“That’s a good idea.”
“I should still be able to work on tapestries. We use the large frames for those.” Though she wouldn’t go near a tapestry until her left hand was as skilled with the needle as her right had been, which could take months. She drew back. “Have you been building up to this all week? Is that why you’ve been so quiet?”
Lillian nodded. “The closer we got to the monastery, the more I knew I’d miss it.”
“Miss what?” Lillian couldn’t mean their relationship. They hadn’t planned to end it when they reached the monastery.
“Being there for each other at the end of the day and then retiring together. I love our time around the fire.”
“Oh, so do I, Lillian. So do I.” She gazed at Lillian. My future consort. She could hardly believe it. “Until our ceremony, we won’t be able to retire together every evening, but I’m sure we can manage a walk.”
“I’d like that very much.” Lillian looked at Maddy uncertainly.
“What?”
“Do you think I’ll ever see you nude again?”
“Perhaps you should have asked that question earlier on,” Maddy said with a chuckle. “Of course you will. With Emmey here . . . I thought it best to put that part of our relationship on hold until we’re home.” Home. She’d never think of the monastery as anything other than home again. Is that why Salbine had permitted her imprisonment? So Maddy would learn what trapped really meant?
Lillian snorted. “I understand that. I wasn’t suggesting we should be rolling around next to the fire. But you never want to bathe with us. Is it because you’re self-conscious . . . about your arm?”
“I was in the beginning, but not now.”
“Then . . .”
Maddy winked. “You’re not the only one who needs time alone, though I don’t need anywhere near as much as you do. The odd time you and Emmey go off to bathe is enough.” She lifted her stump. “I still feel my hand, you know.”
“Do you?”
“Sometimes. And I may have lost it, but I feel whole. I am whole. And so pleased that I’ll be your consort, Lillian. If I look glum tomorrow, it won’t be because of you.”
“Emmey.”
Maddy nodded.
“We’ll do our best to find her a decent home.”
She’d still miss her terribly and wonder about her every day. “You do realize that being my consort means you’ll have no choice but to go to Heath,” she said, not wanting to brood about Emmey just yet. “You won’t be able to back out.”
“I won’t want to. I’ll have a malflowed consort, which means I’ll be very interested in researching the subject,” Lillian said. “Purely out of curiosity, not because it makes a blind bit of difference,” she quickly added.
“I know,” Maddy said, glowing over the “consort” part. Lillian had more than shown that Maddy’s condition didn’t matter to her. She’d left the comforts of the monastery to find Maddy, saved her life, put up with Emmey, and found the courage to propose. Maddy had taken so much; now she would give. She would love and be loyal to Lillian for the rest of their lives. Lillian would come second only to Salbine and Maddy’s vows.
“Shall we go sit by the fire?” Lillian asked.
“Oh, yes.”
They lowered themselves next to it, looked into each other’s eyes, and kissed.
*****
Maddy felt as if she were dreaming as she rode up the road that led to the monastery’s gates. In her squalid cell, she’d sometimes wondered if she’d ever pass through them again, and now they were just ahead. If not for worrying about Emmey, she’d gallop the rest of the way and ride through them with tears of joy. Instead her eagerness to return to her sisters warred with dread.
“There’s men there, Miss,” Emmey said.
The sun reflected off the breastplates of the defenders standing guard at the open gates. “Welcome back,” several of them shouted as Lillian slowed and waited for Maddy so they could walk their horses through together.
“Thank you,” Maddy shouted back.
The moment she was through the gates, she pulled back on the reins. Lillian did the same and dismounted. The defenders at the gates must have spotted them climbing the hill and sent word of their arrival, because a group of sisters had gathered and now rushed forward to greet them, led by the abbess. Maddy dismounted and reached for Emmey.
“Welcome back!” the beaming abbess said, a sentiment echoed by those with her.
Maddy could feel Emmey clinging to her cloak. She put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and smiled at the familiar faces behind the abbess: Rose, Nora, Mistress Averill, and Mistress Elizabeth, among others. Rose’s eyes widened when she saw Emmey. Then she gave her a little wave, warming Maddy’s heart.
