by Layla Frost
“That’s insane. And romantic. And sexy.”
“Yup. He was a hell of a fighter, too. I’d go watch him spar just so I could pull him into the locker room after.” She gave her head a little shake. “Anyway, my point is, I knew who he was, but I loved him. Not in spite of it, but because of it. If you’re okay with who Theo is, don’t throw it away because of some misplaced notion of what you’re ‘supposed’ to think or feel. Sometimes it takes some bad to set things right.”
“But he lied,” I reminded her… and myself. “About what he does and who he is.”
“Would you have given him the chance had you known? I knew about Marc because I was in their world, if only just the tips of my,” she looked down at her chest, “toes. But you weren’t. And he couldn’t just spill his guts to you the first time he met you. If I had to guess, by the time he trusted he could tell you, he didn’t want to risk losing you.”
“That’s what he said.”
“Exactly. Would you have even wanted him to tell you then? Would it have meant as much?”
“What do you mean?”
“If he didn’t trust you, it wouldn’t matter how much you begged. By sharing this information with you, he’s put his life into your hands. You could go to the cops. Go to other crews. Whoever.”
I reared my head back. “I’d never do that.”
“Exactly. And he knows that. He trusts you with his life, and the life of those under him.”
Though I clutched at my anger, some of it faded, slipping through my fingers. I hated being kept in the dark, but Julie was right.
When he first walked into Java Brew, it wasn’t like he could’ve said, ‘I’d like a large coffee and I’m a new era mob boss.’
“He said he’d give up everything for me,” I shared, the vodka loosening my tongue.
“Would you ask him to?”
I shrugged and shook my head at the same time. “I don’t know.” My sharing continued. “When I was a baby, my father killed my mother. He was married and she threatened to tell his wife. I stayed with my grandmother, and then bounced around foster care. Every time a couple would want to adopt me, they’d find out about my parents and change their mind.”
“God, Dahlia, I never knew.”
“My point is, I know what it’s like to not be accepted for who I am. I spent most of my life being rejected. It’s different, but I still don’t know if I could ask Theo to change who he is.”
“I think he would, though. Without resentment or anger.”
“What about his family?”
“They’d be okay, too. No one is forced into the position. If he stepped back, he’d appoint someone to take his place. Luc is his underboss, so it’d likely be him.”
I thought about Theo giving up that part of his life. He’d still have Amaric, but I didn’t know how he’d feel about losing the rest.
Or how many other men like the senator would get away with their offences without Theo there to make things right.
“I’ve seen ‘good’ law-abiding people do selfish things to benefit themselves alone. Like you said, Theo does bad things but it’s not all self-serving.” I thought about Larson and the teenage runaway. “And not without good reason.”
Julie nodded, taking the vodka bottle from me. “So what do you think you’re going to do?”
“If I’m staying, that’s it. I need to be all in, and that means figuring out if I can come to terms with it all. I have no clue if I can do that. At the same time, I never even knew love until Theo. I’m not sure if I can just walk away from that.” I made a chopping motion with my hand. “If he was all bad, sure. And if he was all good—”
“You’d be bored.”
“Ha! Maybe.” I knocked back the offered shot. “If things were black and white, light or dark, it’d be easy. But Theo’s gray. He’s a shadow.”
“And this is where I come in handy.” Reaching out, she held my hands. “If you step away, I can guarantee you aren’t losing us. And, yes, that includes Theo. Once you’re in, that’s it. You can call any of them, at any time of the day or night, and they’ll be there. Most likely, you’ll have a yard full of Amatos.” She tightened her grip slightly. “Make the decision based on Theo. The rest of us are here. You haven’t lost your friends. Your family.” She paused for a second. “Unless you want to?”
My throat felt thick, so I just shook my head.
“Good.” She winked as she sat back. “We wouldn’t let you go anyway. Family is forever, right?”
···
“What’re you gonna do?” Julie asked for the millionth time. Sprawled on her couch, her head hung over the edge as she looked at me.
Each time we talked about Theo, my anger and confusion grew. I’d been keeping my feelings hidden, instead moving the conversation to something superficial. The more alcohol we drank, the easier this had become.
Once Julie had shared, I couldn’t keep going on about my problems to her. Not only because her husband had done the same things, hurting and killing people, but for the simple fact Theo was alive.
How could I tell her that I had love like she’d lost, but I was contemplating walking away from it?
Wearing a crown and a feather boa, I sat in Kat’s pink chair and did my best to look regal. “I still have no clue. I think I need to talk to Theo more about it.”
Before I made any decision, I needed to know there was nothing else he was hiding from me. I also wanted to know his feelings. Had he only offered to leave it all behind so I’d give in? Would he actually follow through?
And, if he did, would he grow to resent me?
“That’s a good idea.” She shifted until her legs were on the wall and she was sitting upside-down. “I’m biased because I adore you and don’t want you to leave him. But he’s an amazing guy. He does bad things, but for the best reasons.”
We’d polished off the half-full bottle of vodka. We were both drunk, and had switched to water before things got way out of control.
