She pulled Markus’s letter out first, carefully opening it, like it was going to blow up in her hands. She recognized his flowing script, and she made and involuntary whimper and began to read:
Dearest Fera,
I know when you read this your heart will be breaking, your world shattered, and you enviably altered. Know I am missing you immensely, I will see you again, this I promise. I just hope you can forgive me in the part I played in all of this, it was truly to keep you safe. Your mother and I were very close, and in return your father and I became close. You are family to me, and seeing you hurt or in pain of any form and knowing that I am to blame even in the smallest amount, causes me great sorrow. I know you will find your way, you are stronger than you think you are. You will find a way, you just need to remember who you are, not what you were or who you are meant to be, for those are the details you lose yourself in.
Not a day has gone by since I first laid eyes on you, and that was the day you were born, that I have not felt proud of you. Princess, please remember my love for you, and stay strong. I need you to remember not to hold the weight on your shoulders alone, ask for help. It will be hard to trust those around you, but you are smart, and have an amazing heart, follow it. Trust your gut and follow your heart. Remember our lessons, you will need them. Fera, I love you like you were my own child and in some ways, you are mine. I would lay down my life to assure your safety, and happiness. I will see you again, and remember fight for what is right, and what is important, the side you think you are on might change and that is ok, and sometimes you have to choose to create your own side and follow a new path. Please take care my sweet girl.
Hugs and Love,
Markus
Fera was at a loss, as a tear escaped, she knew always Markus loved her, but how he expressed it was not hugs and all words, it was more in the way he took an interest in her upbringing and education, how he watched over her, and guided her. She always thought that if she had an uncle that he would be like Markus. Now that she knew she had one and he was a rebel murderer that thought made her shudder. Markus’s words worried her, he was controlled like a typical elf from what she gathered, but for him to break down like that, it gave her a sense of how grave things were and how grave they could get.
She pushed Markus out of her mind for now and picked up her father’s letter, she took a moment to mentally ready herself, and then focused on the words.
Sweet Pea,
I know these words will not fix anything. I do hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, though for the most part I cannot say I regret the choices your mother and I made, they were for you, and one day when you have your own children you will understand, you would do anything, give anything to make sure they are safe. Losing your mother was the worst day of my life, I love her to this day. She showed me the images of you before you were even a thought in my head. She saw you years before you were born, and from the first time she saw you in her head she loved you, as did I. A parent’s love is something so deep and ingrained in one’s soul it takes on a life of its own. I do not know if this is fate set in motion or destiny, maybe both. I do think the future is not set in stone and there is some room to give, but it will not be easy. I know you are not happy with me for making you run, you are a fighter, not a runner, but you are running to something, you are going to get your answers, I am just sorry I am not going to be the one giving them to you. I can tell you this, from the glimpse of the future your mother saw, I will be taken captive, but I will be safe, they will use me as a pawn against you. We are not sure who will take me or where I will be, but know I am safe. Now the hard part, you cannot let them use me against you, whatever they want or have planned cannot be justified for good if you have to be underhanded to achieve your goals. So I need you to tell them no, do not cave, even if it means my death. All of this will mean nothing if you let yourself be manipulated. I know it is a horrible thought my dear one, but it is what I want. Also please do not think too much about this until it happens and you will have people who love you to fall back on for support, they are the ones with you now, yes we know about Vance, and Oren is with you, he will keep you safe. As far as Vance, your mother saw him too and we know him, you have met him several times though it will take a little longer for you to remember as it will him as well. He will have his own identity to find. You at least know who you are, he was left to the winds of fate, and if you ask me a loopy enchant guardian, to help see out both your fates. I could write you a book if I had the time, but the shield is wavering and lights were spotted heading our way, so in the morning you will have to leave. Please do not doubt the love your mother and I have for you. Please try to stay as safe as possible, I know the magic you will be feeling will threaten to consume you, but fight it. Yes that is the other thing. One last apology, I am sorry to not tell you about your magic and I am sorry it was bound in you. You will understand everything soon enough, and I regret not being there for you when you do. I love you my sweet girl, I miss you and you will always be in my baby.
Dad
Fera’s tears now flowed like hot lave down her cheeks, her sobs were racked with grief and hindered by hiccups. Her heart hurt, there were so many secrets, and it was her fault. If not for her, she thought everything would be fine. She also knew that was not entirely true, it was her uncle and grandmother’s fault, but she still couldn’t see how all the pieces fit together just yet, and that frustrated her. She shivered as the tears slowed a little. One last letter, and she was not sure who this one would be from but why stop now she thought.
