Gabriel’s hand tightened on Josh’s arm, just enough to make him stop what he was about to do, open his mouth and plead.
“Don’t rush it,” Gabriel advised quietly.
“Why?”
“Trust me.”
Trust him? A complete and utter stranger? Josh’s gaze moved from the hand on his arm to the man’s eyes. There was an understanding there. A silent urging. Josh relented, a sense of defeat simmering beneath the surface. “What happens…?”
“To everyone else?”
Josh nodded. He didn’t even want to think about what he was about to hear.
Gabriel removed his hand. “Life continues on without you. They’ll be informed of your death and everything that involves. If you’re allowed back, life will restart all over again this morning. They won’t remember a thing. None of the events of your sudden passing will have ever happened. It’ll be wiped clean.”
Josh swallowed, contemplating the words. “And me?”
“Whole. Full of life.”
“And I’ll remember?” Could he deal with that, having to remember every single painful excruciating moment away from those who meant the world to him?
“Nothing. Just a blurry haze of a dream.” He waved his hand in the air. “A vague notion, maybe. Any traces will fade over time.”
Josh bit his lip, thinking things through. He had no choice. He had to do whatever it was that would give him the best chance to go back. He had to. Even though every fiber of his being wanted him to go over to that table and scream, yell, flip it upside down and do something to make those people show emotion, he knew it would only hurt his supposed case. He needed to be rational. And rational was giving himself time to cool off. To think things through. To take whatever guidance this stranger offered.
“Have you come to a decision?” The woman’s voice floated across the room.
Josh nodded, taking one last look at Gabriel. An understanding seemed to pass between the two of them, and Gabriel took a step back.
“You’ll be able to have visitation during the adjustment period while you prepare your case,” the second man on the panel said, speaking up for the first time.
Josh tried to keep his composure by focusing on the fact that he hadn’t been outright denied, but his heart kept saying it wasn’t enough. “That’s fair.”
“Gabriel, you’ve been through this before, you can help him prepare.”
“Of course.” Gabriel nodded, a small smile of reassurance on his face as he turned to Josh, and suddenly Josh realized they were being dismissed.
***
“Where the hell is he?” Josh’s oldest brother Blake asked as he looked out the front window again for the umpteenth time. Josh was over an hour late. Not that unusual in itself, but there’d been no reply to any of the texts or phone calls the two of them had made in the last half hour. He leaned forward, adjusting the blinds to reveal more of the threatening black clouds overhead. “Seriously…”
“Maybe he pulled over somewhere. He knows better than to drive in this,” his youngest brother Alec commented from behind him. “Hell, maybe he never even left the house. Probably sound asleep snuggled up to Avery right about now.”
“Then why isn’t he answering his cell?”
“Maybe the battery’s dead. It’d be just like him to sleep in, and if the battery’s dead, he wouldn’t even know we’re sitting around waiting for him to show up.”
Blake shook his head, not leaving his perch beside the window. There was something wrong. He could feel it in his bones. Josh wasn’t sleeping in. He wasn’t being immature and forgetting to charge his cell phone. He wasn’t playing hooky. “He’d call.” He would. He knew his brother, his best friend, better than anyone.
In the far distance he saw the lights of a police car as it made its way down the street, and somehow some part of him knew. His knees buckled, and he slapped his hand against the window sill, trying to find a way to stay upright. “Oh God, no.”
The last thing Blake wanted to do was walk toward the door. The doorbell rang a second time, and he swallowed the fear that was collecting in his throat. It had been the most painful few moments of his life watching the police car slow to a stop in front of the condo. His hand grasped the doorknob one extra second before he opened the door. A uniformed officer stood there, a solemn expression on his face.
Alec walked over behind him, and he was suddenly glad for his youngest brother’s presence. “What’s going on?”
At least he could manage the words Blake couldn’t. Fear had stolen his voice and rendered him useless, a shell.
