“It does make you look distinguished. I’m not so sure about the other,” Lindsay said, with a laugh. “How is Emily’s fight with the county commissioner going? Any change on that?”
“Not that I’ve heard of. She’s going to drop by later. I guess I’ll hear what’s going on with it then.”
Emily had done some Christmas shopping for him already and wanted to show him what she had found. He was hoping she would stay for dinner. He was planning to surprise her with a delivery from her favorite Chinese restaurant.
“Oh, so Emily is coming over. I wondered why you put on that nice shirt and weren’t sulking about being left alone all night,” his daughter teased him. “You’re probably relieved to have the house all to yourself.”
“Don’t be silly. Emily is just a friend.” Dan felt embarrassed, though he knew he shouldn’t be.
Ah, Emily . . . He had to figure out what was going on there. The thing was, he had been enjoying their time together too much to start analyzing and tearing it apart. She was a wonderful woman, and he cared for her—more than he wanted to admit. But he had always been honest with her about his plans. It was okay. Emily understood, he told himself.
He fiddled around with the lamp fittings on the table, wondering now if he should give the lamp to her or not.
“Okay, well you have a good time,” Lindsay said. “I’ve got to run. I’ll be at the paper later, if you need me.”
“Okay, honey. Good luck.” He paused. “And thanks for talking with me. About Wyatt, I mean.”
She nodded. “All right then. Enough said.”
She kissed his cheek and left the house, leaving him thinking she really had grown into a lovely woman. He was very proud of her.
Lindsay’s insights about Wyatt disturbed him, though. He knew she was right. He also had never imagined she had such a deep understanding of the paper, what it meant to the readers, how it served the village. Wyatt didn’t seem to see any of that. And if he didn’t see that big picture, how would the paper thrive and grow? It didn’t bode well, Dan thought.
Despite the predictable growing pains, Dan had sensed all along that things weren’t going smoothly. This conversation confirmed it, yet what could he do? The one time he had tried to talk to his son about the paper, Wyatt nearly threatened to toss the whole thing back in his lap.
Wyatt will grow into the job somehow, Dan consoled himself. It’s just going to take a little longer than a month or two.
Once he got this ridiculous hunk of plaster off his leg, he’d go down to the office and give his son a crash course in running the paper—whether Wyatt liked it or not. Dan knew he could never leave on his trip while wondering if the Messenger would still exist when he got back. That would be unthinkable.
“GOOD MORNING, EMILY.” REVEREND BEN’S VOICE STARTLED HER, AND she practically jumped.
“Reverend . . . hello,” she replied. Seated on a bench on the green, Emily had been staring out at the water, her thoughts wandering. She had walked from her house down to the green without seeing another living soul, feeling as if she were the only one in town awake this early on a Sunday morning.
“Out running in the snow today?” he asked, eyeing her outfit, a jogging suit topped with a down vest, scarf, and gloves. “You joggers are dedicated. I’ll say that for you.”
“Just a brisk walk. The streets are too snowy. I need to go down to the beach to run. I was up early and felt like some fresh air.”
“I see. Good idea,” Ben said, indicating in a knowing glance that he saw a lot more than she’d even hinted at. He glanced at his watch, then added, “Mind if I sit for a minute?”
“No, not at all.” Emily moved over and made room for him. He settled down at the opposite end of the bench and looked out at the harbor. The water was slate gray, choppy with white caps. The sun, still low in the sky, was a softly glowing ball edging over a fringe of trees.
“So, how’s Rachel doing?” Emily asked, with interest.
“Very well, thank you. Won’t be long now.” He smiled. “It looks like it will be an exciting Christmas for our family. But what about you? This must be an exciting Christmas for you, too. Because of Sara, I mean,” he added.
When it had come to her secret about Sara, Reverend Ben had been her only confidant and sole support for many years. Emily realized now that he was the one person who perhaps truly realized what this holiday meant to her.
