by James Blish
"Meaning what?" Amalfi said. The mere idea, empty of detail, made him" prick up his ears; perhaps that was why Retma and Bonner had wanted it placed first.
"Our missile recorded clear evidence of another body in the same complicated physical state," Schloss said. "No such object could conceivably be natural in either universe; and this one was enough like ours to make us sure it came originally from our side." "Another missile?"
"Without any doubt and about twice the size of ours. Somebody else in our universe had found out what the Hevians found out, and is investigating the problem further along the same lines that we are except that they appear to have had a head start of three to five years."
Amalfi pursed his lips soundlessly. "Any way of guessing who they are?"
"No. We guess that they must be relatively nearby, either in our own main galaxy or in Andromeda or one of its satellites. But we can't document that; it's below the five per cent level of probability, according to the City Fathers. All the other alternatives are way below five per cent, but where no solution is statistically significant, we aren't entitled to choose between them."
"The Web of Hercules," Amalfi said. "It can't be anything else."
Schloss spread his hands helplessly. "It could well be anybody else, for all we know," he said. "My intuition says just what yours says, John; but there's no reliable evidence."
"All right. There's the ambiguous news, I gather. What's the first piece of bad news?"
"You've already had it," Schloss said. "It's the second piece of news, which is ambiguous, that makes the first piece bad. We've argued a long time about this, but we're now in at least tentative agreement. We think that it is possible barely possible to survive the catastrophe."
Quickly, Schloss held up one hand, before the stunned faces before him could even begin to lighten with hope. "Please," he said. "Don't overestimate what I say in the least. It's only a possibility, a very dim one, and the kind of survival involved will be nothing like human life as we know it. After we've described it to you, you may all much prefer to die instead. I will tell you flatly that that would be my preference; so this is not a white hope by any means. It looks black as the ace of spades to me. But it exists. And it is what makes the news about the competition bad news. If we decide to adopt this very ambiguous form of survival, we must go to work on it immediately. It's possible only under a single very fleeting set of conditions which will hold true only for microseconds, in the very bowels of the catastrophe. If our unknown competitors get there first and bear in mind that they have a good head start they will capture it instead, and close us out. It has to be a real race, and a killing one; and you may not think it worth the pace."
"Can't you be more specific?" Estelle said.
"Yes, Estelle, I can. But it will take quite a few hours to describe. Right now what you need to know is this: if we choose this way out, we will lose our homes, our worlds, our very bodies, we will lose our children, our friends, our wives, and every vestige of companionship we have ever known; we will each of us be alone, with a thoroughness beyond the experience of the imagination of any human being in the past. And quite possibly this ultimate isolation will kill us anyhow or if it does not, we will find ourselves wishing desperately that it had. We should all make very sure that we want to survive that badly, badly enough to be thrown into hell for eternity not Torn the Apostle's hell, but a worse one. It's not a thing we should decide here and now."
"Helleshin!" Amalfi said. "Retma, do you concur! Is it going to be as bad as that?"
Retma turned upon Amalfi eyes which were silver and unblinking.
"Worse," he said.
The room was very quiet for a while. At last, Hazleton said:
"Which leaves us one piece of bad news left. That must be a dilly, Dr. Schloss; maybe we'd better have it right away."
"Very well. That is the date of the catastrophe. We got excellent readings on the energy level on the other side, and we are all agreed on the interpretation. The date will be on or around June second, year Four Thousand One Hundred and Four."
"The end?" Dee whispered. "Only three years away?" "Yes. That will be the end. After that June second, there will be no June third, forever and ever."
"And so," Hazleton said to the people in his living room. "It seemed to me that we ought to have a farewell dinner. Most of you are leaving, with He, tomorrow morning, for the meta-galactic center. And those of you that are leaving are mostly my friends of hundreds of years, that I'll never see again; for me, when June second comes, time will have to stop whatever apotheosis you may go on to. That's why I asked you all to eat and drink with me tonight."
