by Nicole Locke
He looked at the children. Creighton looked at him as if he were seeing him for the first time. Flora’s eyes were not fearful, but thoughtful. Alec and Maisie were unaware and playing with rocks in the sand. The children gave him no hint of what was troubling her.
‘Gaira?’ he asked.
‘Please, Robert, leave with us now.’ She tugged at his sleeve again. ‘When we are far enough away, I promise I’ll explain everything.’
Terrible realisation dawned. ‘Did you know that man?’
‘Robert, please!’
He yanked his arm away. ‘Answer me.’
She took a deep breath and paused. He almost interrupted her before she said very fast, ‘He was my betrothed.’
‘Your betrothed!’ he roared. ‘Explain yourself!’
Glancing quickly to her left and right, she hissed, ‘I won’t, Robert. Nae here. It isn’t safe, you daupit eel-drowner! You fought him with a claymore!’
‘’Tis the sword you threw to me!’
‘But, Robert, you’re English and you fought with a claymore. If I know who you really are, how long do you think it’ll be before these people realise it, too?’
There was absolute silence. Then Robert of Dent let off a stream of invectives that shocked Gaira of Colquhoun.
* * *
Gaira couldn’t still her racing heart. They were out of town, but on the main road. Every few moments she looked behind her, sure she heard pounding hoof beats.
She dared not glance at Robert, who rode with Alec in his lap. He hadn’t said anything since they mounted the horses. His demeanour didn’t encourage any speeches, either. Even Alec was quiet.
She was sure Robert would leave her at any time. There was no reason he travelled with her this far other than for her asking.
She glanced behind her again.
The extra horse allowed them to travel faster, but Creighton and Flora rode on their own. They couldn’t travel fast enough should the townspeople try to pursue them. She couldn’t believe there wasn’t a crowd of villagers following them. They had just been celebrating Black Robert’s death.
Maybe that was a blessing. If they thought he was alive, anyone watching him fight today would realise who he was. He was a warrior, all in black, and he had swung that claymore as if he were born to it.
She felt a hysterical giggle. She had been in the company of Black Robert and she didn’t know. She hadn’t even suspected when the drunken Scot had given a detailed description of him.
How could she recognise him? All this time she had not seen Robert use his sword. He had not seemed like so much a warrior, a legend, a killer of her kinsmen, but...a man.
A man stating his only motivation was duty, but she knew there was more to him than that. He had buried her dead. He had taken them to the town to obtain supplies. He had saved Alec from getting hurt and held Creighton as the boy battled his demons.
No wonder she didn’t recognise the description given by the stumbling Scotsman yesterday. Everything she knew of her Robert conflicted with the Robert described by the Scot.
Her Robert.
She risked looking at him. His face was hard, his eyes staring straight ahead. He had not disappointed her, like Busby, or betrayed her, like her brothers. He had done everything possible to help them. Reluctantly. Aye. But now she could understand some of that reluctance.
She glanced behind her again.
She had just seen Robert kill her betrothed. It didn’t seem to matter that she didn’t like Busby. The fact was he was dead and she rode with the man who had sliced his neck and wiped the blood on his clothes. But the hardest fact of all was she felt not a drop of horror or repugnance for what Robert did to her own countryman. No, not to her countryman. To Busby, who had swung his sword towards Robert’s back. Busby had launched a coward’s attack. Robert had simply had no choice.
But what of his reputation? The Scotsman had said Robert had killed many of her countrymen. Did he kill like the men who had killed her sister? Was that the kind of man she travelled with?
She tried to understand her feelings, but there was too much confusion. She looked around, momentarily forgetting where they were heading. Safety. She had to get them all to safety.
* * *
‘We’ll need to stop.’
Gaira’s voice was louder than she intended. Everyone looked at her sudden declaration and it was no wonder. They had been travelling for hours and no one had spoken a word. She didn’t want to stop. She was still terrified of being caught. But she had to stop. Maisie was wiggling in her lap.
‘Maisie needs a break,’ she added.
Robert pulled his horse over to the side and dismounted.
He got Alec to the ground before he took Maisie from her lap and set her on the ground.
‘Do you need help dismounting?’ he asked.
She was loath to admit it, but she knew from the numbness in her legs she did. ‘Aye.’
He lifted his hand up for her to take. She did and felt the warmth and calluses before she adjusted and placed her hands on his shoulders and swung her weight over the horse.
She gasped at the sharp shooting pain in her legs.
‘You were too tense on the ride.’ He released her waist.
The cool air hit her sides and she missed his hands, but he waited. She smelled his sweat, the very personal scent that was his alone. Desperately, she wanted to rest her head against his chest and curl her arms around him. She wanted to feel his arms around her as well, clasping her close against him until all her worries and confusion went away. Instead, she straightened and flexed her legs. Without a word, he walked towards the woods and she turned her attention to the children.
Creighton and Flora had gone the opposite way of Robert. She grabbed Maisie by the hand and slowly walked her over to a plush length of grass.
‘There now, let’s see what we have here.’