I grabbed my glass, keeping my pinkie out. My voice was a whisper. Or at least it was supposed to be. “He’s killed before.”
“Good. I bet they deserved it.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“Fuck no,” she said with enough venom I forgot about being a princess. “Poverty bothers me. Abused women and children. Senseless deaths, diseases, and decaf coffee. These things bother me. I’m not wasting time mourning people who had it coming.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “Is that his decision to make, though? Isn’t that why we have courts and judges and stuff?”
She snorted. “Just like Marc did, Theo prevents things. If their form of punishment is coming after the fact, it’s because whoever doesn’t deserve to breathe easy in prison. Or because the dicks have the money and power to walk away free.”
“You make him sound like Robin Hood or something.”
“He is. Only he’s smart enough to take his cut of things.” She sat up, squeezing her eyes closed for a moment. “Dizzy.” Opening them, she gave me her drunk version of a serious face. “He’s no saint, otherwise he’d do the shit for free.”
“My head is a mess. I need to talk to him. Should I call him? I’m gonna call him.”
“Doooo it. You’ll drive yourself nuts before you figure it out on your own. Even though I’m a genius,” she hiccupped, “I can’t tell you what to do.” Her eyes moved to the photo album. “But I can tell you, I had love and it was ripped from me. Don’t give it up unless you’re sure.” She grabbed my phone and tossed it to me.
“Right now?” I squeaked.
“It’s already ringing.” She laughed like a maniacal genius.
“Dahlia?” Theo’s voice was muffled and low coming from the phone in my lap. “Is everything okay? Are you there?”
“Nothing. Everything.” I closed my eyes and lowered my voice. “I’m confused and need answers. Since you’re the only one who can provide said answers, I was hoping I could request a meeting. I’ll br
ing a briefcase.”
“My gattina, are you drunk?”
“Yes. Very. Now regarding our Q and A, when are you available?”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
“I don’t have the briefcase!” I squawked. My heart hammered in my chest, though I wasn’t sure if it was nerves or lust. I wanted to climb him like a tree, but I also wanted to tell him to go to hell.
“See you soon.”
I looked down at the phone after he’d disconnected. “Apparently, he’s coming to get me.”
“Good. You’re welcome to come back, but I think you need to talk to him. And I hope you don’t come back, but only because that’d mean you were happy there.”
“Tell me more about the fights,” I said, needing the distraction.
“First, let me tell you about the fighters.”
It was only five minutes before Theo knocked at the door.
Julie cut off her description of Marc fighting and looked at me.
My eyes were wide, my stomach clenching as anger and confusion fought through my drunken daze.
“Remember,” she whispered, “make this decision based on what you want. What will make you happy. You don’t owe the world a single thing. Especially not the motherfuckers he puts in the ground. They don’t deserve your thoughts or consideration. They sure as hell don’t deserve you throwing away the kind of love and life Theo can offer you.”
I nodded, though her words did little to sort my head, only adding to the jumbled mess.
When the knock came again, Julie stood to open the door, and I held my breath.
It all whooshed out when I saw Theo.
“Your Highness,” he greeted with a small smile, his dimples deep. His lips may have been curved in a smile, but there was no humor or amusement in his eyes. The fire in them burned brighter than before, as if we’d been separated for years and not hours.
Removing the crown and boa I’d forgotten about, I stood.
He might be king of the mafia, but it’s my time to be a badass queen.
Chapter Twenty-One
Monster
Theo
Gone was the unmasked joy and open affection Dahlia had always greeted me with. In its place, I’d found wary apprehension when I’d picked her up from Julie’s.
Hesitation and sadness had slowed her every movement.
She’d remained silent in the car ride home, her head resting against the window.
As I opened the front door and disabled the alarm, Dahlia stood silently to the side. She tucked her hair behind her ear and fidgeted with her hoodie. It put me on edge, and I had no one to blame but myself.
“Would you leave?” she asked suddenly.
My brows lowered. “Now?”
“From your… business, I mean. Would you actually leave?”
I didn’t pause. “Yes.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
Her lips pursed to the side before she whispered, “Why?”
“Because I love you. I’m not going to say it’d be easy. All that, it’s in my blood. I was born and raised into it. From the time I learned about what my dad did, I knew I’d take over one day. Stepping aside and letting all the responsibility fall on someone else wouldn’t be easy.” I cupped her cheek, tilting her face up. “But it’d be worth it.”
Her eyes closed before she opened them again. This time, however, her spark was back. Flaring to life, she yanked herself away from me and put her hands on her hips. “So why lie? At first? Okay, I get that. But after we’d been together a while and were in love. Why not tell me then? At the very, very least, why didn’t you tell me before you turned yourself in?”
“Because I didn’t—”
“Want to lose me,” she finished. “So you’ve said. I just don’t get how prolonging the lies helped.”
Pushing my fingers through my hair, I shook my head. “Because I wanted to have time to talk to you about everything. Explain.”
“What? That you hurt people? Kill them?” She shook her head, reaching for the door.
