“Why are we running?” I shouted, beginning to pant.
“Don’t you see the swampy area to left, Toots?” he asked, looking back. “Alligators have been seen roaming around there.”
I looked over and the water moved in all directions. “Let’s get going then!” I screamed, releasing his hand and sprinting ahead. I could hear him right behind me and I didn’t stop until I reached the car. We threw our bags in the back and pulled ourselves in, fastening our seatbelts as I took a last look at the ocean.
“Wow Jax, that was one of the best times I’ve had since mother died,” I said, leaning over the center console and kissing him on the cheek. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, grabbing hold of my hand.
“Now let’s get back to our home.”
“Our?”
“Elana, it’s both of ours now,” he said, smiling.
I smiled and kissed him again, gripping his hand tighter. I never wanted to let go.
Chapter 32
The next day when I woke up I received a text message from Jaxon.
Jaxon: Had 2 run an errand. Back soon. Surprise 4 U.
Jaxon and Lance told Tiffany they had a huge surprise for me and that they'd be gone most of the day. I was anxious because I didn't have any clue what it could be. Tiffany didn’t have any idea either. We were left trying to study while we waited.
Eventually, we gave up and spent the afternoon watching bad TV and old movies. We started to get hungry and realized it was almost seven. I wandered into the kitchen, but there wasn’t much for snacks. We grabbed our purses to head out for pizza, but I heard the sound of a muscle car outside. I ran out to the balcony, and my heart dropped. The noise wasn't just Jaxon's car. There was another one; I could tell from the bright blue color that it was Baby Girl.
What had he done?
“Oh my God,” I said aloud.
“What?” Tiffany said, stopping next to me. “Oh my God.”
I sprinted down the stairs to the parking lot with Tiffany following. Jaxon and Lance stood next to Baby Girl in the parking lot, smiling like fools. They leaned against it with their arms and feet crossed, proud of what they had done.
Jaxon looked at me and said, “Surprise!”
“Why the hell did you bring this thing here?”
“Wait, what?” He looked at Tiffany for help. “I thought you would like it. Jim bought it at an auction a while ago and had it stored at his house in Ocala. He was planning to restore it, but I offered to buy it from him last night at the party.”
“Seriously? It's the last thing I want, Jaxon! I can't believe this,” I said shaking my head.
“Elana, we’re sorry. Tiff?” Lance said, looking for help.
“Lance,” Tiffany said, shaking her head. “You should have told me.”
The three of them stood in silence while I walked around the car. I kicked the driver’s side door so hard it hurt my foot. Memories of watching my father when he drove Baby Girl came flooding back. They quickly switched to memories of him calling through the house, drunk and slurring. He did that sometimes. He’d call me baby girl and try to sit down and apologize. He was a drunken mess, but I’d fall for it. He’d talk about missing my mom. The more he went on, the angrier he became. It always ended with him chasing me through the house, throwing things, swearing at me for not being her. He sold the car about a year after she died.
He only lost one race his entire career. If my mother was alive, he would have kept racing, but the drinking took a toll. After he lost that first race, he only drank more. It was so much that he couldn’t even work on his car anymore. He would sit in his chair and drink when he wasn't at work. The car was rotting in the garage like he rotted in that chair. I was happy to see it go.
Jaxon walked over to me tried to get me to look at him. “I'm sorry, I didn't know,” he said kissing my forehead.
It didn’t matter that he was sorry. The car was there, reminding me of what was and what everything became. It was one of the worst surprises in the history of surprises. It brought everything I was trying to run away from to the surface. I felt the past tighten its grip on the present. It seemed I could never escape it. Like my father would always be waiting to chase me down when I least expected it.
I wanted to start over and leave my past in the past.
“I just need to think, Jaxon,” I said, pushing him away from me. “Please, don't leave that thing in the parking lot.”
“Come on Toots!” he shouted, throwing his arms in the air.
Then he walked towards me and when he was close enough wrapped his arms around me. I tried to shake lose but his grip was too strong.
“Don’t Jaxon!” I yelled, finally squirming out of his death hold. I crossed my arms and glared at him.
“I’m sorry! I fucked up! I didn’t realize it would bother you!”
“Well it does bother me! I don’t want memories of that car or my dad!” I turned and walked away. Tiffany tried to follow me.
“Tiff, I just need to be alone.”
“Are you sure? We don’t have to talk.”
I stopped and Tiffany stepped into my view. “I’m positive. I’ll talk to you soon Tiff. I promise.”
She shook her head. I turned away and started walking again. I had no plan, but I had to get out of there.
I had no cell phone and no cash. I kept walking and walking until my feet had blisters and my anger subsided. I knew it wasn’t Jaxon’s fault. He was who he was and I knew that from the start. He was a bad choice if I wanted to leave racing, drinking, and drama in my past. Sure, he loved me, but history and literature are filled with stories of passion destroying people.
No boys, no drama.
My mother had been right.
As it got darker, I found myself making my way to O’Reilly’s. There was nowhere else for me to go. When I walked inside, the place was packed with a robust Saturday night crowd. Searching for Tom, I pressed through the patrons, finding him at the back near the stage. There was a band setting up and he was checking the sound system.