She removed the linen and gave an exaggerated gasp, waving her hand before her nose. ‘Ach there, I dinna know you had weapons more powerful than a wild boar!’
Maisie grabbed Gaira’s plait and let out a peal of laughter. Gaira’s heart stopped. Maisie laughed Irvette’s laugh. It was a high tinkle that ended in giggling. Irvette’s laugh. She never thought she’d hear it again.
Maisie put the tip of the plait in her mouth and Gaira leaned forward, staring at Maisie, staring at Irvette’s baby. The resemblance was there, in the shape of the mouth and chin, in that unmistakable laugh. Her resemblance was just a wisp of Irvette, but her sister was still here.
Trying to breathe through her revelation, Gaira removed her plait and wetted clean linens to wipe her bottom. She let Maisie lie there, bare-bottomed, as she went to a tree and roughly cleaned the dirty linen. Maisie scrambled up and began to run towards the trees where Robert had gone.
‘Oh, no—I’m nae done with you.’
Maisie ran even faster. Her legs, chubby and still curved, were making a hasty but sloppy retreat. Her arms were pumping as fast as they could, which caused her tunic to rise up and Gaira caught sight of her small dimpled bottom beneath her short tunic.
It was about the dearest sight she’d ever seen.
Without warning, great bursts of grief rose out of her chest. Crushed at the stab and weight of it, she fell to her knees and wept.
Her sister would never see Maisie’s bare bottom or how she would grow. She would never hear Irvette’s voice again or see the gentle way her eyes softened. She’d never have her counsel, though she desperately needed it now. Never, never, never again.
She cried even after her eyes could no longer produce tears, for the pain still racked through her body in great gasps. She cried until even her choking sounds could no longer escape her dried lips. When she could make no sound at all, the pain still made her eyes clench ti
ght and her fists curl in her lap.
She felt rather than heard the hesitant steps and motions around her. They were quiet, but she was no longer alone. She wiped her cheeks and pushed her hair away from her face.
Flora and Creighton were hand in hand, sitting on the ground to her right. Alec was fast asleep and laying in both their laps.
Robert was standing in front of her. In his arms was Maisie. Her bottom was still bare and her mouth was full of his tunic.
‘We need to keep moving,’ Robert said quietly.
She didn’t know what to say. So, she stood and wiped the dried grass and dirt from her clothing. She reached to take Maisie, but Robert shook his head.
‘I’ll do it,’ he said. ‘There’s a stream just behind me. Take your time.’
She was relieved nobody wanted to talk to her. She wasn’t ready to talk. She was too shaky, too raw. When she returned to the horses and children, she felt exhausted and little like herself.
Creighton and Flora were petting the new horse while Maisie pulled grass nearby. Alec was jumping in front of Robert, but this time, Alec’s hands were in Robert’s and he was pulling the boy up.
Gaira’s heart eased a bit. Robert was playing with Alec. Robert looked perplexed, but Alec didn’t seem to mind. He laughed great squeals as Robert pulled him higher and higher. The sight was almost as good as sound counsel and her heart calmed even more.
* * *
They found shelter with some shallow caves late in the day. The sun had set and a cool wind had picked up. The caves did not provide much protection if it rained, but the rocks were warmed by the sun and the curvature buffeted the chill of the air.
‘I’ll go and see if I can get some food,’ Robert said.
‘’Tis late and dark.’ Gaira hugged Alec in her lap.
‘Aye, and I’m hungry.’
She could do nothing to keep him there. She tried to release the emotion that something could happen to him. They were far from the town and no one had pursued them. It was ridiculous for her to feel he needed to stay within sight.
She stayed busy with the children, gathering wood and leaves for beds and a fire. She tried not to think of danger or losing him. Soon, Robert returned with a couple of mountain hares.
‘You must have the eyes of a cat to see in such light.’ Gaira took the hares and helped him prepare them.
They hadn’t stopped to eat since leaving the town and they ate like starving foxes. Once fed, Alec and Maisie fell asleep sitting up and Gaira adjusted them to a more comfortable position. It didn’t take long to settle Creighton and Flora next to them. They had blankets now. The children would not get cold.
Robert had left the shelter of the cave as soon as she started preparing the children for sleep. He hadn’t returned. When she was sure they were settled, she grabbed her shawl and went to find him.
Her emotions were still confused, but she knew she owed him her entire story. Whether he wanted to hear it, she didn’t know. Something had possessed him to continue north with her and it was time they talked.
He was near the stream. The moon illuminated and shadowed the night. The water sparkled and the open ground lay so clear that she could see each pebble and blade of grass. But Robert and the trees were black silhouettes and their shadows long.
She stopped behind him and listened to the water lapping around larger rocks.
He did not turn around to face her, but he knew she was there. She had not walked silently.
She looked down at her feet, not surprised to see Robert’s shadow had reached her. She stared at it, feeling strangely comforted and yet apprehensive about the breadth and length of it. It was how she felt about the man. How, despite his gruffness, despite his killing a man, he had reached into her heart, into her very soul.
And because of that, she didn’t want to tell him her painful past because she owed him; she wanted to tell him because she wanted to share it with him.
