by Brent, Cora
“How are you feeling today?” I asked him, my customary question, as I prepared a cup of instant coffee.
“I’m still here,” he grunted before taking a bite of what looked like cinnamon coffee cake.
“You sleep okay?”
He frowned as if he was struggling to remember. “Kept waking up because my back was killing me.”
“We could replace your mattress.”
I couldn’t remember a time when my parents had shared a bedroom. Luanne occupied the spacious master while my father had always been installed in the small guest suite off the kitchen. He snored. He kept late hours. She was a delicate sleeper. Some couples probably have similar arrangements and it works just fine. But as I grew older and watched my parents more closely I realized she hated the idea of him touching her. He was oblivious to her tight smile when he nuzzled her neck. He laughed good naturedly when she scolded him that a kiss would mess up her hair. And I felt sorry for him because he didn’t realize he wasn’t wanted.
“No.” He shook his head. “Don’t get me anything new.”
Nope, he didn’t want anything new. Not a new mattress or a new bathrobe or certainly not a new place to live. He couldn’t deal with the concept of a life without Luanne.
Frankly, I couldn’t relate. I was just fine living without my mother.
I popped my coffee cup in the microwave and watched my father chew his coffee cake. My heart hurt for him. True, he’d been the classic absent workaholic parent while I was growing up, leaving Daisy and me at the mercy of Luanne. Yet I felt far more pity for him than anger. He’d loved someone blindly and without reason. I didn’t know what that was like. I hoped to never find out.
“Where’d you get that cake from?” I asked him in order to change the subject.
He forked another mouthful. “Nancy made it.” Nancy was Nancy Albertson, the former nurse who came by a few times a day to make sure he was taking his meds and not feeling too lonely. His doctor had shared the opinion that my father might do better in an assisted living facility. I thanked the man for his concern and didn’t add that we couldn’t afford such a place. Besides, I wasn’t sure I agreed with the doctor’s assessment. My father wasn’t terribly old, only fifty-seven. He shouldn’t be stuck in a motel for old people and relying on someone to wipe his chin for him.
“Any cake left for me?” I asked with a forced grin.
He looked down at his empty plate. “I ate it all. Sorry.”
“No big deal.” I grabbed a banana from the basket on the counter. It was half black. I really needed to go grocery shopping today after lunch with Cadence.
My father pushed his plate aside when I sat down at the table with my coffee and semi rotten banana.
“How’s things?” he asked and I understood he wasn’t inquiring about my personal life. He was asking about the Dirty Cactus.
I told him the good news first; business was solid, I’d persuaded our chief supplier to slash our prices by ten percent for being good long time customers and the new part time girl named Misty that I’d hired to replace the waitress who’d quit a few months back was working out just fine.
Then I told him the bad news; the unrepaired roof leak was now causing water to drip into the men’s room, the termite treatment ended up being twice as expensive as I figured and the adjustable interest rate on our loan was only four months away from rising so we needed to somehow find new financing before then. Good times.
The rush of information barely registered with him. He asked about some of the regulars and questioned if anyone was giving me any trouble. I assured him that Terry’s presence on the busy nights tended to forestall any problems and Terry was swift to deal with them when they arose. When I was done talking about Terry I caught my dad giving me a curious look.
“Is Terry your boyfriend now?” he asked.
“No,” I said, wondering if some gossip had reached his ears. “No, I’m not seeing anyone.”
He nodded and appeared to lose interest in the topic. I thought about sharing Ryan Jedson’s surprise appearance last night but that name wasn’t spoken in this house anymore. Six years ago when I needed to speak to him about Ryan he’d flatly refused and so I never knew whether he was aware of what really happened. Pressing the issue now, when he was so fragile, felt like cruelty.
He had paid for Celeste’s funeral though. He had at least done that.
The friendship between my mother and Ryan’s mother was always an enigma to me. Celeste was the polar opposite of the over-manicured, manipulative Luanne. Even their looks were completely at odds. Until her cancer diagnosis I rarely saw Luanne looking casual or, god forbid, sloppy. Celeste had always been softer, gentler. Slightly thick in the middle and with her thinning light hair rolled up in a tired bun she bore no resemblance to her son. The hard life she’d lived showed in the lines on her face but her ever present smile revealed the pretty young girl she’d once been, the girl who was always at Luanne’s side in those long ago yearbook photos.
Sometimes I would wish Celeste was my mother, that I lived in the cramped trailer with her and Ryan instead of in the cavernous house nearby. Then I got older and changed my mind about wanting Ryan Jedson as a brother.
“You’re probably busy today,” he said, rising from the table and tying his frayed robe belt around his sagging belly. “I should let you get going.”
Get going? I’d only sat down about ten minutes ago.
“Actually I don’t have any plans for hours. I’m having lunch with a friend later but I’ve got the whole day off from the bar and I don’t need to be anywhere now. I think there’s half a carton of eggs in the fridge. I could fry up a few if you’re still hungry.”
He shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” His hand landed on my shoulder and gave it an absent pat.
