by Croix, J. H.
Susie hit save on the report she’d been working on and closed her laptop. “I’ve been wondering the same thing. Have you talked to Emma today?”
“Did you forget she’s staying with us?” Hannah countered with a grin. “She’s as okay as she can be. I think. She’s all worried about Trey and keeps talking about how she should’ve known better than to get involved with him. Then Luke tells me Jared says Trey is head over heels for her, and it’s breaking his heart she won’t stay with him. I’m trying to let her figure it out.”
“I’ll talk to her. She’s being ridiculous,” Susie said flatly and then realized she’d said the opposite to Jared yesterday. Irritation with him flashed through her. It drove her crazy that he made her feel so contrary. The mere thought of him elicited the memory of their kiss the other day—delicious, intoxicating and maddening. Instantly, she flushed and went quiet.
After a long moment, Hannah’s voice broke into her thoughts. “You okay?”
Susie felt herself start to nod and then stopped. She absently tugged on a curl and bit her lip. She desperately wanted some advice on what to do about Jared, but she was conflicted because it meant admitting her friends had been right about her attraction to him. She groaned inwardly. She needed advice more than her pride at this point.
“Not really. This is going to come out of left field, but here goes. Jared’s driving me nuts. I don’t know what to do and you all were kind of right the other night that I might…” Susie paused to take a breath, felt her flush deepen and knew her face was bright red “…kind of notice him. The problem is he’s all wrong for me, and you know it as well as I do. Not to mention that somehow I’m still a virgin and if I wanted to just have a one night stand to get him out of system, it won’t work because he’ll be expecting me not to be a virgin and then it’ll be awkward and I don’t know what to do.”
The words tumbled out of her mouth so fast Susie couldn’t stop them. Hannah’s mouth opened and closed. Once Susie finished, she put her face in her hands and groaned.
“Well, all right then. This is obviously bothering you. I’m guessing you need someone to talk to,” Hannah said softly.
Susie nodded and lifted her face. Hannah’s eyes held no judgment, no teasing, just understanding. Susie burst into tears and nodded.
Hannah knew her well enough to stay quiet for a few minutes. After the initial burst of tears, Susie grabbed and tissue and blew her nose, finally getting the courage to look at Hannah again. Hannah gave her a small smile, her blue eyes warm.
Susie took a deep breath. “It has been on my mind. A lot has…”
“You mean more than you being totally into Jared and you forgot to mention you’re still a virgin? Not like you had to tell me, but once upon a time you would have,” Hannah said softly.
“It kind of happened by accident. Which makes it even more embarrassing,” she said with a sigh.
Hannah tilted her head. “What’s embarrassing about it?”
Susie shrugged. “I don’t know. Thirty-one seems kind of old to be a virgin. And for all the wrong reasons. I mean it’s not like I was saving myself, or anything. Just that the right person never came along and then…”
Susie shifted in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs, tugging on a curl, and closing her eyes for a moment. She wanted to tell Hannah about what happened in Anchorage, but she didn’t want it to become a ‘thing.’ But then she wondered if not telling anyone about it had made it more of a ‘thing’ than it needed to be. Since it was a secret, it seemed so much bigger. She thought about how she felt when Emma finally told them about her abusive ex-husband and how it had made her sad Emma had thought she needed to keep it a secret. Secrets were never a good thing. But Susie hated, oh how she hated, anything that made her feel vulnerable.
Glancing up, she saw the worry in Hannah’s eyes and knew if she didn’t explain, it would sit like a stone in her consciousness. A flash of irritation rose inside, that prickly feeling she got whenever she knew she needed to do something but didn’t really want to. If there was one thing Susie was good at, it was blurting things out, so that’s just what she did. “While you were gone after your parents died, I almost got date-raped. Some jerk I met at a bar in Anchorage put God-knows-what in my drink, and I woke up with him tearing my clothes off. Asshole was damn near close to raping me while I was unconscious!” Susie paused for a breath after the words flew out her mouth.
