“And I bet you ran away from that too.” Sophie didn’t think it was possible, but she actually felt sorry for Dianna. The blonde couldn’t help developing feelings for the shifter, and instead of handling her heart with care, Sophie was certain he smashed it onto the floor and left Dianna to pick up all the pieces.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Will growled, narrowing his eyes at her.
“Oh, come on, Will. Let’s not play games. You think you’re a lone wolf, shirking responsibility so nothing’s ever your fault. But let’s be honest. You’re afraid. For whatever reason, you’re afraid to develop any kind of relationship because you think you’re going to get hurt. Newsflash, Will: We all get hurt. I tried to have sex with my boyfriend, whom I loved much more than I loved myself, and nearly killed him. But here I am, at some academy that specializes in strangeness, at your insistence that I come. And you can’t even tell me that you left early—probably because you didn’t want to deal with me after our fight—so I had to find out from Dianna, a woman I’ve barely talked to. If that’s how you want to play it, then fine. I don’t want you to train me anymore. If that means I’ll have to train with Dianna, fine, but not you. I don’t want to talk to you unless it’s strictly academy business. And I don’t want you to protect me. At all. I’d rather be seriously injured or even dead than know my rescuer isn’t there because he wants to be, but because he feels he’s obligated to be there.
“The thing is,” here, her voice hitched and she felt tears sting her eyes, “if you need me, I’ll be there for you. Not because I have to be, but because I want to be. Even though you’ve put me through all this, I still care about you more than anyone I know. But I deserve someone in my life that cares about me the same way I care about them.
“The thing that kills me is for the past three months, I’ve been so worried that you see me as some kid and not an equal when really, you’re just as immature as I am, maybe even more so. At least I’m attempting to build relationships with people. And no matter how difficult a situation I find myself in, I don’t run away from it even if I want to. I used to do that, and I’ve learned that no matter how far I run, I’m still going to go through shit. That’s life. It’s not going to change. I’d just rather not go through it alone.”
Sophie stopped, her throat suddenly sore, tears eclipsing her face. There was nothing left she wanted to say so she started to walk to the door. She made sure her eyes took in everything she could, wanting to commit it to memory because she knew she probably wouldn’t ever be in this room again. As she opened the door, she wanted nothing more than for him to call her back, to tell her he was sorry and that he would work on it, that he wanted to be in her life.
But just like every other time she left, he never did. He let her walk out the door without a word.
So she left, and once she got to bed, she cried. And cried. And cried, smothering the pillow to her face so she wouldn’t wake up Elle.
“Sophie,” Elle called, snapping the red head out of her thoughts. Suddenly, she was back in her closet, in her perfect dress, ready to go the Halloween dance. “Jason’s here.”
Sophie walked out of the closet and pulled her friend into a tight hug. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” she asked as she released the willowy blonde.
“Yes,” Elle said. “I’m going to check on Aiden. But you look beautiful, Soph. Have fun, okay?”
If there was anything Sophie was planning on doing, it was just that.
40
She woke up two, three times during the night, but Jane’s eyes refused to open. The pain wasn’t piercing enough to shake her consciousness, so she continued to fall back asleep. Until …
She smelled cinnamon.
She knew that scent.
Her eyes flew open and there he was, sitting next to her bed, looking at her with those beautiful black eyes. He smiled at her—a full smile, though his lips were still intact—and her heart broke because with that smile came the memories. She didn’t deserve that smile.
And then she was crying. And then his arms were around her, holding her, murmuring things in her hair that she couldn’t hear because she was sobbing so hard.
“I don’t deserve this,” she said when she found her voice again. She pulled away from him. “Please don’t do this.”
“What are you talking about, Jane?” he asked, his hands still on her shoulders. “You saved everyone. Miss Harper would not be here if it wasn’t for you.”
His words were meant to soothe Jane, but they only made her cry harder. She wasn’t worried about what happened at Ultra. Her only concern was what happened outside of Ultra.
She shook her head, loose strands of hair sticking to her blotchy face. “You don’t understand,” she said. “He took—I can’t.” Her hand crawled up to her forehead, blocking out those beautiful, beautiful eyes. “I can’t tell you.”
“Don’t hide yourself from me, Jane,” he murmured in a low voice. He gently pried her hand from her forehead and carefully placed it in her lap. When he had her eyes, he continued, “Now, what can’t you tell me?”
Jane continued to shake her head. “You’ll hate me, Daryl. You’ll hate me.” It was the first time she had said his first name out loud. It fit on her tongue and slipped out of her mouth naturally, as though it belonged there.
“I will not hate you,” he insisted. “Please, Jane. You can trust me.”
Jane opened her mouth, prepared to tell him everything, but the words wouldn’t come out. She needed to tell someone about what happened to her. At first, she didn’t think it would be him because no doubt he would be ashamed of her. How could he not be? She was tainted now—which reminded her that she should probably ask the doctor to test her for everything and ask for the morning-after pill. God, this was so embarrassing. Why hadn’t she fought back? What was wrong with her?
