The first couple of hours of the journey pass quickly, and we take it in turns driving; pulling over regularly so we all get decent breaks. However, with all the stops, and hitting traffic, the drive takes longer than intended.
We finally make a pit stop for breakfast, pulling into a diner at the side of the highway. When any of us get hangry, it’s not pretty, and we’re fast approaching that point. If this place has coffee, carbs and bacon, I couldn’t care less where we eat.
We relax back into our booth after ringing in our orders, and I almost kiss the waitress when she sets a vat of coffee on the table. The girls look at me amused. ‘What? I’m exhausted. Some of us worked a long shift yesterday.’
Rather than feeding into my snarky attitude, Sophie asks, ‘Have you spoken to Michael much? We overheard the conversation you had that first night after you rescued us, but we haven’t brought it up in case it was a sore subject.’
‘Yeah, we’ve spoken,’ I take in my first gulp of coffee, sighing in relief. ‘Things weren’t great when I left. He wasn’t handling the fact I chose to come back to Brooklyn, instead of spending the summer with him, very well. Especially when he doesn’t know what I’m going to decide with work and the overseas projects. But I think we’re getting through it.’ I try not to let on in my voice how much doubt I have with our relationship, but I can never get anything by the girls, they know me too well.
‘Do you want to get through it?’ asks Zoe, practically reading my mind.
There’s no point holding anything back when I answer, as they know when I’m lying. They know all there is to know about me, know what I’m thinking and what I’m going to do before I even do it.
After pondering a few moments, I finally answer honestly, ‘I don’t know. He wants me to move in with him, permanently. He wants me to be like all the other ball bunnies and follow him round while he works. But you guys know that’s not me, I’m my own person and I love my work. I can’t just drop everything for a guy.’
‘Especially if he’s not The One,’ nods Sophie.
‘I mean he’s a ball playing god. You’d definitely know if he was the one, and if you’re having doubts when he looks like THAT, and has all that money, then maybe he really isn’t the one,’ Zoe agrees.
That’s the thing, Michael is an actual God to most women. He’s an NFL ball player; a tall, blond, muscular parcel of Greek godlikeness. Pretty much the entire female population would think I was insane if they knew I was having doubts about our relationship. Even though Zoe and Sophie agree he’s attractive, they don’t necessarily like him.
‘I love him. I guess I’m just not in love with him. Our cards are being forced, and we can’t coast by anymore. I think I’ve realized that there’s just not a spark there.’ I run my finger round the rim of my coffee cup, avoiding eye contact that will give away the full extent of my feelings.
Zoe frowns, ‘Keep explaining…’
‘I dunno. I just don’t think about him all hours of the day, how I feel about him isn’t all consuming. I’m fond of him and like him being around, but I don’t need him in my life, and that’s not fair on him. Especially when he’s talking about marriage and making babies.’
‘Shut the front door,’ gawps Sophie. ‘He actually wants to make gurgling shit machines. We’re like only twenty four though? What about all the partying and stuff we still have to do?’
‘Exactly my point. I guess I’m not ready for all that commitment. We’re not on the same page anymore, and it’s not fair that I keep him from finding the person who is the one. I’m just too scared to break up with him because it’s going to be hard.’
‘Abs, you really need to sort your head out. Things are a bit of a mess in there, aren’t they? Undecided on the boyfriend, undecided on the living situation, undecided on the job,’ Zoe picks up her coffee, taking a big gulp and then continuing. ‘Even me and Sophie have our shit together more than you right now, and that’s saying something.’
‘Lake Placid will be the perfect time to gain some clarity,’ agrees Sophie. ‘We should definitely do yoga, it’s great for your yang and yin.’
Zoe spurts her coffee everywhere laughing, ‘Very deep of you, Soph, but I think you mean yin and yang?’
Hysterical laughter takes over at the irony of the whole situation. I’m sat in a dive in the middle of nowhere, getting advice from my friends, who are even bigger fuck ups than me. ‘Thanks, guys. I know I can act high and mighty sometimes, but I appreciate you listening. I swear, sometimes I feel like my head is about to explode because I’m constantly going around in circles with it all.’
