by Brent, Cora
“Oh my god.”
“Oh Leah. Don’t be such a prude.” She paused. “Why do you bother with Eddie anyway? Why’d you go back to Emblem at all?”
“I don’t know.” I blew out a breath. “I guess because he’s our dad and in spite of everything I love him.”
“Please. He would have tossed us into traffic if it made Luanne smile at him.”
Bluntness had always been my sister’s trademark. The remark stung because it was correct.
“Probably,” I acknowledged. “Honestly, I don’t know why I tried so hard with Dad. Maybe because he’s so pitiful now that she’s gone. Or maybe because I never grew out of wanting someone in the world to love me.”
“Leah.” She clucked her tongue. “You’re going to make me say it? All right. I love you. I’m shit at showing it. I always have been. I always will be. But you’re my little sister and I love you.”
I wouldn’t cry again. “I love you too, pretty Daisy.”
“You could come visit me out here if you want a change of scenery. Who knows, maybe you’d even decide L.A. is your speed. You could stay in my apartment. It’s a one bedroom but I’ve got a relatively stain free pullout couch.” She chuckled. “Just don’t expect to visit me at work because I guarantee you will see something you don’t want to see.”
That was as about as generous an offer as Daisy had ever made to anyone. “I’d like to see you. I don’t think I could consider moving though. Even when I was away at school I just felt like I was an Emblem girl to the core.”
“How is everyone in Emblem anyway?”
“Some good stories, some not so good. Steven Pike still asks about you.”
“Ah, Pike,” she exhaled deeply. “I hated hearing about what happened to him. We had a thing on and off again in high school and he was kind of clingy but he was a good guy. Remember when I was in tenth grade and Luanne thought it would be funny to make all my clothes disappear after I mouthed off to her one too many times? One by one, a shirt here, a pair of jeans there, until I thought I was losing my mind and about all I had left were these obnoxious dresses that she used to buy for me every Easter. Of course she denied that she had anything to do with it and Eddie was as much help as Eddie ever was. Steven Pike used to listen to me bitch about Luanne all the time. He felt bad enough for me to sell off all his game cartridges and give me the money so I could buy new clothes. Those I carried around with me in my backpack everywhere I went so she couldn’t find them.”
“Luanne.” I shook my head. I wondered how many people uttered their mother’s name like a curse. Maybe more than I guessed. I hadn’t heard that story about Pike though. He’d had a clue about what kind of home life Daisy and I had. Maybe that’s why he still felt an obligation to be protective of me. Even if he no longer understood why.
Daisy stayed on the phone for nearly an hour before yawning and saying she needed to cut this short because she had a seven a.m. casting call. I wasn’t sure what that entailed and was not planning to ask. She urged me to visit soon and made me take down her address.
A conversation with my sister had eased the ache in my heart a little. I changed to a nightshirt supplied by Cadence and turned off the light, regarding the dark ceiling in silence.
I was still angry with Ryan.
And yet I still wanted him, still cared about him, still couldn’t ignore the whisper from my intuition that the cataclysmic connection between us couldn’t be smothered.
At some point I would need to deal with him. But first I needed to sort out the future of the Dirty Cactus. The people who worked there were loyal to me. If they thought I’d been wronged they might be inspired to quit and there weren’t exactly an abundance of jobs to choose from in Emblem. They had to believe that it was okay to keep working there. And there were the customers too, the regulars who’d been coming in for decades in some cases for a chance to socialize and laugh with other human beings. There weren’t many places that gave them that opportunity.
In the morning I would address the bar situation.
And perhaps by morning I’d be able to handle facing Ryan as well.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ryan
Leah texted me early Tuesday morning with a message to meet her at the Cactus. I’d kept a constant eye on my phone all Monday evening while I manned the bar for the smattering of customers, all of whom wanted to know where Leah was. Chances were high Leah had gone to her friend Cadence’s house since I saw her car was nowhere in sight at Eddie’s. I spent every ounce of my willpower not calling, texting or marching over there in full blown crawling-on-my-knees mode.
