God, just sleep! Picking up the pillow beside her, Nayla crammed it over her face, trying to stem the sudden onslaught of tears. She had to get up again in just a couple of hours. But instead of the blessed relief of oblivion, her mind played out her last evening with Landon like a movie reel in a never-ending loop.
If only I’d ignored my phone and pulled out the cane.
If only I’d listened to him when he warned me he’d leave if I switched on my computer.
If only Daddy were here now so I could tell him how right he was .
Nayla wasn’t sure when she’d started referring to Landon as ‘Daddy’ in her mind… but now it felt so natural and right, she couldn’t imagine calling him anything else. Another thing she wished she could tell him.
With a muffled groan of frustration, she threw off the covers and clambered out of bed. Her onesie was lying over the nearest chair and she tugged it on, pulling the hood over her head, marveling at how comforting it felt now when she’d made such a fuss about wearing one for the first time. There was definitely something to be said about embracing one’s inner child.
Padding into her kitchen, she made herself a cup of cocoa before heading into the lounge and getting out the mandala she’d been working on for the past couple of days.
As she got to work, filling in the petals with various hues of blue, she wondered what Landon would say if he could see her now. She considered taking a selfie and sending it to him, but then remembered with a pang that she didn’t have his email address or phone number.
Besides , she thought, coloring furiously, he’s probably curled around his latest ‘assignment’ right now, having brought the lucky bitch to several helpless, toe-curling orgasms before climaxing himself with that sexy noise he always makes when he comes —
A loud tearing noise interrupted her thoughts and she realized she’d been pressing her pencil down so hard, she’d ripped clean through the paper of her mandala.
It was the last straw. Her cooling cocoa forgotten, Nayla rested her head in the crook of her arm and gave in to a helpless fit of weeping.
She cried until there were no tears left, all the while replaying every moment she’d spent with Landon—Daddy—at the Castle. At length, once she was able to regain her breath, once she had blown her nose and wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks, she realized why she had never felt this way before. For the first time in her life, Una had fallen head over heels in love.
And, for the first time in her life, she was suffering from a broken heart.
Figures , she thought sourly, eyeing the cold cocoa with disdain and heading toward her rarely used but well-stocked liquor cabinet instead. I go to the Castle for some R&R and my whole life gets turned upside down . Taking such a huge slug of brandy from the bottle that some of it spilled down her chin, she considered whether it really would have been better if Kurt hadn’t stood her up. If he’d simply appeared, as usual, and they’d had their typical, regular, light-hearted time together.
The answer, when she thought about it, was not what she’d expected. For if Kurt had shown up—even if that meant she would now still be happier in her work, she wouldn’t now be suffering from insomnia, considering alcoholism as a serious life choice, or be going through the agony of a shredded heart—she would never have met Landon. Would never have spent that time with him. Wouldn’t have the memories. Beaky wouldn’t have become her nightly companion and confidant, and she certainly wouldn’t be wearing a unicorn onesie over her designer lingerie.
At the end of the day, Landon had taught her things about herself she’d always be grateful for, and as the clock on the wall caught her eye, Nayla knew what she had to do.
Chapter 11
L andon shuffled down the hallway, too dejected to even keep his shoulders straight. He knew he wasn’t projecting the stern Daddy Dom image required of him, but it was late and there was hardly anybody about. The unassigned Littles were all settled in their respective nurseries and dorms—or they were supposed to be, anyway—and he was looking forward to getting into his apartment, stripping off his suit, and having a long soak in the hot tub.
When he rounded the corner and saw Sam standing outside his door, Landon let out a loud groan.
“Good to see you too, Bro.” Sam held up a six-pack. “Nightcap?”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Landon grumbled, unlocking his door and sighing when Sam sauntered inside without being invited. “Last I heard, you had a wife…”
“I do but we’re not joined at the hip,” Sam countered, setting the beers down and extracting two before putting the rest into Landon’s small fridge. “I also have a brother.”
“A brother who’s exhausted and was very much looking forward to getting into the Jacuzzi before you turned up and scuppered his well-laid plans.” Landon accepted the beer Sam had opened and handed to him and took a long swallow before collapsing onto his couch. Sam was already sprawled on the armchair, looking for all the world like he owned the place.
“One of the reasons you came to work here was so we could spend more time together,” Sam said. “And I’ve hardly seen you since you started. In fact, I’m hearing the same thing from everybody. You’re keeping to yourself. I want to know why.”
“I’m shy.”
Sam didn’t laugh. “Bullshit. Something’s wrong.”
Landon closed his eyes and took another long pull of his beer. “Just what the doctor ordered.” He tilted the bottle in his brother’s direction. “Thanks.”
“Fine.” Sam set his beer on the coffee table, leaned back, and folded his massive arms across his broad chest. “I’m not going anywhere until we’ve talked. Properly. So the longer this takes,” he indicated the bathroom door with a tilt of his head, “the longer you have to wait for the tub.”
“Has anybody complained about me? I’m doing my job, aren’t I?” Landon glowered at Sam. “Or has Marshall said something?”
