My Wife My Baby...And Him

by Shelia E. Bell

  “I’m driving, so if you don’t mind, will you text me her phone number? I’ll save it in my phone.”

  “Yes, Pastor Graham.”

  “Thank you, Sister Gloria. Is there anything else I need to know before we hang up?”

  “No, not really. Oh, yes, wait; there is one more thing.”

  “Yes, what is it?”

  “Are you planning on preaching at midweek service tomorrow night, or do you want Pastor McCoy or one of the other ministers to do it?”

  Stiles drove in silence for a second or two before he responded. “Call and tell Pastor McCoy to be prepared to deliver the Word.”

  “Yes, sir. Goodbye,” responded Sister Gloria, and ended the call.

  Stiles arrived at his townhome, parked his car, and went inside. It was quiet, almost too quiet. The silence reminded him of how alone he truly was. He thought about Rena. His heart picked up its pace as memories of the love he once had for her resurfaced. If only he had been a big enough man to forgive her and keep their marriage intact, then maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t be in the mess he was in now. He and Rena could have worked through the mistakes of the past. It wasn’t like he was the perfect man himself. We all fall short…He who is without sin let him cast the first stone. Scripture after scripture flooded his mind.

  He sat on his sofa and studied Rena’s number. Finally, he inhaled then slowly dialed it. After five rings, she answered.

  “Rena, it’s Stiles. I got your message. Is this a good time?”

  “Yes, sure. How are you?” She sounded like the same sweet Rena he had fallen in love with.

  “I’m good. How’s your family?”

  “Everyone is great. The kids are growing up like wild fire. How’s your little girl?”

  “She’s good.”

  Silence infiltrated the phone lines until Rena cleared her throat and spoke up.

  “Look, how are you really doing? I mean, it’s like every time I read the Memphis newspaper, there’s something about you, and it’s not good. What’s going on?”

  “Why are you concerned?” Stiles tone went from welcoming to highly irritated. “As I recall, it wasn’t that long ago when you came to Holy Rock and then up and disappeared as quickly as you came without so much as a hello. Now you’re asking me how I’m doing? I’m a little confused, Rena.” Stiles didn’t have time to play games, not with Rena, not with anyone. He was going through enough with Detria and her drama.

  “I left that day because, well, because I felt guilty.”

  “Guilty? Guilty about what?”

  “I came to Memphis because my former boss and friend, Mr. Bolden died. I don’t know if you remember him or not. At first I planned to come here, attend his funeral, and fly back home the following Monday. I wasn’t going to come to Holy Rock, but I realized that I couldn’t come to Memphis and not see you, or at least come hear you preach.”

  “I don’t know, something doesn’t sound right. You were supposed to wait in my office so we could at least say hello to one another. But when I got there, you were nowhere to be found. What was up with that? Your hubby stopped you or what?”

  “I came to Memphis alone, Stiles. But, in a way I guess you’re right. I got cold feet, had second thoughts, because I wouldn’t want to do anything that would give Robert a reason to distrust me.”

  “I guess you have a point. Showing up at your ex-husband’s church or being caught in his office would definitely cause him to distrust you. I’m glad you followed your mind. Although you know, that he wouldn’t have a reason to be jealous. You’re married to him, you’ve given him babies, and you’ve moved on with your life. Good for you, Rena.”

  “Okay, enough acting like you’re so hardcore. Tell me, how are you doing for real? I read in the paper that you could face jail time for assaulting Skip Madison, who’s supposed to be Detria’s lover. It sounds like something straight off of TMZ.”

  He was getting fed up with people judging him when they didn’t know what was going on. He was tired of the media portraying him as the bad guy. “Look, if you called to get the inside scoop, then you need to go somewhere else because it’s none of your business.”

  “I’m concerned about you. That’s all.”