Hannah’s eyes widened and teared up. Susie plowed ahead. “Don’t worry, I stopped him, but it took a few kicks and scratches. Anyway, right about then, I’d been determined to find the guy to get the albatross of my virginity off my neck, but that pretty much put the brakes on it. It’s not like I meant to, just seems like I haven’t been interested in anyone, not even a little, since then…and now there’s this thing with Jared. Oh my God, I can’t believe I told you about Jared.” It occurred to her that she was more uncomfortable talking to Hannah about Jared than about almost getting raped. She supposed the upside to that was she obviously wasn’t too messed up over it. As for Jared, well that was another matter altogether.
Hannah sat quietly. Susie sighed. The relief she felt at telling Hannah everything was huge. She felt less irritable than she had in weeks.
Hannah eyed her for a long moment. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you when that happened. I had no idea…”
Susie shook her head. “It’s okay. You weren’t here—literally. You had a lot more going on after your parents died,” Susie replied quickly.
Hannah shook her head slowly. “Maybe I did, but it would have been okay for you to talk to me, to ask for help. I’m sorry you didn’t think you could.”
Susie felt restless even though she was relieved to have finally said something. What she couldn’t quite say out loud was she hated the feeling of helplessness that washed over her whenever she thought about what happened. And she knew she’d been lucky. Aside from being completely freaked out to wake up half out of it with Tim crawling all over her, she hadn’t been raped. But she still felt helpless because she couldn’t undo the sense of trust that had been wiped out of her in one fell swoop. She glanced out the window of her office, which faced Main Street. Behind the building across the street, Kachemak Bay glittered in the bright sun, the mountains tall and quiet in the distance on the far shore.
Hannah’s voice broke into her thoughts. “So if I get this right, some asshole slipped something in your drink, but you woke up in time to get him off of you?”
Susie nodded, tears tight in her throat.
“Is this why you haven’t dated anyone since I’ve been back? I’ve asked you a few times, but you’re pretty good at brushing me off.”
Susie thought for a moment, feeling compelled to try to explain better. “It’s not like I’m afraid every guy I meet is going to pull something like that, it’s just I kind of lost interest after that.”
“Except for Jared,” Hannah said with a quick grin before she sobered again. “Look, you don’t have to talk more about it, but maybe you should talk to someone about what happened. Emma could recommend someone for you.”
“I thought about it, but honestly I’m okay. I was totally freaked for a few days, but the worst part didn’t happen. I don’t have nightmares, I don’t think about it much. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m still a damn virgin, I probably wouldn’t even connect it to anything. It just happened at a bad time and then after that, no one else came along that I was interested in. And here I am now…”
Hannah was quiet for a moment. “Okay. I know as well as anyone that good friends can get you through anything. If you want to talk more…”
Susie interrupted her. “I know. I think what bothered me was I hadn’t told you about it. I’m relieved I have now. As for Jared, now I could use some advice there. I can’t believe I’m saying this,” she said with a sigh, dropping her face in her hands. When she looked up, she knew her cheeks were flaming. “Why, oh why, does he have to be the first guy in too long
to make me notice him?” she asked, throwing her hands in the air.
Hannah chuckled. “Because that’s how it works. We don’t get to pick the ones who are convenient and easy. Plus, I happen to think you and Jared might make a good couple.”
Susie’s mouth fell open. “You have got to be kidding.”
Hannah shook her head. “I’m not. Seriously Susie. You’re both smart as hell. You’ve said it yourself—Jared needs to loosen up. He won’t do that with some woman who’s all nicey nice. You don’t need some guy who’s going to cower the minute you get in his face. Jared won’t. Even if you bitch about him, you’re friends. You respect him and he respects you. And admit it, you think he’s handsome as hell,” she finished with a grin.
If possible, Susie blushed even harder, but she’d already fessed up about Jared so she didn’t shy away. She shrugged sheepishly. “I’d have to be blind not to notice that. But as you’ve pointed out many times, the whole damn family is good looking,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Have you and the girls been gossiping about this?”
