I pause, not able to answer. What do I tell her? That she’s mine and she’s staying that way? I’m sure she would love that answer. I want to make her happy and give her the world, but I don’t know how.
“I don’t know, baby. Let’s just enjoy each other while we can.” It’s the only explanation I can give right now. Our situation is beyond difficult and I don’t see an easy answer for our future. Either she stays with me forever, or she goes back and I never see her again. Those are the only two options and they both leave one of us a prisoner. She’s a prisoner if she stays and I’m a prisoner if she goes.
“Because, I’m thinking…” she pauses before lifting up her face to look me in the eyes. “I’m thinking I might want to stay here with you.”
“What?” I sit myself up in bed, my back on the wall. She sits up too and wraps the sheet around her body. Tears start falling from her eyes.
“I don’t know what to say, Brandon.” She swallows and wipes the tears from her eyes. “I want to return to my parents so badly, but I don’t want to lose you, either. I know our options are limited, but I don’t think I can leave you. You need me, and I want you.”
I take my fingers and wipe her tears, then pull her to my chest. “We’ll figure something out, baby. We’ll figure something out.” It’s the best I can say, because I really don’t have a solution. This is the best I can do. “And by the way, I do need you and I want you, too.”
WE DECIDED TO take the night off. There’s a small party at my apartment. Carlos and Simon are there along with a few other warehouse workers. Claire and I walk up to the apartment from spending the afternoon at the pond. Most of them are on the porch. I can smell the pot from a mile away, and I hope there aren’t any cops nearby.
I lead us out to the porch and everyone greets us warmly since they’re all high. There are a few of the neighborhood girls there, too, including Maggie. She’s all over one of the warehouse guys. Apparently she had no trouble moving on. She gives me a cold look and then snuggles up to her newest flavor
Tommy passes me his joint. Normally, I would be all over this to forget my problems, but tonight it’s different. I glance at Claire and see she’s not interested at all in this scene, so I shake my head no and signal for Claire to follow me to the kitchen. We slip inside. I feel Claire’s tension rolling off her in waves.
“It’s okay, Claire. They’re just doing a little pot. I’ll protect you,” I tell her as I swing my arm around her and kiss her forehead. “Have you ever done pot?” I have to ask because my guess is no.
“No.” She shakes her head bashfully, and I smile at her innocence.
“Claire, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” I drop one of my award winning smiles at her, not because I’m trying to win her over, but because she’s so damn cute. The worst thing this girl’s ever done is fall in love with a criminal.
She hides her head bashfully into my shoulder and when I lift her chin with my finger, she’s biting her lower lip. Her body is pressed up against mine and I’ve all but forgotten the party on my balcony. “Well…once in high school, I cheated on a test,” she says.
I bring my hand to my heart, playfully mocking her. “That’s terrible, Claire. I’m so ashamed!” The smile on my face shows her I’m kidding, and I grab her closer to kiss her forehead.
“I guess I’m not the typical girl. I actually studied in high school, college and law school and I’ve never been around drugs. I’ve drank alcohol and even been drunk, but I can count on one hand the number of times.” She gives me another sheepish smile, and I add her innocence to the list of things about her I love.
“Don’t be ashamed of that, Claire,” I say, taking her hands into mine and intertwining our fingers. “You’re right. You’re not the typical girl and that is what I find most attractive about you.” I lean in and kiss her nose as the door to the balcony swings open. Our little bubble is busted and the atmosphere drops as Maggie walks in.
“So, is she the new flavor of the week?” Shit. Maggie knows exactly how ruin everything and exactly which buttons of mine to push. Tonight she’s wearing a short pink mini-skirt and a top that leaves no room for the imagination. Her long black hair is pulled into a high ponytail on top of her head, and I can smell her perfume as she walks into the kitchen.
“Shut up, Maggie,” I say, and I can feel Claire pull me tighter. Maggie’s making Claire uncomfortable, and therefore, pissing me off.
“Is this why you’re not giving it up anymore?” She tilts her head towards Claire, and I see the hatred flashing from her eyes. I never knew this girl was so possessive. I thought we had a friends-with-benefits type of relationship.
“Yeah, she is. What’s it to you?”
“Did you tell her all about what we had? Did you tell her how amazing the sex was between us?” I feel my hands balling up. I’ve never hit a woman in my life, but tonight might be the night.
“Shut up, Maggie.” My voice is low and serious. She’s not going to stand there and speak about this in front of Claire.
“You’ll cheat on her with me. You always do. You know where to find me when you’re tired of this one.” She walks back into the den, the sound of her high heels echoing off the walls, and leaves the apartment. Silence fills what use to be laughter, and I feel Claire slipping through my fingers.
“Claire. Stop,” I yell to her as she pulls away. She walks straight to my room and closes the door behind her. I take my fist and gently knock on my own door. I turn the handle and push it open, glad to see that she didn’t use the lock. She’s sitting on the bed, crying silent tears, and I walk over to her. I kneel on the floor, and positioning myself between her knees. I wrap my hands around her waist and look into her blue eyes. I notice that when she cries, her eyes become the color of a deep blue ocean.