“Tom,” I said, tapping him on the shoulder.
“Miss Elana, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
My eyes filled with the tears I’d spent all day avoiding. It was humiliating. I turned to walk out, but he grabbed my elbow.
“Go on upstairs. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I found my way to the staircase and climbed the stairs. My legs ached from wandering around all day. Finding the door locked, I sank to the floor in front of his office. I let myself cry. Nobody could hear me over music and noise from the bar.
Tom came up the stairs carrying a tray. “I brought you a sandwich. It’s turkey.”
“Thanks,” I said, trying to stifle my tears again.
“Come on, let’s get you inside.”
He helped me up and walked down the hall to the other door. He unlocked it and I found myself inside a lovely apartment. It was clear that a woman had decorated it, but it wasn’t excessively feminine.
“It’s really beautiful,” I stammered.
“My wife did this before she died. She told me we couldn’t put our guests up here unless it felt homey.” He put the tray down on the coffee table. “Sit down and take a minute to collect yourself. I’ll make tea.”
“You don’t have to, Tom. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I just had nowhere to go.”
“Nonsense. You’re welcome here any time. The bathroom’s around that corner if you want to freshen up.”
“That would be great,” I sighed.
I quickly entered and locked the bathroom door. I splashed cool water on my face and took a deep breath. I might be overreacting, but there was too much going on to make sense of things. I needed to rest and reevaluate. I had to. Life choices lead to many different things and I wanted to pick the right one. Evaluating the situation seemed much smarter than making a quick decision.
After calming myself down I patted my face dry and left the bathroom.
In the living room, Tom was putting the teacups on the table.
“You want to talk about it?” he asked, looking up at me.
“Nah, I don’t really do that.”
“Never helps to keep things bottled up, Elana. But you decide.”
I took a small bite of the sandwich and sat back on the sofa. Tom was sitting in a leather chair to the left of the sofa, stirring his tea.
“When my wife died, I thought things would never be the same. They aren’t, but they’re still good. Life is like that. You lose things, but you still have yourself and your memories.”
“I’d like a few less memories,” I tried to joke.
“We’re all allowed to choose what we keep, Miss Elana.”
“I guess so.”
“No?”
“Well, some things are hard to just forget… Especially when they’re bad.”
“Trust me, over time the bad will be erased and the good will live on.”
“Sounds like a bad country song.”
“Well, it’s the truth.”
I smiled. “You’re too nice, Tom. I really appreciate it.”
“There’s no such thing as too nice.” He grinned and took a sip.
There was a lamp on the side table that gave the room a warm glow. I finished the sandwich and found myself talking to Tom. I told him everything about my mom, why I left home, Jaxon, and Baby Girl. It was a great release. Tiffany knew me, but she was so close to me. Laying everything out for Tom was different. He listened carefully and told me about his wife’s battle with cancer which was similar to my mom’s.
“It’s a terrible beast,” he said.
“How did you do it? Move on after she died.”
“Oh, you know, I had no choice. What kind of person would I be if I sat around in a puddle of my own tears? She would hate that. She wanted me to go out and live. She said if I didn’t, she could never rest. I’m not sure what I believe in for an afterlife, but I couldn’t imagine making her sad. I had no choice but to push forward. It’s like learning to walk all over again. You’re unsteady at first, but eventually you get the hang of things.”
“I wish my dad looked at things that way.”
“Wishes don’t always come true, my dear. But his choice isn’t your choice.” He got up to put the teacups in the kitchen. While he washed them, he said, “Why don’t you stay here for a few days. You can clear your head and figure out the rest later. Nobody uses the place anyway.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.”
“You won’t be. It makes me happy when someone uses it.” He turned to walk out, closing the door quietly.
I had no clothes, books or phone, but I could figure that out tomorrow. Tonight was for rest and quiet. I didn’t even notice the dull thump of music from the bar below. I fell asleep when my head hit the pillow.
Chapter 33
When I was sure everyone would be at class on Monday, I went back to the apartment to get some things. I needed more time to sort things out. I skipped class and stayed in the apartment above O’Reilly’s all day. I took a bath because the shower had no pressure and read an entire romance novel in the tub. Late that afternoon, I texted Tiffany.
Me: At a friends. All OK. Talk soon, I wrote.
Tiffany: Glad U R OK. Call Jaxon?
Me: No. Will U tell him?
Tiffany: Yes XO
Me: XO
Tuesday and Wednesday were normal days. I went to class, did my homework, read a book, and went to bed early. It was starting to become routine, but Thursday was my first night to host karaoke. I was starting to miss Jaxon, so I appreciated the distraction.
Thursday night, I put on the green dress and pulled my hair up in a messy bun. I applied red lipstick to make my lips standout more when I sang. The pub had dim lighting, so more dramatic makeup was necessary.
At eight, I went downstairs to find Tom. He was behind the bar talking to an attractive young girl in a tight, blue dress. I smiled, watching him flirt in his harmless way. I walked over to the bar and the girl turned. It was Tiffany.