Maddy was most interested in Abbess Sophia’s reaction, but the abbess was focused on Lillian; she probably wanted to pull her into a fierce hug. Maddy suspected that would come later.
“Why have you stopped here?” the abbess asked Lillian. “You don’t need permission to enter.”
“We don’t, but we’re not alone.” Lillian looked at Emmey.
The abbess followed Lillian’s gaze. Something—perhaps surprise—flickered across her face. “I see.” She turned to those gathered behind her. “Sister Rose, would you mind caring for our guest while I speak to the mistress and the sister? Perhaps you can accompany the horses to the stables.”
“I don’t mind at all.” Rose leaned forward, her hands on her knees. “Would you like to come with me and the horses . . .” She threw Maddy a questioning look.
“Emmey,” Maddy said.
“Emmey!” Rose smiled. “Would you like to come with me, Emmey?”
“You should go with Sister Rose,” Maddy said when Emmey looked up at her.
“Is she the one you pray for?” Emmey asked.
“Yes, she is.” She met Rose’s eyes. “And I’m very glad to see her.”
Rose’s eyes were moist. “We’ll talk later,” she said, glancing at Maddy’s sewn sleeve. “Right now, this young lady and I are going to the stables.” She held out her hand.
Maddy gently nudged Emmey. “Go on.”
“Will I see you again?” Emmey asked, still clinging to Maddy.
“Yes, you will,” she said, certain the abbess would allow her to say good-bye. “Now go with Sister Rose and Baxter, Griffin, and Ticky.”
“Come on,” Rose said encouragingly, still holding out her hand. Emmey finally took it. “We’ll just wait here a minute for the stable hands to arrive, and then we’ll go with them, all right?”
“Let’s go to my study,” the abbess said.
“Will we see you after evening prayers?” Mistress Averill asked. “Everyone’s eager to welcome you home.”
“Yes, will we?” Nora echoed.
“You certainly will,” Maddy said, looking forward to catching up with everyone, but realizing too late that someone would have to care for Emmey while she was in the chapel—if Emmey was allowed to stay.
Mistress Averill looked at Lillian. “What about you, Mistress?”
“I suppose I can spare a few minutes after the service,” Lillian said.
“Splendid. That’s more than I would have expected,” Mistress Averill said, her mouth turning up at the corners. “Welcome home, both of you.”
Maddy bobbed. “Thank you.”
She and Lillian fell into step with the abbess and Mistress Elizabeth. The abbess squeezed Lillian’s arm but didn’t say anything. As they walked in silence, Maddy wondered if the abbess would explode in anger when they reached her study, though she’d never raised her voice before, at least not within Maddy’s hearing.
The abbess pushed open her study door. “I asked Henry to bring up a bottle of our best wine.” A tray sitting on the small round table between the guest chairs held a bottle and four glasses. “Good, he brought glasses as well. But before we drink, let me properly welcome you home.” She finally reached for Lillian and hugged her, then stepp
ed back and took Lillian’s face in her hands. “It’s so wonderful to see you again,” she said, smiling. “I had quite the scare when Barnabus returned alone.”
“He made it, then?” Lillian said.
“Yes, he did.” The abbess moved to Maddy. “And I’m so pleased you’ve come back to us, Maddy.” Maddy was startled when the abbess moved to embrace her, but recovered in time to hug her back.
Mistress Elizabeth let go of Lillian and hugged Maddy. “Welcome back,” she murmured.
The abbess poured the wine and motioned for everyone to take a glass. She raised hers. “We thank Salbine for your safe return.” Her eyes settled on Maddy. “You’re now back where you belong. Salbine’s will be done.”
“Salbine’s will be done,” everyone echoed. They clinked glasses and drank.
Lillian raised her glass. “My turn.”
Suspecting what Lillian was about to announce, Maddy felt herself smile.