"I wish you'd change your mind," Amalfi said, his voice heavy with sorrow.
"I wish I could. But I can't."
"I think you're making a mistake, Mark," Jake said solemnly. "Nothing important remains to be done on New Earth now. The future, what little's left of it, is on He. Why stay behind and wait to be snuffed out?"
"Because," Hazleton said, "I'm the mayor here. I know that doesn't seem important to you, Jake. But it's important to me. One thing that I've discovered in the last few months is that I'm not cut out to take the apocalyptic view of ordinary events. What counts with me is that I run normal human affairs pretty well nothing more. That's what I was made for. Besting Jorn the Apostle was something that gave me great pleasure, and no matter that Amalfi set it up for me; it was fun, the kind of operation that makes me feel alive and operating at the top of my form. I'm not interested in trying to avert the triumph of time. That's not my kind of adversary. I leave that to the rest of you; I'd better stay here."
"Do you like to think," Gifford Bonner said, "that no matter how well you administer the Cloud, it will all be snuffed out on June second three years from now?"
"No; not exactly," Mark said. "But I shan't mind having the Cloud in the best shape I can manage when that time comes. What can I contribute to the triumph of time, Gif? Nothing. All I can do is put my world in order for that moment. That's the thing that I do and that's why I don't belong aboard He."
"You didn't use to be so modest," Amalfi said. "You would have bailed the universe out with the Big Dipper, once, on the first excuse."
"Yes, I would," Hazleton said. "But I'm older and saner now; and so, goodbye to that nonsense. Go stop the triumph of time, John, if you can but I know I can't. I'll stay where I am and stop Jorn the Apostle, which is as tough a problem as I care to tackle these days. The gods of all stars be with you all but I stay here."
"So be it," Amalfi said. "At least I know at last what the real difference is between us. Let's drink to it, Mark, and have at que vale tomorrow. We turn down an empty glass."
They all drank solemnly, and there was a brief silence.
At last Dee said: "I'm staying too."
Amalfi turned and looked directly at her for the first time since they had last been together on He; they had been rather pointedly avoiding each other since their painful joint fiasco.
"That hadn't occurred to me," he said. "But of course it makes sense." *>
"You're not required, Dee," Mark said. "As I've said before."
"If I were, I woi|l4n't stay," Dee said, smiling slightly. "But I've learned a 'few things on He and on board the Warrior blockader, too. I feel a little out of date, just like New Earth; I think I belong here. And that's not the only reason."
"Thanks," Mark said huskily.
"But," Web Hazleton said, "where does that leave us?"
Jake laughed. "That ought to be clear enough," he said. "Since you and Estelle made the big decision by yourselves, you don't need us to tell you how to make little ones. I'd like to have Estelle stay home with me"
"Jake, you're not going either?" Amalfi said in astonishment.
"No. I told you before, I hate this careering about the universe. I don't see any reason why I ought to go rushing madly to the meta-galactic center to meet a doom that will find me just as handily in my own living room. Schloss and Retma will
tell you that they don't need me any more, either; I've given my best to this project, and that's an end to it; I think I'll see how far I can get on crossbreeding roses in this villainous climate before the three years are up. As for my daughter, as I was trying to say, I'd like to have her here with me, but she's already left home in the crucial sense and this last Hevian flight is as natural to her as it's unnatural to Dee and me. In your own words, Amalfi, so be it."
"Good. We can use you, Estelle, that's for sure. Want to come?" Amalfi said.
"Yes," she said softly, "I do."
"I hadn't thought of this," Dee said in an uncertain voice. "Of course it means Web will go too. Do you think that's wise? I mean"
"My parents don't object," Web said. "And I notice they weren't invited here tonight, grandmother."
"We didn't shut them out on your account, if that's what you're thinking," Mark said quickly. "Your father's our son, after all, Web. We were trying to confine the party to those of us who were in on the project otherwise it would have been unmanageably large."
