But I know I can’t base this decision on my feelings. If I were to do that, I would hold her for eternity and never let her go. No, she deserves more than I can give, and I want what’s best for her. She can’t stay my prisoner forever. This is how I know I love her. This is how I realize I truly love her.
I’m willing to let her go.
Sometimes loving someone means letting them go, giving them up because it’s the right decision. The definition of true love is putting someone else’s needs above your own, no matter how painful and gut wrenching it feels.
True love is sacrificial.
I take a deep breath and know what I need to do next. I’m not sure how much longer the cops will be lingering around, so I need to make this fast. I’ll be half a man when she’s gone, but at least I know she’ll be safe. She’ll be sleeping in the safety of her own bed tonight, and even if I die out here alone, at least I’ll know I did the best for her.
“Claire?” I call her name softly and she looks up into my eyes. “Let’s take a walk in the alley.”
“Why? Someone might see us!”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
I slide down the pipe and slide out the small opening I have created. I reach back for her hand. She looks at me in confusion, but takes my hand and follows. We walk along the shadows of the alleyway, our fingers intertwined. We walk almost to the edge where I stop.
“Brandon, what are you doing? We’re going to get caught.”
How ironic that she’s worried about getting caught. She should want to be caught so she can return home. I take both her hands into mine and rest our foreheads together. I’m not sure how she’s going to take this. Part of me thinks she’ll be excited and the other part says this will be a fight. I start to shake and she grabs hold of my forearms to hold me.
“What’s wrong?” Her voice is a whisper and I know I must be an idiot to do this. I must have something seriously wrong with me to let her go.
“You’ve got to go back.” I barely have the words out of my mouth and they seem to echo throughout the alleyway walls. I look into her eyes for a response and I see fear.
“You’re letting me…go?”
She looks hurt…destroyed, and for the first time in a while, I feel like the asshole I know that I am.
“Yes.”
“You don’t want me?”
I pause. This isn’t going how I had envisioned, and anger is starting to pour through me. How could she think this after all we’ve been through?
“DO I WANT YOU?” My voice has risen, and I break our contact. I run my hand down my face and walk away. I can’t face her. I feel like I might die. “Do I want you, Claire? What kind of question is that?” I’m speaking to the wall. My voice has turned into a whisper. How can she not see how I feel about her? How can she not see that I’m returning her because I love her? I love her more than my own selfish desires.
“What do you mean, what kind of question? You’re giving me up! Do you realize if you let me go today, we will never see each other again? Do you realize that?”
Claire’s gone from hurt to angry. Her voice is rising. She hasn’t used this tone with me since the night I kidnapped her. I turn to face her, my own anger growing. I’ve never been angry with Claire, but in this moment, I want to shake her and explain how she’s all wrong.
“Of course I realize that, Claire! This thing, or whatever it is, between us was never going to work. Never! We’re from two different worlds. What did you think would happen? Did you think you could stay my prisoner forever and we would just live in the world happily ever after? Did you think I could just integrate into society and we could get married?
“You have no idea what my world is like Claire! You have no idea what it’s like to be me. I’m giving you the gift of a lifetime. I’m letting you walk. I’m letting you go! Quit making this harder than it already is!”
Now I’m yelling at her but she’s not backing down. I’ve never found anyone not afraid of me, but with Claire, I’ve met my match. Tears stream from her eyes. I see she’s fighting back sobs, but she keeps her eyes on mine. Her expression is fierce.
“We had more than a thing, Brandon, and you know it.” Her voice is harsh as she mocks my own words. I instantly feel guilty for calling what we had a thing because it was love. It was true love, but I can’t mention that now. If I do, I might not ever let her go and she might make this harder than she already is. “Look into my eyes and tell me you never loved me. Tell me this was just a thing, and I’ll walk away. I’ll leave and won’t look back.”
Her words are stern and the bottom of my heart drops. I am torn between the truth and a lie. I can’t tell her I never loved her. I don’t even think the words will form on my lips, but I can’t tell her I love her, either. If I do, I’ll pull her into me and never let her go.
I react the only way I know how. I have to leave this situation before I’m in over my head. I’m barely afloat as it is, and she’s close to me hauling her away forever. I look around the alleyway and find a piece of wire. She looks at me in confusion, wondering what I’m doing. I see a drain running down the wall and I grab her. I take her hands and tie her up to the drain post, making sure the wire doesn’t hurt her, but making sure she can’t escape, either.
“What are you doing, Brandon?” She’s angry but not resisting. “What are you doing?” she asks again a second time and her voice is louder.
“I’m giving you your dreams, Claire. Can’t you see? You can never have your dreams while you’re with me. I’m doing this for you.” She doesn’t respond, but stares at me with those eyes I have come to love, those eyes that will haunt me in my dreams for the rest of my life. The darkness of the alley restricts me from seeing their true blue color, and I wish I had stared at them longer and more deeply the last time we were together.
I look away from her, an internal battle raging through my head and then I make a decision. I will never see this angel again, and I want her one last time. I turn my head towards her and kiss her. I kiss her like my life depends on it, and she responds with the same fierceness. She’s pinned against the wall, and as much as I would love the feel of her fingers in my hair, I will gladly accept this.