“Can I come in?” the officer asked.
“Please.” Blake’s voice was hoarse, fear taking over.
They moved back, and the officer stepped in. Alec motioned him toward the living room, giving Blake a questioning look before he followed. Blake shrugged and moved quickly behind them into the room.
The officer stood, shifting his weight nervously for a moment as he looked between the two. “Blake Collins?”
Blake nodded. “That’s me.”
The officer turned to him. “I’m sorry to have to inform you, your brother Josh was in a serious car accident about two hours ago. We believe he died on impact.”
It took Blake a moment to realize the scream he heard was his own. A few feet away Alec sank down to the floor, his eyes wide.
Blake stood there frozen. He swore he could feel all the air being pulled from his body. He struggled to speak. “Who else have you told?” His body shook, images of Josh flashing through his mind. His best friend, his little brother was gone? Dead? How could that be?
“There’s been no answer at his residence. We immediately began searching for next of kin. You were listed in his phone.”
Blake nodded, knowing it was better they’d called him first before their parents. He ran a hand over his hair, trying to process everything. His mind was blank. It was painful to think. Painful to breathe. “Thank you, thank you for finding me and telling me in person.”
The officer held out a card. “This is my number if you need me.”
Blake took the card automatically. He walked the officer to the door in a complete daze, his feet moving almost of their own accord. He barely knew he shook the man’s hand before closing the door after him. His entire world had collapsed in mere moments around him. It seemed like he was in some strange foreign auto pilot mode as he went back to the living room.
Alec hadn’t moved from where he’d collapsed on the floor, his bottom lip still trembling as he sat completely still. Everything felt freeze framed at a horrible moment. Blake’s mouth was as dry as a desert, his mind as blank as it had ever been. There should have been words to comfort his youngest sibling, words to say how he felt, but there was nothing except a strange, hollow numbness that seemed to overtake him from the inside out.
Alec turned to him suddenly, his eyes glossy. His mouth moved but no words formed. Finally his voice returned, soft and hoarse. “Avery…” Her name was like a physical blow to Blake’s chest. His heart lurched as he thought of her, probably still sound asleep, blissfully unaware her whole world was about to fall apart. “What about Avery?” Alec’s voice grew louder, his eyes searching Blake’s face for an answer. An answer Blake didn’t have. An answer he wished would come to him.
“Who…who’s going to tell…she’s going to…oh God, the baby…” Alec rambled, his voice shaky, hardly making any sense as he went from one realization to another. He trailed off as the emotions became too much and he brought his legs up, resting his head against his knees as he began to sob, gut wrenching sobs that heaved his whole lean body.
Blake sank to the floor beside him and wrapped his arms tightly around his younger brother as his own tears started to fall. The numbness began to give way, quickly changing to pain. “It’ll be okay, Alec, it’ll be okay,” he promised as they rocked back and forth and Blake prayed he wasn’t lying.
***
Numbly Josh followed Gabriel from
the room, ignoring the urge to look back at them over his shoulder. He waited till they were out in the abandoned hallway to speak. None of this was real. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible.
“I sense you have a lot of questions,” Gabriel said, his dark eyes watchful as he waited for Josh to speak.
“A lot doesn’t begin to cover it.”
“I’m listening.”
“First, who are those people?” He pointed back toward the door. A panel? That didn’t mesh with anything he’d ever heard of before. If he was really and truly dead, what about a tunnel or some gates or something of the sort? Or better yet, waking up and finding himself at home, nestled under the blankets after the worst nightmare of his life?
Gabriel’s smile made him wonder if his new friend—guide?—couldn’t read his mind. He hoped he wasn’t fluent in telepathy. He wasn’t sure Gabriel could handle the thoughts going around in his head. “The panel oversees things.”
“Like what?”
“Like newbies, incoming incidents that weren’t all in the plan.”
“The plan?”
Gabriel nodded.
