She glanced at Nate, realizing she was probably being rude by ignoring him. “Sorry, but I’m lost in my own thoughts. It brought back many memories.”
“It’s all right. We don’t need to talk. It was a lot to absorb.”
She turned her gaze away from him, staring out the window at the lush greenery of Upstate New York. Maybe it was time for her to move away from her hometown, make a clean sweep of everything, find a place where no one would know her, or know her past. As it was, everyone was aware of her trauma since the newspaper had printed a full story about her attack and a few follow-up stories about the polices’ attempt to find the criminal. Of course, they hadn’t identified her by name, but everyone had known nonetheless.
When they reached her house, Nate pulled in, looking for a place to park. She pointed off to the side. “That’s my car. You can park behind me. I’m not leaving.”
He parked his truck but left the engine running and turned to her. “Are you all right?”
She nodded, unable to speak through the lump in her throat—something to which she’d sadly become accustomed. How she hated that she couldn’t wipe the dark memories out of her mind, or put them in a strongbox to be pulled out only when absolutely necessary. Now, she had two traumatic memories that would always niggle at her, threatening to pop out at the worst of times.
“Look, Lauren, I…well, I’m guessing you may have been attacked yourself since you started that group Ryan told me about.”
He waited until she gave a quick, sharp nod, which was all she could manage at the moment.
“I’m not involved with anyone at the moment, haven’t been for a while, and I’m wondering if you’d consider grabbing a bite to eat with me sometime.”
“I don’t go out much. Only to classes and to the library.” She stared at him. How she wished to say yes… How she wished she could hand her heart to him, throw her arms around his neck, and embrace a relationship with him. But something was still broken inside her, and the only words she could get out were, “I’m sorry.”
“For what? You have nothing to be sorry about.” He reached for her hand and ran his thumb across the back. “Do me a favor and take my phone number, just in case you need help with anything. Text me anytime.”
Her gaze stayed on his hand, reveling in the gentleness of his touch even though they were callused, hard-working hands. They were powerful, yes, but her intuition told her that he would never use them against her. What could it hurt to exchange numbers with a firefighter? The man who’d saved her life?
She pulled her phone out, and they exchanged numbers. For some reason, having his number made her feel better, but it didn’t change what she was—a burden. A messed-up burden.
“Nate, I’m too messed up to be any good to anyone. I’m sorry.” She grabbed the metal box, climbed out of the truck, and ran. It felt like hands clawed at her, trying to hold her back and imprison her, but the logical part of her brain knew no one was following her. Tearing up the stairs, she finally reached her room and closed the door behind her, gasping for air for a few minutes until she was able to throw herself on the bed and erupt in tears.
Once her tears were mostly spent, she managed to climb off her bed and make her way to the window. A volleyball game was in play not far from beneath her window. She pulled the curtain back just a touch to see if Nate was there.
He was. He’d taken his shirt off, and she was close enough to appreciate the muscles rippling across his back each time he leaped into the air for the ball, trying his best to spike it toward the opposite team. Watching Nate play was like admiring a thing of beauty. The breeze carried his laughter up to her. What would it be like to have a guy like that to hold you, to protect you, to stand in a crowd with his hand at the small of your back, making a small claim that you were his?
It was an antiquated thought, she knew, but there was plenty of appeal to it. As a medievalist, she often wished for a brawny Highlander to protect her. A strapping Scot who would stride behind her carrying a claymore, poised to strike at anyone who dared to touch her. Or maybe an honorable English knight.
How she wished she’d had a Highlander to protect her that fateful day. How had she let a one-hour assault five years ago take over her life?
Because she was helpless to stop it. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how many counselors she saw, that memory ripped her insides out over and over again, whenever it chose to rear its ugly head.
It wouldn’t be fair to foist herself on someone as noble as Nate Patterson.
She dropped the curtain and turned away from the game. Fear of being seen forced her back to her bed, but she left the window open. Listening to the playful banter and the laughter between the players was far better than listening to what was in her own head.