So when my phone pinged the following morning I was ready to devour it.
Meet me at the Cactus. One hour.
That was it. At least no profanity was included. I’ll take it.
I’d assumed she planned to meet alone but when I got there I found Terry and Misty had already arrived. Sharon showed up a few minutes later. All were confused, with no idea why they’d been called in.
Leah arrived with a smile that managed to avoid landing on me. She cheerfully greeted the employees of the Dirty Cactus and said she had an important announcement to make. Following a dramatic pause she broke the news that the bar had been sold to me and while there were still many details to be ironed out she was excited that this would only mean good things for the Dirty Cactus and the people who worked for it.
All three of them were confused. Sharon bit her lip with anxiety. Terry crossed his arms with a severe frown. Misty tossed me a suspicious glare that might have had a more serious impact if her hair wasn’t six different colors.
I felt as if I’d just been invited to say something so I did.
“Please feel reassured you that you all have a place here.” I was technically speaking to everyone but it was Leah I stared at meaningfully. In turn she stared at her phone. “Business will go on as usual and I’ll happily answer any questions you have along the way.”
Misty jerked her head at Leah. “What about you?”
Yes, Leah. What about you?
She wouldn’t answer the question. She took a call on her phone that I was pretty sure didn’t exist. Then she ended the pretend conversation, thanked everyone for stopping by on such short notice and said for now scheduled work hours would continue as normal and that she and I had some work to do so she’d need to excuse herself from the meeting.
Sharon paused in front of me and nervously said she was eager to work for me. Misty kept searching Leah with her eyes but Leah’s brisk businesslike manner offered no hint that anything was wrong so ultimately Misty shrugged, shook her rainbow head and walked out. Terry shot a perplexed glance in Leah’s direction but she merely gave him a vague smile so he followed Misty out.
The door sighed shut, leaving the two of us alone.
Leah perched on a bar stool and faced me. “I was here earlier. I left a thumb drive on the office desk with all the latest financial spreadsheets. And I’m afraid I’m leaving you a few unpaid bills. We use an accounting program called QuickJob. It’s very popular for small businesses, very easy and straightforward to use and you can run payroll from it.” She stopped and shook her head. “Wait, I forgot you have a business degree. I’m sure you can figure it out.”
“I’m sure I could. Now let’s talk about your role here.”
Leah acted as if I hadn’t spoken. “You meant what you said, that you’ll keep them all on here at the bar?”
“Of course.”
She pressed her lips together and looked around. “I really made a scene yesterday, didn’t I?”
“You had every right.”
“I was furious. I was hurt.” Her voice grew small. “So very hurt.”
I had to lay my soul bare if I intended to earn her trust again. “I’m furious with myself. Leah, I’d do anything to take back how much pain I’ve caused you.”
She shrugged. “I guess you thought you had a reason.”
“I was wrong.”
Sadness passed over
her face. “Ryan, I really and truly never told Luanne you touched me.”
“I know. I should have figured that out for myself sooner.”
She held up a hand. “But I really do want to tell you everything that did happen so please stop interrupting and let me.”
I chose a chair at one of the rickety tables and sat down, prepared to listen.
Leah propped her heels on the lowest run of her barstool and clasped her hands together in her lap. She took a deep breath. “I was angry at you. So angry. But I didn’t lie. And I didn’t mean to tell Luanne about Harry Beckett but she was looking for a way to make you suffer. She made it clear she’d make me suffer too if I held anything back. I was too weak and afraid to challenge her so I repeated everything you’d told me. She figured out a plan before I even finished talking. She made some calls and found out that Harry had died at the hospital, which delighted her. She said she was going make sure you went to prison. I don’t know exactly what she told my dad but it doesn’t matter because he believed anything that came out of her mouth. She planned to send me away with the excuse that she needed to keep me safe, as if that was ever a priority of hers. I tried to find Celeste but she wasn’t at home or at the shelter and I didn’t know where else to look. So I searched for somebody, anybody, who would be able to get you a message that the police were going to be looking for you. I found Steven Pike. He said he’d find you but he was afraid you’d come after me. He told me to go home and say nothing. And a few hours later I was driven to the airport and shoved on the first plane to Idaho.”