"Maybe so," Web said. "That's how it looks to you, I'm sure, grandfather. But I'll bet grandmother didn't think of her objections to my going on He just now."
"Web," Dee said, "I won't hear any more of that." "All right. Then I'm going on He." "I didn't say that."
"You don't have to say it. The decision is mine." Most of the rest of the party had invented reasons for side conversation by this time; but both Amalfi and Hazleton were staring at Dee, Amalfi with suspicion, Hazleton with bafflement and a little hurt. "I don't understand your objection, Dee," Hazleton said. "Web's his own man now. Naturally he'll go where he thinks best especially if Estelle's going there."
"I don't think he ought to go," Dee said. "I don't care whether you understand my reasons or not. I suppose Ron did give him permission whether he's our son or a stranger, Mark, you know damn well that Ron's always been short of firmness but I'm absolutely opposed to committing children to a venture like this."
"What difference can it make?" Amalfi said. "The end will come all the same, on He and on New Earth, and at the selfsame moment. With us, Web and Estelle might have a fractional chance of survival; do you want to deny them that?"
"I don't believe in this chance of survival," Dee said. "Neither do I," Jake cut in. "But I won't deny it to my daughter on that account. I don't believe her soul will be damned unless she becomes a convert of Jorn, either but if she wants to become a convert of Jorn, I won't forbid it to her because I think it's nonsense. What the hell, Dee, I might be wrong."
"Nobody," Web said between white lips, "can forbid me anything now on the grounds that I'm somebody's relative. Mr. Amalfi, you're the boss on this project. Am I welcome on board He, or not?"
"You are as far as I'm concerned. I think Miramon will concur."
Dee glared at Amalfi; but as he stared steadily back, she turned her glance away.
"Dee," Amalfi said, "let's call an intermission. I could be wrong about these kids too. I have a better suggestion than this squabbling: let's put it up to the City Fathers. It's a very pleasant night outside, and I think we'd all like a walk through our old city before we say goodbye to each other and go to face Armageddon in our various ways. I'd like Dee to come with me, since I won't see her again; the kids would probably like to do without our picking their bones for an hour or so; and maybe Mark would like to talk to Ron and his wife but you can all sort yourselves out for your own tastes, I don't mean to make matches. What does everyone think of the idea?"
Oddly, it was Jake who spoke first. "I hate that damned town," he said. "I was a prisoner on board it far too long. But by God I would like" to take one more look at it. I used to walk through it trying to find some place to kick it where it would hurt; I never did. Since then I've been sneering at it because it's dead and I'm alive--but the day of levelment is coming. Maybe I ought to make my peace with it."
"I feel a little like that myself," Hazleton admitted. "I had no plans to go over there before the end and yet I don't want to let the old hulk go by default. Maybe now is the best time; after all, I was the one who called these celebrants together to begin with; let's be ceremonial, then, before we're all too busy to think about it any more."
"Web? Estelle? Will you go by what the City Fathers say?"
Web looked into Amalfi's face, and apparently was reassured at least partially by what he saw there. "On one condition," he said. "Estelle goes where she wants to go, whatever the City Fathers say. If they say there's no room for me aboard He, all right; but they can't say that to Estelle."
Estelle opened her mouth, but Web lifted his palm before her face and she subsided, kissing the base of his thumb instead. Her face was pale but serene; Amalfi had never before seen such a pure distillation of bloodless, passionate confidence as lay over her exquisite features. It was a good thing she was Web's, for again, for the fiftieth time, Amalfi's slogging brutal tireless heart was swollen with sterile love.
"Very good," he said. He offered Dee his arm. "Mark, with your permission?"
"Of course," Hazleton said; but when Dee took Amalfi's arm, his eyes turned as hard as agate. "We'll meet at the City Fathers' at 0100."
"I didn't expect this of you, John," Dee said, under the moonlight in Duffy Square. "Isn't it a little late?"