A few minutes later, she heard the celebration of the end of the match. Nate’s team had won. The next thing she heard was Mallory begging Ryan and Jake to take her water-skiing. Then Ryan said, “Sure, Mal. Patterson, do you want to join us?”
Nate said, “Absolutely. I’ll get my suit on.”
Lauren did something she’d never done before. As soon as Nate disappeared, she leaned out the window and yelled, “I want to go, Ryan. Please?”
Ryan and Mallory both stared at her in shock. Her stepbrother was the first to recover. “Sure. I’ll wait while you put your suit on, Lauren.”
Mallory yelled to Lauren, “I’ll be right up.”
What had she done?
***
Nate spoke to his brothers before he headed out to his truck for his suit. He’d driven separately because he was on call, but he had hoped he’d have the entire day to himself. There was nothing he loved better than boating. After changing in the boathouse, he headed over to the speedboat and asked Ryan, “Your sisters all like to ski?” What he really wanted to ask was if Lauren liked it.
“Mallory’s the best of any of us, but we all like to ski.” Ryan fiddled with the equipment on the boat and set his phone in a compartment. Jake played around behind him, getting the boat ready to go out. “It’s been a warm summer, so the water isn’t too bad, but the cool nights are about to settle in. Might as well get out there while we still can. You ski, Nate?”
“Not much. Tried a couple of times, but I’m not great at it.”
Ryan said, “Watch Mallory. She’s a pro. There’ll be plenty of boats on the water this weekend—lots of wakes to manage. Jake usually takes the boat out, but he’s a little too wild with it.”
Jake, who he knew through the department, said, “You know where you can shove that comment, Ryan.” He grinned at Nate. “No sense in making it easy for anyone. It’s more of a challenge the way I drive. Too bad Julia’s not here yet. Otherwise I would show you how it’s done.”
Cait came rushing down the small hill toward the boat. “Ryan, Lauren’s coming.” She stopped as soon as she saw Nate. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you there.” Turning back to Ryan, she added, “Who convinced her to come?”
Ryan shrugged. “She’s the one who suggested it. She overheard Mallory and me making plans. I’m glad. She needs to get out more, especially after that damn fire.”
A shock of anticipation rushed through Nate. He hadn’t thought he’d see her again today, not after the way she’d raced away from the truck. Glancing up at the house, he caught sight of the stunning beauty as she strolled across the grass and down toward the water’s edge. She had a wrap of some kind over her bathing suit, but it didn’t hide much of her long shapely legs. Nate couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Mallory raced along at her stepsister’s side like a hyperactive five-year-old, hooting about going skiing. Her voice carried down to the water. “Come on, Lauren. Maybe we’ll get you up on skis today. It’s great weather for it.” He’d bet she must have been a cheerleader in high school.
Lauren shook her head. “I don’t know if I’m up for that. You know I’m not very good at skiing.”
What a contradiction she was… She carried hers
elf with confidence, her shoulders held back, her chin lifted, and a small smile on her face, all properly prepared for anyone who looked at her. But he saw something else roiling beneath it—he saw it in the fear in her gaze, her death grip on the beach towel she carried, and her darting eyes. Her pain was hidden behind a façade that was carefully constructed and painstakingly maintained.
He’d do his best to break through that barrier of hers. Even if they couldn’t make something work, he still vowed to try. He wanted to know her.
As she approached the boat, she shot him a look and then quickly glanced away, her cheeks slightly pink. Maybe she was embarrassed about what had happened earlier. Well, there was no reason for her to be, and he would do what he could to prove that to her.
Ryan said, “Let’s go. Mallory, choose your skis.”
Mallory was already headed to the boathouse. She was inside for less than a minute before she emerged with her life vest and skis in hand, a broad smile across her face. Ryan led them to the boat and Nate hopped in first, turning around to help Lauren board the boat. She reached for his hand and froze, pausing for just a second before placing her hand in his and stepping into the boat. A small wave rocked the vessel, and she touched his chest to balance herself—then removed her hand as quickly as if he’d burned her.
