If I Were Your Woman

by Donna Hill

  Stan grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Now we’re talking. Let’s hear it.”

  Tony leaned back in his seat and began telling his buddy about how he’d met Stephanie when they got together to work on the spa project.

  “She’s everything I’ve been looking for, man. Smart, pretty, sexy, intelligent, and she’s doing her thing, too. She just started her own PR business.”

  “I hear a but in there somewhere.” Stan looked at his friend over the rim of his glass.

  Tony twisted his lips in thought. “I don’t know, man…I really care about her. I mean, I love this woman, you feel me?”

  “Totally understand. So what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t think she feels the same way. I mean, I know she cares. But anytime I talk about us taking the next step in our relationship or tell her how I feel about her, she starts backing down.”

  “You think she’s seeing someone else?”

  “Naw!” He shook his head. “Not Steph.” His brow creased.

  “How do she and your daughter, Joy, get along.”

  Tony’s face pinched. “She doesn’t know about Joy.”

  “Say what?”

  “I haven’t told her.”

  “Why not?”

  “I plan to. I do. It’s just that it’s never been the right time. See, she has a sister….” He told Stan all about Samantha and the feeling of guilt and obligation that Stephanie felt toward her sister. “She is totally devoted to her, man. And I know that if I don’t explain things right to Stephanie about Joy and why she’s living with my sister…” He slowly shook his head. “She’d never understand.”

  “You’ll never know that unless you tell her.”

  Tony was quiet for a moment.

  “When you were talking about how you feel about her, I heard some hesitation in your voice. Something else going on? If you’re hiding stuff from her, what makes you think she’s not doing the same thing? You think there may be someone else?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “You sure?”

  He blinked and looked at Stan. “What do you mean, am I sure? Yeah, I’m sure.” The whole ugly story about Steph and her former boss, Conrad, flashed through his head, but he knew Stephanie would never tread those waters again.

  Stan lowered his head for a moment, then looked straight into Tony’s face. “Listen, all we know about anyone is what they let us know. Believe me when I tell you.” His jaw clenched and he took a swallow of his water. “I’ve been where you are.”

  “You? In love?” He laughed. “Not Stan ‘the man.’ How’d you let that happen?”

  “Let’s just say I was running and running until I got caught.” He swallowed. “Big-time.”

  He told Tony about Angela. He’d met her at a bookstore. He was there looking for reference sources and she was attending a signing for some romance author. They both wound up at the checkout counter at the same time and started talking.

  “Let’s just say we hit it off from the very beginning. A serious vibe, man. We exchanged numbers and she was the one who called first. We started seeing each other on a regular basis. And before I knew it, she was the only woman I was seeing. I started cutting all the rest of them off one by one.” He drew in a breath and slowly exhaled. “We were together for a little over a year and I knew without a doubt that this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We were out to dinner one night at this fancy restaurant. I had everything planned. When dessert came I was going to pop the question. The ring was burning a whole in my pocket.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “But before I got a chance to ask her anything, she had some news of her own. She was HIV positive.”

  “Oh…damn,” Tony said in a stunned whisper.

  “Man, I can’t even explain what went through my head. I couldn’t think straight. She said she’d caught it from the man she’d been seeing…while she’d been seeing me. It never entered my mind that she would even want to see someone other than me. As far as I was concerned I was putting it down on all levels.” He swallowed over the knot in his throat. “But as much as I thought I knew about us and our relationship, I didn’t know jack.” He braced his chin on his fists, resting his elbows on the table.

  “So what about you…are you…okay?”

  “I’ve been positive for three years. But I’m dealing with it. I’m in a good place now, physically and mentally.”

  “Oh, Stan…I don’t know what to say, man. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I didn’t tell you all that for you to feel sorry for me, but to let you know nothing is as it seems. Don’t take anything for granted. If you want Stephanie, make sure she knows it. Talk about what both of you want in your relationship, how you want it to go. Don’t leave room for guessing. I never told Angie how I felt, what I wanted for us. I figured she could figure it all out for herself. But she didn’t. She got insecure and took up with this guy who gave her what she thought she was missing along with a death sentence.”

  Tony lowered his head and shook it slowly. When he looked back up at his friend he was at a total loss for words. They’d been buddies for years. Stan was invincible. All those years of partying hard and running from one woman to the next with catching no more than a cold, and then when he finally decided to settle down—the ultimate irony.

  The waitress brought their meals. Stan snapped open his napkin and draped it on his lap. “So that’s my story and I’m sticking with it,” he said, chuckling lightly. “But on the real side, that’s why I’m here in New York.” He looked across the table at Tony. “I’m part of a coalition that makes presentations and gives workshops at schools and corporations on prevention and care. Pretty grassroots, but we’re making strides. Which is the other reason why I wanted to talk to you….”

  When Tony returned to his apartment he was mentally exhausted. He had a lot to think about. It was still hard to believe that Stan had fallen victim to the great plague of the twentieth century. But it wasn’t slowing him down.

  He took his time getting undressed as he processed everything he’d been told. But questions continued to nag at him. Why didn’t Stephanie want more than just “getting together”? Why was she so indifferent to making a real commitment, to even admitting how she felt about him? Was she seeing someone else? Was that the reason?

