“Is Claire…in contact with my brothers?” I have to ask. My voice sounds small.
“Yes, they talk quite frequently. Those three are your biggest fans.”
I nod my head, and a smile crosses my face. Do I dare mention what I want to say to this man? “I don’t know if you want to hear this sir,” I stare at the ground, at my prison-enforced white tennis shoes, and continue my confession, “but I love her.”
The atmosphere goes cold and I know I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. How can I make this right? What can I say? “I know you don’t think a man like me can love or be capable of love, but she’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me…she saved me from myself.
“I want to be the best man I can be for her, and turning myself in is all I figured I could do. I turned myself in to face the consequences. I realize when I’m released I’ll be forty-three and Claire will be married with kids…” I trail off at the moment because the thought of her with another man brings pain to my heart. The thought of her having children with someone else makes me want to break my chair in half and throw it across the room. I swallow a couple of time and feel the cuffs catch when I try to run my hand across my face. “I realize she’ll have moved on and she’ll have someone who is worthy of her and who deserves her, but I would still like to see her. She’ll always hold a place in my heart. I doubt I’ll meet anyone else who will affect me like she does.”
I finish my tirade and wait for Mr. Birch to announce he’s quitting the case.
“Is that why you kidnapped her? You thought you were in love with her?”
I’m not expecting this question and I look up from the floor. I need to be honest with him in all aspects. I’m done with the lies and the old way of life.
“I’ll be honest with you, sir. I kidnapped her because I wanted to cause you pain. When you removed my brothers from my life, I hated you. I’ve hated you for the past ten years and I took her so you could experience my pain. I never meant to fall in love with her, believe me, but I think I loved her from the first moment we met. I really do.” I break eye contact and I’m back focusing on the table. This conversation has gotten personal fast, and I’m feeling a little uncomfortable.
He nods slowly. “It’s understandable you thought me a monster. I took your brothers away, but at the time, I thought it was best. You were an angry eighteen-year-old, and I think your brothers have done well with their adoptive parents.”
I don’t say anything. He’s right about my past anger issues. I don’t totally agree with him, but now isn’t the time for an argument. “Yeah. They have.” That’s the only answer he’s getting from me, because I’m not sure if I can admit yet that they were better off without me. Having the files remain sealed is what made me the angriest, but that wasn’t Birch’s call; it was their adoptive parents’. Birch was only working for them. I need to forget the past and forgive not only myself, but everyone that has hurt me.
I decide in this moment not only to trust Birch, but to forgive him as well. It’s the only way to move forward.
“All right, son. Keep yourself out of trouble and prepare for your court date. I’ll be in touch over the next month while we wait to meet with the judge. We’ve finished everything up on my end.” He stands to leave and I before I can stop myself, I yell the word without thinking.
“Wait!”
He turns around to look at me, standing at his mercy with my hands and feet bound. What do I say to him now? I don’t want him to go because he’s my connection to Claire.
“How is Claire? I haven’t asked because I didn’t want you to know my feelings, but now that you do, how is she? Is she okay?” I wait for his response while my heart pumps thickly through my veins. I haven’t spoken this much of Claire since she left, and now I’m at the mercy of her father.
He pauses and hesitates. “She’s doing better.”
She’s doing better since she returned home. She’s probably realized what a piece of shit I am, and she’s come to her senses. My mind works into overdrive as I try to come up with something, anything, I can do to communicate with her.
“If I write something for Claire, will you give it to her?”
He thinks for a second and then nods yes. He walks back over and pulls out a pen and some paper. I stare at the paper for thirty seconds, just staring, not knowing what to write. What words do I use and how do I say what I long to say? My mind runs through memories of her and then I know the perfect words. It sums up the way I feel. The pen starts to write and upon completion, I smile. Mr. Birch reads over my shoulder and frowns.
“What does that mean?”
“She’ll know exactly what it means, sir. It’s from Gone with the Wind.”
“Ah, her favorite.”
I look at him and smile. He knows his daughter’s favorite book. I look back down at the quote and realize I couldn’t have said it better than Margaret Mitchell. Claire will understand what this means. After all, she’s the one who explained it to me.
Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words.
THREE WEEKS HAVE passed, and I haven’t heard from Birch. I spend my days reading and working out. I don’t think I’ve worked on my body or read this many books in years. The prison library only has five John Grisham books, so I’ve had to move on to other authors. This is good because Grisham reminds me of Claire.
At night while falling asleep, I see her sitting on that sofa, hiding her eyes behind her books, and then cutting them to me. I smile in my sleep at the memories and wonder what she’s doing. I wonder how she’s feeling and if she regrets the three months we spent together. Her memory and scent are branded onto my skin.
I hate being here in this jail cell, even though I know this is what I deserve. Birch says there are two counts against me: theft and kidnapping. I came clean and told him everything I’d done, like sending people off to “disappear.” He said he would take care of everything and told me not to worry. I guess this is what lawyers are for.