"Very late," Amalfi agreed. "And 0100 isn't far away. Why are you staying with Mark?"
"Call it belated common sense." She sat down against an ancient railing and looked up at the blurred stars. "No, don't, that's not what it is. I love him. John, for all his neglects and his emptinesses. I'd forgotten that for a while, but it's so. I'm sorry, but it's so." "I wish you were a little sorrier." "Oh? Why?"
"So you'd believe what you're saying," Amalfi said harshly. "Face it, Dee. It was a great romantic decision until you realized that Web would be going with me. You're still looking for surrogates. You didn't make it with me. You won't make it with Web either."
"What a bastardly thing to say. Let's go; I've heard enough."
"Deny it, then." "I deny it, damn you."
"You'll withdraw your objections to Web's going with me on He?" "
"That has nothing to do with it. It's a filthy accusation and I won't listen to another word about it."
Amalfi was silent. The moonlight streamed down on Father Duffy' face, toneless and enigmatic. Nobody, not even the City Fathers, knew who Father Duffy had been. There was an old splash of blood on his left foot, but nobody knew how that had gotten there, either; it had been left there just in case it was historic. "Let's go."
"No. It's early yet; they won't be there for another hour. Why do you want Web to stay on New Earth? If I'm wrong, then tell me what's right."
"It's none of your damned business, and I'm tired of this whole subject.
"It's wholly my business. I need Estelle. If Web stays here, she stays here."
"You," Dee said in a voice of bitter, dawning triumph, "are in love with Estelle! Why, you self-righteous"
"Mind your tongue. I am in love with Estelle and I'll lay no more finger on her than I ever laid on you. I've loved many more women than you ever managed to maneuver into your voyeur's household, most of them before you were even born; I know the difference between love and possession. I learned it the hard way, whereas I can't see that you ever learned it at all. You are going to learn it tonight, that I promise you."
"Are you threatening me, John?"
"You're damned well right I am."
At Tudor Tower' Place, bridging 42nd Street at First Avenue, looking toward the bare plaza where the UN Building had fallen in a shower of blood and glass a thousand years ago:
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I will go wherever you go."
"I will go wherever you go."
"No matter what the City Fathers say?"
"No matter what the City Fathers say."
"Then that's all we need."
"Yes. That's all we need."
In the contr
ol tower:
"They're late," Hazleton said, a little fretfully. "Oh, well, it's an easy town to get lost in."
Duffy Square:
"You wouldn't like it if I changed my mind and came with you."
"I don't want you. I'm interested only in the kids."
"You can't call my bluff. As of now, I'm going along."
"And so are the kids?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I think they'd be better off not on the same planet with either of us."
"That's a fair start. But it's only a start. I don't care whether you go or stay, but I will have Web and Estelle."
"I thought you would. But you can't have them without me."
"And Mark?"
"If he wants to go."
"He doesn't, and you know it."
"How can you be so sure? You could be just wishing."
Amalfi laughed. Dee balled her left fist and hit him furiously on the bridge of the nose.
Tudor Tower Place: "It's time to go."
"No. No."
"Yes, it is."
"Not yet. Not quite yet."
".. .. All right. Not quite yet."
"Are you sure? Are you really sure?"
"Yes I am, oh yes I am."
"No matter what the ..."
"No matter what they say. I'm sure." '
The control tower:
"There you are," Hazleton said. "What happened, did you have an accident? You look mussed to the eyebrows."
"You must have run into a doorknob, John," Jake added. He stuttered out" his parrot's chuckle. "Well, you came to the right town for it. I don't know where else in the universe you could find a doorknob."
"Where are the children?" Dee said, in a voice as dangerously even as the surface of 12gauge armor plate.
"Not here yet," Hazleton said. "Give them time they're afraid the, City Fathers may separate them, so naturally they're staying together until the last minute. What did you fall into, anyhow, Dee? Was it serious?"