  Crawling into bed, he stared up at the ceiling. Stan was right. He needed to know where he and Stephanie stood and where they were going, for both their sakes. Look at what happened to Stan for assuming that everything was cool.

  Tony flipped onto his side and noticed the message light flashing on his phone. He picked up the handset and punched in his pass code. There were three messages: one from a client, a telemarketer and the last one from Stephanie.

  It was almost midnight. He took a chance and called. Stephanie answered on the third ring.

  “I just got your message.”

  Music was playing in the background.

  “Oh. Not a problem. I was up.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  She sighed. “Yeah. Just wanted to talk, that’s all.”

  There was something in her voice that he couldn’t quite place, almost a tone of melancholy. But he didn’t want to read anything into it.

  “How about brunch tomorrow? Then maybe we could go see a movie or something,” he offered.

  “I’d love to. What time?”

  “You tell me.”

  “Twelve-thirty. I could come over there if you want.”

  “Sure. So I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” She hesitated. “Listen, I know it’s kind of late but…do you feel like some company?”

  He propped himself up on his elbow. “I always feel like seeing you, Steph. You want to come over?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “So come on, woman.” He chuckled.

  “Give me an hour.”

  “You got it. See you in a few.”

  He got out of bed, went from one room to the ne
xt and straightened up a bit, checked the fridge, then jumped in the shower.

  He’d just thrown on a sweat suit when the doorbell rang.

  “Hey, babe.”

  She stepped up to him, cupped his chin in her palm, and kissed him tenderly on the mouth. “Hi,” she whispered.

  “I could get used to greetings like that.” He put his arm around her shoulder and ushered her inside. “Hungry?”

  “No. I’m good.” She walked into the living room, set her overnight bag down next to the couch, then turned to face him. “I was hanging out with the girls tonight. We really had a good time. It’s been a while since we got together and it wasn’t work related.” She took off her coat and tossed it on the ottoman, then sat down on the couch. She took off her shoes and tucked her legs beneath her. “What were you up to?”

  Tony slung his hands into the pockets of his pants and came to join her on the couch. He draped his arm around her shoulder. “Had dinner with an old friend of mine. I want to tell you about it.”

  She angled her body on the couch to face him.

  “Stan and I went to college in Philly together….”

  Stephanie was visibly moved when Tony finished. “I’m so sorry.” She squeezed his hand. “From what you said he seems to be taking it well.”

  “Yeah,” he breathed. He shook his head in sadness. “Just so hard to believe when it’s someone you know.” He paused a moment. “Stan wants me to work with him.”

  Stephanie frowned in confusion. “Work with him? How, doing what?”

  He told her about Stan’s tours and speaking engagements. “What he wants to do is to create a visual campaign, one for teens and one for adults. And he wants me to put it together.”

  “That’s wonderful. If anyone can capture emotion and the essence of an issue it’s you.” She put her hand on his thigh. “You’re going to do it, aren’t you?”

  “That’s the part I want to talk to you about. In order for me to do it the way it needs to be done, I’m going to have to start traveling a lot. I’d be gone for long periods of time.”

  “Oh.”

  “Are you okay with that?”

  Stephanie looked away. She’d be alone. She wouldn’t be able to run to him like tonight when she couldn’t stand the idea of spending the night alone hoping that the phone didn’t ring. But at the same time she’d been ambivalent about a real commitment on her part. She couldn’t have it both ways. It wasn’t fair to Tony.

  “Sure, why wouldn’t I be? This is something you need to do. It’s important. We’ll just make up for lost time when you’re in town.”

  He searched her face, hoping to see something—what, he wasn’t sure. “Good. Glad you’re cool with it.” He pushed up and stood. “Want something to drink? I’m going to get a beer.”

  “No. I’m good.”

  He walked into the kitchen. What did he expect her to say? He took a beer from the fridge, opened it, and took a swallow. Did he really think she was going to say she didn’t want him to do it? What he did want her to say was that it was going to be hard with him not being around, that she was going to miss him—something. He blew out a breath. But that wasn’t Stephanie. She wasn’t the needy, clinging type or overly affectionate—at least not with words.

  “Hey, Tony, I’m going to change the CDs, okay?” she called out.

  “Sure. Whatever you want.” He joined her in the room. She’d put on a Luther CD, Live at Radio City: “A House Is Not a Home” was playing. She turned toward him and held out her hand. “Dance with me.”

  He approached, a seductive smile on his mouth. He took her in his arms and held her close. The music, the silky smoothness of the crooner’s voice wrapped around them like a cocoon.

  Stephanie pressed her head against the curve of his neck and inhaled his clean soap and water scent. Her eyes drifted closed as they moved in unison with the music.

  “I’m glad you came,” he said.

  “So am I.” She tilted her head back and looked at him. Her heart knocked in her chest.

  “I missed you,” he said softly.

  “How much?”

  Tony held her tighter. “Very. Can’t you tell?” He gave her a wicked grin.

  “I do believe I get your point.” She kissed him lightly on the mouth.

