by Aven Ellis
I shiver, but not from the chilly April air. I begin tracing my fingertips over his forearms, brushing over the exquisite fabric of his suit.
“I might get cold,” I say, dropping my voice. “I might have to borrow this jacket from you.”
I turn in his arms so I’m facing him. I slide my hands up to his face and draw him toward me so I can speak directly in his ear.
“It’s the first of many things I plan to remove tonight,” I murmur sexily in his ear. I step back and see the hungry look in his eyes. I run my hands over the lapels of the jacket, then slide them up his tie, pretending to straighten it. “This comes off next.”
Brody cocks an eyebrow at me. “Is a tie part of your cornucopia of enhancements? Will you be using it on me?”
My brain flashes back to our first meeting a week ago, and I bite my lip. I have no idea what Brody is into sexually. Suddenly, all my bravado and passion are shoved aside by fear. I have slept with two people. Brody has slept with . . . a lot more than two. He’s probably been with women who know their way around a bedroom, too.
What if I’m not up to his experienced sexual standards? What if I am boring compared to his other lovers? I don’t even understand what people do with trapezes. Not that Brody wants that, but shouldn’t I at least know it? I don’t own any toys or edible lotion. I only just got my first beautiful pair of lingerie. It’s pretty and delicate, but it’s not sex-siren material.
An image of a Victoria’s Secret model in a lace garter belt from one of my catalogs pops up in my head and nausea rises within me. Brody has probably had women like that.
Not goofballs like me.
If I’m not good enough, I think, becoming paralyzed with fear, this could all end before the sun comes up over DC.
The idea of that happening nearly brings me to tears.
“Hey, I’m teasing,” Brody says quickly, cupping my face in his hands. His expression becomes serious. “Hayley, what’s wrong? You look scared.”
I try to speak, but for once, words don’t come easily to me. How do I admit these flaws up front? How?
“Have . . . have you changed your mind about me?” Brody asks, his raspy voice laced with doubt.
“Oh, Brody, oh, no,” I say, shaking my head firmly. “It’s not that at all.”
Relief fills his eyes. “Then what’s wrong? You seem upset. Is this too soon? I can wait if that’s what you want. I can. I’m not just saying that—”
“I’m not what you are probably used to,” I blurt out.
“What?”
“I’m not super experienced. I don’t own any edible body paint or feathers or handcuffs, and I don’t even know what you would do on a trapeze or how that would work. I don’t wear garter belts and I think thongs feel uncomfortable. Everyone says they are great, but I still think they are like butt floss. Plus, I still haven’t lost ten pounds, so you won’t see supermodel abs and I’ll be more comfortable with the lights off and I just don’t want to disappoint you in bed, Brody.”
Oh, no. No, no, no, I’ve just ruined everything by unloading all of my flaws. Brody is staring at me with his mouth open. I need to fix this. I have to fix this.
“I mean, I’m a good learner and open minded and I can order books that will help. You know, reading up and learning from experts. I’m still working on my abs, but I’m not where I want to be and I want you to know that and I—”
Suddenly, I’m silenced by Brody’s mouth descending on mine, hard and fast, kissing me passionately as we stand on the curb. My heart is racing from the shock of this kind of kiss in public and the pure intensity of it.
Brody abruptly breaks the kiss. “I don’t care about anything you just said. I don’t. I knew from the first time I kissed you that you would be scorching hot in bed. I have no doubts about that. I know the way your tongue feels when you part my lips. I know the way your hands explore my body. I know the sensual cardamom scent on your skin, I know the way you look at me, and I know you are going to give me everything I need tonight. Just like I will for you.”
Then he kisses me again, slowly this time, as he slides his hands up through my hair, and I know he’s spoken from his heart. He breaks the kiss again and tenderly strokes my face with his fingertips.
“I don’t need a sex expert,” he whispers. “I just need you, exactly as you are.”