“Baby, I’m sorry.” I whisper the words and look at her with pleading eyes. “I promise you, Maggie means nothing to me. I promise.”
“She said you always cheat with her.”
“I’ve never been in a relationship before, Claire. Nothing real, ever. Of course I’ve cheated on others with her because nothing I’ve ever had has been serious. Like I said before, Maggie is an easy lay and that’s all. What you and I have is very different. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, Claire. You own me. You don’t realize it, but you have the power to destroy me.” I go ahead and throw all my cards on the table. She has no idea the amount of power she has in her small hands.
She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Okay.”
I smile at her answer because she really has no idea the amount of power she holds over me. That’s another reason I love her.
“Okay?” I repeat to make sure we’re good.
“Yes. Okay.” She takes my head and kisses the top, causing my heart to melt. I lift up her shirt to start trailing kisses across her stomach. I unbutton her pants and start moving my kisses south. She grabs my face and pulls me to hers, passionately kissing me and pulling us onto the bed.
I kiss her intensely, like my life depends on this moment. It leaves her gasping for air.
“What was that kiss for?” She catches her breath while I run my fingers over her lips.
“Remember that quote you told me? The Margaret Mitchell one?”
“Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words?”
“Yeah…that’s what that kiss was for.”
I see her smile melt away, her blue eyes darkening with need.
The old Brandon would have been the life of the party on the balcony. Tonight, the new Brandon is the life of the party in my bedroom with Claire.
THE WEEK PROGRESSES, and Claire occupies all of my thinking. She spends nights on the couch reading and watching me and mornings sleeping. Then we spend our afternoons at our pond. Every free minute my hands are on her body and our eyes are interlocked. Carlos continues to give me dirty looks due to my distraction, and even Marcus has said something. This girl owns me, and everyone
’s aware.
I’m trying to keep my bearings at the warehouse, but shit, it’s difficult when someone so beautiful is right there, her eyes beckoning me. She’s like a siren, and as hard as I try to ignore her, I can’t. We send each other smiles, and she’s constantly flirting with me using her blue eyes. I can barely control myself. All I can think of is getting her to my bedroom and feeling every inch of her body.
Dawn breaks, and I pay out the guys. Claire, as usual, has fallen asleep on the couch and I clean up my work area.
“Boss, you have got to get your head together,” Carlos starts. I give him a glare, but I know he’s right. I’m going to lose it all over this girl. Marcus shakes his head and for once in his life, he’s agreeing with Carlos. I run my hand down my face. “You’ve been so preoccupied with her and those files you were trying to find, you completely forgot about the gang that’s after you for blood.”
Shit. I did forget about them. “Tell me what you know.” My voice has gone hard. This is serious. If they’re after me, they might hurt Claire.
“The head guy’s name is Louis,” Carlos says. “He’s the one you beat to a pulp, but he survived. He’s madder than hell, and he is working with the police now to find you.”
“What?” My eyebrows shoot up as bewilderment overtakes my face. “Damn. I was hoping our theory wasn’t correct.”
Carlos narrows his eyes and continues. “Yeah, and if they find you, they are going to work out a deal with Louis for one of their own men. Apparently, you’re more dangerous than a jailed gang-banger,” he says with a grin on his face. Carlos has been on my bad side for a while now, but he’s still a good friend. Who else would be looking out for me like this?
“How did you find this out? And how long have you known?” I look over at Marcus and he’s looking intently at Carlos, too. I think he’s in shock that Carlos knows all this information.
“The word’s out everywhere now. I’ve heard it from a couple of the men, and I’ve known for about a week. That’s why I’ve been telling you to get your shit together, boss. This is about to get ugly.”
I nod in agreement and run my hand down my face. My days are numbered, and I’m not sure how much longer I can continue hiding.
“I think you should go on another run with Marcus. This will put you back in the game, get your head back together. I know you’re worried about people seeing you, but you can wear a cap. No one will recognize you,” Carlos says. Marcus stands there with his arms crossed, looking down at Carlos.
“I thought that’s why we hired Stan,” I say, but I know he’s right. I need something to get me refocused. I can’t keep staying here and flirting with Claire. I’ve got to get back out there before I lose everything.
“Stan can stay here one night while you go out.”
I don’t say anything for a while, looking over Carlos’ shoulder. I know he’s right, but I don’t want to admit it.
“Okay. Tomorrow night, Marcus. It’s me and you again.”
Marcus nods and Carlos looks relieved.
“You’ll thank me for this, boss. That girl has gone to your head.” He smirks as he turns to walk out the door. I turn to Marcus, seeking his opinion.
“What do you think?”
“I think he’s right. Go out with me tomorrow and get your head back in the game.”
“You think Claire will be fine here by herself?” She’s the one I’m worried about, since she sure as hell can’t come on a car raid with me.
“Keep her upstairs with Sarah. This is no place for a woman.”
I agree and walk over to my sleeping angel. I pick her up as Marcus opens the door to the upstairs apartment. He closes it behind us, bolting all the locks.
Now it’s time for the best part of my day.