And just like last time she threatened to leave, I lost it. Moving fast, I pressed her against the door with my body. Her lips parted, her eyes dilated, and she rubbed herself against me without even seeming to realize it.
“Fuck, Dahlia,” I cursed, my voice tight and pained, “you make it sound like I’m a fucking monster.”
“Maybe you are!” she snapped, her face twisting in anguish. “I don’t know you! You lie, and you hurt, and you manipulate. That’s not my Theo.”
“It fucking is!” I shot back. My palms landed on the door, and I leaned down closer to her. “I may not have flat out told you, but can you honestly say you never noticed anything?”
She opened her mouth before closing it.
“That’s what I thought,” I muttered, earning a glare.
“Noticing you could be a little intense and intimidating is a hell of a lot different than knowing you hurt people.”
“For fucks sake, Dahlia, that’s not all I do!”
“But it’s pretty damn important!” she shouted back, throwing her arms out.
We stared at each other for a moment. I breathed deep, trying to calm myself. Dahlia’s breathing was fast, too, her chest rubbing against mine as it rose and fell.
Relax. This is your fucking fault to begin with, and being a dick will just freak her out more.
I took a step back, then another. Before I could force the tension in my body to release, Dahlia threw herself at me. I braced, expecting her to scream, kick, or even slap me. What I hadn’t expected was for her to pull my mouth down to hers as she tried to climb me.
Literally.
When I gripped her ass and lifted, she wrapped her legs around my waist. Her hands went into my hair, fisting and pulling me how she wanted. She bit my lip, sucking it into her mouth before releasing it with a pop and moving to my neck.
“God, Theo,” she moaned, licking up my neck before biting my jaw. “I missed you. I’m so fucking mad right now, but I missed you so fucking much.”
She’d been drinking. When I’d gotten her from Julie’s, she’d been perched in a child’s chair with a crown and feathers on. Her kiss tasted like alcohol and her.
“Dahlia,” I said, my dick calling me an idiot as I attempted to set her down.
“Don’t.” She bit down on my jaw before licking to my ear. “I’m not stupid drunk. I know what I’m doing, and I want this. Need it. Please don’t stop.” Her teeth grazed my earlobe and my dick got its wish.
I took the steps two at a time, not slowing until we were in our room. When I reached the bed, she pushed off me and landed with a bounce. Using the momentum, she got onto her knees and tore her shirt and bra over her head. She pushed my track pants and boxers down, a small moan escaping her parted lips when my hard cock sprung forward.
“Shirt off,” she ordered, standing on the mattress and wiggling around to remove her pants and undies. Once they were off, she took over removing my shirt before dropping down onto her back.
I climbed between her legs, using my shoulders to push her thighs apart. I licked along her pussy, barely grazing her clit when she sat and reached forward to grip my forearms.
“Later,” she promised as she tugged. “I need you now.”
Opening my mouth to argue my case for taking it slow, her mouth covered mine and her tongue darted in. She twirled it, as if to coax mine into a dance. When I returned the motion, she sucked my tongue. Pulling me down to cover her, she raised her hips.
I thrust forward until my cock was all the way in. Her pussy clenched around me, her soft moan enough to make me come. Fighting against it, I moved slowly.
Dahlia had no interest in slow. Leaning up, she bit my jaw as she reached back to hold my ass. Her nails dug in as she rocked faster. “More, Theo.”
I could feel her frustration, anger, and her hurt. When she put her feet to the bed and pushed against me, I let her roll us so I was on my back. It t
ook grinding my teeth and clutching the sheet, but I held back from taking over.
Her rise and fall started slow and unsure. Becoming more comfortable, she arched her back and ground her clit against my pelvis. She cupped her tits, pulling roughly at her nipples.
With her eyes closed and a distant feeling between us, I wondered if she was keeping her mind blank and only using me to get off.
The idea pissed me the fuck off. Though that anger was directed at myself, it didn’t mean I was going to let her continue to fuck me as if I was just a means to an end. Like I could be any fucking dick in the world right then.
I gripped her hips tightly, preparing to slam her pussy down on me and remind her whose dick she was riding.
But I was wrong.
At my touch, her eyes flew open and I saw it all.
The pain.
The lust.
The love.
She knew exactly who she was fucking, and as she looked down at me, she made no effort to hide how much she loved it. Her eyes were hooded, the heat in them begging me for more.
My fingertips dug in as I moved her up and down my cock. Releasing one side enough to stretch my thumb over, I rubbed her clit until she was riding with the kind of reckless abandonment that happened when she was about to come.
“God, Theo, faster,” she ordered. Her thighs tensed, her pussy tightened, and her head dropped back. Her blonde hair swung back and forth. Her tits bounced. Her skin flushed.
She came with a moan and a smile, and it was the sexiest thing I’d seen in my life.
By far.
When she finished, I moved my hands from her hips so she could go slow. She continued with the same rigorous pace anyway, looking down at me. A wicked smile curved her lips right before she scratched her nails down my chest and abs. Reaching our connection, she pushed my hand to the side and stroked her clit. Her fingertips rubbed against my cock, making me groan.