‘That’s what we’re here for,’ Zoe offers a warm, reassuring smile. ‘We always have been, and just cause we’re not perfect, doesn’t mean the advice we give isn’t good. We just don’t follow it ourselves, obviously.’
We sit in silence for a while waiting for our food to arrive, mulling over what’s been said. After what feels like forever, the smell of sweet sugary pancakes and bacon reach my nose, as the waitress makes her way to our table, balancing three of the biggest plates of food I’ve ever seen.
My eyes bug out of my head when I take in the sheer volume of food on my plate. There’s enough between the three of us to feed a football team; not that this stops us annihilating the whole lot. When we want to eat, we can really eat. The guys have always laughed at us for it, saying we’re like a group of six-foot guys with the amount we pack away. Really, we’re all pint sized, each being just over five-foot, and packing it in like energizer bunnies.
‘Oh my God, I think I need to nap,’ groans Sophie, dramatically lying down and stretching out in the booth.
Zoe whacks her in the arm. ‘Not a chance. UP. We gotta get a move on. We’re way behind the other guys after this pit stop.’ After giving Zoe the finger in disapproval, Sophie reluctantly stands up from the booth, and we throw down.
Strapping into the driver’s seat, it’s obvious I’ve pulled the short straw having to drive when I feel so full and tired. I agree with Sophie, a nap is needed. To take my mind off the tiredness, I ask, ‘Are the others travelling up now as well?’
‘Yeah. We figured it would be better to spread over three cars. More space and all with it being a longer journey. They should be there about the same time as us, that’s if they’re not there already.’ It’s Zoe that replies. I look in my mirror and see that Sophie has given into her food coma and fallen asleep. I don’t mention it to Zoe, as she will wake her up again out of spite.
We spend the remainder of the journey in silence, which encourages the worry to creep in slowly without any distractions. Worry over what the next few days have in store, but mainly worry about meeting Jake’s girlfriend Amanda, and seeing them together. It might be juvenile, but part of me hopes she’s fat, ugly and boring. Of course, that’s not going to be the case, and really, I shouldn’t care, as Jake and I are in the past.
I still find myself wondering how much she knows about our past. Does she know that we used to be a couple? Then there’s the issue of PDA. Yes it was six years ago since things ended between us and no, I shouldn’t be bothered if I’ve moved on, but I still hope they keep it tame in front of me, rather than rubbing it in my face. But if she doesn’t know our history, she wouldn’t know to be wary. I really need to get out of this car ASAP and stop over-thinking everything.
Of course, because she can read my mind, Zoe asks, ‘You ok? You’ve gone pretty quiet.’
‘I’m just worrying about meeting Amanda.’ I reply honestly.
‘Ah…’
‘Yeah.’
‘She’s nice, you’ll like her.’
‘That’s just it though. I don’t want to like her.’
‘Sorry to burst your bubble, Abs, but her and Jake are very much together and happy. Prepare yourself.’
‘Thanks,’ I huff.
‘I just don’t want to see you get hurt.’
‘I know. Let’s leave it. I think we’re here anyway?’
‘Yeah,
we are.’ Zoe directs me to come off at the next exit, and we make our way into Lake Placid along the winding, tree lined roads. I turn up the music to lighten the mood after dwelling for the latter part of the journey, which causes Sophie to stir from her nap.
Driving through the town I try to take in as much of the surroundings as I can. The main street is quaint without being Hicksville. It’s incredibly picturesque, and although it’s only mid-morning, crowds are out and about, bustling and laughing. The lake glitters behind the old buildings that house quirky stores, bars, and restaurants, and in the distance, there is the mountain. It’s grand, without demanding attention, and adds to the outstanding beauty of the place.
It’s not long before we’re pulling into the lodge and exiting the car, getting ready to check in with the rest of the group. The lodge itself is huge but fitting with the area made completely of wood. The gardens surrounding it lead to the water’s edge and are luscious and full of colorful flowers. I can’t contain the squeal of excitement when I see the outdoor pool with sun-loungers and a hot tub; especially with the heatwave we’re having. My body is literally aching to get in the cool water.
