?”
“I did. Like I said, I cared for Heidi, but we never had much spark. I was very grateful to her for helping me figure out that I was a lesbian, but she didn’t make my heart race. Once Roxy did, I knew that I couldn’t stay with Heidi.”
“How long were you together?”
“Mmm, I’d just finished my class work at trade school, so it was May or June. I think Roxy moved in around September.”
“You were only together for a couple of months?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” She narrowed her eyes, deep in thought. “It seemed like a very long time. I felt trapped pretty much right away.”
“That’s interesting. Surprising, too. I got the impression you were together for years and years. Do you think Heidi still…”
“Yeah. I’ve always felt she’d like to get back together, but since she broke up with her last girlfriend, it’s been more obvious.” She looked at Noel, her eyes expressing how helpless she felt. “In some ways she treats me like she has an interest in who I’m with, and I don’t have the heart to tell her to knock it off.”
“I do,” Noel said, her eyes narrowing.
“No! Don’t tell her I told you this!”
Noel wrapped her arms around Toni and squeezed her tightly. “I’m teasing. She’d have to do something flagrant for me to clock her.” She held up a fist. “But I would.”
“I appreciate that, but I care for Heidi. I need to handle my relationship with her in my own way.” She let go of Noel and sat back against the headboard again. “I really wish she hadn’t gone behind my b
ack to talk to you.”
“You know, I don’t want to tell you how to behave, but if I were you, I’d be furious. You don’t even seem…ticked off.”
“I am.” She locked her fingers around her knee and rocked a little, looking like she was thinking. “But I don’t have the right to get too mad at her after what I did.”
“Toni!” Noel put her hands on her hips and shook her. “It’s been twenty years! Get over it.”
“I can’t,” she said, looking irritated. “You have to own up to your mistakes, and I made a huge one.”
“Twenty years ago!”
“There’s no statute of limitations on bad behavior.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t give Heidi carte blanche to hold it over your head, either. She made it sound like you broke up a year or two ago. I can’t believe that wasn’t intentional.”
“Nah.” Toni shook her head quickly. “Heidi’s not like that. She loves me. She’d never try to hurt me.”
“I hope that’s true. I really do.” She put her arms around her and hugged tightly. “I love you, too.”
Smiling, Toni said, “It feels so good to hear that. And even better to say it and mean it. I felt like I was forcing it when I told Heidi I loved her.”
“And you don’t feel that way with me?”
“Not for a second.” She put her hands on Noel’s waist and tugged on her until they were snuggled together. “I love you. No doubts. None at all.”
Part Fourteen
A few days later, on New Year’s Eve, Noel paced around her apartment, trying to avoid looking at herself in the mirror. A half hour earlier she had decided she was happy with the way she looked, but since then she had changed something every time she took another glance. Toni had refused to reveal what she was wearing to the party, and even though Noel had made it clear that this was a black-and-white themed party, she was a little worried that Toni would show up in her jeans and cowboy boots. She was sure that Toni would look fantastic in anything she wore, but Noel had to admit to herself that she wanted to blend in at this particular event.
She had been certain that she would skip this year, given that Janet and Heather would be sure to attend. But Toni could tell she wasn’t being completely honest when she said she didn’t want to go. After a tortured discussion, Toni pulled the truth out of her. She loved going to this party, partly because she got to catch up with people that she didn’t see very often. But she also enjoyed getting dressed up and dancing. Once she had revealed that, Toni was insistent. They would go and dance until the band stopped.
***
Toni rang the bell at ten minutes before eight. Noel took a quick look at her watch, smiling when she saw that she was, as always, early. She opened the door and decided in a second that they should skip the party. Not because Toni wasn’t dressed appropriately. She was. In fact, she looked so utterly fantastic that Noel couldn’t imagine sharing her with anyone else.
Stepping inside, Toni grasped Noel’s hands and turned her so the light would better illuminate her. “Let’s stay home,” she said, her dark eyes sparkling. “I’m not normally jealous, but I know everyone there will try to talk you into going home with them, and I don’t feel like fighting.”
“You’re so sweet.” She tilted her head and kissed Toni’s soft pink lips. “And so beautiful.”
“Thanks. My sister dressed me.”
“She…helped you buy the clothes?”
“No, she lent me the clothes. We wear roughly the same size.”
Noel took her hand and turned her so she could view her from all angles. “There’s nothing rough about the way these clothes fit you.” Toni wore a woman’s shawl-collar tuxedo, the jacket hip length and nipped in at the waist. Her shirt was made of piqué, and had a bib front and stand-up collar. In lieu of the traditional tie, she had accented her outfit with a purple and black striped, opera-length silk scarf. She looked elegant, fashionable and luscious, and the small splash of color gave her just the right note of individuality.
Toni leaned in and took a kiss. “I could say the same about you. This dress is smoooooth.”