  His hands stroked her back in slow up-and-down motions as they danced. She moved even closer, and a soft moan escaped her lips.

  He reached down to the hem of her shirt and pulled it up and over her head, only to discover much to his delight that she wore nothing underneath. He tossed the shirt onto the couch. His gaze raked over her. “You are so beautiful.”

  She unfastened his belt.

  “Not here.” He took her hand and led her to his bedroom. He pushed the door open.

  Stephanie backed into the room, slowly undressing as she did so, dropping her clothes like bread crumbs as she inched toward the bed.

  Tony watched in fascination as her perfect form was languidly unveiled for him. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them to the side, then came to her.

  Stephanie sat down on the end of the bed and slowly parted her thighs, her eyes never leaving Tony’s face. With her right hand she stroked herself, with her left she raised her breast in her palm and offered it to him. He didn’t need any more of an invitation. He knelt down in front of her, pushed both of her hands away, and replaced them with his.

  Soft sounds of delight hummed in her throat. She reached into his shorts and freed him, the stiffness and weight overflowing in her hand. Tony’s pelvis jerked forward in response to her steady up-and-down motion. He groaned, and that only turned her on more.

  She scooted back onto the bed and he eagerly followed.

  “Tonight is your night,” she said before smoothly switching places so that she was on top.

  He grinned. “Remember what I told you about women in charge?”

  “Oh, I definitely remember.” She kissed his lips, long and deep, before moving to his throat, his chest, his stomach. She brushed her lips across the coarse hair, then used her tongue to tease his length, relishing the feel of it pulsing and jumping at her touch.

  Tony clutched the sheets in his fists as jolts of sensation shot through him. Then a silky hot wetness enveloped him. He hissed through his teeth as she took him into her mouth and her mind-blowing suckling began. His heart pounded and it took all of his control not to let go.

  He reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom, ripping the pack open with his teeth. Stephanie looked up and grinned. She took it from him and rolled it onto him with her mouth. He was sure he was going to lose his mind then. But the best was yet to come.

  Stephanie was in total control, just the way she wanted it. She felt powerful, invincible knowing that she could do this, evoke this much pleasure, make another human being weak with desire.

  She positioned herself above him, teasing him some more by hovering over him, only allowing the tip to touch her opening. Each time his pushed upward, needing to gain entry, she pulled back.

  Finally, unable to stand denial a moment more, Tony grabbed her hips and jammed her down onto him.

  Her head went back and a surreal sound burst from her throat as he held her there, pinned to him, unable to do no more than feel him pulse and jerk inside her. She began to tremble.

  Tony loosened his hold and allowed her to move. Now with the freedom she craved, she reached out and gripped the headboard and rode him in wild abandon.

  He grabbed her wrists in each hand and loosened her hold on the bed, then eased her back so that her body arched upward and her head nearly touched the mattress. He took a pillow from beneath his head and shoved it under his hips, pushing him even deeper inside her. They both cried out from the incredible pressure that elicited such pleasure.

  Shudders began to ricochet through her limbs. The sensations were so intense she could barely breathe. God, this felt good, he felt good. She never wanted it to end—the tingling, teasing, pulsing, throbbi
ng—the thickness, the fullness of him. She didn’t want it to stop. She pumped faster, almost in a frenzy, wanting to multiply the incredible feelings she was experiencing. She was on fire, burning from the inside out.

  She screamed. Her entire body tensed into one tightrope of raw feeling when Tony pushed the pad of his finger between the breath of air that separated them and pressed down on her swollen clit. Her mind snapped into a million pieces and somewhere in the distance she heard Tony groan so deep and loud that it vibrated through her body.

  They lay in a damp tangle of arms and legs, breathing heavily, both caught in an experience that left them searching for words.

  Chapter 7

  “I was going to fix us some breakfast,” Tony said, nuzzling Stephanie’s ear.

  She wiggled against him. “Hmm, sounds heavenly.”

  “Good.” He snatched the sheet off her and popped her on her bare bottom. “Today, young lady, you are going to learn how to cook.”

  She pushed her hair away from her face and looked up at him in horror. “You are kidding, aren’t you?”

  “Do I look like I’m kidding?”

  “You look like a naked man who should get back in bed.”

  He laughed, grabbed her hand, and pulled her from the bed. “Come on, into the shower, then onward to the kitchen.”

  She got up, stomped her feet like a petulant child, then switched her way to the bathroom. “I’m sure you’ll be sorry,” she warned over her shoulder.

  Stephanie dragged out her shower for as long as she could without having Tony send in troops to rescue her. She emerged from the bathroom in only a towel with the secret hope of distracting her instructor from the task at hand. She knew she was hopeless in the kitchen, and the last thing she wanted was for Tony to see her totally unable to conquer something, even if that something was as simple as cooking.

  Tony glanced in her direction when she walked into the room. His gaze lingered for a moment, but he wouldn’t be swayed. “As long as you’re comfortable,” he said in an offhand fashion.

  Stephanie puffed out a frustrated breath.

  Tony jerked his head. “Don’t just stand there looking gorgeous. Come on, let’s get started.”