My Sweet Princess
I am not sure what to say, how to put things into words, feelings into words is harder than one might think, this is so you will understand the depth of my love for you, and the reasons I am not with you. I have what our race, the Elven race, call sight, I can see future events, and normally they come to me in dreams. You my sweet baby, are the best dream I have ever had. I waited so long for that dream to come true, over 38 years from the first time I had it. When I learned you were growing inside of me, I wept for joy, but also out of grief, I knew I could not keep you in my arms for long. I never kept anything from your father and his emotions mirrored mine, but while he got to keep you, he had to lose something else he loved. Life is a bittersweet song. I will never regret what I must do. The first time I felt you move in my stomach, I was never more certain of what I must do. I know this will anger and confuse you when you are older, how unfair this life is, it is not though, this was my decision, you will bring the balance to this world, a much needed balance. There is so much I want to tell you, but you need to make the choices yourself, for you are your own person and not me. I brought help to guide you, and your father was wrapped around your little finger even before you had fingers, so I know you will be loved, protected, and allowed to grow up safe and happy. It is so important to me to know you will have a childhood without worry or fear. I know elves are different from humans and dwarves, my childhood was not carefree and much regimented and I do not wish that upon you, you are going to be a free spirit and very much your own person, that is what you need to be to know who you are and that is a gift in itself. I have so many hopes and dreams for you, but the most important ones are your happiness, and the hope you will always feel my love, it radiates in you and around you. Remember I am proud of you no matter what you do and who you become. Please do not judge us on the past, my darling, all of us have a past, and in time you will see the whole truth and it might change things, this is also part of growing up, ideas change they evolve and there is nothing wrong with that, that is how we improve upon ourselves. I must go, but I leave you with my real journal, take it in your hands let your magic flow into it and the words will appear, but it is for your eyes and your future a’mael’s eyes and knowledge only, it would put you in more danger at this point. The last thing is, when you give the book your magic to break the seal on it, you will feel a sting, it is the counter to what was done to lock memories away, don’t worry
, they will come back slowly, but might come as a shock. Please please remember my love for you.
Hugs, kisses, and all the love my soul can posses
Mom
Fera was choked with emotion, it consumed her, thick and heavy, she couldn’t think clearly, the cold that surrounded her also started to consume her on the inside too. She curled herself into a little ball trying to hide from herself and the world that was coming after her.
Chapter 28
Vance woke to darkness, he was in a cold sweat, half sitting looking around, moon light streaming in, he saw he had his and Fera’s blanket on, his breath caught the air in a white puff, realization dawned on him, if he had her cover, where was she? As he slowly stood, his mind seemed to clear, he remembered going back into a memory. A memory that proved he really did know Fera and was connected to her. He looked over at Oren, he knew if he was here she would be right by him, and she was, but something was not right. Vance dashed over to her, he leaned down and touched her cheek, she was ice cold, curled into a ball, gripping paper. Vance grabbed the cover wrapping them around her. He took the paper from her hand, he let out a sigh when he realized what he was holding.
Vance got down on his knees and leaned into her, “Fera, Fera, sweetheart, it is ok, it will be ok, you are not alone.” He waited for her to move, to yell at him, to anything, but nothing, her eyes were open, but she was catatonic. Vance frantically looked around, nothing was out there, he sent out a wave of his energy and felt nothing.
Vance was running out of options, if she didn’t move she would freeze, nothing was out there he reiterated in his mind, so his next bet was to start a fire so she could have some warmth.
After a few moments he had a small blaze started. He sat down next to her and picked up her hand as if willing her back to him would be enough. He had tried to wake Oren, but the stupid horse slept like the dead. The only think he could do was wait, and that was a bad game to play when you are being hunted.
Vance spent the rest of the night torn between keeping the fire going, but not going to the point it could be easily spotted, and holding Fera’s hand and brushing his fingers through her hair, telling her how strong, beautiful, and loved she is, but she made no sound other than ragged breaths. Just as the sun was peeking up Vance felt Oren stir. He stood up and waited for the beast to show signs of awareness.
Vance’s patience was getting the best of him, he shoved Oren hard with his foot. The horse jumped and prepared to recoil, Vance held up his hands and in a slow and as calm as he could make his voice sound, “Oren, stop, Fera is in trouble.” He gestured to the ground.
Oren’s brain had not caught up, he looked from Vance to the ground and back, then it clicked, Fera was in a ball on the ground. He leaned his head down, sticking is nose to her cheek.
“Fera, a'mael, what is wrong?” He knew she heard him, but there was a wall, it wasn’t her normal wall, this one was put up by her body to protect her mind. Oren looked back at Vance, he wanted to scream, he needed to know what happened and could not talk to him to get the answers he needed. He seriously wanted to kick him.
This time he forced his thoughts harder into her mind, “A'mael, I need you to come back to me, I need you to tell me what is wrong, please Fera?”
Fera blinked she felt something in her tumble, without hesitation she shot up and launched her arms around Oren. His thoughts swept back into her mind, “Cormamin lindua ele lle, a’mael Oio naa elealla alasse', Lle naa vanima. Manke nae lle melamin? A’mael amin khiluva lle a' gurtha ar' thar! ”
His steady calm voice in her head was warming her from the inside out, though she had no clue what it meant, in that moment it didn’t matter, it was just him, filling in the desperate hole that was tore open. Her soul melted into his, he could feel it, the warmth took him over as well and in this moment it was as if they were in their own universe where he was hers and she his.