‘Oh my God, guys. This place is amazing.’ I squeal again, jumping up and down, pulling Sophie and Zoe into a group hug. We stand laughing and jumping up and down like teenage girls. When we finally pull apart, I’m aware my hair has gone crazy and I look like a maniac, with my head thrown back as I laugh.
‘Nice to see you finally letting your hair down and actually enjoying yourself,’ I turn to find Sam stood a few feet away with a smile on his face. None of us noticed Sam, Zach and Jake approach, too preoccupied with our group hug.
‘Hardy har,’ I punch him lightly in the arm, as he pulls me in for a quick hug.
When we pull apart, he moves on to greet Sophie and Zoe in the same way. I look over at Jake and Zach, determined to keep my promise to try and keep things amicable. ‘Hey guys,’ I offer a small wave and smile. It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.
‘Hey, Abby, it’s great to see you again. I’m glad you made it,’ says Zach with a broad grin across his face. The more I’m around the guy the more I like him and can see why he’s become part of the group. All Jake offers is a small smile back, but it’s enough. We didn’t say we would be best friends, only that we would try to keep things pleasant.
It dawns on me that the whole group isn’t here yet, so I ask Sam, ‘Where’s the others?’ I opt for the word others as I don’t have it in me yet to say Amanda’s name out loud.
‘Shaun had a job to get done early for the bar and he’s bringing Amanda with him. They’ll be here this afternoon. Less about that, let’s call dibs on rooms!’ Sam quickly veers off.
Secretly I’m relieved, as I get a few more hours to brace myself before Amanda arrives. I try not to let the relief show on my face, but Sophie and Zoe will know, probably Jake too.
We move on to check in, and the room situation is decided quickly. Zoe, Sophie and I are in one of the two larger rooms, and Sam, Shaun and Zach are sharing the other. Which means Jake and Amanda are sharing the final room. Again, I try to keep my expression neutral and unaffected when I hear this, even though every irrational part of me wants to scream and protest. Out of the corner of my eye, Jake glances over, but I look elsewhere, hoping it comes across as me not caring.
We plan to drop our bags in our rooms, change and then meet at the outdoor pool, as it’s already baking hot, despite only being 11am. After squealing and running around the room, bouncing on the beds like kids, I take my time unpacking. As I pull out my bathing suit, Zoe looks over in horror.
‘No way, you’re not wearing that. Not a chance.’ I look down at the full swimsuit I’ve brought. It’s practical and won’t win in the fashion department, but it will do. I don’t really mind being covered up in front of the guys.
‘I have nothing else’, I sigh, knowing a fight is in store.
‘Well, it’s a good job I always over pack,’ she begins rummaging through her suitcase, which is far too big for the short trip we have planned.
‘Did you seriously need to pack that much stuff?’ I grumble, wishing she didn’t have spare things, as it inevitably means I’m going to wind up hitting the pool with virtually no clothing on.
‘I had to pack double, as you always under pack. And you wear crap like that which doesn’t show anything off, which is a sin when you have a banging body,’ she turns and scans me up and down, finally throwing some scrappy pieces of material at me. ‘Here, try on this.’
I hold up the tiniest bikini I’ve ever seen. It’s deep red with a few ruffles around the edge and will cover up about as much as Zoe’s own turquoise bikini, so absolutely nothing.
Sophie comes out of the bathroom wearing an equally tiny yellow suit, snorting when she sees what I have in my hands. ‘Good try, Zo. No way you’re getting her in that.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I ask, frowning.
‘There’s only been a few times I’ve seen you in a swimsuit, and they’ve had about four times the material. There’s no way you would dare wear that in front of the guys.’ Pulling her long blonde hair over one shoulder, she smiles at me sweetly, with a challenge in her eyes.
‘Fine, I’ll wear the damn suit,’ I hiss, storming into the bathroom to change, leaving them laughing behind me. Laying the suit out on the side, I curse, realizing it’s tinier than I thought. ‘Fuck.’ Everyone is going to see everything, one of whom is Jake.
Once I’ve changed into the tiny bits of material, I look at myself in the full-length mirror, holding my breath. I’m surprised at what I see. The material is cut in just the right places, and despite the lack of material, it flatters my figure, emphasizing how toned I am from all the running. The color is great, and thanks to the year-round Florida sun, I have a slight bronze to my skin, which the swimsuit compliments. My dark hair is in my signature waves, hanging around my shoulders, and it doesn’t matter that I have on minimal makeup.