“Where are you going?” I asked as his loose slippers began to shuffle down the hall.
“To go watch my shows for a little while,” he said and then looked over his shoulder. “Why, you need anything from me?”
Actually, yes. I needed him to escape this mournful funk and return to work. I needed him to help me. I needed him to realize that life goes on and there was still plenty to live for. I needed him to be my father.
“No, Dad. I’m good. I’ll pick up some groceries later and make some pasta for dinner.” I paused. “Have you taken your pills yet today?” He took daily meds to manage both his high blood pressure and his depression.
“With breakfast,” he said and resumed his journey down the hall.
“I’ll see you later,” I called and was answered by the distant sound of a bedroom door opening and closing. He’d left his crumb-filled plate and his juice glass sitting on the table so I rinsed each item off, made myself another cup of instant coffee and sat in the kitchen. The Luanne clock regarded me from the wall. I smoothed my hair, running my fingers through its silky length, remembering a day when my mother stood over me in front of a large mirror and gushed about how stylish I looked now that it was short. She hadn’t gone all hysterically Mommie Dearest with the vanity scissors. She was more calculating when it came to inflicting her damage.
I gulped coffee to erase the sour taste in my mouth. Hours remained before I had to drive to Cadence’s house so I decided to do something I didn’t often have time for. I located my tablet and browsed my digital book library in search of something to read. I’d always been an avid reader but since returning to Emblem I couldn’t recall having read more than two books. After selecting a delicious billionaire romance I read for three hours straight, wondering how come none of the guys I ever ran into wore impeccable suits. I had little use for a billionaire but would a deliriously hot guy who literally swept me off my feet be too much to ask for?
Eventually I had to set aside my romance world because it was time to meet Cadence and a good friend should always come before book sex.
A quick stop in the bathroom led me to scrutinize my appearance for a moment. I was nothing special. I looked youn
ger than I was and never spent much time these days fretting over my appearance with makeup and the right clothes. Luanne had a saying that a little bit of effort went a long way. Maybe that was why I resisted. But now I was imagining what Ryan Jedson thought when he saw me last night. I remembered the way his heated gaze swept over my body and felt the distinct pull of desire in my belly. I didn’t want to feel that way about him. If I could crush the attraction as easily as crushing an insect then I would have.
The house Cadence and Tristan had just moved into was only a mile away and when I pulled up to the house I could see immediately that she had already put her stamp on the place. Some potted yellow mums had been neatly positioned on either side of the entry and an autumn wreath hung from a hook on the door. When I got closer I could see the wreath had been customized to include the wooden letters C and T in the middle. Cadence and Tristan. I smiled and rang the doorbell.
Tristan answered and waved me inside. He looked like he’d been working in the garage or something because his arms were streaked with something black and sticky looking. Cadence appeared, looking wonderfully carefree as always. She grabbed my hand and pulled me through a quick tour of the house. On our way out the door she stopped long enough to give Tristan a kiss that was long and passionate enough to make me feel like I had to look away.
Cadence offered to drive to Grande and I gladly agreed since lately my Chevy tended to sputter when I exceeded forty five miles per hour. It was enjoyable to sit in the passenger seat and be carried along while Cadence told amusing stories about the kids in her classes at Emblem High.
Grande was much larger than Emblem and was the destination of choice for everything from shopping to dining, especially now that so many places along Emblem’s Main Street had closed. It would be nice if the Emblem Diner really did reopen. As things stood right now Emblem’s dining options were limited to the fast food taco place near the prison or a reheated hot dog from the gas station.
Even before we sat down to a table at an all American type eatery, Cadence was already insisting that the meal was her treat and she wouldn’t hear me if I argued. When the cheerful, pink-haired waitress named Gaby came around we both ordered identical burgers, fries and strawberry shakes.
“Great minds,” Cadence laughed, handing her menu to Gaby. “No wonder we became friends so easily.”
“I’m so glad we did,” I grinned. Close friends had always been elusive. In high school I threw myself into extra curricular activities, mostly to get out of the house as much as possible. I got involved in student government and earned the respect of my peers. Most of them, anyway. There were always a few Gina Scarpettis lurking around, eager to put me in my place. But for the most part high school was far preferable to enduring Luanne. I always had friends yet they were usually the casual variety. I knew I had a habit of keeping people at arm’s length.
Cadence was now talking about Pike. He used to repair air conditioners but hadn’t been able to hold down a job ever since getting whacked in the head and losing large pieces of his mind.
“After we left the bar last night, Pike kept asking about your sister,” Cadence said.
I nodded. “They used to date, him and Daisy. Very briefly. They remained friends after that.”
“Ah, that explains it. You don’t talk about her much.”
“We’re not close. Never have been.” That was an understatement. I could count on one hand the number of times I’d seen my only sibling since she left Emblem eight years ago. I thought once I was out of here it might be possible to kindle some kind of sisterly relationship but Daisy was never interested and eventually I grew tired of always being the one to reach out. Daisy didn’t come to Luanne’s funeral. She sent a box of black roses with a handwritten note. “What goes around, comes around, bitch.” No one would accuse my sister of subtlety. I threw the box in the trash before my father could see it.
