by Nicole Locke
It was too obvious a challenge. Robert shrugged.
Bram’s lips twitched. ‘As I was saying, I disagreed with my counsel. I believe your reputation also tells of the man. I saw nae need to be barbaric.’
‘A fair decision,’ Robert replied. This was the first opportunity Bram had spoken to him and it was the most crucial. He did not expect his own situation to change, but there was a chance for Gaira and the children.
‘Do not mistake my civility for fairness.’ Bram studied Robert. ‘However, my sister says I should be fair to you. Much to my surprise, my two brothers have agreed I should give you a chance. I am still trying to understand why.’
Surprised that Gaira’s brothers spoke for him, Robert stayed silent.
‘Did you have a play in what happened at Doonhill?’ Bram asked.
The question was expected. ‘Soldiers under King Edward’s command did,’ Robert answered.
Bram’s eyebrows drew down. ‘Under your command?’
Robert shook his head.
‘But you wanted me to believe it your fault.’ Bram folded his arms across his chest. ‘Either you are bold or you think me stupid.’
Robert did not shift his gaze.
Bram’s lips twitched again. ‘You insult me by flagrantly protecting the English King by blaming yourself. You probably think I would kill you and think justice met, thus, not seeking revenge against your fellow Englishmen.’
Robert didn’t answer. He knew it was best to listen to all Bram had to say.
Bram tapped his fingers against his arms. ‘You insult me further, by thinking I would judge a man unjustly. Did you think I would kill you just because you are English? Tempting, I must admit, especially since I know the fate of my youngest sister. However, as laird, I cannot be ruled by emotion alone. I know each man, despite what tainted blood runs through his veins, is accountable for his own sins. If you had told me the truth, I would have been fair.’
Robert would say something to that. ‘I have no evidence of your fairness on which to judge.’
Robert heard Malcolm and Caird stir at his words, but Bram did not seem surprised.
‘You speak of Gaira.’ Bram poured himself a drink of ale. ‘My sister doesn’t seem to know what an abomination you are. But never doubt I know exactly who and what you are. You’re probably still loyal to the English.’
‘King Edward is a strong leader; do not underestimate him.’
‘You say that to my face.’ Bram set the pitcher down. ‘As long as there is one Scotsman, there will always be a Scotland.’
Robert shrugged.
‘So how did you keep it from her?’ Bram took a sip. Robert wasn’t surprised he wasn’t offered a drink. This wasn’t a social visit.
‘Keep what?’ Robert asked.
‘The fact you have slaughtered hundreds of our kinsmen.’
‘She never asked.’
‘I thought she was more aware than our sister Irvette, but it’s clear I protected her overmuch.’
‘You didn’t protect her at all.’
‘Insults again. With me at your front and two at your back, you still do not curb your tongue.’ Bram shook his head. ‘What do you know of how I have treated my sister?’
‘You abandoned her to a madman.’
‘Busby was nae madman. He was not bright, but he was not crazy.’
‘Then we knew two Busby of Ayrshire. The man attacked me from the back.’
‘You provoked him by travelling with his betrothed.’
‘She was no betrothed of his. And she was terrified of him.’
‘My sister’s terrified of nae one. Her travelling with you is proof of that.’
‘She fled from Busby of Ayrshire.’ Robert tried to cool the sudden anger flooding his veins. He knew better than to show any emotions when it came to Gaira, but he couldn’t seem to stay rational. ‘Fled because she was scared for her life. Or did you forget?’
Bram slammed the empty cup down. It wobbled precariously on the edge of the table. ‘I forget nothing, you pompous English bastard.’
‘Your anger is with yourself, not with me.’
‘I will kill you.’
‘You can try.’
Bram’s eyes lighted and his lips twitched again. Robert did not understand the sudden humour. The man wanted to laugh. Interesting. He saw nothing to laugh about.
But Gaira had that same ease of laughter. She had that kind of open heart. Maybe her brothers had it as well. He didn’t understand it, but he envied it.
‘God,’ Bram said. ‘Having you here disturbs me like nothing else. Why are you here?’
‘Your sister asked me to help her.’
‘I’m to believe that?’
Robert shrugged. ‘Since you plan to kill me, it probably matters not.’
‘Why did she ask you?’
‘You should ask her that yourself.’
‘I want to hear it from you.’
He didn’t know. He was still baffled that Gaira had asked him. ‘I was convenient. There wasn’t anyone else.’
‘If you dinna have anything to do with Doonhill, why were you there for her convenience?’
Robert did not want to reveal personal reasons, but he would not hide the truth. ‘My men should never have killed innocents.’
‘Remorse?’ Bram tilted his head, a strange gleam in his eyes. ‘Black Robert feels remorse. And he helped my sister through Buchanan land.’
Bram walked towards the window. He heard Malcolm or Caird pull a chair across the floor. He did not move. No matter how civil this discussion went, he was still Bram’s enemy.
Bram turned. ‘Those facts will not change matters. I will still have to kill you.’
‘So you keep saying,’ Robert answered.
‘Even if I show you mercy for what favours you have done my family, every Scotsmen would be at war with my clan.’