THE AIR IS warm as Claire and I look out across the pond. This day would be perfect if the twins were here. I long to call them again, but I’m debating about when it will be safe. Right now, I think I have too many targets on my head. First, I have to worry about this Louis guy and get his gang off my back. Then I can connect with my brothers again.
We eat our sandwiches, overlooking the serenity of the pond. I wish I never had to leave this quietness. I wish my life were this simple.
“Brandon. What are you dreams?”
Her question throws me off guard, because honestly, no one has asked me about my dreams in years. I have given up hope of having dreams. When you’re in my situation, your dreams are to stay alive from one day to the next.
“Um…” I try to start, but where do I even begin? “My dreams.” I scratch my face and look over the pond. “My dreams, Claire, only exist in a perfect world. I know my dreams aren’t possible. Let’s start with your dreams. What do you dream about?”
She pauses for a minute while biting her lip. “I want the whole package, Brandon. I want to marry a man I’m totally in love with and have children. I want to be an honest lawyer, and help people through my profession. But being a wife and mother far outweigh my dreams of a career.”
I don’t say anything. Sadness floods my system. I want to be the one to give her all these dreams. I want to be the man to make all this happen, but I know I can’t. I wish I had met her in high school. I wish I had met her before I became this monster so I could give her the world. I would have given her everything she’s ever dreamed of, but in this situation, I know that’s not possible. Some other man will have to give her all this, and the thought drives me crazy with jealously.
“What are your dreams, Brandon? If this was a perfect world, what would your dreams be?” Thank goodness she’s changing the subject because thinking of her with another man is about to send me into a jealous fit of rage.
Thinking of her question, I laugh at the absurdity of a perfect world. Then my expression becomes serious as I tell her what I want more than anything. What I want mirrors her own dreams. The difference that hangs between us is that her dreams are still obtainable. Mine aren’t.
“Claire, I want a family. I want to have an honest job and be an honest person. I want to marry you and have a family. I want our neighbors to respect us as a family. I want to have kids and be the best father they could ask for. I want to live close to my brothers and see them every day of my life. I want to be the big brother they lost. Those are my dreams. Dreams I know will never become reality, but since I’m dreaming, I can make it what I want it, right?” I smile at her and look into her eyes. She hasn’t moved, and it’s then that I realize what I just said.
I told her I wanted to marry her. Shit. Did I really just say that?
I should be scared shitless, but I’m not. I want to be with her and protect her with every ounce of my being. I want to have children with her and love her for the rest of my life.
“Claire, do you believe in love at first sight?”
She pauses for a minute, and I know she’s wondering where I’m going with this. Especially since I’ve not yet told her I love her. On the other hand, I have just confessed to wanting to marry her.
She speaks slowly. “I believe that sometimes you meet a person, and you have a bond, although you might not understand it in the moment. But as time progresses, you develop a deeper relationship with that person, and then one day, you look at them and realize you’re in love. You see them in a different light, one you’ve never recognized before, and it’s like a huge tidal wave. You realize you have been in love with them since the very first day you met them, since the first second, but you just didn’t realize until now. That’s my definition of love at first sight, so yes, in a round about way, I guess I do believe.”
I’m speechless because she just described everything I’m feeling. I grab both her hands and interlock our fingers. “Claire, I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you since the day I first met you. I have seen plenty of women, but the moment I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. I was never supposed to fall for you. That was never in the plan, but I couldn’t find it in me to
let you go. I felt the connection between us even then. I love you, Claire. I think I always have.”
She sits on her knees and leans over to kiss me. I pull her closer, and we fall over onto the blanket. In this moment I realize I will eventually have to let her go. As much pain as it will cause me, I won’t be able to keep her. She will always own me. Even fifty years from now, her body and soul will own me, but I don’t know where either of us will be fifty years from now.
I don’t want to think about losing Claire any more. Instead, I want to enjoy this moment and enjoy her body. I wrap my arms around her and deepen the kiss. She runs her hands through my hair and then I’m lost to her touch, her body, her soul.
THE NIGHT IS young as the warehouse hums with activity. Carlos and Stan are getting on my nerves. They keep having hushed conversations and looking back to Marcus and I. This is my warehouse and I don’t like what I’m seeing. I walk over to Claire’s couch and sit beside her. She lowers A Time To Kill and flashes me a flirty look.
“Can I help you?” she asks, her voice low and filled with double meanings.
“As a matter of fact, as soon as my shift is over, you sure can,” I say as I lean in to kiss her.
“When do you plan on telling her the truth?” The voice is harsh, and I look up to see Carlos standing beside me. I exhale in frustration. What is he trying to do here?
“What?” My voice is annoyed and exasperated.
“When do you plan to tell her what you have mapped out for her? When are you going to tell her she’s a prisoner here until you decide otherwise and then she goes with Richard to ‘disappear?’”
I stand up to face him, my anger boiling. Carlos has crossed a line and I’m tired of his shit. “That’s none of your business, Carlos, so stay the hell out of it!” I yell the words and the entire warehouse goes silent. It’s like in the movies when the music comes to an abrupt stop. We have everyone’s attention. “What the hell are you playing at? What are you trying to do?”
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