I nod, thinking of how wonderful this man is to reassure my crazy babbling with calmness.
And with words from his heart.
I chuck all my doubts and anxiety over sex right here on the curb where they belong. For once in my life, I’m not going to worry about if I’m good enough or if I am doing it right.
I’m going to trust Brody.
And follow my heart.
When the car pulls up, we hop inside and Brody instructs the driver to take us to his apartment.
“Are you okay now?” Brody asks, entwining his hand with mine.
I smile at him. “Yes. I believe you. About everything.”
Brody flashes me an easy-going smile. “You really got ahead of yourself back there. I don’t even think about the trapeze until the third or fourth time.”
I burst out laughing, and so does Brody.
After a moment, I clear my throat and grow serious. “Brody, thank you for wanting to understand me.”
“I want to understand you because I care about you,” Brody says. “I’ve never cared before. I wanted to date and have fun, but I didn’t want to work at anything. I didn’t want involvement. But then I meet you a week ago and everything is upside down as far as my thinking goes. No. That’s wrong. It’s upside right,” he corrects. “It’s finally right.”
My heart is pounding. He’s feeling everything I am, everything.
I don’t care that this is moving fast. Feelings are different for everyone and every couple. It can take months. It can take weeks. Or sometimes, you start falling within a week because your heart knows it’s safe to do so.
And mine does.
When we reach his place, Brody takes a moment to tip the driver before we head inside the building. Unfortunately, there are other people waiting for the elevator, so we won’t be alone until we’re inside his apartment.
I watch the floors go by, and as we get closer to Brody’s floor, he moves behind me and runs his fingers over the knot in my coat, a reminder of what he’s going to do when we’re alone. When the elevator chimes open, I take his hand and lead him out, and as soon as I turn to look at him, I know what we need to do.
Run.
We run down the hall like kids, laughing all the way to his door. Brody reaches for his wallet and whips out his key card, pushing it into the lock. The lights turn green and Brody pops open the door, and aside from the lights of DC filtering through his windows, we’re enveloped in darkness.
Before I can turn around, Brody’s hands are on the knot in my coat, undoing it as his warm mouth presses against the side of my neck, his tongue flickering against my skin. I gasp as his hands move my coat back, skimming over the smooth fabric of my dress down my stomach to my hips. Brody draws my back into his chest, holding me against him as his mouth moves down my neck and his hands move over my hips, down my thighs.
I arch against him, my pulse burning with desire and my skin is hot and flushed. His hands glide up and down over my thighs and hips, and I feel his body go hard against mine. I slide my hand up to the back of his neck, grabbing his hair.
“I can’t get this scent out of my head,” Brody whispers as he kisses my neck. “Your skin is so soft. So, so soft.”
A moan escapes my lips, and I tilt my head to the side, exposing more of my neck to him. His lips continue to explore me, taste me, drive me crazy with the way his tongue is discovering me.
His hands move up to my shoulders, tugging my coat off. It falls around my feet, and Brody begins to undo my zipper, lowering it torturously slow. Then his large hands move back up to the straps on my dress, pulling them down, and I feel his lips press against the nape
of my neck.
“Brody,” I gasp, shuddering.
I close my eyes as his mouth moves slowly down my spine, leaving a trail of kisses there. My breath grows shallow, his foreplay causing everything in me to grow tight. I’m desperately in need of a release only he can give me.
His hands return to my dress, sliding it off my arms, down to my waist, where I put my hands over his and we slide it down my hips together. I step out of it and turn around, facing him in my cherry blossom demi bra and delicate lace panties.
My heart is pounding as Brody’s eyes move over me. I see his chest rise and fall under his dress shirt as he stares at me. “You’re the most sensual woman I’ve ever seen. Curves. Breasts, hips, all real. All perfect. All mine.”
