by Croix, J. H.
“I know. I might sound pissed, but I can’t help it,” she said with a sigh.
Tess waved to Nathan when he turned back in their direction. “Well, you’d better get your game face on because here they come.” She threw Susie a sympathetic glance. “If it helps, he’s as miserable as you, according to Nathan.”
Susie’s heart lifted the tiniest bit at that. Nathan leaned over to plant a lingering kiss on Tess’s lips when he reached their table. He stood and grinned when he finished. “Hi ladies.”
Susie experienced a pang of envy witnessing Nathan’s unabashed adoration of Tess. Jared arrived at the table a few steps behind Nathan. He leaned against the side of the booth, his hands tucked into his jeans. His eyes were bracketed with weary lines, his hair rumpled from the wind. He was polite, yet distant. His eyes passed over her. She wanted to grab him and force him to see her. She wanted to sit by him, rub his shoulders and ease his weariness. Her heart pounded, her stomach was in knots, and she felt hot and flustered.
Their friends carried on a normal conversation while she and Jared watched from the sidelines. The tension between them was obvious, but Susie didn’t know what to do about it. She wanted to run her hands through his curls and kiss his sculpted lips. She wanted to feel the caress of his green eyes when he watched her the way he did. Instead, the distance yawned between them. Nathan cracked jokes, teased Tess and filled the space created by their tension.
Susie caught Emma’s sympathetic glance and wanted to cry. She quickly stood and excused herself. She had to brush past Jared to get by. The heat from his body was a magnet for hers. It was all she could do to keep moving. She walked briskly to the restrooms, which were situated down a hall at the back of the restaurant. She splashed water on her face and took a long look in the mirror. Her curls were a mess, but they usually were. Her face was paler than usual, her eyes looked tired. She sighed and leaned against the sink for a long moment, marshaling her composure.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, Jared was leaning against the wall in the hallway. He looked up—vulnerability flashed in the depths of his eyes. His kept his eyes trained on her. Her pulse raced, her belly fluttered and anxiety arced through her.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“Hey.”
“I was hoping we could talk.”
Susie didn’t want to talk just now. She wanted to burrow against his hard body. But she nodded, unable to form words.
“I, uh, I’ve been thinking about some of the things you said the other day…” he paused when someone walked by. Once they exited through a door at the end of the hallway, he ran a hand through his hair. “Look, this isn’t the best place to talk. I just wanted a chance to say I was listening to you. This whole…” he gestured between them “…relationship thing is more than I bargained for and I’m not too good at it.”
Her heart leapt, practically hammering its way out of her chest. She opened her mouth to reply, only to fall silent when a cluster of drunken tourists came down the hall. Two women stumbled into the bathroom while another waited outside. She glanced up at Jared, relieved to see his deep green eyes looking back at her, sparks of heat circling in their depths.
“I heard you might need a ride home,” he said gruffly.
Susie nodded. She couldn’t seem to form words to reply. After a long moment, Jared pushed away from the wall, his eyes shuttering. “I only wanted a chance to talk. I guess that’s too much to ask,” he said, his eyes hurt.
Her voice finally kicked into gear. “No! Don’t go. I just…couldn’t seem to talk.” She glanced to the woman who was leaning against the wall. She didn’t appear to be paying attention, but nonetheless. “Let’s go,” Susie said, tucking her hand in Jared’s arm and tugging him down the hallway. She made a beeline for the booth to grab her purse. Nathan had taken her seat and started to get up. “You stay. Jared’s giving me a ride home,” Susie said firmly. Hannah, Emma and Tess grinned in unison while Nathan didn’t seem the least bit surprised.
“So do I get your dinner?” Nathan asked with a chuckle.
“Sure. I got the salmon burger with fries.”
Nathan winked as they turned to leave.
***
Hours later, there had been very little conversation. Susie fell back against the pillows on Jared’s bed and rolled her head to the side. He lay beside her, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his pulse beating visibly in his neck. His skin was damp. Her eyes traveled down his body, glorying at his muscled chest and abdomen. He lifted a hand and stroked along the curve of her hip and down her thigh. Her breath slowed, and the delicious exhaustion she had come to associate with Jared stole through her body. Her eyes fell closed.