“Yes, you’re doing your job. But your heart’s not in it. You’re just going through the motions. You’re not socializing with us. Not talking at mealtimes. I’ve barely seen you in the gym.”
“Maybe I just work out at different times,” Landon shot back.
“And the rest of it?” Sam’s expression softened and he uncrossed his arms, leaning forward and speaking gently. “You know you can talk to me. I haven’t seen you like this since… well, since your divorce. I’m worried about you. We all are.”
Landon sighed and shoved a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I’ll be fine. I just…”
Sam waited for him to continue. Realizing he had no choice but to go on, Landon drained the rest of his beer.
“I know this is gonna sound ridiculous but I miss her, okay? I miss Nayla.”
“The unicorn?”
Landon gave his brother a wry smile. “The accountant. She wasn’t very keen on the unicorn thing.”
“I remember. She turned your head, you brought her to dinner with us on her last evening—you made snide remarks about her job, I recall.”
“For which I apologized,” Landon said through clenched teeth.
“She was lovely. What happened?”
Landon recounted the events of his last evening with Nayla, glad when Sam got them both another beer halfway through. Once he’d reached the part where he’d wanted to have it out with her but Kaylee had already driven her into Granger, Sam let out a low whistle.
“Hit you hard, huh?”
“It did. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She really got under my skin. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“Even though she’s not a Little?”
Landon gave a wry smile. “She is, she just needs some more coaxing. But even if she weren’t, even if she turned around and said she’d never want to try AP again, I’d still be into her. That’s the crazy thing.”
“Not as crazy as just letting her go if she affected you that much.”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Oh, gee, I
don’t know… call her? Send her an email? Fly out to wherever it is she lives?” Sam shot back.
“I did think about it, a couple of times, but she’s not interested in a long-term relationship. She’s married to her job, she said that often enough. And I don’t think a long-distance thing where I only get to see her for a week every few months would be enough for me.”
Sam was rubbing his chin. “Did you ever talk about the future with her?”
“Nope.”
“Or tell her how you feel?”
They both jumped as the phone rang.
“Who the hell could be calling me this late?” Landon said, reaching out to answer it.
“Landon?” Kaylee’s soft voice was unmistakable.
“What can I do for you, Kaylee?”
“Are you with anybody?”
Landon shot his brother a glance. “Just Sam.”
“Oh. Do you think he could spare you for a few minutes? Marshall would like to see you in his office.”
“Now?”
“Yes, now.”
Christ, this evening is getting better and better . “All right, I’ll be down in a couple minutes.”
“See you then.” Kaylee hung up.
“I’ve been summoned to see the boss,” Landon said, turning to glare at his brother. “Is this your doing?”
Sam raised his palms in the air. “Nothing to do with me.”
“Well, fuck then. I guess we’ll have to cut our chat short.”
“Nu-uh, you’re not getting out of it that easily. I’m waiting right here for your return.”
Landon was in too much of a hurry to argue. He briefly considered brushing his teeth to get the smell of beer off his breath but resorted to simply rinsing with mouthwash instead.
“You need to relax,” Sam called from the living room. “He’s not gonna kiss you… and besides, it’s only beer. And you’re off duty.”
Easy for Sam to say—he was one of the founding Masters. He didn’t have to worry about losing his job. As Landon headed off down the stairs to Marshall’s office on the second floor, his thoughts again returned to Nayla. She’d told him the very same thing during their argument, and he was once more reminded how terrified she must have been of losing the only constant she had in her life. Why in the hell would Marshall summon him to his office this late in the evening unless it was bad news?
His mind racing, Landon almost didn’t stop in time when Kaylee materialized in front of him like a silent ghost.
“Jesus, you scared me!” he said. “Are you waiting for me?”
“Yes,” she began nervously. “I have a confession to make. Marshall didn’t ask to see you. I didn’t know any other excuse to get you to come down.”
She looked so apologetic, Landon almost burst out laughing. “It’s fine. But next time, feel free to say: Landon, please come down, I need to speak to you . Or, hell, come up and see me. You know where my apartment is.”
Kaylee nodded. “Sorry.”
“So what is it you need?”
“Well…”
“I asked her to call you down.” Nayla stepped out from inside the nook where she’d been out of his line of sight. “I needed to speak to you, and I didn’t want to interrupt anything if you… had a visitor.”
Landon’s head was spinning and he reached out to steady himself against the closest wall. “Nayla?” he said incredulously.
She was dressed in a unicorn onesie several sizes too big, her coppery curls peeping out from beneath the hood. Her gaze was red-rimmed and her face pale. There were huge purple smudges beneath her eyes. She looked like she’d gone through hell, but she had never been more beautiful to him.
“I’ll… um… leave you to it,” Kaylee said in a hushed voice. On her way back, she paused and whispered something in Nayla’s ear. Nayla nodded.
“I don’t understand,” Landon said. “Are you all right? Did something bad happen?”
“Yes,” Nayla managed, and promptly burst into tears.
In a flash, Landon had gathered her into his arms, noticing immediately that she’d lost some weight, his heart pounding at her familiar, intoxicating scent. “It’s all right, babygirl,” he murmured, “it’s okay. Everything will be fine.”