Of course, I haven’t seen my lawyer in almost a month and my hearing is scheduled for next week. Maybe he’s doing all the work, and I only have to show up and look pretty. Fifteen years sounds like eternity to me, but then again, I probably deserve longer. I’m not getting my hopes up for a shorter sentence. Birch said he thinks fifteen, so I’m going off his expertise.
I sit back against the headboard of my bed and open my book. Today I’m reading The Shining. There’s nothing like a good Stephen King book. This is the perfect atmosphere to read anything Stephen King writes because jail is a true living nightmare.
I’m halfway done with a book I have read countless times when a guard walks up.
“Wilson. Your lawyer is here.”
I put the book down, earmarking my place, and walk to the bars. I insert my hands into the slot. The guard cuffs them together. Once completed, he opens the sliding door and I walk into the hallway. I’m seated in the same room I’ve become all too familiar with as I wait for Birch to enter. I assume we’re going to review the hearing since it’s less than seven days away.
The door opens, and the long blonde hair is what I see first. I stand up without realizing I’ve done so and my heart jumps. There she is. The girl I sent away, whom I haven’t seen in over two months. She’s just as beautiful as I remember, and I literally melt. I long to take her in my arms and kiss her senseless, but I can’t. I’m in an orange jumpsuit and my hands are cuffed together.
It’s ironic how our roles have become reversed. She walks over to her side of the table and we say nothing for a second. I’m too stunned it’s her. Her face is expressionless.
“Hi, Claire.” I’m the one to break the silence. I wonder how she feels about me. Does she still love me or does she hate my guts? The last words she spoke to me made it pretty clear love isn’t in the equation.
“Hi.” Her voice is small and beautiful. I notice she’s wearing a black business suite and she’s fixed herself up. Her hair is long and smooth and s
he’s wearing a small amount of makeup. She never wore makeup during our three months together. She looks beautiful with or without it.
“You look really pretty today.” I don’t know what makes me say this, but my remark causes her to drop her head. Beneath her lashes she gives me a small smile. A grin crosses my face, and I know I’ve broken down her tough girl wall.
“I’m here on assignment for Mr. Birch. I’m going to discuss with you what will happen at your hearing.”
I nod as we take our seats. I can’t keep my eyes off her, and she notices my stares. She’s trying to do her job and act all business-like, but I’m too distracted. It is possible she’s more beautiful now than she was two months ago?
“Brandon. You have to quit staring and listen,” she scolds me, but there’s little threat behind her voice. I grin again, knowing that she feels this too.
“You’re too distracting,” I answer, and I’m once again rewarded with a smile.
“Your court date is in seven days. Mr. Birch has done what he can and I need to know what size suit you wear so we can have you presentable in front of the judge.”
I tell her what I believe is my size. “Are you buying me a suit?” This family has done more than enough for me. I can’t believe this, too.
“Yes. On the day of the hearing, we’ll send someone to make a delivery. The twins and I will be present during the case. We won’t be able to speak with you, but we’ll be in the back listening. You’re going to get time. That’s really not the question. The question is how much time. Mr. Birch is trying his hardest to work with the state to give you the least amount of jail time possible. What happens is up to the judge.”
I pause and look into her eyes. “You know, Claire, jail used to be my worst fear. Going to jail seemed like a death sentence. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not happy to be here, but I don’t fear this anymore. Knowing that the twins and you are behind me gives me strength. I know I can do this…with your support. I’ve always been able to do the impossible with your support.”
She looks at me and doesn’t say a word. After a long silence, she whispers, “I know what you mean.” That’s my cue and although my hands are cuffed, I place them on the table and grab her hands into mine.
“Baby, I’ll get through this. I don’t know how much time I’ll receive, but I do have one selfish request.”
“Yes?”
“Once I’m sentenced and have visitation, will you and the twins promise to visit me? I think I’ll receive weekly visitations. I don’t want to lose what I have with you, and I want to develop a friendship with my brothers. Please promise me this.” I exhale and stroke her fingers with my thumbs. What I really want to ask is if she will wait for me, but I know this request is too selfish. Visitation is enough.
I can’t hope for any more. One day she’s going to visit and tell me she’s engaged to another man. It’s going to kill me, but I need to prepare myself for the inevitable.
“Of course,” she says without even taking the time to think about it. “I’ll be here every week and your brothers will come as often as school allows.”
I smile and squeeze her hands. This is all I will ask for now. I hope and dream one day at a time. In this moment I will focus on Claire, and when she leaves, I will focus on my hearing. I need to pray for as little time as possible so maybe Claire will wait for me; the lesser the sentencing, the greater my chances.
“Claire, what were you thinking during our three months together? Can you tell me what was running through your mind?” I know every word we speak in here is recorded, but I also know this will be the last chance to speak with her for a while.
“Well…” she smiles and bites her lip. This causes me to smirk back and wonder what she could possibly say.
“Well, what?”
“Well…I hated you initially. I don’t think that was a secret, but…you grew on me.”
“I grew on you?” I raise my eyebrows at this while an even larger grin crosses my face.