She suddenly felt too moved to speak and glanced out at the water again. “Sometimes it’s still hard to believe she’s really here. I wake up and have to remember.” She glanced at him briefly and smiled. “What can I say? It’s truly been the answer to my prayers, Reverend.”
He didn’t reply at first, then reached over and patted her hand. “I know, Emily. It’s sort of a miracle really. I’m thankful for your happiness this Christmas, too.”
Emily didn’t answer. Though she knew she could tell Reverend Ben anything, it was hard to confide in him about this latest problem. Her feelings about Dan. Her hopes for a relationship that often seemed so hopeless. She’d been at Dan’s house again last night, and this morning she was filled with the same doubts and questions. Why did she let herself get drawn in like this? Why did she open her heart and let herself feel again when there was no future in it?
She had once told the reverend that she hoped to get married again someday. But that was before Sara came back into her life. Now it seemed as if she were ungrateful, greedy, asking for too much.
“Emily, is everything okay?” Ben asked kindly.
“Yes. Of course.” She shrugged. “Everything’s great. Just a little stressed with Christmas coming. That’s all.”
She caught herself, wondering if she had just lied to her minister. Then she realized that, in fact, everything was great. She couldn’t ask for more. Wouldn’t ask.
Hadn’t she once promised the Lord that if she ever found her daughter, she wouldn’t ask for another single thing?
She felt Reverend Ben continue to watch her. “Yes, it’s a lot of pressure, these holidays,” he said. “A lot of rushing around and expectations. For some people, it’s the hardest time of the year. They’re constantly reminded of things that are missing in their lives. Very painful,” he added, in a sympathetic tone.
“Yes, that’s true,” Emily agreed. She took a deep breath. Maybe that was it. The holidays were just intensifying her feelings about Dan, making everything worse. It was a romantic notion, to be with someone you loved on Christmas. A romantic fantasy, really.
“It is a difficult time of the year in some ways,” she said. “I feel so grateful for Sara. You know I do, Reverend. And yet . . . I also feel my life is lacking in some ways—some important ways. But I don’t feel able to ask the Lord for more. That doesn’t seem right.”
Ben gave her a long thoughtful look. “Maybe not to you, Emily. But, for one thing, the Lord knows best of all that we’re only human down here.”
His light tone made her laugh. “Yes, I suppose so,” she said.
“You told me once you hoped to get married again? Is that it?” he asked kindly.
Emily felt quietly stunned. The reverend was remarkably perceptive. It really was a gift—but also sometimes a little unnerving.
“Well . . . yes,” she admitted slowly. “I would.”
“Are you seeing someone?” he asked. It was a personal question, yet Emily found the hopeful note in his voice oddly touching.
“Sort of.” She nodded. “But it’s not going to work out. It’s not his fault or anything,” she said in a rush. “Just bad timing.”
She wondered suddenly if Reverend Ben had any idea who she was talking about. She imagined that there was some gossip about her and Dan floating about. Especially since she was the mayor, and they’d strolled around town so conspicuously last Saturday.
“Oh, I see.” Ben nodded and stroked his beard with his hand. “But bad timing isn’t necessarily the end of the world. Couples encounter that sort of problem fairly often, I
think. They work on it a bit and figure out how to . . . how to synchronize their watches, you might say.”
Emily smiled and shook her head. “I know, but not this time.” Dan had so many chances to say that he was unsure about his trip or that he would delay it further to give their relationship a chance to develop. Yet he never once even hinted at changing his plans.
“You sound pretty sure of that. I’m not sure what to say then,” Ben admitted. He paused. “But don’t leave the Lord out of it, Emily. Trust in Him. Tell Him your heart’s desires. He wants to answer your prayers in the way that He knows is best for you. You never need worry about asking Him for too much. There’s no limit to His love, you know.”
“Yes, I know that, Reverend. But thank you for reminding me,” Emily said sincerely.
“Maybe you will marry again. But maybe Da—this fellow with the bad timing, I mean—is not the one for you,” Ben said gently. “But trust that God has something even better in store.”