“How did you know?”
“Well, I listen and I can read.”
I looked confused, so Tom handed me a flier. O’Reilly’s Karaoke Night Featuring Elana Swanson, was printed in thick black letters across the top.
“I hope it’s okay,” he said. “Publicity always helps.”
“Maybe not tonight. People aren’t going to know who I am.”
“They won’t when they get here, but they’ll know for sure when they leave.” He gave me a big smile and walked off to check the equipment.
“Sorry to disappear,” I said to Tiffany.
“I understand.”
“How’s Jaxon?”
“I haven’t seen him in a few days. I texted to tell him you were okay, but didn’t get a response.”
I looked down at the bar and tugged at my dress hem. “This look okay?”
“It looks fabulous. Don’t get all pouty though. That ruins it.” She smiled at me.
“I’m trying.”
“You’ll be great,” she said giving me a hug.
The place was already filling up. Tom went on stage to introduce me and I tried not to blush.
“Hey, everyone, I hope you’re all ready to sing tonight.”
People clapped but continued talking among themselves. From the back, someone shouted, “Sing us something!”
I peered into the dark and saw Lance and Tiffany grinning at me.
“I’ll get us started, but I expect to see that list filled with names.”
I switched on a song my mom used to sing me and closed my eyes, swaying to the beat. I noticed that the room was silent except for my voice and the music. I was too afraid to look, but I could sense the change. When the song was done, people stood up to clap. I took a little bow before grabbing the list of names that would be doing karaoke.
I looked down at the list and smiled. “It’s a duet with Tiffany and Lance! Give them a round of applause!”
I stepped off the stage as they bounded on. As soon as they reached the microphone they got right into an old song from Sonny & Cher. It was campy and fun so you didn’t need to know it to enjoy it. While I cheered them on, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and found Jaxon.
“That was incredible, Toots.” He gave me a tight hug which felt uncomfortable but also good. “Can we talk?”
“I’m kind of working Jax.”
“It won’t take long.”
“Fine,” I sighed.
I looked around for Tom and when my eyes found him he looked over at me. I pointed at Jaxon and he nodded his head toward the door.
“Let’s go outside,” I said, motioning towards the door.
As we walked towards the door, Tiffany and Lance finished their song and Tom stepped on stage.
“You can see we’re making some changes around here. This was just a little taste, but there will be more coming. But anyway, next up is Aaron McMahon.”
Outside, Jaxon started to speak, but I interrupted him. “You don’t have to say anything. I know you meant well.”
“I do have to say it. I’m sorry, Elana. I got so excited that we had racing in common that I forgot what it meant for you. I told you I’d fuck things up. I always do.”
“You didn’t. I just needed some space, Jax. I wanted to move past it right when I saw it. Talking about it would’ve only made it worse.”
He shook his head agreeing. “I got something for you.”
My heart was racing. The last surprise didn’t work out so well. He handed me a little wooden box. Inside it was lined with a deep green velvet. It held a key and a picture. The picture was some kind of metal cube that I couldn’t see in the dim light. Stepping out of the doorway, I held it up under a streetlamp. It was a crushed car. I looked at Jaxon for an explanation.
“I knew somebody that could help me, so I took the car to a place.”
That was enough to know what he did. The car had obviously b
een demolished. I smiled. He was really one of the best guys I’d ever met.
He took my hands and stepped within inches of my body. “I knew you were mad and needed some space. I understand, but I hope you can forgive me. Everything I do is just to try to make you happy. I love you, Elana. I know I'll screw up every now and then, everyone does, but everything I do will be for you. Only good intentions, always.”
He spoke the three words again. “I love you.”
“Jaxon, you didn’t have to do that. It must have been expensive.”
“Worth every penny.”
“It’s part of my past that I want to keep as a memory, but I don’t want it following me around like a ghost.” I tried to explain, but I came up short.
“I get it. I have memories of my family from before, but everything after, I had to let that go. It all died with my sister.”
“Yeah, that’s what it is. I lost more than my mom when she died. Seeing that car brought too many things back.”
“Well, you’re never seeing it again. Remember it anyway you want, but you’ll never have to look at it again.”
He made me feel understood. The nervousness and fear were gone but the butterflies were still there. I reached up to put my arms around his neck and pulled his face to mine. “Let’s get out of here.”
“What about your big night?” he asked.
“Tom understands. The fliers all have next Wednesday’s date. This was only a trial run.”
He picked me up and squeezed me. “Then let’s get out of here.”
He drove the few blocks home as quickly as he could. We ran up the stairs, giddy about our reunion. He was still trying to get the key in the door when I started to kiss him. We stumbled inside, wrapped around each other.
He started to undress me, but I stopped him.
“There’s something I want to do.”
“Me too,” he grinned.
“No, something different. Take your clothes off and meet me in the bathroom.”
I lit some candles and placed them on the counter, so we wouldn’t have to use the overhead lights. I turned the shower on, letting the steam fill the room, and took my clothes off. Stepping under the hot water, I called Jaxon.
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