“Yeah. You were growing on me little by little and then the day we met your brothers, I gave in to my desires. I had been hoping you would kiss me for a while and you never would, so that day, I took matters into my own hands.” Her blue eyes sparkle, and I want her so bad.
“I wanted to kiss you Claire. You don’t know how difficult it was for me to hold back. I just didn’t think I deserved you. I held back because I knew you could do better. I knew you had a perfect guy named Jonathan sitting at home waiting on you, and I could never add up.” I look at her lips. “I was holding back, much like I’m doing now. I wanted to so bad, but I knew it wasn’t a possibility.” I whisper the last part and feel Claire melt in my hands.
“I know what you mean.” Her voice is deeper and her eyes darker. She is just as affected by my presence as I am by hers. “I think I should go.”
I nod because as much as I don’t want her to leave, making out and touching in this conference room would be highly unprofessional…and frowned upon.
“I understand. It was great to see you. I’ll look for you and the twins at the hearing.”
“Oh! I almost forgot.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a letter. It has my name on the top in chicken scratch, and I instantly know the sender.
“It’s a letter from your brothers.”
I exhale and gaze at the envelope a few seconds.
“Thanks Claire. I love you.” I don’t expect her to say it back because of where we are, and I’m not sure if she even feels the same anymore. She stands, leans across the table and kisses the top of my head.
“I love you too, Brandon.” She whispers this to me and I almost can’t make out the words. I take a deep breath and watch her walk away. Once she opens the door, she glances back and gives me a look, much like the one she gave that day at the library. Then I kept thinking she was going to run, but today I recognize her look. It says she won’t run. It says she’ll return to me.
Claire’s been doing this since the beginning. She’s always looking out for me and picking up the shattered pieces. When she shuts the door, I expect to feel despair, but I don’t.
I know she’ll come back to me. And like that day at library, I’ll be there waiting for her when she returns. No matter how long the wait might be.
IT’S TEN AM on the morning of my hearing. I’m sweating. I put my hand on my damp forehead and wipe away the moisture. Usually, I’m never nervous, but there’s too much riding on the decision of the judge.
I’m not so worried about my brothers. Regardless of how long I’m sentenced, I know they’ll visit and fill me in on their lives. My concern is Claire. I can’t possibly ask her to wait for me if I’m sentenced to fifteen years. That’s not fair to her. The thought of letting her go again kills me.
I’m not sure I can ask her to wait for me. I might have a shot if the sentence is short, but we all know that’s a remote possibility. And even if the judge does give me a shorter term, Claire might not deem me worthy of waiting for.
Whatever her decision, I will force myself to accept it. It’s because of my poor decisions that I’m in here, but it’s also because of my poor decisions that I fell in love with Claire. So where do I draw the line?
I am starting to believe that everything happens for a reason. There’s a reason I’ve made all these past mistakes and a reason I lost my parents. There’s a reason I lost my grandparents and brothers all within a year. I’m a stronger person today because of all this.
There’s also a reason I’m confessing my sins and sitting in jail.
I glance at the letter Claire delivered from my brothers. I have re-read it what feels like a thousand times. It says how much they love me and that they’re proud of me. Their letter gives me the strength to continue. It gives me the strength to face my biggest fear on a daily basis. Without these three in my life, I would be lost and depressed. I’m fortunate to have found Claire, and in turn, my brothers. This is true even if I did go about meeting Claire the wrong way.
&nb
sp; I know they will be at the hearing today. Claire said the three of them would be here, and I know they are good for their word. I’m looking forward to seeing their three faces again, even if my fate is difficult to accept.
Even though I’ve only been in this jail cell a month, I can already sense a difference in myself. In hindsight, I see a difference over the past three months. Once Claire entered my life, everything changed. She started breaking down walls and stripping me down to my soul. Since I have given everything up, I’m…free. It’s hard to explain, but I’m a different man. There’s nothing and no one to hide from anymore.
I used to be paranoid, but now I sleep in peace. I’ve even noticed my temper isn’t as explosive. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always have a temper when it comes to the big things, but I tend to let things slide that, six months ago, would have resulted in a fight.
I’m realizing what’s important in life and it’s not running a car theft ring or making money. It’s a woman you love and loving the family you have left. That’s what’s important.
How could I have changed so much as a man in only four short months? I think it’s evident that I was at the end of my rope, and then the heavens opened and dropped Claire in my life. The God of the universe knew I needed her and knew I needed my brothers. He must have seen this destructive course I was venturing down and placed them in my path. He used them to show me the right way.
I’m strangely at peace as I dress in the suit Birch’s secretary brought me this morning. My fingers feel the white button-down shirt as I glance in the mirror. How can someone like me be redeemed? How can someone like me, who was lost and alone, find the light? Maybe when you’re stripped down to the barest of your soul, you finally realize that your life can change. I can, in fact, be a better man. I just needed someone to show me the path. I needed someone to have hope and faith in me. Yes, Claire was delivered to me in a sick and perverse way, but because of her large heart, she saved a man who was drowning in despair.
The Thief Redeemer Page 21