For once Oren was the first to step back, he could feel her loss in her mind, how everything was effecting her, catching up with her, but he could not be there, things would change soon enough and he was not what she needed and, he pushed his thoughts in again, “A’mael, Vance is out of his mind with worry, I know you are hurt, but you just need to push it down a little longer until you are safe. Please Fera you have to be ok.” It sounded more like a prayer than a demand.
Fera glanced back at Vance. He took a hopeful step forward, but Fera faltered and reached back for Oren, but Oren took another step away, confusion set in on Fera’s face, Oren was always there, no matter what, something was not right. “Go to Vance.” Oren sounded sad in her head. Her mind was still trying to process, then it all was crashing down again, her legs started to give and before she hit the ground she found herself in Vance’s arms.
“I got you sweetheart, it will be ok.” Vance felt a sense of calm come over him, he felt right being the one to comfort her, his arms around her. As their eyes met, he could tell there was a storm brewing in her eyes. “Fera, tell me what is going on, what are you thinking, I can’t be in your mind I need you to tell me, please.” Vance implored, this not know was driving him nuts, and the fact that Oren knew was making him crazy. He set her close to the fire and went about making breakfast.
Fera was lost in thought and emotion she was trying to sort through it all, but it was just making her feel foolish for being weak and that was making her angry. She was running through all the advice Markus or her father had given her over the years, trying to pull a sense of reasoning from it. When she finally spoke out loud her voice was shaky. “I can’t live in the past I have to learn from it, I can only go forward. All of this, all of this mess, was set in motion for a better future and that is where my head needs to be. My mother’s note said I could get my memories back. My guess is that they contain you Vance, but that does not matter. You are here now, and we can move forward, now is not the time for memories, maybe someday. Let’s just work on getting through the day, and the day after. I think we have wasted enough time on my pity party don’t you think?”
Vance was looking at her like she was a dangerous animal, he could see the fire in her soul, she was burning bright. “Fera…” Vance started but Fera cut him off, “No, I know what you are going to say, I am fine, lets pack up and go, I caused us to lose enough time, and I have this feeling that something is going to happen tonight, I have goosebumps.”
“Fera, I was going to say happy birthday, but now I am intrigued, goosebumps are telling you the future.” He teased her as he handed her what look like oatmeal.
She elbowed him playfully, “Every time I have gotten them not from cold and my arm hair stands on end something happens, you will see.” Vance couldn’t help but laugh at her logic.
Chapter 29
They ate for the most part in a comfortable silence, Fera’s thoughts were wavering between a steadfast determination to keep moving forward, and worried about why Oren pushed her away, it wall like a paper cut on her heart, not fatal, but an annoying sting.
As Vance and Fera started packing up the blankets and getting ready to go, Fera tried to reach out to Oren.
“Oren, are we ok, did I do something wrong?”
“You are fine, I am just, I just- A’mael, you are at a cross roads and you will need to do some navigating, I will always be here for you, but you need to figure out how to bend and not cave or break, find you again, and I am here, and will do what is best for you, always what is best for you. Do you understand?”
Fera could feel his sadness, things were going to change and he knew it too, this did not ease her nerves. “I cannot pretend to completely understand Oren, but I know you will not give up on me as I will never on you.”
In the silence of that moment, the world around them gave way to live, in the distance Vance could see birds taking to flight, and that could only mean one thing, someone, was getting close to them. He swore in his mind, he had hoped it would be an easy ride today.
Oren noticed the birds a moment after Vance, “Get
on we have to go now, and hang on, tell Vance we are taking point, I know the way to the tower, and then he can set a ward.”
Fera did not respond to him, but did what he asked. Vance agreed, and that made a pit form in her stomach. Running was horrible and this was a twisted race, with what seemed a dash to the finish line.
Vance could see Fera hated this, it was not fun for any of them, but harder on her. “Don’t worry Fera, once we get to the tower we can relax a little, and then form a plan from there, I should be able to set a ward to hide us in the tower, and then I have a birthday surprise for you.”
“Thanks, but I don’t need a surprise, I am not sure if I can handle any more of those. Let’s just get going.” Fera half laughed she was trying not to think how this birthday was so different from her last.
They took off, Fera was pretty sure she had never rode at this speed, she was thinking if Oren got going any faster they would be flying, Vance and his mount were having trouble keeping up.
“Oren, I think we need to slow down just a little, Vance is having trouble keeping up?”
“No, I will not gamble with you, and he would not want me to either, just keep your head down and hang on, I am fine as long as you are.” His tone was brisk but he was trying to concentrate on the path ahead, he put up his mental barrier, she was by far his greatest weakness, and he was not going to let his blind spot for her be her undoing.
Two hours into their ride Oren came to an abrupt halt, almost knocking Fera off, his ears perked up as he listen. Fera looked around and saw Vance slowing beside her, she could see nothing else.
Bliath: Shattered Page 15