“I never thought I’d say this,” Lillian said, her cheeks suddenly red. The abbess and Mistress Elizabeth looked on curiously as Lillian turned to Maddy. “To Maddy, who’s agreed to be my consort. And to the wonderful life we’ll spend together, in service to Salbine. Her will be done.”
“Salbine’s will be done,” the abbess said enthusiastically as they clinked glasses again.
“That’s lovely!” Mistress Elizabeth crowed after sipping her wine.
“I’m so pleased for both of you.” The abbess put down her wine glass and covered her mouth. For a moment, Maddy thought she’d burst into tears. But she merely stared at them, as if she couldn’t believe it. “Well,” she finally said. “We have a lot to discuss, including when the two of you will pledge. I hope it will be soon.” She patted Lillian’s arm.
Maddy had the feeling that if the abbess could drag them to the chapel and bind them together that moment, she would.
“You’ll want time to change and sup before evening prayers, so I won’t keep you long. I want you both here tomorrow, after morning prayers. You can tell me everything then. For now, we’ll stick to the most pressing matter.”
“Emmey,” Maddy stated.
“Yes. What’s she doing here?” The abbess shifted her attention to Lillian. “You said in your letter you were taking her home.”
“We tried.” Lillian drained her glass and set it on the table. “But her ma’s a whore who pops out babes to steal for her.”
The abbess winced.
“You didn’t take her from her ma, did you?” Mistress Elizabeth said. “She may be a woman of poor character, but you can’t take a child away because you disapprove.”
“We didn’t!” Lillian snapped. “Her ma wasn’t there.”
“She’d upped and left for another town. Emmey’s home was an empty, run-down shack,” Maddy said. “We didn’t know what to do. We couldn’t abandon her with nobody to care for her. So we thought we’d bring her to Merrin and try to find a home for her. If she ends up in the alleys, we can at least watch out for her. We couldn’t do that if we left her in Pinewood.”
“And you’re not going to do it here,” the abbess said firmly. “It’s not your place. Having said that, we’re not without compassion. She can stay here until we’ve found her somewhere else to live.”
“Thank you,” Maddy breathed. “I’ll start making inquiries as soon as I can.”
The abbess shook her head. “I’ll take care of it. Because it has to be done, and it has to be done quickly.”
Maddy didn’t protest. If it were left to her, she’d want the perfect home that didn’t exist. The abbess had to do it for the same reason Lillian had gone to the orphanage.
“Where will she sleep in the meantime?” Lillian asked.
“I don’t see any harm in her staying with you, in your chambers,” the abbess said to Maddy. “Someone has to watch her. But make sure her stay isn’t disruptive. Use your common sense. Areas like the training rooms, the library, and the study rooms are off-limits. Perhaps we should just say that she’s limited to the Initiates Tower and the grounds.”
“I understand,” Maddy said. “What about evening prayers? I can put her to bed beforehand, but I don’t want to leave her unattended.”
“I can sit with her tonight.” Mistress Elizabeth turned to the abbess. “If you don’t mind me missing the service. Everyone wants to see these two. They won’t miss me.”
“True.” The abbess pursed her lips. “But what about tomorrow? I doubt we’ll find somewhere that quickly.”
“Maddy and I can take turns,” Lillian suggested. “After tonight, it won’t be a tragedy if one of us isn’t present at evening prayers while Emmey is here.”
“I agree,” Maddy said, surprised that Lillian had volunteered to sit with Emmey.
The abbess nodded. “That’s settled, then. And Maddy, since you and Lillian are to be consorts, it’s time to sit together. At evening prayers, come up and sit with Lillian.”
“Among the mistresses?”
“You’ll be consort to a mistress. And there’s no rule saying the front belongs to the mistresses. It’s just a habit everyone’s fallen into.”
Still, she’d feel as if she were elbowing her way in where she didn’t belong.
“I’ll announce your news when I open the service, so everyone knows.”
Lillian grimaced. “Do you have to?”
“Yes, I do,” the abbess replied. “Everyone will find out eventually. They’ll all be there when you pledge.”
