by K. L. Donn
“I can’t reach an orgasm. Never have been able to. I’m defective, Declan.” The words rush past my lips so quickly; I don’t think he understands.
His grip in my hair is lighter, his hand on my thigh is soothing now rather than punishing. Turning my head towards him, he murmurs against my lips, “I made you come last night, Ash,” just as they crash down in a searing lock.
Shock resonates through me as I realize he is right.
He had.
I had.
His tongue forcing its way past my lips has me forgetting. He is the master of my universe, and for the first time, I don’t feel like my negative emotions are crowding in to suffocate me. I can breathe, and it is all because of Declan.
Gripping his wrists, I give him everything I can in this kiss. All my pain and fear correlate into one bundle of nerves. His moan mixed with my whimpers makes me wish I didn’t have to go to my parents’. I could happily stay in bed with him all day.
Like a bucket of ice water, the heat is gone. The mere thought of him seeing me nude has cold horror travelling through my veins. Pulling from his lips, I feel the swollen sting of my own. Out of breath and wanting more, I get up and rush to my bathroom.
Slamming the door shut behind me, I whimper, “I can’t do this,” to the despair-ridden girl in the mirror. Eyes glue to the toilet where my razors are.
Declan
Fucking Christ. I can’t win for fucking losing.
She was fire in my arms, she finally got it. I fucking felt it, and then poof. Gone. Nothing. I won’t back down, though. I’m going to possess every piece of this woman’s soul if it kills me. She’s mine, and the sooner she accepts that, the better.
Ashley’s battling some serious inner demons, and I’m willing to give her time to work through them. Not a lot, but enough to show her that I won’t back down. Whatever she’s hiding, it won’t deter me.
Standing up, I readjust the erection currently trying to beat its way through my pants. Walking to the door she just shut herself behind, I can hear her mumbling, so I decide to shake her up, and hopefully, piss her off enough to bring the fire back into her eyes.
“Look, cupcake.” I’m surely going to hell for this one. “If you’re going to keep running from me, the least you could do is relieve me of this ache before you do. Blue balls is only fun for so long.”
A curse follows a slamming cupboard. Leaning against the door jam, I smirk just as she opens the door. Lifting my hand to her face, I swipe my thumb along her swollen bottom lip. “These bee-stung lips wrapped around my dick would look fucking phenomenal.”
Just as I was aiming for…fire shoots from her eyes, narrowly missing her knee to said blue balls, she hits my thigh instead. “Fuck you, Declan.”
“I would love to.” My honesty leaves her mouth open, so I poke her some more. “I could put something in there if you’d like?”
She cocks her head to the side, studying me like a bug under a microscope. “Are you always such a dickhead?”
Covering my heart with my hand, I tell her, “That was my very last feeling hurt.”
“I’m sure it won’t be the last.”
“True, and no, I’m not. You seem to bring the dick out in me, and frankly, I like it.” Crowding her into the bathroom, her back hits the wall with a soft oomph. My left-hand cages her in while my right smooths up her body. Rubbing circles on each breast, I grin as her breathing picks up. Pushing on her collarbone, I lean into her ear to whisper, “No woman has ever made me come in my pants just from watching her.” I nip her neck. “And never have I choked a woman to give her pleasure.” I bite her neck hard enough that she hisses out a pain-filled breath. “You are a completely different woman to any that have been before you, and cupcake, there will be none after you.”
I lean back to make sure my words have the desired effect, and her eyes shoot to mine. Pain, hope, fear, lust, they clash for dominance in her gaze, and fuck is it a gorgeous sight to see.
“I’m just a job to you,” she whimpers.
I could both kill and kiss Zach at the moment. “You were,” I confirm, and her eyes lower to hide the hurt. “But you’re so much more now. From the minute you snuck out of that coffee shop, you became more.”
“Oh.”
Laughing because she is finally getting it, I tell her, “Let’s go before your brother sends a search party.”