She said something but it was muffled against his shirt. Landon pulled back just far enough so he could understand her when she repeated it, but when she did, his heart almost stopped.
“I love you, Daddy.”
He’d looked so handsome and so amazed when he’d spotted her for the first time, standing behind Kaylee, and when he’d pulled her into his arms and she’d felt his strength and heat surrounding her once more, the words had left her lips before she could even think straight. Now Nayla was burying her face in his shirt once more, praying the ground would swallow her up.
“Say that again.” He lifted her chin and forced her to look up at him, his dark eyes intense, glittering.
“I know we barely know each other, and I know I was only assigned to you, and I know you probably don’t feel the same way, but I had to come and tell you that I love you,” she gabbled, her cheeks burning as she squirmed under his intent, probing gaze.
“Oh, my little angel. I love you, too.”
Everything was happening too fast for her to process it and then his lips were on hers and he was kissing her on and on, crushing her to him, his tongue leaving her in no doubt as to how he felt.
The next moment, he had scooped her up and was striding purposefully up some stairs. Nayla curled into him, inhaling his scent, her lips still tingling from his kiss. If this was a dream, she never, ever wanted to wake up.
“Get out,” she heard Landon saying sharply, and turned her head to see Sam sprawled across the sofa.
Sam took one look at the two of them and then a huge grin spread across his handsome face. “I’m gone,” he said, unfolding himself from the couch and striding to the door. “Have fun, lovebirds.”
Landon kicked the door shut behind him and then they were on the bed and he was covering her face with tiny kisses until she giggled.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he said, stroking her cheek. “But I still don’t understand what you’re doing here. What happened?”
“I quit my job,” Nayla said.
“You what?” The stunned shock on Landon’s face was clear.
“You were right,” she said, her words tumbling out in her hurry to say them. “My boss is a dick and he was just using me and there’s more to life than just work and it’s good to embrace my inner child so I bought a onesie and coloring books and I’ve been saying my mantra and—”
“Woah,” he hushed her. “Slow down. Take a breath. I’m not going anywhere… we have time.”
Nayla inhaled and tried unsuccessfully to calm her racing heart. Now that he was beside her, looking down at her with such tenderness, it was hard to concentrate.
“The last few weeks—since I got back—have been hell,” she admitted. “And I’ve realized so many things. You were right about my job… I was practically killing myself for people who didn’t give two shits about me. I found myself coloring to de-stress. I said my mantra every night and thought of you. I can’t sleep without Beaky because he reminds me of you. And I realized I never told you how I feel, how much you’ve changed my life. So even if you didn’t feel the same way, I wanted to let you know how much I owe you… and how much I care about you. Early this morning, after another sleepless night, I called my boss and told him where to stick his job. Then I booked the first flight I could get to come here. I didn’t want to wait for the bus tomorrow—”
“That’s not like you,” he quipped, and she giggled.
“—so I called Kaylee and she came to pick me up. Please don’t be mad at her, I begged her not to tell you I was coming. I wanted to surprise you.”
“Babygirl,” he said, his voice thick, “I’ve never had a better surprise in my life. I never believed I could miss anybody as much as I’ve missed you. I should have been more
understanding of the fact that your work was the only security you had. I was too pushy in so many things, and I’m so sorry.”
“You’re supposed to be pushy,” she said, “you’re a Dom.”
He rolled his eyes. “Just accept my apology. Please.”
“Only if you accept mine, too.”
“Done.”
“Is this really happening, or am I dreaming?” she said, reaching out to stroke his broad shoulder.
He pinched her nipple and she squealed. “Seems real enough to me.”
“I was so scared about coming here,” she admitted. “I had no idea how you really felt about me… whether you’d forgotten me. I thought you’d probably have company, and I don’t mean Sam, and the thought of that…” she trailed off as a bolt of jealousy punched through her gut.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day you left,” he said. “In fact, Sam stopped by this evening to check up on me because he could tell something was wrong.”
Tears pricked her eyes. “I’m so relieved. Not that you were feeling bad,” she amended quickly, “but I didn’t know what I would do if this were all one-sided. I just knew I had to tell you how I felt, face-to-face. I guess I would have then gone home… and looked for another job.”
Suddenly his expression was serious. “Sweetheart, did you feel like you had to choose between me and your career? Because I’m not cool with that. You have a brilliant mind and you worked so hard to get to where you were. If I ever gave you the impression that you couldn’t have a career and be with me—”
“No,” she stated emphatically. “Please don’t. You didn’t give me the wrong impression. You just opened my eyes. The amount I was working wasn’t healthy, and when I got back, my boss was such a prick to me. Not for the first time, but it was the first time I really realized it. He basically told me he had a bunch of people in line, waiting to take my place.”
“That’s awful, I’m so sorry.” Landon caressed her cheek again.
“No, it’s good, in a way. I’ll never be content with just being the ‘little woman’, happy to stay at home and clean while her husband brings home the bacon, but that week here with you…” She swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat, praying her voice wouldn’t break. “I’ve never felt more secure, or relaxed, or happy, or whole. And I wasn’t even working. Much.” She allowed herself a small smile. “I think I finally get the whole ageplay thing.”
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