  “I don’t need you or anyone else to be concerned about me. I’m okay. And I don’t want to talk to you about my marriage, and I sure don’t want to talk about the garbage they’re writing about me in the newspaper. I’m cool. Everything is fine.”

  “Stiles, don’t do this. Remember, I know you. I know you’ve got to be hurt by everything that’s been happening. And I want you to know that I─”

  “That you what, Rena? That you care about me? Please. Don’t tell me that you’re here for me, because you and I both know that’s a bunch of crap. Be concerned about your husband. There’s nothing you can do for me.”

  “Stiles, please. Don’t shut me out. I really am worried about you.”

  Stiles chuckled. “Please. Worried? So what are you going to do, Rena? You coming back to Memphis? You coming to nurse my wounds?”

  “No, you know that’s not what I’m saying.”

  “Then what are you saying? Look, tell you what, why don’t you concentrate on your marriage, your own family and your own life. Now, I’ve got to go. I have a ton of things I still have to do before calling it a day. Thanks for your concern, and God bless.”

  “I…okay. Fine then. Have it your way, but I didn’t mean any harm, and I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my prayers. I hope everything works out.”

  “Yeah, whatever. Bye, Rena.” Stiles pushed the End button on his phone. He had to be blunt with Rena. He wasn’t about to let her know the effect she still had over him. But there really was no reason for her to be trying to see how he was doing when in all actuality there was nothing she could do for him now. He was glad he told her to concentrate on her own family. He had enough problems without adding her into the loop.

  He went upstairs to his bedroom and undressed. While in the shower, he wept. He wept for all the mistakes he had made. He wept over the possibility of his newborn son not being his. He wept over the loss of his mother. The estranged relationship between his only sister, Francesca bothered him too, but most of all, he wept because he finally understood and accepted what he had to do. It was inevitable. It was his fate. His lot in life because there was no way he could forgive Detria. He had forgiven her for physically abusing Pastor, but this was different. Her adultery was too much and he wasn’t that strong of a man to turn the other cheek. He knew it and God knew it. He was human first, a man whose heart had been broken again, and it hurt to be hurt. Rena had hurt him but Detria had hurt him more than anything.

  According to the neonatologist, it would be at least a few more days before they could do the DNA swab test on Elijah. The newborn was still too weak. But if all went as planned, soon enough, he would know if Elijah belonged to him. But whether he did or whether he didn’t, it wouldn’t change the decision that tormented his spirit - maybe it was time for him to leave Holy Rock.

  Chapter 34

  “The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.” Ivy B Priest

  Xavier had been in Memphis for a few days but he had already decided that it was not where he wanted to live. He had barely had a chance to spend any time with his dad since arriving. Hezekiah had been busy running here and there, back and forth, with stuff going on at Holy Rock.

  Xavier toyed with his iPhone while he sat outside on the backyard deck. It was March, and the temperatures hovered around sixty plus degrees. Xavier enjoyed the mild weather, compared to the frigid temps of the Windy City, but it wasn’t enough to make him want to remain in Memphis.

  “Honey.” His mother appeared. “Your father should be home soon.”

  “What does that mean?” Xavier looked at her like she’d committed a cardinal sin.

  “It means that the three of us can finally spend so
me time together. We’re going to take you to eat barbeque since you said you wanted to taste some Memphis barbeque.” Fancy smiled and walked out on the backyard deck. “Would you like that?” she asked, walking up to Xavier and patting him on the back like she was burping a baby

  Xavier hated it when she talked to him like he was a little kid. When was she going to look at him and realize that he was practically a grown man.

  “Xavier, honey. I asked you a question.”

  Xavier looked up from his phone. “What?”

  “I said, would you like to go eat barbeque tonight when your father gets home?”

  “I don’t care.” Xavier shrugged his shoulders. “I guess so.”

  “Okay, good. Then change clothes and we can leave when he gets here.

  “Change clothes? What’s wrong with what I have on?” He frowned, looked at his attire, then looked at his mother like she had lost her mind.