“Yes, I’ll try,” Emily promised. She forced herself to smile, knowing in her heart how hard it would be to keep that promise.
The reverend glanced at his watch and quickly rose from his seat. “Goodness, sorry to rush off, but I’ve got to run. I need to take care of about a thousand and one things before the service this morning.”
“I’ll see you there. Thanks for talking with me, Reverend.”
“No thanks necessary, Emily. You know that.” He smiled and nodded and headed off across the green.
Emily knew it was time for her to start home and change. Her mother would soon be waiting for her ride to church. Still, she sat a moment longer, staring out at the empty harbor.
The sun had risen higher, and the water now seemed a brighter shade of blue, the waves far less ominous. Talking to the reverend had helped her realize how she had closed the Lord out of this matter. She had to hand things over to Him and trust Him to figure it out for her.
A familiar verse from the Bible came to mind. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God. . . . She repeated the words in her mind, feeling a certain kind of peace and comfort settle all around her.
“SO, WHAT DID YOU THINK?” LUKE ASKED, AS THEY LEFT THE MOVIE theater. “Did you guess the stepbrother was the one?”
“I thought he could be,” Sara said. “They kept hinting it was the old woman, but I knew that was just a red herring.”
“Really, how did you know?”
She shrugged. “I just had a feeling.”
They walked along without saying anything for a few minutes.
“I’m sorry you didn’t like the movie,” Luke said.
“I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” Sara replied. She heard her voice sounding grouchier than she had intended. It was late and she felt tired. She didn’t mean to be cross with him. “It was okay. I guess I expected something different from the review.”
“Yeah, me, too. It wasn’t as good as they said.”
He glanced at her but didn’t say anything more. They came to Luke’s 4Runner, and he opened her door. They had planned to go down to the Beanery after the movie for a bite to eat. Sara felt so tired, she wished she could just go home and crawl into bed. She had been sick since Sunday with a bad cold and finally returned to work today. At the moment, all she really wanted was a good night’s sleep.
But she didn’t want to disappoint Luke. He seemed distant somehow tonight. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was tired, too, she thought.
Luke parked in front of the café, and they went inside.
“Hey, Sara!” someone called out to her. She turned and saw Wyatt sitting with Lindsay at a table in the back. She waved back to him and then noticed Luke watching her.
“That’s Wyatt’s sister, Lindsay.”
Luke glanced over at Wyatt and Lindsay, then touched Sara’s shoulder. “I think the waitress is ready to show us to a table,” he said, steering her in the opposite direction.
When they were seated, Luke picked up a menu. “I’m starved. How about you?”
“I’m all right. I ate too much popcorn,” Sara said.
“Is your cold bothering you? You sound a little tired.”
“I guess I am a little,” she admitted. “I’m okay.”
She didn’t want to complain and ruin their date. Luke had been concerned about her on Sunday, when she had to cancel. He even offered to bring over chicken soup and orange juice and anything she needed from the drugstore. But Emily had already dropped by with supplies. Somehow she had guessed Sara was getting sick the day before, though Sara was sure she never mentioned it.
Luke closed the menu and put it down beside his plate. “We don’t have to stay, if you don’t feel well. I can take you home. It’s okay.”
Sara was surprised by his offer and tempted to take him up on it. Still there was a subtle tension in his voice that made her nervous.
“I’m fine. Really,” she assured him.
“Okay . . . so what else is it then?” he said.
“What do you mean?” She sat back in her chair, not sure of what he was driving at.
“Well, you didn’t have to go out with me tonight, if you didn’t want to. It’s not like I need you to do me favors or anything, Sara.”
“What are you talking about?” His accusation shocked her; at the same time it touched on some guilty little truth that she wasn’t quite ready to look at. “Of course I wanted to go out with you. We had plans for Sunday, but I had a cold.”
“I’m not sure you were dying to see me on Sunday night, either,” Luke replied.