‘You could just let me go. Say that I escaped,’ Robert offered, though he knew Bram would never do so.
‘A plan that will solidify my reputation with my fellow Scotsmen,’ Bram said wryly.
‘Not true, King Balliol would be pleased to know you survived our meeting.’
‘Testing my loyalties, Englishman?’
Robert kept his voice level. ‘I see you are here instead of...elsewhere.’
‘Now goading me for secrets? I know where I belong.’ Bram shook his head, the corners of his mouth lifting. ‘Your soul really is as black as your name.’
‘On that we will agree.’
Bram looked to Caird and Malcolm. ‘My sister has pleaded for your life. I understand she has even asked you to escape.’
Robert was not surprised Bram knew. He was intelligent enough to keep some spies.
‘Your sister, as you pointed out, is not aware of my deeds or how I have lived my life.’
‘Aye, I think she does know,’ Bram replied. ‘If I am not mistaken, when she told you to run away with her, you told her every black truth of your soul. Why would you do that?’
It galled him to know he was read so easily by this Scotsman. ‘Your sister is an unusual woman. Her kindness deserves to know the truth.’
‘Kindness? Gaira is a harpy.’
Bram walked in front of Robert. He was close enough to attack and kill before either Malcolm or Caird could protect him, but Robert was not here for himself.
‘Again we differ with our judgement of people,’ Robert replied.
‘You tried to scare her away from you. What is my sister to you?’
‘I think she deserves more than to be abandoned.’
Bram took a few steps away. ‘We are back to that.’
‘It is a fact that deserves clarification.’
‘I will not
explain my reasons to you. I refuse to be on the defensive to a man such as yourself.’
‘So you say.’
Bram put his hands behind his back and rolled on his heels. ‘Why am I on the defensive with you?’
‘Because you were wrong to do what you did.’
Bram chuckled. ‘God, you’re not reserved in your thoughts, are you?’
‘I see no need.’
‘Since it’s honesty you’re so proud to claim, what facts of King Edward’s campaign are you hiding?’
‘None,’ Robert said. This was an area he need not be reserved about. ‘I was his arm, but not his tactician.’
‘You were more than that.’
‘I knew him well. Aye. But I was never his confidant.’
‘Held yourself apart, did you?’
Robert shrugged.
‘Damn. I believe you again. You leave me nae reason to keep you alive. You know that?’
‘We all die.’
‘True, but your time is sooner rather than later.’ Bram again looked to Caird and to Malcolm. ‘Tomorrow we fight.’
* * *
‘Kae-witted argle-barglous outwale!’ Gaira murmured. ‘Succudrus neep-heided man!’
Gaira fisted her hands into her dress as she quickly sidestepped horse dung. It was nighttime, but the courtyard was not empty. She didn’t care that her voice carried because there was no use being quiet. There was a use to hurry, however. Malcolm had told her Robert and Bram had talked. He also told her what Robert had said.
Oh, how her heart had wanted to hear those words.
She could not change Bram’s mind. He had made his decision as laird. But maybe, with Robert, she had a chance to stop this whole foolish affair.
She crept around the kitchens and hastened her steps till she reached the cellars. The guards immediately opened the door when she approached them.
This was not what she expected, but they were averting their faces. She was glad they closed the cellar doors behind her. She knew now they would not hear anything.
Robert did not wait in the shadows this time, but she felt as though he did. His face was inscrutable, his countenance dark.
She tried to assess his mood by using her other senses. Even among the drying herbs, she could smell the cedar, the leather and the essence that was his alone. She remembered the heat and gentle touch of his hands, the way his mouth felt as it caressed her, opened her, made her want him. She still wanted him. Regardless of his mood, she wasn’t leaving without getting an answer.
‘I think I know something else motivating you, Robert of Dent,’ she said. Her voice seemed unnaturally loud in the silence of the cellar.
‘What do you do here, Gaira?’
His expression was shuttered, but she saw a muscle twitch in his cheek. God, he was a handsome man. A private man, but one who reluctantly revealed himself to her. And she wasn’t missing this opportunity. She had never shirked a day in her life. She wasn’t starting now.
‘’Tis love that motivates you,’ she stated. ‘You love me.’
He took a step back, but it was too late to hide the surprise in his eyes when she made her declaration. She knew she was right.
‘What do you do here?’ he repeated, his voice hoarse.
‘I’m here to ask you to escape.’
‘Again? I cannot run from this.’
‘I think you won’t run from this. But I doona think you have to run. I think you already have.’ Her fingers loosened in her skirts. ‘But you can’t run any more, Englishman. You can’t hide behind this Black Robert you’ve made yourself into.’
‘It is what I am.’
‘It is not who you are. Black Robert wouldn’t have helped me or the children.’ She took a step closer. ‘You are more than your reputation; you are more than your grief.’
‘No,’ he whispered. ‘It is all I have ever been. I hold no illusion to it even if you do.’
His words hurt. But it was hurting her worse not to help him. She breathed in the scent and warmth from his skin. It gave her strength to fight him. ‘Free yourself of grief. Let it go. You can love her still without the pain.’
His breath cracked. ‘You want me to love her still?’