Sometime later, she felt the covers being tucked around her. The lamp was switched off, and Jared curled behind her. His breath quickly evened into the slow breath of sleep. She was facing the windows that looked out over Kachemak Bay. The moon was a curved sliver resting just above the mountain range. The late sunset of the summer night left its mark with deep red, gold and orange fading into the inky sky. The colors shimmered in the rippled water. She’d known this view for so long, it was etched in her memory. Yet, she never tired of it. It comforted her in its quiet presence. She tumbled into sleep, lulled by the comfort of Jared’s warmth around her.
She woke before Jared and took advantage of the moment to observe him. He slept with abandon, so unlike how he was in his waking hours. One arm was flung above his head, the other resting on his abdomen. Her eyes traveled down the planes of his body, and she couldn’t help but lean over and nudge the sheet off his body. It slipped away, and she gave in to the temptation to stroke her hand down his chest, across his abdomen and over his cock, which lay innocently against his thigh. The slightest caress from her, and it came to life. She enjoyed the velvety feel of the skin, sliding her fingers slowly up and down in a soft glove.
Jared moaned and shifted his hips, his pelvis arching into her hand subtly. He’d yet to awaken. She stealthily straddled his legs before leaning over to take him in her mouth. His hardness filled her mouth. She took her time, savoring his sleepy state. He often took control during their lovemaking. Not that she minded one bit, but in this state, she could take charge before he realized it was happening.
She knew the moment he came awake when his hands laced into her curls.
“Susie…Dear God…feels so…good…”
Susie picked up her tempo, sucking and stroking, clasping him in a wet grip. Jared arched deeply again, a guttural groan following. “Let me...” he said, starting to shift up.
She pushed him back down. “No,” she said firmly, enjoying a moment to boss him.
He chuckled before groaning again when she took him fully into her mouth, the head of his cock pressing into the top of her throat. In moments, his hips flexed reflexively, and he came into her mouth. She sat up and grinned, pleased for making him lose control for once. Jared’s eyes opened, his green gaze still sleepy, but bright.
“Good morning,” she said with a wide smile.
He laughed and tugged her against him. After a quick kiss, he dragged her into the shower.
Chapter 17
Once again, Susie found herself tumbling back to where she’d been with Jared. She couldn’t stay away from him. Though he’d said he heard her concerns, they still hadn’t really talked and in a few short days, they had already shifted into the same pattern. They stayed mostly at her place. Oh, Jared tolerated her stopping by, but he was tense unless they were skin to skin. She kept trying to find a time to talk, but something always interrupted. If she was honest with herself, it was easier not to talk. Today, she’d spent the day fishing with her friends and couldn’t keep Jared off the hamster wheel in her mind.
“Hey!” Susie exclaimed when an eagle swooped right in front of her and snatched the salmon she’d taken off the hook and set by the cooler.
She stood and watched the eagle lift in the air, her salmon firmly in its talons. Tess was walki
ng toward her on the beach, a salmon in hand. “You just gave him lunch,” she said with a grin.
Susie’s eyes tracked the eagle as it flew a short ways down the beach away from the cluster of people fishing and immediately started tearing into the salmon. She sighed and peeled her gloves off. An errant curl blew loose from her ponytail across her forehead. “That was supposed to go in my freezer. Oh well,” she said with a shrug.
“It’s not like we haven’t caught plenty today,” Tess said as she reached the cooler by Susie. She flipped it open and tossed the salmon safely inside.
Susie promptly sat on the cooler. “Oh yeah, we did. Are you about done? I’m getting tired.”
Tess nodded and sat down on another cooler. Her honey curls blew wild in the wind coming off the bay. They’d come to one of their favorite beaches this morning to fish for silver salmon. Hannah and Emma were still standing in the water’s edge. The beach was less busy with tourists since it took a short hike down a steep cliff to reach the water. It was within view of Otter Cove Harbor, nestled between two cliff sides where a stream ran down the middle feeding into the ocean.