Josh spun on his heel and walked a few steps away before turning around and catching up to him again. Even his footsteps were silent. The silence here was overwhelming, like everything had been soundproofed before his arrival. He idly wondered if he yelled, if it would even register. It seemed like the whole place permeated a sense of tranquility. “I wasn’t in the plan, is that what you’re telling me?”
“In the grand—”
“Scheme of things?”
The corner of Gabriel’s mouth twitched up into a smile. “In the way things were laid out, this incident, this little accident of yours wasn’t meant to take your life.”
“Good, then you can reverse it somehow. Who do we see about that?”
Gabriel sighed and shook his head. “It isn’t that easy.”
“You just said it was.”
“I didn’t say that at all.”
“But you said it wasn’t in the plan.”
“That’s right, it wasn’t.” He held his hand up, as if that would silence Josh’s argument. “But things work differently here than you’re used to.”
“So I’m seeing,” Josh muttered. He ran a hand over his hair, the familiar gesture doing nothing to help settle his nerves. “What did they mean you’ve been through this before?”
Gabriel kept walking. “Just what they said, I’m not new to the process. You’re not my first…”
“You’ve helped people go back?”
Gabriel stopped. “It’s not an easy process, Josh. You can’t just go in and say it’s a mistake, send me back. Once a change is made, millions of other things follow. Sometimes it’s a better outcome…sometimes not.”
“A better outcome?” The idea seemed ludicrous to Josh. How could anything be better without him there?
“Sometimes. You can’t concern yourself with that, though. You need to watch, observe. Be with your loved ones and see what you can use as an argument. Just remember, we can’t influence anything right now, no matter what is happening.”
“I get it.” Josh was getting antsy to get out of wherever it was they were. He hadn’t actually asked and Gabriel hadn’t volunteered any info. Was it a waiting area? Had he found his way to some sort of limbo? And why hadn’t he really seen anyone else? Maybe they preferred to keep all these cases separate, afraid they’d conspire together and come up with a really good argument to be sent back.
“Can we go now?” he asked, starting down the hallway, passing by Gabriel. He just wanted to get away from the panel and that complete sense of unease they gave him. For a man who was used to being in control of his own life, suddenly finding out he had no say over anything was a hard adjustment to make.
***
Avery rolled over, still half asleep. Her hand reached out to the empty side of the bed, toward where Josh should be, but her fingers came into contact with nothing but a cool sheet of paper. Her eyes fluttered open, and she pushed herself up, wiping the sleep away. Still too sleepy to read the writing on the paper, she set the note on the nightstand for later. She grabbed her robe from the hook behind the door and headed downstairs to make something to eat, hoping it would be one of her better days with little or no morning sickness. Maybe she’d manage more than half a slice of dry toast and break her record for the week. For a moment she wondered what time it was and if Josh had met up with his brothers yet. Maybe she’d send him a quick text when she was done with breakfast, just to check how the traffic was and tell him about her record setting breakfast and say I love you.
Josh was already in the kitchen when she walked in. Her eyes still held that familiar sleepiness, and he knew she wasn’t anywhere near fully awake. He reached his hand out to touch her as she passed by him to grab a glass from the cupboard. He watched in awe as his hand went right through her, a pins and needles feeling rushing up his arm.
“They’re on their way to tell her,” Gabriel said from across the room. He tilted his head and studied Avery for a moment as she went about her morning routine in the kitchen, completely unaware of the scrutiny she was under. She pulled the bag of whole wheat bread from the bread box and took out two slices, setting them in the toaster. “She’s very pretty.”
Josh nodded, fighting back his tears. “She’s beautiful.” He followed her around the kitchen, just needing to be close to her as she poured herself some juice and checked the phone on the charger. He didn’t even care there was a stranger there, watching everything, every movement he made. Every movement she made. He just wanted to be there for her, even if she’d never ever know he was there when her world fell apart.