“Luke, come on. You know I want to see you.” Sara felt uncomfortable and annoyed to be put on the spot. She was so tired, and she didn’t feel well at all. “Why are you asking for all these assurances tonight? That’s just the trouble sometimes.”
She saw a look cross his face; his eyes widened, and she realized what she’d said.
“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. I didn’t even know there was any trouble.”
“I don’t mean trouble. That’s not what I mean,” she replied, backtracking.
“Well, it’s what you said.”
She took a deep breath and tried not to look him in the eye. “Listen, you know that I care about you, Luke. I really value our relationship.” She paused, unsure if she should say more—and unsure of how to say what she needed to tell him.
“Go on, I’m listening,” he said quietly.
“I just feel as if lately, you have some definite ideas about where things are going with us, and I . . . I’m not ready for anything really that definite or serious right now,” she managed. “I’ve got too much going on, with my job and getting to know Emily. I don’t even know how long I’ll be living here and—”
“Okay, you don’t have to say anymore. I get it,” he cut in.
Though his face was an impassive mask, she saw hurt flash in his gray eyes. She reached over and covered his hands with her own. “Luke, you know I care about you.”
“Well, apparently not the same way I care about you. I didn’t realize I was pressuring you. Is this really about being distracted by your job—or by your boss?” he asked bluntly.
Sara felt her face flush. “Luke, let’s not get into that again. Please?”
“Why not? You should see the way your eyes lit up when you just said hello to him,” Luke told her. He shook his head, looking angry. “Just forget about it. Forget anything I said. I’ve been a jerk, I guess.” He suddenly stood up and grabbed his coat. “Ready to go?”
Sara felt caught off guard for a moment. “I guess so.” She came to her feet and stood there awkwardly while Luke helped her on with her coat.
The short ride back to her apartment seemed endless, tense and silent. When they reached her house, she didn’t know what to say. Luke shut off the engine and turned to look at her.
“Well, I’ll see you around, Sara.”
“I’m sorry if I upset you, Luke. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
&
nbsp; “I’m all right. At least you were straight with me,” he said.
“But we could still get together. I mean, we’ve always been friends,” she reminded him.
He shook his head, smiling at her. “You don’t get it. I don’t want to be just your friend, Sara.”
“I know that, but—”
“No, Sara,” he cut in. “You said what you had to say. Let’s just leave it for now. I don’t think I can go backward. That wouldn’t work for me.”
A wave of sadness welled up inside her. Sara blinked back tears. She didn’t want him to see her crying. It seemed selfish or unfair somehow, since she was the one who had disappointed him.
“Okay, I understand,” she said. “So long, Luke. I’ll see you.”
She leaned over quickly and kissed his cheek. Just an impulse, and she didn’t stop to think if it was wrong or right. Then she slipped out of the truck and ran up the walk without turning around to look back at him.
“I DON’T THINK YOU OUGHT TO GO FOR A WALK RIGHT NOW, DAD,” Grace said, trying to keep her voice calm and even. “I really need you here in the store. You know how it gets on the Friday before Christmas—all those shoppers.”
“Most of them are just browsing. They never ask me for any help. They think I’m a mannequin, sitting in this chair near the door. That’s what I’m starting to feel like, anyway,” Digger complained. “You ought to just prop me up and pin a price tag on me, Grace. See what you can get.”
“Now, Dad, don’t be like that,” Grace said, trying to soothe him. “Did you finish that rocking chair?” she asked, hoping to focus him on a project. “I could sell that in a minute.”
“Needs to dry before I can put another coat of varnish on. I don’t want to rush it.”
“Yes, that’s right. Don’t rush it. There’s a nice plant stand back in the barn I thought you could paint, though. White or light blue,” she suggested. “I’ll put a bow on it, put it up front this weekend.”
“That one with the curly feet?”
“That’s the one.” She nodded. “Can you do it for me?”
“Sure. I’ll need to buy some paint, though. Guess I’ll walk down to the hardware store.”
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