“Ok,” she responds absently. “Did you bring your motorcycle?” Excitement colors her question.
Smiling, I grab her hand and pull her behind me. For once she doesn’t fight me. Looking back, I see her grab her coat and lock the door before we’re hauling ass outside. The air is crisp; a light breeze cools the heat from the unnaturally warm day.
As we reach my ride, I pull the extra helmet I have for her from the saddle bag. Her shy smile as I place it on her head and strap it on demands a kiss. So, I do.
Gripping the back of her neck, I force her body to slam into mine as my mouth devours her. I have a bruising grip on her hip, and I couldn’t care less. I want the whole world to know she belongs to me.
She’s shocked at first until my tongue meets hers, and she’s soon fighting for control. I let her…for a split second. I nip her lip hard enough she hisses in a breath. Our kiss turns violent. Ashley trying to wrestle me for dominance, me showing her I’m the motherfucking boss. Throughout the whole thing, my cock aches and grows larger by the second. I want to be balls deep inside of her.
Breathless, we break from the kiss. Her cheeks are stained pink, and I’m just conceited enough to believe it’s from arousal. Hopping on my bike, I pat the seat behind me for her to sit. As soon as she’s settled, I pull her arms snug around my waist.
“Hang on,” I say just as I open throttle and take off. The vibrations from the engine don’t help the erection currently straining my pants. I can feel her wiggling around behind me, a smirk crossed my lips. Pride has me sitting straighter. I am fucking relieved to know that I’m getting to her. It won’t be long before she can’t deny me anymore.
Chapter Five
Ashley
The sensations from Declan’s motorcycle between my thighs have me tingling in places I shouldn’t be. This man has the power to cripple me, and I’m falling faster and further under his spell.
Feeling his muscles rippling under my hands as he maneuvers the beast we’re riding, I can’t help flexing my fingers, digging their tips into his skin. I love the raw power that exudes from his every pore. His confidence is more than I could ever dream for myself.
All too soon, the ride is over as he pulls into the drive of my parents’ home. Landon’s Audi is sitting there, pretty and perfect as can be. The bike shuts off, and the silence is eerie in its wake.
Dread slithers up my spine like a snake. I love my family, never doubt that, but there’s a tentative silence every time we’re in the same room together. I know it’s my fault because of what I’ve done, but I wish I could skip this weekly meal I’d agreed to since being released.
“You ready?” Declan asks as he climbs off his ride and helps me.
Gazing up at my parent’s home, my childhood home, I see the curtains shift and know they’ve heard us and are waiting.
“They’re going to have questions about you,” I warn him. Hoping he won’t want to come in.
“I know.” His simple response bothers me.
“They will want to know who we are,” I hold his gaze, “together.” I hope he gets my implication.
“You mean they’ll want to know if we’re fucking?” My eyes narrow, his stupid, sexy smirk appears.
“Do you have to be so crass?”
“If they’re going to ask me dumbass questions, then yeah, I’ll be fucking crass.” My panties shouldn’t dampen at the anger in his voice.
“Ashley?” I hear Cecilia’s shy voice.
Since coming to see me in prison a few months ago, we’ve somehow become close. I don’t know how or why it’s happened, but we have. And I’m grateful
. I can’t imagine not having her in my life anymore; she’s become the only light within my darkness. Her forgiveness, her support, is the most incredible thing, especially when she should hate me.
“Hi, Cec.” I turn to smile at her as she comes down the steps. Landon stands studiously at the open door.
As she comes up to hug me, I feel Declan’s grip on my hips tighten possessively. I’m still not comfortable with her friendly affection, but this time I wilt into her arms.
“How are you?” she whispers in my ear.
Smiling, “I’m fine. How’s peanut?” She’s three months pregnant, and I swear she glows with a radiant happiness.
“Morning sickness is a bitch.” She laughs as she pulls back.
“Who’s your friend?” Landon asks, but it sounds more like a demand. His glare is focused on Declan’s hands on my hips.