He held so much pain. And it hurt her, too, but she knew how to let it go. ‘Aye, I do.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘You loved her. I know if you gave your heart, she was someone worthy of it.’
He took two quick steps away. ‘She died. Maybe there was honour in the giving, but there has only been pain since.’
‘There is pain only because there is still love.’ She took the step needed to place her hand on his heart. ‘You need to let the pain go.’
His heart thumped hard against her palm.
‘How will I?’ He paused. ‘How will I be free from this grief?’
She could feel the wet warmth of her tears running down her cheeks, but she didn’t try to hide them. She was weeping healing tears.
‘By embracing life again,’ she said. ‘By embracing love again.’ She placed her other hand on his chest. ‘By embracing me.’
His body stiffened. His face was pale, stricken. She knew the slightest push from her would topple him over. He stood before her and she felt him with her own hands, but his mind was reeling away. What more could she say? Frustration almost had her shoving him away from her.
‘You great big gaupie.’ She ripped her hands from his chest and put them on her hips. ‘Doona you realise you love me?’
Chapter Thirty
‘I can’t.’ He shook his head.
‘Aye, you do and it’s about time you admit it.’
‘You’re wrong. I’ve loved before. I’ll not do it again. Don’t you realise that my love is a curse? Alinore died. I was supposed to protect her and I failed!’
He rubbed the back of his neck again. She was recognising that endearing sign of his distress. ‘So that stops you from loving me? Fear? Excuses?’
‘I don’t fear—’
‘Ha!’ She pointed at him. ‘You do. You fear your feelings for me. But you’ve already done so much to conquer that fear. All I’m asking is for a little more.’
The ache in his eyes hurt so much she thought it’d burn a hole in her heart. ‘You’re so close, Robert,’ she pleaded. ‘Can’t you feel it?’
He dazedly shook his head. Not in answer to her question, but as if he was denying something internal, something she couldn’t see.
She wasn’t giving up on him now. ‘When I asked you for help, you could have refused. You could have left at any time along the trail to Colquhoun land. You dinna and I know why. Your heart already loved me even if your mind wasn’t listening.’
‘I can’t—’ His eyes widened. ‘Oh, God. I do.’
Her heart wanted to soar, but the battle for him wasn’t over and she braced herself for further argument. ‘Good. So forget all this foolishness and call off the fight. We can live together, alone and away from this land.’
His entire body shuddered. It was as if he had released some dark demon holding back his soul. She thought once he realised he loved her he would feel joy, but his stance was one of a man resigned. He showed no joy and, what scared her more, he showed no relief.
He exhaled. ‘I won’t be able to do that now.’
She wasn’t comforted by the look in his eyes. She saw love, but there was also regret. It was as if he had learned a truth too late. But she had come this far, she wasn’t giving him any quarter.
‘Why can’t you?’ she demanded. ‘Have you thought of another excuse to deny us?’
He caressed her jaw. ‘You’ve tried to give me this land. Now, I think I’ll keep it.’
‘Now?’ She slashed her arms in the air, effectivel
y removing his caress. ‘Now you want the land? You can’t have it. It doesn’t want you! My clan doesn’t want you!’
‘That’s why I must fight your brother.’
Fear swamped anger from her heart. She didn’t need his stubbornness. She needed him alive.
‘Why are you insisting on this? It doesn’t make sense.’
‘To remove any doubt, Gaira,’ he said.
‘There is nothing but doubt! We have to go. Doona you see it’s our only chance?’
‘But you made me see there could be more than just chance.’ He fell to his knees before her. He knelt, but he didn’t look humble. He was all male, all powerful. If she was a boulder in the flow of his river, she felt the full assault of his strength.
‘I love you, Gaira of Colquhoun. I have since the moment you hit me in the head with the cauldron. Will you forgive me if I didn’t recognise my love for you?’
His words made her tremble. She tugged at her hands, but he held them firm.
‘There is no comparison,’ he continued. ‘With Alinore, love was like spring flowers. With you, it’s been deep-red roses full of thorns.’ He kissed her palms and she felt the heat from her fingertips to her belly. ‘But I’d take those roses,’ he said, ‘hold them in my bare hands until my palms bled if it meant I’d have you in my life.’
He stood. The dark did not hide the wicked light in his eyes. ‘But I may know something better for my hands.’
There was no warning; no intentional movement she could have braced herself for. Suddenly, Robert’s body was against hers; his lips crushed to hers. She felt every hard plane of him and her body froze.
She pressed her hands against his shoulders. Her fingers splayed, curled, splayed again. He held firm and her frozen body melted. Then simmered.
His fingers tightened into the sides of her dress. Was he stopping again? She moaned her protest and his laugh was a deep rumble against her breasts.
‘Oh, I’m not stopping,’ he whispered against her mouth. ‘I couldn’t.’ In one savage pull, her dress was off. ‘Can’t.’ Her thin chemise was no barrier and he shoved it off her shoulders where it pooled at her feet. ‘Won’t.’
She was not embarrassed at her nakedness. She was surprised. It was all so fast, her frustration turning into need. Her worry turning into desire.