Susie leaned back on her hands, watching the boats coming in from the bay into the harbor. She thought she could see Jared and his brothers, but she wasn’t sure. Sun sparked on the water. “Is that The One that Didn’t Get Away?” Susie asked Tess, referencing the name of the brothers’ guiding business and its boat.
Tess shaded her eyes, following Susie’s gaze. “I think so. They should be due in soon.” Tess grinned at Susie. “So how are things with Jared? Nathan gave him all kinds of grief yesterday when he stopped by to pick up some gear. He’s happy for you two, but he can’t let it go that Jared swore for years he’d never have another relationship.”
Susie’s heart fluttered. “What did Jared have to say?” she asked, striving to keep her tone casual. Her romantic side, the side that pushed her to nag her friends until they fell head over heels and found their happily-ever-after, was impatient and skittish. Jared pretty much held her heart in his hands, and yet…Susie didn’t know if he was ready to take the next step or not. Perhaps you should try to talk to him? You know this isn’t all on him, you’re avoiding too. She almost rolled her eyes at herself.
“Jared took his lumps from Nathan. He’s been pretty open that if it wasn’t for you, he’d still be swearing up and down that he’d never be in a relationship,” Tess said.
After a long pause, Tess cast a knowing glance Susie’s way. “You’re worried about something. What’s up?”
Susie sighed and bit her lip. “That obvious, huh?”
Tess grinned. “Susie, you’re always obvious. Which, by the way, is one of the best things about you. You’re so straightforward.”
Susie rolled her eyes. “I suppose there are some benefits.”
Tess tilted her head, her eyes expectant.
Susie took a breath and blurted out what was on her mind. “I don’t know what’s next with Jared. Things are…really good.” She paused, a blush flaming her cheeks. “You know I’m a romantic…”
Tess burst out laughing. “How could I not? If I hadn’t seen the light about Nathan, I’m pretty sure you’d have come to North Carolina and dragged me to him yourself!” Her eyes softened as she looked at Susie. “Not so easy on this side, is it?” she asked softly.
Susie shook her head. “He doesn’t say anything about what’s next. I feel like I can’t say anything because it’s such a big deal for him to be in any relationship. Expecting more might scare him off.”
Tess came and sat beside her, sliding an arm over Susie’s shoulders for a hug. “You’ve gone from bossing the rest of us around to realizing how terrifying it can be when it’s your own foot in the shoe,” Tess said with a chuckle.
Susie butted her shoulder against Tess’s. “Fine. I suppose it’s funny. How about a suggestion for me here?”
“The way I see it, you have two options. Boss Jared around like you do everyone else. Or wait and see. If you want my opinion, I think Jared’s completely in love with you, and it might do you some good to wait and see for once in your life.”
Hannah and Emma arrived to hear the tail end of Tess’s comment. Hannah chimed in. “You want Susie to wait and see? Let’s place bets on that!”
Emma merely laughed. Susie threw a wet glove at Hannah. “Only if I can bet too. I’ll make sure I win!”
“What are you trying to wait for?” Emma asked.
Susie groaned while Tess laughed. “To see what might happen next with Jared,’ Tess replied.
Emma, the quietest of the group, nodded and smiled, but left it alone. Hannah put her hands on her hips and tilted her head. “It only stands to reason after you had your say about all of us that you’d find it’s not so simple when it’s you.”
Susie blushed, but held her chin high. “I only stuck my nose in your love lives because I cared. I never thought it was easy.”
“Right. Let me know how long you can wait,” Hannah said with a sly grin. “Did that eagle fly off with one of our fish?”
***
Later that afternoon, Susie walked into the kitchen at her parents’ house. Faye stood by the counter, methodically chopping rhubarb. She set her knife down and wiped her hands when she saw Susie.
“Hey there, didn’t know you were stopping by. Coffee?”
“I meant to call on my way over, but I dropped my phone in the car,” Susie replied with a grin. “Yes to coffee.”