Pulling me closer to his body, the man in question answers. “Declan Hart. She’s mine.” His open claim has my eyes widening in shock, Cecilia gasps and smiles, and I think I hear Landon snarl as he walks up to Cec.
Landon’s cold gaze pierces my own, and for the first time in more years than I can remember, I see concern in their depths. “You ready for that?”
Before I can answer, one of Declan’s hands smooths up my back to grip the hair at my nape, giving a gentle tug. A quick glimpse back at him, and I can see his own stare hasn’t left Landon’s. His eyes, though, they show a wealth of emotion that I know only I could see.
“Not even a little bit,” I express to Landon truthfully. I’m not. He’s everything I fear, yet everything I need. His gentle caress into my hair displays his approval of my honesty. He had known before I did what my answer would be.
“Ashley, dear,” I hear Mom call from the open door. Her eyes widen in shock as she sees Declan’s possessive hold on me. For the first time that I can remember, I fidget, not wanting her to disapprove of him.
I clear my throat. “Hi, Mom,” I call out.
“Breathe, cupcake,” I hear Declan sigh into my ear, and it’s then I realize I’ve been holding my breath. I’m nervous. He’s not the first boy my parents have met, but he is definitely the first man. The only man that matters.
Two days and the bossy jerk already owns my ass, and I’m loving every minute of it. “I don’t know how to do this,” I murmur back to him. I’m a ball of nerves and am sure everyone can tell.
“Come on.” Cec grabs my hand. “I brought dessert, and I’m dying for you to try it!”
I love her enthusiasm but hope to hell she doesn’t see my scowl at the thought of her baking. She made me my favorite lemon poppy seed muffins when I was released, and well, let’s just say, I have a paperweight should I need one. Or ten.
“Umm, great,” I try to sound eager except I think it fails.
Her laughter confirms it. “Don’t worry, you’ll like it.” She winks at me.
I don’t believe I’ll ever understand why she’s so nice and forgiving towards me; however, I’ll be grateful for it the rest of my life. I made her world a living hell, and when mine turned to shit, she became the support I never knew I would need.
Declan
I watch as Cecilia pulls Ashley behind her, chattering happily about dessert. I know my woman’s nervous; I could feel her anxiety as she left my side. I also know that she’s holding more on her shoulders than her family realizes.
“You the guy Zach told me about?” Landon demands.
While I admire his bluntness, I won’t put up with his shit either. “I am,” I confirm. Ash knows, so there’s no use denying it. I was hired to do a job, not find the other half of my soul; nonetheless, I did. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what her brother throws at me.
“Should you be mixing business with pleasure?” He crosses his arms, trying to intimidate me.
My stance remains casual as I tell him, “While I can appreciate your concern, I think you’re a little too late where she’s concerned.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I can tell he’s shocked by my comment.
I consider filling him in nicely then decide, fuck it. “When she was growing up, did you know everything she did was for attention of some kind?”
“Yeah, she was a tad spoiled.”
He doesn’t get it. “No, man. You guys tossed shit at her to shut her up. Did you ever think maybe, just maybe, she needed love more than material things?”
I see their father come outside as Landon thinks about what I said.
“We gave her everything she ever needed,” her father growled, charging down the steps.
“Not saying you didn’t.”
“Then what exactly are you saying?” he demands, while Landon seems to have caught on, and guilt crosses his features.
“Your son gets it,” I say pointing to him.
“Fuck,” Landon pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah, you see it now, don’t you?”
“See what!”
“You treated her like an accessory rather than a person,” I reply to him. “Everyone thinks she’s a selfish brat, but if you would have spent five minutes with her, listened to her, then you would have known the only thing she ever wished for was to be wanted. To be loved.”
“We did love her…do love her. She knows that,” her father combats.
“She knows? Really? When’s the last time you told her?” He says nothing.