“Dorogaja, dorogaja, dorogaja.” The words dripped out of his mouth like honey and instantly warmed her insides. “I could never hate you. Would it be easier if I saw it?”
“Like reading my mind?” she asked. “Is that even possible?”
He nodded. “I’ll let you in on a secret, Jane,” he said. “Quis can read anyone’s mind, even other mentals as long as someone doesn’t block you out. If you keep your eyes in mine and remember the memory, I can watch it, like a film.”
Jane dropped her eyes to her lap, biting her bottom lip. Did she really want him to see this? To see her at her worst?
“Trust me, dorogaja.”
“What does that word mean?” she asked in a whisper.
He pushed her hair back from her face. “It means darling,” he told her.
Jane breathed in and out before finally meeting his eyes. She said nothing but nodded her head once, indicating that he had permission to look.
In essence, she had to re-watch the entire thing. She hated how quickly the tears reformed in her eyes because she had made the decision to follow Cillian to his home and never even tried to fight him. This was her decision and she would have to live with it for the rest of her life. She didn’t have the right to cry about it, to feel sorry for herself. However, she highly doubted that talking about this would have been any easier.
It was the longest fifteen minutes of her life. Jane tried to decipher the look on his face but, as usual, it was as guarded as ever. When it was finally finished, he kept his hands on her cheeks, leaning toward her until his forehead rested upon hers.
“None of this is your fault, Jane,” he told her. His voice was still low, warm but serious.
“But—”
“No buts. It was not your fault.”
“I—”
“It was not your fault. Do you understand me?”
“I should have fought.”
His thumb began to trace patterns in her left cheek. “We do not know how we will act in particular situations until we are confronted with them,” he said. His other hand dropped from her cheek only to bury in her hair. She closed her eyes, feel
ing their foreheads touching, feeling his hands apply their mindless ministrations. She reached her hand up and tentatively placed it where his neck and shoulder met. Half of her hand was assaulted by the collar of his shirt while the other half was consumed by bare skin. She extended her thumb until it caressed his neck where the beginnings of a tattoo began.
She was no longer numb. She was feeling. And it was because of him.
There was no hiding it now. She was in love with him. No going back.
“But nobody will want me,” she said, and hated how pathetic she sounded. She wasn’t this girl.
Daryl surprised her by smiling. She opened her mouth, prepared to demand to know why he was all but laughing at her when he placed his long index finger over her mouth. “Hush now, dorogaja, I meant no offense.” His warm breath tickled her face. “It is just that you pose such a silly statement. Of course people will want you. The man who deserves you will not allow something like this to come between the two of you.”
Jane’s eyes descended until they reached his collarbone. She started tracing it with her index finger, completely naïve to Daryl’s reaction. “But what if I’m ever in a similar situation?” she said. “What if my life’s threatened and I don’t fight for it?”
“But you did fight,” he pointed out. “When you dropped the chandelier.”
“So you heard about that,” Jane mumbled, her face heating up.
“I did,” he said with a curt nod. “They’re still out there, Jane. Those men. They know what you are. They will try to take you.”
“But I’m safe here in AckPec, aren’t I?” she asked. She was starting to get tired and she could feel a headache start to come on.
“I do not know.” He pulled her closer to him so he could rest his head onto hers. Somehow, that dulled the pain no matter how temporarily. “But I do know that no matter what happens, I will protect you.”
“I believe you.” And she did.
“Good.” He finally pulled away from her. “I’m going to get you some tea and then I must make a phone call. I want you to drink all of it and sleep, yes?”
Jane nodded. “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” she asked in a murmur.
He reached out and squeezed her hand. “Of course,” he replied.
41
It had been four days. Four days since she had almost been taken, three days since she had her fight with Will, three days since she last saw or spoke to him, three days since she had her first date with Jason, three days since she went to her first school dance and, quite honestly, Sophie was exhausted. Still, she went to classes on Monday and visited Jane at the nurse’s station. Jane, of course, insisted she should be in classes, at the latest by Wednesday. Professor Depogare, who also happened to be there visiting Jane, shook his head and said perhaps next week.
During Anatomy and Physiology, an aid came in and handed Sophie a note. Sophie refused to read it just yet only because she had a feeling Professor Murdoch would make her read it to the class. However, on her way to Astrology, she pulled it out from her shirt pocket and proceeded to read it. It didn’t say much, only that History was canceled and to meet Ethan in his office.
The day went by.
After dinner, she pulled on a jacket and headed from Ignis Hall to the Ack Building. She headed up to Ethan’s office and found it devoid of Ethan. But Will was there.
Her heart stopped. Was this some kind of trick? Why was Will here? It was silent for a long time. She could slice the tension with her pinky fingernail. Even so, she could feel him looking at her and, as such, tried not to move, tried not to breathe.
“Sophie.”
Her eyes snapped to Will. He had spoken to her, hadn’t he? She wasn’t hearing things? The only reason she questioned it was because he called her by her first name: Sophie. Not kid, or any other term of endearment.
When Will didn’t follow with anything, Sophie picked up her brow, as though to ask him what, exactly, he wanted to talk to her about. A part of her hoped he wanted to address the fight they had, but she didn’t think she was ready for his rebuttal.