  Fancy shook her head and smiled. “Okay, I guess what you have on is fine. But no sagging pants. You need to eat more, so your clothes will fit you better. Now that you’re here, I’m going to take care of that. Everything is going to be fine.”

  “Mom, you know I’m not staying here. I want to go back to Chicago. That’s my home. I don’t know why you and Dad had to move here in the first place. This place sucks. It’s boring.” He said all of this without taking his eyes off his iPhone. He was busy texting and wished his mother would leave him alone.

  “It’s all in what you make it, Xavier. All I’m asking is for you to give Memphis a try. I know we haven’t been able to take you around, show you the city and all, but I promise you, you’ll like it here. And Sunday when we go to church, I’ll introduce you to the youth pastor. You can connect with kids your own age. It’s going to be fun.”

  Xavier shook his head. “Whatever, Mom.” He focused back on the task at hand: texting.

  Chapter 35

  “You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.” Unknown

  “Son, I want you to be sure that this is what God is telling you to do. We all make mistakes. God knows I’ve made plenty of them, but God is a forgiving God.”

  “Yes, I know that, Pastor, and believe me, this is what I have to do. I can’t stand up in that pulpit Sunday after Sunday, week after week, preaching the Word, trying to lead others to Christ, not when I’ve messed up the way that I have.”

  “That’s no excuse for leaving the church. God can use anybody. He uses the broken to carry out his plan. He uses the weak. He uses the imperfect.” Pastor sat across from Stiles in the church office. He looked around at the walls that were lined with pictures of when he was senior pastor of Holy Rock. Slowly, he stood and walked over in front of the oil portrait of himself and First Lady Audrey Graham, and smiled.

  “Your mother was so proud of you. She was the happiest she’s ever been when you took on the role of Senior Pastor.” Pastor turned and looked at Stiles sitting behind his desk, his chin resting on the insert of his hand. “I thought after my first stroke that I was going to lose everything I’d worked hard to attain. Building and growing this church was my life. When I could no longer stand in that pulpit and preach God’s Word, I wanted to die. I felt my life was over.”

  Stiles turned in his office chair, got up and walked over and stood next to his father. He draped his arm over Pastor’s shoulder.

  “I never knew you felt like that. Don’t get me wrong, I knew this church was your life, but not to the extent that you didn’t want to live after you couldn’t preach again.”

  “God showed mercy and favor when He blessed me with you. Don’t get me wrong, your sister is a big blessing in my life too, but you, you took hold of the reins. You stepped up and accepted the call on your life to lead this great congregation. Now look at it. It’s grown from 500 to over 7,500 members, and it’s still growing. Now you’re telling me that God wants you to leave?”

  Stiles was silent momentarily. “I’m not strong like you.”

  “What do you mean?” Pastor turned and looked at Stiles, moving back from his embrace. “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

  “How did you stay with Mom after you learned that she cheated on you? How did you find it in your heart to not only forgive her, but you accepted Francesca as your own? I don’t understand.” Stiles shook his head and lowered it, as if he was in shame.

  “I loved your mother then and I love her now. God rest her soul. The day she strolled into Holy Rock with you by her side,” Pastor smiled, “was the day my life changed. I saw my mate; the woman God had for me. And the double blessing was that He blessed me with a son through you.” Pastor faced Stiles, smiled, and laid one hand on top of Stiles’ shoulder.

  “I can’t be like you, Pastor. I don’t have the strength. I didn’t have the strength to forgive Rena for sleeping with Francesca, and I can’t forgive Detria. I just can’t. That’s why I have to leave; I won’t be a hypocrite. I won’t lead my congregation to believe that I have it all together and that I’m such a strong, Godly man when I’m not. I can’t even control my anger. I’m practically labeled as a woman beater, and that fight with Skip, well it shows the magnitude of what I’m dealing with.”