“And you,” I pointedly look to Landon. “When was the last time you treated her like anything other than a fucking problem?” I can see my words resonate with them both, but I’m not done yet. “She fucked up in a huge way; she knows that. Fuck, we all know it, but no one is punishing her more than herself. When you guys look at her, speak to her, she sees and hears the pity and disappointment you feel for her. There is nothing you could say that she hasn’t a thousand times over.” I’m so fucking pissed I need to explain this shit to them.
“An hour studying her case file, a week following her, and two days of interacting with her, and I can see how much remorse she has for what she’s done. Do you know she’s waiting for Cecilia to do something to get back at her for all the pain she’s caused her?”
Shock has their eyes widening.
“Ash knows she’d never do such a thing, but she believes she deserves it.”
Neither respond, and I’m left wondering if they believe she does, too. “Is that what you both think as well?”
They look at each other before her father speaks. “Of course not!”
I’m not sure I believe him.
“I wish we’d paid more attention. Listened better when Cecilia’s parents tried to contact us. But you know how it is, girls get catty. They fight and do things like that.” I can see Landon getting pissed that he’s making excuses for her. “We never dreamed she got physical. We thought it best to let them work it out.”
“And by then it was too late,” I say matter-of-factly. I’m not trying to be a dick and make them feel like they did anything wrong—maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. My point is that they failed her as much as she failed herself.
“Why were you hired?” Landon finally asks me.
“Zach’s an old buddy of mine, and from the minute he met Ashley, he knew she was different than any other ward he’s had. She wasn’t cocky and stupid, looking to blame everyone else for her mistakes. He’s had his suspicions for a while now that something was off, and with your constant bitching, he knew he had to act.”
“So he hired you?” Ashley’s father asks.
“He hired me. I wasn’t supposed to do anything but befriend her, but that girl is smart as a fucking whip. She saw right through me. Slipped out of the coffee shop I followed her into.” I couldn’t help laughing at the memory of the cocky look on her face as I searched for her.
“Yet, you’re fucking her,” Landon lashes out aggressively. All amusement leaves my body at his careless comment.
“Landon!” his father scolds.
Sizing her brother up as a
man she looks up to, I wonder how pissed she’d be if I laid his ass out?
“You know…,” I start calmly, even though I feel anything but. “No, forget it. If you can speak about her like that, then you are part of the fucking problem.” I can feel my anger unleashing. “There is something very fucking wrong with that woman. She’s holding it as close to the vest as possible, and I can see the way it consumes her. So yeah, I’m getting as close as I fucking can to her. If that means fucking my life into her, you better believe I will. She is mine, and there is nothing you can say or do to stop it from happening.”
My breathing is harsh as I tell this privileged fucker off. “You remember this moment when Ashley has her fall because she’s going to. She doesn’t trust me right now. I’ve got my work cut out for me, but Landon,” his angry gaze meets mine, “you ever fucking disrespect your sister again, and I’ll make sure you hurt every bit as much as she does.”
Walking away before I kill the son of a bitch, I head inside to hear laughter from the kitchen. Entering the room, I see my woman standing off to the side watching her mother and soon to be sister-in-law interact, remaining apart from them and looking lost. I cozy up to her. Her startled blue eyes meet mine, and in them, I see everything she feels. Sadness because she doesn’t think she fits in, hope that I’ll stick around, and pain from the secrets she’s hiding.
Wrapping my arms around her, I pay no attention to the noise around us and lean down to kiss her. Devour her emotions. Our tongues meet, and she wilts in my arms like a rose heavy with rain.
Pulling her as close to me as possible, I whisper in her ear, “You’re my fucking queen, don’t ever forget that.”
A throat clearing has us pulling apart, and a blush crawls up her neck and cheeks. Burying her face in my chest, she hums in what I hope is pleasure.
My own grip doesn’t loosen on her as her father walks over to her.
“How you doing, kiddo?” he asks, placing his hand on her head, freezing when she flinches. Pain crosses his features, and for a moment, I feel bad. I don’t doubt her parents love for her, but their lack of understanding has jaded how she feels about it.