Susie sat down at the round kitchen table, her eyes immediately traveling to the view outside the window. The sun slipped in and out of view today, clouds floated across the sky, casting shadows on the mountains. Faye set a cup of coffee in front of her and sat down.
They sat quietly for a few minutes before Faye spoke. “So, Jared?”
A blush flamed up Susie’s neck and face. She bit her lip and grinned. “Figured you’d hear something by now.”
Faye grinned. “Oh, I heard something a few weeks ago. Care to fill me in on the details?”
Susie shrugged. “We’re seeing each other.”
“Hannah seems think there’s a bit more to it than that.”
“Oh my God, Mom! You’re pumping Hannah for information?”
Faye nodded emphatically. “I have no shame when it comes to my only daughter. Once I heard a few rumors and saw your car over at Jared’s place…”
Susie cut her off. “You drove by to see if I was there? Mom!”
Faye shook her head, her curls swinging as she laughed. “Did you forget June lives on the same road?”
June was an old friend of her mother’s. Susie sighed. “Oh, right.”
“So I asked Hannah about it. Don’t get on Hannah’s case. You know I babysit for her whenever she needs it. I cornered her when she stopped by to pick John up the other day. So what changed your mind?”
“About?”
Faye rolled her eyes. “About seeing anyone.”
Susie thought about last night—about how she felt exploding in Jared’s arms and curling up against him later when she fell asleep, about how what used to annoy her with him mostly made her laugh now, and about how she still wasn’t sure where they stood. The last thought danced in the shadows of her mind. Faye cleared her throat.
Susie shrugged. “Well, I don’t know if I consciously changed my mind. This thing with Jared just…happened.”
“Hannah thinks you two are in love,” Faye said bluntly.
Her blush, which had finally faded, came roaring back. Her face aflame, Susie shifted in her seat and took a sip of coffee. When she glanced her mother’s way, she gave up. “I don’t know how I feel, Mom,” she said, a tinge of defiance in her words, annoyance at her mother and Hannah flaring.
Faye chuckled, her eyes warm. “You never did like anyone thinking you might be vulnerable. If I read the situation right…”
“What are you reading tea leaves now?”
Faye rolled her eyes and gave a slight shake of
her head. “Never mind. Maybe you should stop worrying so much about guarding your heart and relax and enjoy it.”
Susie took a sip of coffee and chewed her lip. She thought about when her dating life had come to a screeching halt, how vulnerability seemed too high a price to pay, and how impossible it had become to deny what Jared meant to her. “I’ll work on that,” she said simply.
Faye gave her a long look. “There are never any guarantees, honey. The best you can hope for is you happen to fall in love with someone who loves you too and who’s going to try. That’s it. We all screw up. Lord knows, your father and I have been together going on thirty years now and we still have our moments. I’m happier than I want to admit that you’ve let down your guard at all. Plus, Jared’s damn easy on the eyes,” she said with a grin.
Conversation shifted to lighter matters. Susie left a while later with a bag of fresh rhubarb in hand. She immediately called Hannah. “Did you tell my mom what I told you about?”
“She asked me about Jared, and I answered. I wasn’t aware it was a secret,” Hannah replied indignantly.
“I didn’t mean that, I meant what I told you about before Jared and I even got together.” Susie’s mind had been spinning with worry that Hannah mentioned anything about what happened in Anchorage, the start to her not-dating life. Her mother’s comment about her letting down her guard had her on alert.
“No! Susie, I wouldn’t do that,” Hannah said, her voice exuding hurt.
Susie bit her lip, instantly chagrined.
“Why would you think that?” Hannah asked.
Susie sighed. “I don’t know. Mom said some stuff about me letting my guard down, and I got paranoid. It’s fine you talked to her about Jared and me. I’d rather she got her gossip from you than someone else.”
Hannah mumbled something.
“What did you say?”
“Oh, just trying to get John back in his car seat. Can I call you back?”
“Sure. I’ll be at Jared’s later on,” she said before hanging up.