  “Listen to me, Son. You’ve made mistakes, costly mistakes; but it doesn’t discount who you are to God. The Word says that we all fall short. Your strength comes from God, Son. You know the Word. Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts. For my grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. I will glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Pastor stepped closer to his son and embraced him.

  Stiles held on to his father, and allowed himself to finally exhale before he stepped out from under Pastor’s embrace, and looked at him. “I’m not strong like you, Pastor. I’m just not.” Stiles walked away and returned to his chair, placing his head in his hands.

  Chapter 36

  “The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.” Unknown

  Monday afternoon, and the paternity test results were in. Detria and Stiles were to meet in the doctor’s office at one o’clock.

  Elijah was three weeks old and was still in the hospital. Every day, Detria visited her little boy while Mother Brown and Detria’s family helped her out with Audrey. Elijah now weighed two pounds. He was still on oxygen and unfortunately, the bleeding in his brain was hindering the little boy’s health.

  “There is a silver lining in everything, if you look for it,” Pastor told Detria one day when he went to visit her and Audrey. “Think about it. Elijah could be much worse. From what I understand the specialists said that the IVH falls into four grades. Right?”

  “Right,” Detria said.

  “And the higher the grade, the more severe the bleeding. Am I right?” Pastor asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, Elijah’s grade is a two, which from my understanding means that there is just a small amount of bleeding and it usually does not cause long-term problems.”

  Detria teared up. “That’s right, but my baby. My baby is sick, Pastor, and it’s all my fault.”

  Pastor held her in his arms, allowing her tears to freely land on his starched white shirt.

  “Shhh, Elijah is going to be fine. The doctor and nurses are keeping him as stable as possible, and he hasn’t had to have a blood transfusion, like so many other babies born like him.” He held Detria’s hand and caressed it, hoping that she would be calm. “He hasn’t had to have a tube or shunt in the brain to drain fluid. That’s God, Detria. God has your son. He is not punishing you. He loves you and He loves that little boy.”

  Detria arrived at the Professional Doctor’s Building across from the hospital at twelve thirty. Standing in front of the elevator, waiting on the doors to open, she texted back and forth with Skip. Reading his text messages was a too late reminder that she should have kept quiet about today’s appointment. Telling Skip was the last thing she sh
ould have done because he was going to do just like he always did, which was pressure her until he got his way.

  “I want 2 know the results as soon as the dr tells u.”

  “I told u. Elijah belongs 2 Stiles.”

  “I don’t care what u say. I want 2 know what the tests says.”

  “Yeah, sure, Skip.”

  She turned off her phone to avoid any more of his harassing texts or phone calls, which were sure to follow.

  Detria didn’t notice that Stiles had walked up and stood next to her.

  Stiles watched as she texted on her phone, but did not say anything. I bet she’s texting him. God, let Elijah be my son. Don’t give Skip the satisfaction of having a son.

  The doors opened and Detria looked up from her cell phone and walked toward the doors. She looked surprised when she saw Stiles get on the elevator too.

  She looked at him, obvious tension was evident all over her face. “Hi.”

  “Hello, Detria.”

  “Stiles, whatever the results are, I want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I never ever meant to hurt you,” she said, glad that they were the only two on the elevator.

  “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

  The doors to the fifth floor opened before Detria could answer. She was more than glad. She quickly stepped off the elevator, strolled ahead of Stiles, and walked to the doctor’s office.

  Showtime.

  ***

  Detria’s crocodile tears could have easily measured up to the quarter sized raindrops pelting her car like mini meteors. A booming, almost guttural roll of thunder announced the bolt of lightning that pierced the threatening skyline, and matched the beat of her heart. Detria accelerated, perhaps hoping that the speed of the car could outrun the hurt and embarrassment she felt.

  She avoided Skip’s constant calling and ignored the text message notifier. She needed time to think, to sort the doctor’s words out in her mind. Nothing made sense. Elijah is not Stiles’ son? Lord, no. No, no, no.