There was a long pause as she stared off into the distance and collected her thoughts. She’d asked me not to interrupt so I didn’t interrupt.
“When I came home you were gone. Celeste had moved out. My parents wouldn’t tell me anything. Steven Pike refused to speak to me. So I went to the police station to let them know that whatever Luanne had said was a lie. I was sent to Englewood. I’m pretty sure he was Luanne’s lover by that time. To say he wasn’t willing to listen is an understatement. So I went to go find your mother. Luanne and Eddie wouldn’t tell me why she’d moved out. I thought we could figure something out, the two of us. We could get someone who was above Englewood in the chain of command to listen. We could go to the media. We’d find a way to clear your name. She was there at the shelter. She was surprised to see me. But I didn’t know that’s where she was living until I heard the news about the fire the next day.”
Yes, she was living there. Sleeping in a dirty basement, trapped while the building burned over her head. She shouldn’t be dead. She shouldn’t have fucking been there.
“My uncle persuaded me to lie low for a little while,” I said. “So I hadn’t contacted her yet to let her know where I was. My last day in Emblem was the last time we ever spoke. I never got a chance to tell her so many things. And I never knew whether or not she died thinking her son was a murderer.”
“Ryan, look at me.”
I’d lowered my head to my hands as horrifying thoughts of my mother’s likely last moments consumed me but Leah’s voice brought me back and I did as she said. I looked at her and detected only sympathy and honesty.
“Your mother believed in your innocence. Luanne tried to feed her the whole garbage story but she saw it for the lie it was. The fight was ugly between her and Luanne. It always seemed strange to me that they remained friends for so long but for some reason Luanne needed your mother around. Maybe Luanne even cared about her in some sick codependent way. What I don’t know is if Celeste found out about what Luanne had done to you. I didn’t tell her that part, Ryan. The important thing was she knew you were innocent and she was ready to fight for you. The following day we planned to go to the police station together. If we couldn’t get anyone at Emblem PD to listen then we’d go to the county, the state, the press. Whatever it took to clear your name and fix things so you could come home. And then, the fire…”
Leah became choked up for a moment at the memory of my mother, who’d dedicated her life to charity and kindness. In unspoken mutual agreement we shared a sad moment of silence for the woman we’d both loved. Then Leah regained her composure and told me the rest.
“With Celeste gone I couldn’t see a way out. I knew Luanne would never let this rest and too many people in Emblem were under her spell. If you came back she would not have stopped trying to ruin you. Your mother was gone. Half the town assumed the rumor of you being a murderer was true. Luanne remained determined to strip you of your freedom as payback for refusing her. There was nothing for you here. So I hoped you were safe wherever you were. I hoped you would find a way to live your life and be happy.”
Had I been happy? I hadn’t been in prison. Quite the opposite. Thanks to my uncle’s connections I’d received a new identity and worked my way to a better life than I would have had the opportunity to live in Emblem. But the whole time I’d been some invented man by the name of Greg Holbrook. I hadn’t been me.
“I was happy enough,” I told Leah because I wouldn’t let her be burdened by my anguish. She had enough of her own.
She wasn’t fooled. “But you wanted to come home and be Ryan Jedson.”
“And eventually I did.”
“Yes, eventually you did.” She chewed her lip and frowned. “You bought the diner too, didn’t you?”
“Yes. And the building that used to be Acme Insurance. And the old hardware store. I’m working on acquiring that empty ruin at the north end where a fast food place never materialized and hoping to make a deal on the abandoned apartment complex.”
“So what’s next when you’ve finished buying up half the town?”
“Those buildings all need renovation, some more than others, before they’ll be fit to accommodate businesses. I’m already assembling a team for the diner because I’m determined to get that open as soon as possible. I’m selling off all the properties I own elsewhere in order to centralize my resources. My lawyer will keep telling me it’s foolish, investing everything I’ve got in Emblem. I disagree. There’s a lot of possibility left in this town. There are a lot of reasons to bet on Emblem.”