Hannah laughed. “The most we’ve ever said about it was the other night at Sally’s with you right there. We’re not blind either. It’s plain as day you can’t keep your eyes off Jared, and his eyes are glued to you when you’re around.”
Susie’s head whipped up. “They are?”
Hannah’s threw her head back, laughing harder now. “Oh yes! He may not be ready to admit it, but he’s into you too.”
Susie considered telling Hannah about the two kisses she’d shared with Jared, but she wasn’t quite ready. “Even if he’s into me, he’s all about not having a relationship, so it doesn’t really matter. I’m telling you, if I wasn’t a virgin, I’d go straight to his house tonight and have an amazing one-night stand.”
Hannah gave her a hard look. “For starters, why are you so determined it could only be a one night stand? And if that’s really all you want, who cares if you’re a virgin?”
Though Susie loved Hannah, sometimes she hated how fast Hannah zeroed in on the questions she’d rather not answer. So, she glared at her.
Hannah threw her hands up. “What? Those are obvious questions.”
Susie wrinkled her nose. “Because even though you seem to think Jared and I could be a couple, I don’t think it would work. He drives me insane. Insane. So if I could just get this little attraction thing out of the way, it will go away. And I don’t want him to wonder why I’m a virgin. It’s an accident, but he’ll probably read all kinds of things into it, and I don’t even want to go there. So let’s just forget about it. I’m sure this…” she paused and waved her hands “…thing will go away. It has to. I see him all the time, and it’s not like I can avoid him.”
Hannah lifted her eyebrows, her gaze skeptical. “Well, we agree on one thing. You can’t avoid him. As for the rest, I’m not so sure. You’re the one who always insists on being honest, so that’s all you’re going to get from me. How much will you bet on this?”
“Bet on what?” Susie said, her annoyance with Hannah growing by the second.
“That ‘this little attraction’ isn’t going away anytime soon,” Hannah said with a wide grin.
Susie grabbed a pen from her desk and threw it at Hannah. “No betting. Now I finally told you about it, that should do the trick. It’ll be gone tomorrow.”
Hannah’s grin stuck as she stood up. Susie could hardly stand it for Hannah to be so confident about Susie and Jared that she wanted to bet on it. She swallowed her annoyance and shook her head at Hannah.
“We’ll see. Anyway, I’ll call you if I hear any news about Emma and you do the same. K?” Hannah asked.
Susie stood and came around her desk, following Hannah to the door. “Of course.”
Hannah turned before she opened the door, her grin gone. “I know you said you’re fine, but if you need to talk again, I’m here.”
Susie nodded. “I know you are.”
Hannah reached over and tugged her into a swift hug before turning to go. Susie watched her drive away before turning to stare at her desk. She couldn’t get it out of her head that Hannah thought she and Jared would make a good couple. Since everything that had anything to do with Jared annoyed the hell out of her, this did too. Susie swore and grabbed her purse, stomping out of her office. She had no destination in mind, but she couldn’t focus on numbers right now. Not when all she could think about was the way Jared felt against her body, all coiled tension and hard muscles.
Chapter 6
“Hey Jared, toss me a towel,” Luke called out to him.
Jared grabbed the towel from the back of his chair and swiveled to toss it in Luke’s direction.
Luke wiped his face and threw the towel on a nearby bench. He’d just finished helping a customer bring in a king salmon, which had put up quite a fight. They were out on a guided fishing trip with a group of staff from a tech company. The tech company in question had arranged several trips as some sort of morale building activity for their teams. Jared wasn’t so sure what he thought about the idea since some of the staff were clearly not too thrilled about fishing.
Jared held the steering wheel loosely in his hands. They’d anchored to fish for a bit earlier and then put trolling lines out for the ride back to the harbor. The day was gorgeous – the sky clear and bright with a soft breeze. The sun struck sparks off the water. The mountains looked lush with the deep green spruce forests coating their flanks. A gull called as it flew by.
“Hey, take a look over there,” Nathan said.