She checked the toast in the toaster, taking it out just before it burned and the fire alarm above the kitchen door went off. They really needed a new toaster, he thought absently as she set the toast on a plate. The peaceful silence was interrupted by the sharp ding of the doorbell, and Josh jumped. He wanted to reach out, to stop her from going to the door, to freeze her right in that moment in time, but he couldn’t. There was no way to shield her from finding out what had happened.
The doorbell rang a second time.
Someone’s impatient.
Avery set her breakfast down on the island counter and headed into the living room, tying her robe as she went. Who could it be at this hour? She checked the tie on her robe one more time. She stood up on tiptoe and looked through the peephole, her hand instantly reaching up and sliding the deadbolt back.
She opened the door. Blake and Alec stood cloistered close together. She focused squarely on Josh’s older brother, an inch taller than Alec, but he was almost hunched over, making him look shorter. Confusion roared through her. Somehow she knew something was seriously wrong. They shouldn’t be there. Josh was supposed to be with them, not them here…
“Blake?” A million questions in the form of one word.
He paled at the mention of his name. He swallowed a gulp of air before attempting a weak smile, so weak his usual dimples didn’t even appear. Not even the smallest hint of them. “Avery, honey, I need to come in.”
Her hand tightened on the door. The feeling of something being wrong intensified, and she fought the urge to slam the door in his face. “Why?” She willed herself to find something in his eyes that just wasn’t there. That the sadness on his face wasn’t so palpable she could feel it.
Alec moved up beside him, taking his sunglasses off to reveal puffy eyes. She stumbled backward, her legs suddenly weak. Her head moved side to side, already defying what some part of her was beginning to realize. She wanted to kick the door shut in their faces, to not see the looks they were giving her. “No…no!”
Blake pushed in, and grabbed her before she fell to the floor, but he only managed to slow her descent, her legs becoming shaky and completely unable to support her weight. The cool tile caressed her bare legs. She was still shaking her head as Alec came in and crouched in front of her. “What’s going on? W
here’s Josh?” she demanded. “Where’s Josh?”
Alec and Blake exchanged a look. “Sweetheart, come on. Why don’t we go sit on the couch, what do you say?” Alec asked, his hands already wrapped around hers to pull her up.
Somehow she managed to stand then walk carefully between the two men, Blake’s arm around her waist. She didn’t want to acknowledge the thoughts that were racing through her head. Something had happened. Something bad had happened to Josh. But shouldn’t there have been a phone call? Something, someone would have called her…more importantly, she should have felt it, she should have known right away if something had happened to him.
Alec slid onto the couch beside her, pulling her against him. It was only then she realized she was shaking.
Blake knelt in front of her, chewing his bottom lip as he pulled her hands into his. The warmth of his skin seeped into her suddenly cold body, the roughness of his calluses surprised her as he rubbed her fingers gently with his own. She had the idea he was working up the courage to tell her something she never wanted to hear.
She wanted to get up and push them away, tell them to get out of her house and never, ever come back. Or better yet, wake up and find herself upstairs and that this whole episode had been nothing but a horrific dream brought on by too many hormones. She could wake Josh up and tell him the whole stupid, scary thing. He’d hold her and stroke her hair back and tell her he was never, ever going anywhere and kiss her forehead. She’d fall asleep against his chest, his heartbeat the best lullaby she’d ever heard.
Just say it, Blake. Just say it, whatever it is, already.
He lifted his head, his gaze locked on hers. His grip tightened, almost painfully, as if to keep her from moving. Tears spilled down his cheek. “Honey, there’s been an accident.”
She realized why his grip tightened. Alec pulled her back toward him on the couch. Her entire world spun off its axis, and the only thing she could do was scream silently and squeeze her eyes shut as she tried to make everything fade away. She didn’t want to hear Blake’s voice. Didn’t want anything but Josh, nothing but him, the man she loved.
If Tomorrow Never Comes Page 2