His mouth hungrily closes over mine, kissing me deeply with an urgent need. I kiss him back with the same intensity, my tongue seeking his like it never has before. I quickly undo his tie and drop it to the floor. Brody shrugs out of his suit jacket, and I begin unbuttoning his shirt. I place my hands against his skin, which is hot to the touch now, and run my hand over the fine trail of blond chest hair that leads to his waistband. Then I reach for his belt buckle and undo it, desperate to see all of him.
I unzip his pants and pull them down, and when my hands caress his massive thighs, he groans against my lips.
“I’ve dreamed of you touching me since the first night we kissed,” he murmurs.
Heat shoots through me. I have never wanted anything like I want to make love to Brody.
He steps out of his pants and stands before me in his boxer-briefs.
“You’re perfect, too,” I say hungrily, kissing him hard on the mouth. “Beyond anything I thought could be real.”
Our bodies entangle. Our kisses are hot and seeking and our hands explore each other. Our skin presses together with a desperate desire to become one. My bra falls to the floor, and Brody caresses my breasts, and I cry out my need for more.
Brody scoops me up in his massive arms and takes me down the hallway toward his bedroom. Our kisses resume, as neither one of us can stop.
“Do you have condoms?” I manage to ask when we enter the bedroom.
“Yes,” he says, kissing me back. “And I plan to use several. Once isn’t going to be enough with you tonight.”
I smile against his mouth as he lies me back on his bed. He moves to the side of the bed, slides open his nightstand drawer, and removes a couple of condoms, setting them on the bed beside us. To my surprise, he reaches up and turns on the nightstand lamp before turning back to me.
“That’s so I can see you,” Brody whispers, stroking my hair as he gazes into my eyes. “You’re beautiful and sexy, and when I make love to you for the first time, I want to see all of you, Hayley. All of you.”
My eyes fill with tears as I see the sincerity in his eyes. His mouth closes over mine again, and I know making love with Brody will change me forever.
In the best way possible.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I stare up at Brody as I try to catch my breath. My heart is racing. A warmth surges through me from head to toe, a blissful, radiating glow that I have never, ever, felt before.
We’ve just finished making love for the first time.
Now I know exactly what has been missing from my life: the amazing physical connection that I shared moments ago with Brody.
I stare into the eyes of the man who just loved me so passionately, so attentively, making me feel sexy and worshipped and beautiful.
I should never have worried about not pleasing him, because I instinctively knew what to do to bring him over the edge, too. How to touch him. How to kiss him. It all felt natural to me. It was hot and intense and we couldn’t get enough of each other, trying to extend the foreplay but realizing we couldn’t, that we had to be together, and now.
When we came together, I felt like we were one person. I’ve never felt so connected to another person in my life the way I did with Brody in that moment.
I was meant to make love with him, I think, swallowing down the lump in my throat as I grow emotional.
He rolls over onto his pillow so we’re face-to-face, and I see he’s emotional, too.
“I’ve never had sex like that before,” he says softly, his hand brushing across my cheek and down to my shoulder. “I . . . the feelings . . . It was passionate because it was you. I couldn’t get enough of you. The things you did to me. The way you looked at me. I care so much about you and that changed everything.”
I trace my fingers over his full lips, swollen from so much kissing, and I blink back tears from his admission.
“It was the best sex I’ve ever had physically, without a doubt, but it was more than that. It was emotional. It was beautiful. You made me feel all these things, Brody.”
Then I replace my fingers with my lips, cupping his face in my hands and kissing him gently.
Brody breaks the kiss and stares back at me. “That was the hottest sex I’ve ever had.”
I grin happily at him. “Me, too. Without a doubt.”
“See? You didn’t have to wear butt floss to turn me on.”
I cringe, remembering my earlier psychobabble while we were waiting for the car to come around.
“You can forget that conversation ever happened.”
“Oh, no, I’m not,” Brody says, rolling onto his back and drawing me to him. I tuck my head down on his broad chest, and he glides his fingertips up and down my arm.
“Ugh, why? I was nervous, and when that happens, a whole bag full of crazy comes out.”