The world freezes in time as the tears fall silently down my face. I feel her tongue in my mouth and my body presses harder into hers. I run my hands through her silky hair, trying to memorize everything about her.
I cup her face in my hands, and we rest our foreheads together. “I do love you, Claire. I’ll always love you. I’m letting you go because I love you,” I whisper. I give her one last kiss on the lips and turn to walk away.
“Brandon! Don’t go!” Her voice cracks as she struggles against the wire. “Brandon! DON’T GO!” Her voice echoes through the alleyway, and her sobs consume her. Her voice is shaking and I see an expression of panic starting to form. I’m not sure how much I can handle, and I know I must sever ties now before all self-control has vanished.
I take my gun and aim it in the sky. One single shot rings loud and clear through the alley, deafening me momentarily. I look back at her one last time and see the tears on her face. The scene is almost too much, knowing I’m the cause of those tears.
I run to the drainpipe and slide in the opening. I hear the police running over to our alley as I slide the gate closed, sealing myself inside the pipe. I hide in the shadows, watching the cops arrive at the scene. Suddenly, flashlights consume the alley as several cops come running to the sound of the gunshot. Claire is lifeless against the drain, crying uncontrollably.
“Are you all right?” one of the cops asks her, but she’s crying too hard to respond. They take out something to cut the wire and Claire falls to the ground. Two cops appear, attempting to help pick her up, but she’s sobbing and not cooperating.
“Ma’am, we’re trying to help you,” one of the cops says as they surround her. One of them puts his hands around her but she fights him off. Claire has always been quiet and ti
mid, and I’m shocked to see her behave so out of character. Knowing that I’m the cause of this makes me feel like shit.
Two cops grab her arms. “Ma’am, we’re going to take you to the car now. We need to remove you from the alley.”
I’m not sure she even hears them. She’s sobbing and acting like I’ve never seen her act. They take her arms firmly and lift her up. She looks over at the drain and I’m scared she’s going to give me away. She’s going to tell them I’m hiding there and for a second, I’m terrified.
“I hate you. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!” She screams the words with venom and the cops look confused. “I HATE YOU!” She continues to scream and her voice bounces off the walls of the alley. She still fights, as a third officer is called in to help contain her rage. She repeats the phrase over and over as they drag her away. Her words vibrate in the alley, and in my heart. I deserve her words, but that doesn’t mean they don’t prick my soul like needles. I know she’s angry and doesn’t mean what she’s saying, but this only emphasizes what an asshole I really am. She has every right to hate me.
I watch them take her from the alley. At this point, she’s bent over crying, exhausted and holding on to the officers for support. She’s stopped yelling and only her sobs can be heard from my hiding spot. I watch her leave and then despair settles in.
She’s really gone. I have lost her for good.
I will never see Claire Peters again.
THE ONLY REDEEMING quality about that night was remembering to bring my cell phone. I waited out in the tunnel till dawn, watching the cop cars drive back and forth late into the morning. When I finally didn’t see any more lights, I dug my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Tommy. He was the only one I had left to call.
“Brandon? Where are you?” He is whispering. I don’t know if this is such a good idea.
“I’m two alleys away from the warehouse. Where are you and Sally? Are you all right?”
“Yeah, we’re fine, but we’re going to have to go in for questioning later today. The police have been in here all night and all morning. What about you and Claire? Are you two okay?”
“Yeah. We’re both fine.” It’s not a lie because I’m alive and Claire is with her family. “Look, I need a place to stay.”
“All right. Go to my brother’s house. He’s two streets over. I’ll tell him you’re coming, and he’ll take care of you until we can have you back over here.
“Thanks, man. I don’t think I can walk over there in daylight. I’ll have to hang here till nightfall.”
“I would come pick you up myself, but the police have this place on lockdown. They are all over the place. I’ll have my brother come pick you up.”
“Thanks, Tommy. That means a lot.”
“Listen. I have to go to the police department for questioning this afternoon, but afterwards I’ll drop by my brother’s place. I’ve got some stuff to talk with you about.”
“Sure.” I wonder what he wants to talk with me about. This can’t be good.
“I’m going to give Tim your cell number so he can come pick you up.”
“Thanks, man.”
I lie in the pipe for what feels like an hour before Tim calls. He says he’ll be driving a black Camaro and for me to rush to the vehicle when he arrives. This seems dangerous, but I know we don’t have another option. When Tim arrives, I rush the back seat door and dive inside. The windows are heavily tinted and I wonder if I helped provide him with this car.
“Stay down for a while, till we get you to my garage.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” I’ve met Tim before and he’s a cool guy. I’m in good hands for the time being. I lie on my back in the backseat and let my mind wander. What’s Claire doing now? Is she happy to be home? Is she thinking about me?
Does she still hate me?
I’VE HAD A shower, and I’m wearing some of Tim’s clothes. We sit with his girlfriend Amy in front of the television, watching the breaking news. My picture, along with Claire’s and Sarah’s is plastered over the screen. My picture is the mug shot from when I was eighteen, the one that really doesn’t look like me anymore. Claire’s and Sarah’s pictures are current ones taken from their Facebook pages.