“Whoa, hang on, Lauren.”
She gave him her practiced smile before she straightened and tucked into the corner of the back of the boat. There were two seats in front, one for the driver, and the back had two rows of cushioned benches facing each other. It would easily fit three on either side. Cait sat in the seat next to Ryan, so Nate sat across from Lauren to balance the weight of the boat.
Nate untied the back rope once Ryan started the motor, standing again to shove away from the dock. Mallory, who’d already donned her life jacket, sat on the end of the dock and secured the skis on her feet. “Don’t get me wet, dear brother.”
Jake stood not far behind her on the dock. “Don’t use all of your energy now, Mallory. Come out on the boat with Julia and me later. I’ll make it more of a challenge for you.”
She ignored him.
“How far do you want to go?” Ryan shouted over the sound of the motor.
“Our usual trip is fine.” She rolled something off her wrist and wrapped it around her dark hair, popping her long locks into a ponytail in a matter of seconds.
“Make sure you don’t go too fast for Mallory,” Jake shouted. “You know she’s just learning.”
Mallory flipped her brother off over her head.
Nate chuckled at the playful sibling behavior, then glanced up at the perfect sky, brilliant blue with a few cumulus clouds completing the pretty picture. “Beautiful day, Lauren.”
She reached into her small bag and put her sunglasses on. “It is. A perfect day.”
Cait jumped right into the conversation. “Do you boat much, Nate?”
“Every chance I get, though I don’t own a boat. I love to fish.”
“Come down any weekend,” Ryan said. “There’s always somebody taking the boat out, even into October.”
Cait grinned. “I love the autumn leaves, just trolling through the water and enjoying the view. The lake is much quieter then.” She tipped her head back to soak in the warm sun. “Still, I’m sad that summer is over. Autumn is pretty and calm, but summer is what it’s all about.”
Ryan positioned the boat right in front of Mallory, and Cait handed the tow rope to Nate. “You can probably throw it farther than I can. I’m terrible at it.”
He took it from her and tossed the end to Mallory.
“Perfect, Nate.”
Once Mallory had a solid hold on the rope, Ryan puttered the boat out until he had the full line out, then yelled, “Tell me when.”
Mallory gave him a thumbs up, “Go, RJ!”
Ryan waited until she had both hands securely gripping the tow rope, then gunned the engine, making sure he gave Mallory a strong pull to keep her from toppling into the water.
Once Ryan hit his top speed, Mallory glided across the water like she’d been born on skis, her laughter making all of them smile. She moved across the wakes without a blip in her composure or balance.
Nate glanced at Lauren. “Have you tried skiing?”
She smiled. “I’ve tried a couple of times, but I can’t manage to stay up. My legs give out.”
Ryan glanced back at her as he made a slow turn of the wheel. “You want to try today, Lauren? I’ll go slow, just take you around the cove. There’s no wind.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Cait said, “Mallory can sit in the water with you, help you do it.”
“Maybe.”
Lauren shifted her gaze to Mallory, who was now giving Ryan the thumbs-up sign again.
“Faster, Ryan,” Lauren relayed.
“You asked for it, Mal.” Ryan cranked the motor up and Mallory flew across the water.
Out of nowhere a speedboat moved in behind them, cutting way too close for comfort.
Ryan shouted, “Too close, asshole!” though Nate doubted they could hear him.
The boat was full of five men, holding beer cans up to Mallory, who promptly flipped them off without losing her control.
“Cait, can you tell who’s out there?” Ryan asked.
She shook her head before shifting her gaze to Nate and Lauren. “Do you recognize any of them?”
“I do,” Lauren said. “Local guys.”