“So you’re planning to be the hero of Emblem?” Leah wasn’t mocking me. She smiled when she said it.
Someone might see it as arrogance. Swooping in here and trying to be the local champion. Maybe it was.
“Emblem’s overdue for a break, don’t you think?” I asked her.
Leah didn’t answer. She quietly looked around, her eyes landing on all the familiar corners of her favorite place and it killed me to watch the love she had for something I’d already taken.
“It was never my bar anyway,” she said. “It was Dad’s bar. I was just taking care of it for him.”
“It’s every bit your bar, Leah. You did everything you could to keep this place afloat. Eddie’s poor management decisions were not your fault. By the time you got here the financial situation was already overwhelming. You’re a good manager. And I meant it when I said I want you to stay. If I’ve destroyed everything else between us then I’ll have to learn to live with that somehow. But please stay.”
“You mean work for you?” She was shaking her head, all ready to issue a hard pass. “I’m not going to be your employee.”
“That’s not what I’m asking. You know the bar better than anyone. And you can run it better than anyone. I don’t want to be your boss. I want to be your partner.”
“Because you feel guilty.”
“I do feel guilty. That’s not why I want to work with you. That’s not why I want to be with you.”
She was thinking. “We’d be at each other’s throats, you and me, running a business side by side. Too much baggage, Ryan.”
“Leah, I don’t deserve you. I know that. And I spent so many years existing in a manufactured life that I half forgot who I really was. But being with you right here in Emblem, I’m whole again. I want to earn the right to be by your side. If you’ll let me.”
I stood up. She stayed where she was, watc
hing me come closer.
“Give it a chance,” I said. I gently placed my hands on her small shoulders and bent down to touch my forehead to hers. “Give me a chance. Please.”
She laid her hand on my cheek. She leaned into my lips and kissed me so softly, so tenderly. If she wanted me to, I’d beg. I’d plead. I’d get down on my knees. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing what I’d only just found.
“I’ll try,” she whispered and then slipped away from me. She climbed off the stool and headed for the door without a backward glance. Then she was gone.
Leah wasn’t being difficult. She’d offered me everything she could today. A kiss. And a maybe.
All I could do was watch her leave and fiercely pray that she came back to me when she was ready.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Leah
The breezy Southern California weather was nice but after three weeks I was ready to go home. The holidays were rapidly approaching and besides, I missed the stark wildness of the desert. I missed the people of Emblem. And sleeping on my sister’s couch was never meant to be a permanent escape.
Daisy was downright hospitable during my stay, eager to show me the sights of Los Angeles and escort me to the beach. She was trying to make up for lost time I think. My sister was far more mellow than the angry girl I’d grown up with. We didn’t dwell on old wounds much. Some days I felt like she was someone I’d only just met. Daisy and I might never be as close as Cadence was with her family but we could still learn to enjoy being sisters. And by the time I left I felt like we’d succeeded at least that much.
Night had fallen when I transitioned to the Sonoran desert that covered a large band of Arizona. Phoenix was alight with all its miles of shopping malls and subdivisions and I felt as if I’d toured an eternity of urban sprawl before the lights grew less frequent and the more rural darkness prevailed.
The closer I got to Emblem the stronger a sense of harmony and familiarity grew. When I glimpsed the beacon of the prison lights I knew I was almost home. It was nearly ten p.m. on Saturday night. I expected to see the Dirty Cactus parking lot crammed with cars as I drove down Main Street and it was. Misty had kept me apprised on current events at the bar so I knew Ryan had jumped right into the management role and began funding all those much needed repairs that I always wished I had money for. I had not spoke to Ryan since the day I relinquished the bar to him. That afternoon I packed a suitcase and drove to California. I allowed Misty to tell him my whereabouts and although she admitted he asked after me constantly he respected my wish to have this time away. He did not interfere.