Noel tilted her head and tried to act like she was embarrassed by the compliment. But she’d shopped for two days for the dress, determined to find something that she knew would appeal to Toni’s sensibility. She knew she’d been successful when Toni’s eyes dilated the moment she saw her. Noel usually didn’t like the fact that she was so thin. But every once in a while it worked to her advantage. She was able to wear a tight-bodiced, strapless black dress with a full skirt and still look svelte.
“Your hair looks so fantastic.” Toni couldn’t stop herself from threading her fingers through it. “I wish you’d wear it down like this all the time.”
“Then it wouldn’t look special when I did.”
“You’re right, as usual. Are you ready to go?”
“I guess I am. I’m not even going to try to convince you that I’m not nervous.”
“You don’t have a thing to worry about. I’m the one who should be nervous. I’m sure I’m going to have to clock somebody for drooling on you, and I’m just not the violent type.”
***
They’d been at the party for almost an hour; dancing, talking, stealing kisses from one another and having a fantastic time when Toni said, “Janet just got here, right?”
Noel blinked in surprise. “How did you know?”
“Your body tensed up. I could feel it all across here.” She drew her finger across Noel’s back. “I know you.”
Noel looked into her eyes and realized that was undoubtedly true. She also saw complete understanding which felt like a warm caress. She was so enraptured by the look in Toni’s eyes that she gasped in surprise when someone touched her on the shoulder. “Janet!” She cleared her throat and took a breath, trying to sound natural. “How are you?”
“I’m good. You remember Heather.”
“Indeed, I do.” Her hands had been on Toni’s hips and she slid her arm around her waist and stood next to her. “This is Toni Hooper. Toni, Janet and Heather.” Toni shook their hands and nodded perfunctorily.
“Nice party,” Janet said. “Have you been here long?”
“Seems like minutes,” Toni said. “The music has been fantastic.”
“Janet hates to dance, don’t you honey,” Heather said.
“Yeah, it’s not something I’m good at.”
“You can’t get good unless you practice,” Toni said. “If nothing else it’s a great excuse to snuggle up to a beautiful woman.” She winked rakishly and twirled Noel, then they started to dance, their laughter filling the corner of the room.
***
Later, they sat at the edge of the party, watching idly and chatting. “I feel sorry for Janet,” Toni said, sounding deeply thoughtful.
“Sorry for her? That’s…odd.”
“No, it’s not. She doesn’t know what’s important in life. That sucks.”
“How do you know that about her?”
“Mmm, Max used to tell me that what’s important is finding a good woman and sticking with her. She always said that there was no substitute for character.” She looked at Noel and said, “That’s one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten.”
“How do you know Janet doesn’t have that?”
Toni blew a raspberry, making Noel laugh at her antics. “No way. I know I’m prejudiced, but there’s just nothing wrong with you.”
Noel’s laugh grew louder. “Boy, you’re under some kinda spell I hope never ends.”
“I mean it. I truly do. You’re kind and giving and thoughtful and smart and gorgeous. But most of all, you’re honest. You have very good character. That’s not something you just acquired. Janet gave that away. She voluntarily traded you and all of your wonderful qualities for something untested.”
“Heather’s pretty, you’ve got to hand her that.”
“Yeah, she’s nice looking, and she’s very young. So what? There’s always going to be so
mething or someone attractive that catches your interest. You can spend your life chasing that or be thankful for what you have and keep working to make it better.”
Noel caressed Toni’s cheek, gazing into her eyes for a long time. “Now, that was deep.”
“I’m not teasing. Every one of us is aging at the same rate. Heather isn’t going to stay in her twenties. Yes, she’s always going to be fifteen years younger than Janet, but she’s still going to age. Beauty fades. Character doesn’t.”
“I see what you mean, but that’s not the way our society views things.”
“That’s because society is screwed up. You don’t give up something classic and proven just because something shiny and new catches your eye. To me, our relationship should be like a beautiful old home. You repair, you renovate and you restore. You never destroy it. Never.”
Noel gazed at Toni for almost a minute before she spoke. She wanted to let the words linger in her mind, to turn them around a couple of times, and to relish them like a delicious bit of cookie. “I can see how much you believe that.”
“I do. I don’t wish Janet ill, but that relationship isn’t gonna last. For one thing, they’re both cheaters, and you can’t trust a cheater. I did that once in my life, and I’d cut off an arm before I’d do it again.”
Noel threw her arms around her and hugged tightly. Toni continued, “As long as we’re together, I will never get close to another woman. If I’m even tempted, I’ll tell you about it, and we’ll figure out how to work things through.”
Noel lifted her head and gazed at Toni for a minute. “That’s the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
Toni laughed when she put her arms around her. “Your back is covered with goosebumps.”
She blinked, stunned. “I’m completely aroused. Completely.”
“Did you ever think that we might just be remarkably hot for each other? Rather than in love, I mean.”
Alarmed, Noel said, “Do you worry about that?”
Susan X. Meagher - The Legacy Page 25