The boat headed off to the middle of the lake, so Ryan turned around and headed back toward their cottage. He pulled in close to shore, giving Mallory the perfect opening to glide in and land just in front of their dock. Then he swung the boat around and cut the engine, crawling in closer to the dock.
“Who were those dickheads?” Mallory yelled. “I thought I recognized one, but I didn’t know the others.”
Everyone on the boat turned toward Lauren.
Lauren said, “I recognized two of them. Dominic Miller was driving the boat and Trevor Hutton was in the back. Dom is attending Summerhill College. I’m pretty sure Trevor already graduated from Summerhill. He was a year behind me in high school, and he actually asked me to the prom. I’ve seen Dom in the library before. He always talks too loud. Kind of obnoxious.”
Cait asked, “Did you go to the prom with Trevor?”
Lauren just shook her head. “I didn’t go at all.”
Nate couldn’t believe she’d never gone to the prom. She should have been the queen. Of course, he hadn’t gone either, but for a completely different reason.
Ryan suddenly perked up. “Do they belong to a fraternity, Lauren?”
“I’m not sure, but I think Dom does, and not one of the nice frats either.”
Nate knew exactly what Ryan was thinking. He was wondering whether there was a connection between any of those guys and the person who’d started the fire at Lauren’s rental.
“What do you mean by nice frats, Lauren?” Nate asked.
She shrugged. “A lot of women come to me after being attacked at frat functions, especially around pledge season. They drink too much, and the guys talk them into something stupid before they realize it.”
“Like what?” Ryan asked.
“Like chugging and drinking so much that they black out or their memories turn hazy. Or taking pills that alter their consciousness. Some of them won’t consider testifying because they don’t want their parents to find out what they were doing. And some frats are known for that kind of thing more than others.”
“Then why doesn’t the school shut them down?” Cait asked. “If it’s that obvious.”
“That’s a great question. I wish I had the answer.”
Everyone looked to Ryan, who shrugged his shoulders. “We’re not supposed to be on campus unless we’re invited, though that could be changing soon.”
Mallory said, “You need to push that rule, RJ. You, too, Jake.” Then she turned to Lauren. “Anyone you suspect in particular?”
Lauren shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t get a look at the man who broke the window. I only heard a voice.”
“Aren’t you attending Cornell?” Nate asked out of nowhere.
“Yes, but I didn’t want to close down my support group. Besides, Summerhill’s library has a wonderful section on medieval history. I spend a lot of time there.”
Nate asked, “Don’t you do your research online?”
“Sometimes,” she said. “I love the library. I know that sounds foolish, but I work really well where it’s quiet.”
Nate didn’t need to ask her to explain that response. People didn’t typically get attacked in the library—they weren’t even allowed to talk under most circumstances. Lauren went because it was a safe place, though that was an assumption because he had no idea where her first attack had taken place.
When they got close enough to the dock, Mallory said, “I know Dom. He’s arrogant and obnoxious, everything Lauren said. I don’t know Trevor, but I think Randy Brooks was with them. I remember him from high school. The kind of guy who liked to leer at your breasts all day and then smile at you. He’s a pig.”
No one had a comment to add to that assessment.
“Forget them. They’ve moved on,” Mallory said. “Come on in, Lauren. The water’s warm. It’s a great time to try skiing. RJ won’t take you out far.”
Lauren glanced at Ryan, waiting to see what he would say.
Ryan smiled and said, “I’ll do whatever you want. You know all the signals, but Mal is right. It’s a great day to learn. Very little breeze so the water is calm.”
Mallory remained in the water, standing up and removing her jacket. “I’ll help you. I’ll stay right here and shout directions, and Nate and Cait can spot for you.”
Nate couldn’t have been more surprised to see Lauren stand up, strip her cover up off, and toss it down before jumping into the water.
He was damn grateful it had all happened that quickly. Seeing Lauren in a bathing suit had almost knocked him over. If she’d turned around in front of him, he probably would have flipped backward out of the boat.
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