“I’m sorry.”
Sophie’s mouth dropped open. Had he just apologized to her? Judging by the taut muscles in his face, the answer was yes. It was difficult words for him to say, Sophie knew. In fact, she hadn’t heard him apologize to anyone in all the times she knew him. Somehow, though, he was able to keep his hazel eyes on her; this time they were a warm gold, and he was looking at her in a way she had never seen before. It was much like when he held her, how safe she felt. She experienced the same thing under his gaze.
“You’re right,” he continued. “I don’t like to get attached to anyone. I didn’t know that as a peculiar, I would outlive my parents, my brother. I had to watch each of them die all while wondering why I got to survive. Why do I get to live and they have to die? It just didn’t seem fair to me.”
Sophie watched as he took a tentative step forward and then another until he was right in front of her, close enough to touch. She wanted to touch him, to bask in the warmth that radiated off of him so naturally. But she refrained. She had no choice. She refused to let pretty words influence her against the walls she had built around her heart with the task to specifically keep him out. If she gave in now, he would never take her seriously.
“From then on, I promised myself that I wouldn’t love. What’s the point, when love didn’t last? I got good at avoiding emotion. If she or I were getting too serious, I’d leave. I thought I was doing the best thing for both of us. I thought it would be best if we separated so we wouldn’t get too attached. But now I see that what I did was run away from everything. I was a coward. I still am.” He paused, pressing his lips together as he tilted his head to the side. He appeared to be thinking.
“There’s something about you,” he continued, keeping her eyes locked within his as though he wanted her full attention for what he was about to say. “I can’t stop myself from feeling around you, and that scares the shit out of me. I actually do like being alone. I like doing the Change by myself. It’s when I feel free, when I feel like nothing can hold me back. But when I’m with you, I …” He let his voice trail off and surprised Sophie by reaching out and brushing the back of his fingers against her cheek. Before she could stop herself, she instinctively leaned into his touch. “I feel like I don’t have to run anymore when I’m with you.”
The words were exactly what Sophie longed to hear. Could she just pretend for a minute that her story would end like it would have if her life had been made into a movie? Where Will would kiss her and she would kiss him back and they’d live happily ever after?
What am I doing? Sophie asked herself. What about Jason? You know, the good guy who took you to the dance, who eats every meal with you, who finds little ways to touch you, who gives you butterflies? He doesn’t deserve this.
But Will is different. You know he’s different. When he touches you, there aren’t butterflies, there are sparks.
“Why are you telling me this?” she asked in a soft voice, looking at his mouth rather than his eyes.
“I just wanted you to know,” he replied. “I can’t promise I won’t leave again. It’s in my nature. There are times when I have to be alone. But I can promise that I’ll be there whenever you need me. I’m not saying we’ll never fight because we will, but I will never leave without telling you myself that I’ll be gone. And, more than anything,” he placed both hands on her cheeks, “I promise I’ll always come back to you.”
Sophie wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that. It wasn’t a confession of undying love, but it was intimate, more intimate than the attempt at love making with her ex-boyfriend. If anything, he was telling her that he cared about her enough to promise to come back to her, and to him, she was special, special enough to offer such a promise. Instantly she forgave him for everything he did and didn’t do to her, and thanked whatever God was in control of the universe that he was in her life. She needed him. It was as simple as
that. And he needed her too.
No, it wasn’t a confession of love by any means, but in a way, it was better that way because it was a promise of a relationship between the two of them, a friendship that otherwise might be ruined should romance get involved.
“Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”
A wolfish smile appeared on his face, but his eyes were much more sincere in their gratitude. At that moment, the door popped open and Ethan walked in, causing both Sophie and Will to spring apart faster than either thought possible. There was a teasing sparkle in Ethan’s blue eyes, but he said nothing in regards to the close proximity of the two.
What he did say caused a shiver of anticipation to slide down the nerves that occupied her spine.
“Ah, Sophie, Will, I’m glad you’re both here,” he said, closing the door behind him. “I’ve decided to cancel History because, Sophie, I want to hold our first experiment.”
42
It was Tuesday night, and besides Dr. Kessler, no one was in the nurse’s station. This worked incredibly well for Jane’s plan of escape. She was ready to go back to her dorm room and sleep in her actual bed, go to classes, and get the eff out of here. There was no need for her to be here any longer. Dr. Kessler said Jane was fine, all of her tests she had him conduct came back negative, and she had been conscious for the past two days. Professor Depogare, on the other hand, insisted that she stay put for the last week. Just to be sure.
Jane had no idea why he was so overprotective of her. He had visited her every day during dinner, bringing her her favorite dishes including macaroni and cheese—to which he said, “You realize there is no nutritional value in this, yes?”— soup, and cereal. They didn’t talk much during his visits; he either read from that red book or graded papers while she read a book or caught up with her homework. Beforehand, Jane was certain he wouldn’t visit her, afraid of giving students who might question why a cold professor would be checking on an Ignis student the wrong impression. Now it seemed he didn’t care about that.
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