“That’s sad.” Cadence was troubled. “I couldn’t imagine my life without my sisters.”
I shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
She brightened with an idea. “Then I’m nominating myself as your honorary sister.”
“I’m not expecting any other applicants so the position’s yours.”
Cadence applauded and returned to the sad subject of Steven Pike. Tristan was trying to help by finding someone in town who might be willing to hire Pike part time.
Steven Pike.
Whenever I looked at him I wondered if somewhere in his ruined brain still lived the memory of a night six years ago. I’d been desperate, racing the clock. My phone had already been taken away and my forced departure loomed. I’d heard my parents speaking and knew things were about to get very bad for Ryan Jedson.
Pike had never acknowledged that conversation, not even before he was clocked in the head. For a long time he avoided me. I understood. I had not wanted to remember either.
He was surprised to find me creeping around in the Dirty Cactus parking lot. He reluctantly walked over when I hissed his name. He probably thought it had something to do with Daisy. His face became openly hopeful.
“You’re friends with Ryan Jedson, right?” I said.
He blinked. Then frowned. Pike was not too good looking or too bright but he didn’t need to be either of those things right now. He only needed to give a damn about a friend in trouble.
“Yeah, we’re buddies.” Then he took stock of the fact that I was skulking in the parking lot of my father’s bar at damn near midnight. “What’s this about? What the hell are you doing out here?”
“Never mind.” I swallowed. “I need you to go find him. I need you to tell him that the police are going to be looking for him.”
Now he became wary and he took a step back. “Why?”
“Because Harry Beckett died at the hospital tonight.”
Pike grimaced. “Yeah, I heard he got fucked up. Beckett was a dick though. Always shooting off his mouth when he shouldn’t, always owing the wrong people money. Chances are he got a visit from a Grande squad that’s been dying to nail him and was left to choke on his blood in his own bed. But that’s not Jedson’s fault.”
“But Ryan was the one who dumped Beckett off at the hospital.”
“So? He took the guy to the hospital after he got the shit kicked out of him. So what?”
“Because now Beckett’s dead and the cops think Ryan is the one who attacked him.”
“Why the fuck would they think that?”
Coughing up these words became painful. “Because they believe he confessed to someone.”
“To who?”
“To me.”
Pike stared at me for a long minute. His manner was no longer dull or wary. He’d become ice cold. “Goddammit, Leah.”
My eyes filled with tears. “Please tell him I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean to-“
“Are you fucking crazy?” he hissed, cutting me off and getting a firm grim on my arm to move me deeper into the darkness. “I can’t tell Ryan Jedson you fingered him as a murderer.”
“But I-“
“He’d fucking kill you, Leah.” Pike raked a hand through his prematurely thinning hair and squinted this way and that to make sure no one was listening. “Jedson would fucking kill you and even though you suck I can’t have that shit on my head.”
My nose was running now. I hiccupped. I was the most pathetic organism in all of Emblem. “Then what are you going to tell him?”
Pike sighed. “I’ll figure something out.” He took a step back and even in the near pitch blackness I could tell he was eyeing me with disgust. “Now you wait here and after you see me drive off you run on home like the dumb little kid that you are and stay out of everyone’s shit because next time I promise no one will step in to save your ass.”
He spat on the ground and ran over to his dilapidated brown pickup. He didn’t look at me again before zooming out of the parking lot and I could only hope he knew where to find Ryan and warn him about what Luanne had told the police. Ryan could g
o hide somewhere for the time being. Not an ideal outcome but better than rotting in a jail cell while my mother schemed behind the scenes.
The truth would come out, sooner or later...
Cadence broke through the fog of my memories by asking if we ought to order a plate of jalapeno poppers to go with our meals.
“That sounds good,” I said, suddenly aware that I’d been twisting my napkin around in my fingers.
She noticed. “For a minute there you looked like you were thinking about something far more intense than appetizers.”
Yes, Ryan Jedson was definitely far more intense than appetizers. “Sort of. I was just remembering something.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “Does it have something to do with that Jedson character?”
I didn’t answer and must have had a startled look on my face because she was quick to explain.
“Tristan told me you grew up together, that he and his mom used to live in a trailer on your parents’ property. Tristan also said Jedson’s been gone for years, something about a false murder accusation.”
Cadence sounded merely curious as she recited what she knew. My friend was never anything but honest and transparent. If she were aware of any nasty details that involved me then she would have said so. She didn’t know the rest of story. Which meant Tristan didn’t know either. Emblem was not a big town. If word had ever gotten out connecting me with Jedson’s fate then I would have heard about it by now. Steven Pike had never talked. And no one else knew. Not even Ryan.
“Our mothers were good friends,” I said. “When Ryan and his mom needed a place to live my parents offered to rent them a trailer and they ended up living there for a long time. We did grow up together, in a way. He was Daisy ’s age, five years older than me. But he was always around.”
Cadence dumped a heap of sugar in her lemonade. “Sounds like you two have a history.”