Jared turned, his eyes following Nathan’s point to a pod of orcas curling across the top of the water in the distance. They were more commonly known as killer whales in most areas, but in Alaska, they were referred to as orcas and were revered among local Alaskan Native tribes. There were a few oohs and ahs among the group. Nathan went into tourist guide mode, explaining there were known resident pods of orcas that frequented the coastal waters in Southcentral Alaska. No matter how many times he saw them, Jared found orcas amazing. They tended to swim in unison, so the entire pod undulated in rhythm across the surface, a flash of black and white followed by the cut of their fin through the water.
As he turned away, he caught the gaze of one of the women in the group. She’d flirted with him off and on all day, accidentally brushing against him, making ridiculous comments about his fishing skills and so on. Normally, Jared would be happy to enjoy a night or two with a tourist. His preference for keeping boundaries clear in relationships, namely that there wouldn’t be a relationship, was much easier if the other person didn’t even live in town. The woman in question was beautiful—long blond hair, blue eyes and willowy figure. Yet he didn’t even feel the slightest attraction to her. Objectively speaking, he could appreciate her. He tried to conjure some interest, but his brain instantly summoned Susie whose luscious curves filled his mind the second he thought of her. His thoughts took his body right back to the other afternoon when he’d kissed her again. What Susie did to his body made him almost lose his mind. Just the thought of her, here now while he was driving a boat filled with people in the middle of the ocean, made his heart race, his breath become shallow and his cock hard.
Jared took a quick gulp of air and forcefully shook his head. He could not get a hard-on right now. He glanced over his shoulder. “Hey Luke, you mind driving for a bit?”
Luke looked up from where he was seated on a bench, untangling some fishing line and putting away hooks and other gear. “Nope, not at all.” He had a puzzled look on his face, but he quickly got up and came to take the wheel. Jared knew Luke wondered why he was asking since Jared almost always drove, but he wasn’t up for explaining. He just needed something to do with his hands to get his mind off of Susie.
Jared immediately picked up what Luke had been doing, relieved at how maddening the tangled lines were. Being forced to pay attention to the minutiae provided a respite from thoughts of Susie, and he managed to get his body under control.
***
Jared walked down the dock toward the parking lot, the last to leave the boat today. Luke and Nathan had helped the group get their fish ready to be taken over to the Fish Factory for flash freezing and shipping. Jared had stayed behind to tidy up the boat and make sure it was moored properly. It was late afternoon, the sun beginning to arc down from its peak in the sky. A salty breeze blew across the harbor. He paused at the top of the dock to look out beyond the harbor into the bay. He still wondered if he’d ever tire of the view and was fairly certain he wouldn’t.
He and his brothers had relocated their commercial fishing business up here from Seattle after a few salmon runs when they’d collectively fallen in love with the area. They’d grown up in Seattle and inherited their father’s love of fishing. Diamond Creek had the hustle and bustle of tourist season tempered with peace and quiet in the winter. Jared savored living on the edge of wild. He’d always loved the outdoors. Growing up, he’d thought he would take over his father’s aerospace engineering business. Though he started the college track to head in that direction, his father had taken him fishing one afternoon and bluntly told him he didn’t want Jared thinking he expected him to take over the business. His father, Matthew, was a relentlessly hard-worker and the success of his business was a source of pride for him.
Matthew and Iris, his mother, were college sweethearts. While Iris supported Matthew in everything he did, she was a schoolteacher and valiantly believed children should try to follow their dreams. Matthew believed the same. He’d given Jared a long, hard look. “You don’t love engineering. You’ll do it because you think you should. Because you’re a good boy like that, always were. Don’t. If there’s one thing I worry about with you, it’s that you take life a tad too seriously. If you don’t do something you love, I’m worried you’ll get even more serious. Maybe you don’t know it yet, but I take one look at you and I know what you should do. It has to be something to do with the ocean. Anytime we’re out on the water, I know you’re where you need to be. So stop thinking I want you to take over my business. I already have a plan to sell it when the time’s right.”