Lillian muttered something under her breath, then said, “Well, it sounds like we’ve decided what to do about Emmey for now, so I want to go to my laboratory, see what sort of mess it’s in.”
The abbess rolled her eyes. “As far as I know, Dorothy followed all your instructions to the letter.”
“I’ll see, won’t I?” Lillian headed for the door, then turned around. “Oh. See you later, Maddy.” She left.
The abbess tutted. “You sure you know what you’re doing, taking her as a consort?”
Maddy knew she didn’t expect an answer.
Mistress Elizabeth downed the remains of her wine. “I’ll leave the two of you to have a chat then, shall I? I’ll see you at the service.” She patted Maddy’s right arm, then reddened. “Oh! Oh dear.”
Maddy stifled a chuckle. “It’s fine. It’s just my arm.”
“It’s not sore or anything?”
“No.”
Mistress Elizabeth looked skeptical, but left the study without another word.
“I’m sorry about your arm and hand,” the abbess said. “I was horrified when Barnabus told me of it.” She motioned for Maddy to sit as she rounded her desk. “Tell me, how are you?”
How to answer that question? “Glad to be home. And terribly sorry about how arrogant I was. I’m sorry I wouldn’t listen and thought I knew better than everyone else here. I’ve just spent months away to learn that I belong where I started. If I’d only listened.”
The abbess rested her elbows on her desk. “There are things we need to discover for ourselves. It’s not unusual to only appreciate what you had when you no longer have it. I just wish the lesson hadn’t demanded so much from you.”
“I’m not sure I would have learned it, if it hadn’t,” Maddy admitted. “Now I know my place is here. I belong here.”
“With Lillian?” the abbess asked with a smile.
“Yes.” Maddy hesitated. “I know I’m young.”
The abbess shook her head. “Maddy, you love my sister. More importantly, you understand her. That’s all that matters. I’m delighted that you and Lillian will pledge. I suspected you would.”
She didn’t try to hide her pleasure at the abbess’s remark.
“And I’m pleased that you feel you belong again.”
“I do, but I’d still like to go to Heath. I still don’t know how I’m to serve, especially now. I still don’t understand why Salbine would call me and then deny me Her gifts.”
“But you accept that Salbine called you.�
��
“Yes. I have to, otherwise my life doesn’t make sense.”
The abbess pondered for a moment. “I think you should take some time to rest your body and your spirit. Enjoy this time with Lillian. Take the time to adapt to your . . . arm. When you’re ready—” she raised a finger, “and don’t tell me you are now, because I won’t believe you—we’ll help you find your answers. You need to rest first, recover from your ordeal and get used to life here again.”
Maddy couldn’t deny that puttering about the monastery without feeling she had to grapple with unfathomable mysteries would be a welcome respite. “I’d like to see if there’s a way to embroider with my one hand. I thought I’d speak to the carpenters.”
“You should. Don’t hesitate to ask anyone for help.” The abbess met her eyes. “About the documents . . .”
Maddy shook her head. “You couldn’t have known.”
“But you were right about those outside and how they view us.”
“It could have been the circumstances, Abbess. If not for the fire near the inn, none of it would have happened. I don’t blame you. So please don’t blame yourself.” She changed the subject. “I’m sorry I didn’t contribute to your anniversary cassock. I wanted to.”
“And you will. The anniversary service is still a month away. I told Mistress Bertha to leave a few stitches for you, in case you returned in time.”
She must have done so before she’d learned of Maddy’s hand. “But I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“My stitches will be horrible.”
“But they’ll be your stitches, Maddy. That’s what matters. I’m sure the mistress will help you with them, if you need her aid.”
Maddy’s eyes welled. She should move back to the Novices Tower until she relearned what it meant to belong to a community.
“We’ve spoken enough for now. You should go to the stables.”
“I will.” She quickly wiped her eyes and rose. “Thank you for allowing Emmey to stay. I know—”
The Salbine Sisters Page 27