But still he did not turn to face her and his back was wider and darker than the shadow. But unlike the shadow, she knew his strength and character were solid.
Oh, aye, he was solid and so very angry. At her. She couldn’t blame him. By forcing him on this journey, she had jeopardised his life.
‘I met Busby of Ayrshire less than a sennight before you came to Doonhill.’ Her voice sounded unnatural in the quiet of the woods. ‘That was about the same time I realised my brother, Bram, the eldest and laird of our clan, had agreed to make Busby my betrothed.’
Robert did not turn around. But not facing him somehow made it easier to talk to him. ‘Busby and my sudden betrothal were a...surprise. I was very happy where I was. But my brother had given his word. I could defy my brother, but not when he acted as laird. That would have resulted in my immediate banishment without somewhere to go.’
He turned around. ‘Why did he do this?’
She had not expected his acknowledgement so soon, nor his gaze to be so intent. She was suddenly unsure how to proceed. She tried to discern what he was thinking, but the moonlight obscured his features.
‘I dinna understand it at first.’ Embarrassed, she took a step away from him. She doubted very much Robert had ever been thrown away.
‘I ran the keep and made sure we had profits,’ Gaira said. ‘Irvette had married happily and I had found some purpose to my life at the keep without her.’ She gathered her breath. ‘I guess I ran the keep a little too efficiently. My older brother kept bringing women home to marry, but they never stayed.’
He made some sort of noise in his throat.
‘Some of them were quite nice, but they’d...’ She didn’t know how to explain the women who came. How they’d behave with her brother; how annoying all the simpering and flirting was.
The corner of his mouth lifted and he took a step closer. ‘Get in the way?’
‘Aye, I guess that was it.’ She flushed. ‘It was apparently me in the way. Bram put a dowry of twenty sheep on my head and made an alliance with Busby of Ayrshire.’
‘Why with him?’
‘Busby’s keep is poor and he has a horrible reputation. But at the time I hardly wondered about that. I was just so stunned by my brother’s betrayal. He hadn’t told me what was happening. He did not allow me to fix it. If he had, I would have stepped back.’
He raised his eyebrows.
‘I would have tried at least,’ she corrected.
Robert took a step closer. He cupped her neck, his fingertips tracing her jaw from ear to chin. His hair was slightly damp. She wondered if he had washed in the stream.
‘Did you know your chin juts out just a notch when you are determined to get your way?’ he said, his voice low.
Arrested by the feel of his skin against hers, she did not answer him.
He dropped his hand roughly away. ‘I imagine your brother has seen that particular angle of your chin for years.’
She did not protest. She could still feel the slight friction his fingers had left. ‘Aye, I suppose Bram did.’
He took a step away. ‘You probably berated him heavily for his lack of consideration in not telling you of his plans.’
Her embarrassment escalated with his comment. Under normal circumstances she would have cursed her brother, but the fact that he had just given her away had been too much to take in.
She shook her head. ‘Nae, I dinna.’
His gaze took in every facet of her face. ‘He hurt you.’
‘When Busby arrived and they told me, I was too stunned. I just stood there while Bram placed my hand in Busby’s and said the words to the clan. With his words we were handfasted, which in Scottish terms means—’
‘That you were married,’ he interrupted, his voice grim.
‘Only if—’ she started.
‘You said you met Busby almost a
sennight ago and your brother handfasted you that very day,’ he interrupted. ‘You were married to that man for almost fourteen days.’
His voice was tight and angry again. She did not understand it.
‘I’ve made you a widow.’ He paused. ‘Do you grieve for your Busby from Ayrshire?’
She wanted to take a step away, but didn’t know how close she was to the stream. His demeanour had changed from soft to hard so fast she didn’t know how to react. She didn’t know what had changed.
‘There were nae celebrations,’ she said. ‘Busby did not want to stay with the clan. By the time Busby arrived, my things were already packed.’
‘That does not answer my question. You travelled with this man. Yet you tell me you have nae feelings for him?’
‘Aye, I travelled, but I hardly had enough time to know him. The further south we went, the more my shock left me. I realised we were getting close to my sister.’
‘You asked him if you could visit her,’ he concluded.
She shook her head. ‘Nae. I knew it would be useless. Busby had got what he wanted, which was my dowry of twenty sheep. When I could, I took some clothes and his horse and went south to my sister’s.’
‘How long did you travel with him?’
‘A day, two days?’ She waved her hand. ‘What does it matter?’
‘You were handfasted.’
‘I explained that to you already.’
‘He pursued you.’
‘That was apparent.’ She did not keep the exasperation from her voice.
‘Why did he pursue you?’
‘Who knows?’ she answered. ‘For his sheep is what I suspect.’
‘Sheep!’
‘Aye, Bram made it apparent if anything should happen to me, he would expect the twenty sheep returned.’
Robert took a step closer to her. She had to tilt her head to continue looking at him. The moonlight made his face hard angles and planes. The evening breeze did not hide the smell of cedar and the heat of his body.
‘You think a man had you for two days and pursued you because of some wool?’ he asked.