“Which is one of the things I like about you.”
I roll over onto his chest so I can look at him. “You like a whole bag full of crazy?”
Brody grins at me as he slides his hand underneath my hair, playing with the layers. “Yes. I like that you say whatever you think at that very moment. My brain does the same thing, and I like that we can jump from topic to topic.”
“I like that, too,” I say, smiling at him. “So, if that’s one thing, what’s the other?”
“You don’t hide who you are. You let me see all of you. Do you know how rare that is?”
“If I had an internal mute button, you wouldn’t hear all that stuff. I know I need to hit stop more often than I do.”
“No,” Brody says firmly, shaking his head. “That would change who you are, and if you haven’t noticed, I kinda like who you are. A lot.”
“I like you a lot, too,” I say happily.
“I’d rather have that gorgeous cherry blossom lingerie on my Cherry Blossom than a garter belt on a Victoria’s Secret model any day.”
“You noticed,” I say, pleased that he did.
“It was beautiful,” he says, kissing me briefly. “Sentimental.” He kisses me again. “And exactly what I wanted to see. It was you, Hayley.”
I am so more than half in love with him at this moment.
I kiss him back, and Brody sighs.
“This feels so good,” he says. “Having you in my bed.”
“I like being here.”
“Stay tonight, Hayley,” Brody says. “I want to sleep with you.”
I smile. “Sleep? We only used one of the condoms you tossed onto the bed.”
Brody laughs. “After that. I don’t want you to go home.”
“I can set my alarm to go off early so I can get ready for work,” I say. “I’m jealous you’ll get to take a nap. Meanwhile, I’ll be slamming Earl Grey to try to stay awake.”
“Should Earl Grey be slammed? It sounds like a drink you should sip.”
“Shut up, you know what I mean.”
“You might need to make me shut up. I’m sure you can find a way.”
I grin. “Oh, I can.”
And as our lips meet in another kiss, I know I won’t have any regrets about not getting enough sleep tonight.
***
The Ultimate Modern Girl’s Guide to Self-Motivation, Zen, and Being the Absolute Best You Now!
Today�
�s Question: When is the last time you’ve had a completely new-to-you experience?
I make my way toward my cubicle, clutching my hot Earl Grey tea in one hand. I fight back a yawn. I’m exhausted. I got about four hours of sleep, which will make putting together the May newsletter fun, but with a zillion cups of tea and the motivation of going to a baseball game tonight, I know I can do it.
And I know every moment I was with Brody was worth it.
I sigh happily as I sink down into my seat and take a sip of my steaming tea with lemon. I can’t stop thinking about last night, every single detail of it, from the minute Brody picked me up for our date to falling asleep in his arms after making love twice last night.
Two sensual, orgasmic, hot rounds of amazing, mind-blowing, life-changing sex.
Which happens to be my workbook answer to today’s question. It’s a Brody answer today, because sex with Brody was definitely a new-to-me experience. And the best experience ever.
I clear my throat and refocus. I can’t get lost in relieving our sexual escapades or I’ll get absolutely zero done today.
I set my cup aside and open the bottom desk drawer to place my tote inside. Then I push the power button for my computer and wait for it to boot up.
It takes approximately, oh, fifteen minutes because we have archaic computers that were probably last updated when Friends originally aired.
In the meantime, I check my “to do” list, the one I neatly hand write as my last task of the day to prepare myself for the next business day. There is something therapeutic about knowing I’ve taken a step to prepare ahead.
Today will mostly be spent working on my first newsletter for Expanded World. Different departments sent me info they want included, but I quickly realized a lot of them either provided scant info or sent it in a form that will need to be rewritten to be concise enough for a newsletter. I anticipate a lot of re-writing and gathering follow-up information today, as well as searching for stock images.
The computer churns to life and my wallpaper pops up, an extremely nondescript snow scene that says nothing about me.
I know exactly what I should change it to.