The report highlights how the car theft ring has been infiltrated and how, after five years, the police have finally located both warehouses. It also highlights how I’m still at large and highly dangerous.
I take a swig of the beer Tim hands me and feel my heart ache when Claire’s picture is shown. She really is beautiful.
My phone rings. It’s Richard. I can only imagine what he’s about to say.
“Yeah.”
“Cuz! You’re alive!” He seems surprised when I answer. “What happened?”
“Yeah, I’m alive and I’m safe.” I then proceed to give him a quick rundown of what I know.
“So, what now?”
I take another drink of beer. There is something I need him to do. It’s essential to my survival. “Actually, I need a huge favor.”
“Yeah man. What do you need?”
“Go to my room and there, along the wall, you’ll find a patch of the wall that’s thinner than the rest. It’s a hidden door and behind that door is a box. Inside is my wad of cash. It’s thousands of dollars. I need you to invest that for me and have the dividend check wired to my fake account you set up.”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
“I’m going to need money, and I’m done with this business. I think I’ve aged ten years alone in the past three months. I need the money, and then I’m going into hiding. Maybe down to Mexico or something. I’ll call you and have you set it up.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Call Tommy. He can let you into the apartment. Get over there before the cops find my stash.”
“Got it, Cuz. I’ll have you taken care of. I’ll start looking into places for you in Mexico. That’s probably the best place for you to go. Till then, stay low, because you’re a VERY wanted man.”
“Yeah, I know this.”
We hang up and my eyes return to the news. The pictures of Claire and Sarah continue to flash across the screen. I can’t believe I let her go. She should be traveling with me to Mexico. I could have taken care of the two of us with what I made in the car theft business.
We could have gotten married down in Mexico and had kids. I could have given her her dreams in another country. Why didn’t I think of that last night? Am I an idiot, or a hero? I’m not sure which at the moment. Part of me says hero and the other part says I gave up the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
I need to stop. I’m second guessing myself, and I need to stop. If I don’t, I’ll go crazy. If I don’t, I’ll spend the entire rest of my lonely and pathetic existence down in Mexico drunk.
TOMMY ARRIVES AROUND nine that night, his eyes tired and his expression bleak. He sits beside me on the couch, with Tim in the recliner. We have the den to ourselves.
“Tell me what happened,” I start, because I figure I know the least of any of us.
“It was Carlos. He ratted us out,” Tommy says with an exhale. He rubs his eyes, and I feel the anger and rage burning inside. I must calm down. It won’t do me any good to go ape shit right here in Tim’s den.
I run my hands down my face and look back at Tommy. “How?”
“Him and the Louis guy, the gang leader, allied up and went to the cops. The Stan guy was a narc. Carlos had been in with the cops for a while. He was the one who gave your name in the very beginning, not that Nick guy. I’m pretty sure Carlos set Nick up, too.”
“Shit.” I mouth the word, but I’m not sure if my voice is heard. “I can’t believe that. We were set up from the beginning.” If I felt guilty about doing away with Nick before, I’m feeling twice as guilty now. Carlos is a son of a bitch.
“Yeah. And that’s not all. Carlos has some vendetta against you. I think he was jealous. Anyway, the other guys said he knew your weakness was the girl, and that he was going to do his best to take her awa
y from you. He wanted to destroy you, take away the girl and your business.”
“Damn.” It’s all I can say. We don’t exchange words for a while. “What about you?” I ask finally. “Did your plan work? You are Sally are in the clear, right?”
“Yeah. They are suspicious of us, but they believed our story that we had nothing to do with the car theft industry. We played dumb. We saw Sarah and Claire down at the station today. The Sarah girl is giving us hell, but Claire isn’t cooperating with police.” He pauses and then looks my way. “How did they catch her and not you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I’m closing this conversation concerning Claire. I can’t take any more memories of her.
“Yeah. I understand. I saw her at the station this afternoon. She’s…a mess.”
I run my hand down my face and exhale. This has to be the longest day ever. I want to go to bed and never wake up.
“Anything else?” I’m finished talking about Claire.
“Carlos was declared dead, and the gang got one of their members a lesser sentencing. That was their part in the whole scheme.”
“To hell with Carlos,” I say, my fist gripping the couch cushions. “What about Marcus?” I look into Tommy’s eyes, and sorrow overtakes me. The look on his face is one of regret. He lowers his head.
“I’m sorry, man. He’s gone, too.”
“I knew he was. He was trying to defend the girl. What happened to the body?”
“Since he doesn’t have any family, the state will cremate his body. They will be doing it soon.”
I run my hand down my face again and fight back the tears. I look away from Tommy. I grab the cross pendant that’s now hanging from my neck and feel the four corners.
“I’m glad you took that necklace. He would have wanted you to have it,” Tommy says softly. I nod. I have nothing else to say. This was the only part of Marcus I could keep, and I’ll wear it proudly. What I took from Claire was the memories of that last kiss.
Tommy and Tim do some small talk and I explain to them that Richard will be stopping by.
The Thief Redeemer Page 17