I take one last look, psyching myself up, and with a deep breath, walk out the bathroom to wolf whistles from the girls. We quickly throw on cover-ups and head down to the pool to meet the guys. I can’t stop the nausea creeping up my throat, as memories of the last time Jake saw me in a swimsuit flood my mind.
Fourteen
6 years earlier
‘Abby, we’re at a party in the middle of the wilderness. It’s wild and there’s a hot tub! A hot tub Abby,’ repeats Zoe. ‘You have to put a bathing suit on.’
‘No.’ I cross my arms across my chest, just about omitting the foot stomp.
‘I dare you,’ Sophie pulls out the trump card, knowing that if there is one thing I don’t back down from, it’s a dare.
‘You guys are unbelievable.’ I huff.
‘And you are going to look unbelievable in that bathing suit. Now get your ass moving, kegs are waiting for us.’ Sophie gives me a small wave, dismissing me into the bathroom, making it clear the argument is over and I’ve lost.
Ten minutes later, I finally psyche myself up to go back into the room, in just the bathing suit. It’s a two piece, which I’ve never worn in my life. Until recently, I hadn’t grown into my body, and unlike other girls my age, I’ve so far been too shy to show it off.
‘Holy fuck!’ Shouts Zoe. ‘Jake is going to blow his load when he sees you. Seriously, you look smoking hot, Abs. Now let’s sort your hair out. We don’t want it getting wet in the hot tub and going all crazy and shit.’ I throw a short green dress on over my bikini to cover my modesty and then let Zoe get to work.
After five minutes of Zoe weaving my hair into some sort of braid she saw on Instagram, we finally leave our designated room in the log cabin where we’re all staying. It’s senior year, and my mom managed to convince dad to let me come on the annual senior trip, which is a mix of seniors from different schools. I may, however, have neglected to tell them that Jake would be on the trip. That and a few other minor details, like the fact there wouldn’t be
chaperones, but there undoubtedly would be underage drinking. Shoot me, it’s the biggest trip/party of the year and there was no way I was missing out on this chance to spend time with my friends and Jake.
It’s the end of November, and as we’re up in the mountains, it’s freezing and snowing outside. There’s a warm glow to everything, making me feel fuzzy and excited. When we make our way down into the open plan kitchen area, the party is already in full swing. The music is loud, people are laughing and tumbling everywhere. Girls are dancing for the guys in their bikinis, even though we’re inside and there isn’t a pool in sight. The guys are chugging their beers, mostly shirtless and in board shorts. It’s my first big party as I’ve never been overly keen to go to one until now. It’s ridiculous, crazy and completely random, but at the same time the buzz is infectious.
‘Laaaaaydeeeesss,’ comes Sam’s familiar voice, loudly from the middle of the kitchen. He’s stood with the alcohol and there’s enough there to rival some of the biggest clubs in Brooklyn.
We wander over and he hugs us all, handing out drinks. The girls declare we have catching up to do, and before I realize what I’m doing, I’ve chugged back two beers and a shot. If things didn’t feel fuzzy enough before, they do now, and I giggle to myself as I wobble slightly.
A hand grasps my waist, and I can feel how large and warm it is through the thin material of my dress. Then a familiar frame presses up against me from behind. I close my eyes in satisfaction, instinctively knowing who it is. I always do. It’s like my body is drawn to his like a magnet. He squeezes my hip gently, then leaning down murmurs into my ear, ‘Hey you.’
‘Hi,’ I respond breathlessly, struggling to find any other words, completely overwhelmed by the feeling of Jake pressed up against me.
He chuckles, knowing the reaction he’s causing. We’ve never been anywhere it’s been possible for us to be like this with each other. I’ve never felt comfortable enough, but recently, each time has become harder to contain my feelings when I’m around him. I know he’s feeling the same as the glances between us have lasted longer, becoming more intense, and the small touches here and there are lasting longer and are more needy. It’s inevitable where this is leading, and I don’t know if I will be able to stop myself when it does.
Always You Page 9