I didn’t know what to say. Here I had thought of myself as some desperate girl, needing Tatum, but his eyes had done the same romantic journey through me too.
“I don’t know what to say right now,” I said. “I’m not used to the after-the-night stuff.”
“Aw, is this your first sleepover?” Tatum teased. “You’re growing up.”
“Stop it.”
“Come on, tell me who the guy is.”
I closed my eyes, ready to mutter his name. I’d thought it a lot, probably at least once a day, but to actually say his name...
“Derreck,” I whispered and shuddered with fear.
“Derreck,” Tatum said. “Sounds like an asshole already.”
“Because of his name?” I asked.
“No. Because you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I nodded and swallowed, feeling a rush of emotions hit me that I thought were long gone. I couldn’t believe I could feel this way, with Tatum naked in bed with me. Something so right mixing with something so wrong.
Fuck.
“It’s okay,” Tatum said. “If it’s that bad...”
“No. I mean, yeah, it’s really that bad, but you want to know. I want to tell.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Hold me tighter,” I whispered. I put my head against Tatum’s chest.
The next tear that fell hit his chest. I didn’t care. He asked for this. I figured if I told him everything and he left, at least I got it all off my chest. Maybe then I could move on, survive, and actually start enjoying myself because, face it, sex was great. Sex with Tatum was explosive and body aching, but I did enjoy sex. Without worry, guilt, and regret.
Tatum’s grip on me was fierce, exactly what I wanted. His left hand buried itself in my hair, playing with a gentleness that made me think of sex... I thought of him doing the same thing except pulling at my hair.
What the hell was wrong with me?
His other hand started to move up and down my back, soothing me, relaxing me, leaving the bedroom completely silent until I decided to talk.
“He was literally everything I had,” I said. “He came into my life right at what I thought was the perfect time. My mother married her boyfriend, which should have been a good thing, but her boyfriend didn’t want me around. He didn’t want a daughter, he wanted a wife. And he wasn’t afraid to tell me that or remind me of that. My mother married him and justified the way he treated me by actually telling me that in a few years I’d be on my own and it would be unfair for her to be alone because of me?”
I sighed a whimpering sigh. Sometimes I really hated feelings.
“Mother of the year,” Tatum whispered. “I had one of those too.”
“I never met my father so I had nobody to turn to except my best friend, Annie. But the summer all this happened, she went away with her mother to Florida for the entire summer. It was right after her mother caught her father cheating and things were a mess. They needed to get away and it was the only thing that saved Annie’s mother from leaving for good. That would have probably killed me. But during all that I met Derreck. He had a motorcycle and bright blue eyes. The perfect mix of innocence and bad boy. There was something about him that made me believe he could save me.”
“Did he save you?” Tatum asked.
I listened to Tatum’s heartbeat. Staying calm, for now, because I knew that wouldn’t last for much longer.
“He saved me in the sense of taking me away from myself.”
“What does that mean?”
“First, it was just my own little obsession. To be near him. With him. Then he slowly turned the tables and forced me to obsess over him. He made me promise on our first date that we’d wait three months to have sex. I was a virgin and it sounded so sweet... but he was serious.”
Promise me, Maggie. I can take anything but I can’t take a broken promise. To me, a broken bone is easier to deal with than a broken promise.
“... When two months came, he forced me to have sex with him.”
“He raped you?” Tatum growled.
“No, not quite. He didn’t hold me down. He just... I don’t know... mentally beat me up I guess. Everything was about the promise we made. But that was the first of many promises I had to make. When I finally got sick of it, I broke a promise. I promised to help him steal money from our high school and when I backed out, he tried, got caught, and got expelled. I thought that would be it with him, but he kept coming around. He forced me to keep being his girlfriend and since I broke a promise I was punished.”
“Punished? What does that mean?”
I started to shake.
He shuts the door. He locks it. My body cringes. Usually when he locks the door, that means we’re going to fuck. He sometimes fucks with kindness, seeking pleasure. Most of the time it’s out of anger. He wants to take his frustrations out... and he does it on me, or actually, in me.
Today is different.
“You fucked me over,” he says in a smooth voice.
“I told you I couldn’t do that,” I say. “That money was for charity...”
“You promised,” he says. “You broke your promise.”
“You can get into another school,” I say. “You know tha...”
The last ‘t’ is slapped from my mouth. I hear the crack and see spit flying out of my mouth before I feel the pain. I feel the pain before my mind registers what just happened.
Derreck... hit me.
I touch my jaw.
It’s sore.
So sore.
I look at Derreck and his hand is coming at me again.
I shouldn’t have broken my promise.
“I shouldn’t have broken my promise,” I whispered.
Tatum squeezed me tighter as more tears fell from my eyes. The erotic moment with Tatum had been destroyed now. I wasn’t sure if romance existed then. It was now tragedy hour... while naked.
“I’m so sorry, Maggie,” Tatum said. “If I was there...”
“You weren’t,” I said. “And I can’t go back.”
“How many times?”
“Enough times,” I said. “I didn’t keep track. But it only happened when we were alone.”
“That’s why you hate being alone,” Tatum said. “I understand.”
“And Derreck was afraid of other guys,” I said. “As weird as that sounds. He would get awkward if it wasn’t his group of guys.”
“Makes sense. My mom’s boyfriends used to smack her around too. Those are the guys who are nothing but giant pussies. I beat the shit out of one of my mother’s boyfriends once. I made him cry like a little baby. Thankfully I did it when I was seventeen... kept me out of jail.”
“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up,” I said. “That’s why I’m not used to this next morning stuff. I just like the company until everything is chased out of me. Then I come home, sleep it all off, and do it again. And again. And again.”
Tatum rolled towards me then on top of me. “No more of that. No more chasing shit away, Maggie. I’m here now.”
“Tatum... that’s not fair to you. You have a life. We’re just fooling around right now. Aren’t we?”
“Are we?” Tatum asked. “The way my heart’s racing right now, it’s more than fooling around.”
“We don’t know each other.”
“Yeah we do. You know what I do. I know what you do.”
“What do I do then?”
“Me,” Tatum said and smiled.
I bit my lip and slowly opened my legs. I felt Tatum touch me. He was hard again. I swallowed and nodded, wanting him. He touched my face and for the first time in my life I understood what it felt like to make love.
Fucking was hotter but making love started to pull the pieces of my heart back together again.
~10~
I stood shoulder to shoulder with Scarlett. We watched DownCrash play a show and I felt like I was someone special in the jam packed college bar. Every table was full, the bar flooded with people, the floo
r dangerously full. And yet, in the midst of that, Scarlett and I were able to stand in a special spot, near all the sound equipment because we were with the band.
Watching Tatum play and sing did something to me. I knew my eyes had to be glistening much like Scarlett’s did when I watched her stare at Tripp. I totally understood it all now. What it meant. How it felt to know that the person on stage would come home to you. While all the girls in the crowd screamed and wanted their own rockstar fantasy to come to life, I knew mine would. My fantasy would step from the stage, a sweaty mess, grab me, and carry me away.
And that’s just what Tatum did.
Scarlett was a little more skittish around Tripp after a show, unsure about the feeling of his sweat pouring all over her. It seemed odd to me that she would act like that, but it didn’t matter to me. Tatum tossed his drumsticks into the crowd and came to me. His eyes were dead set on mine and he lifted me for an after show kiss. He pulled me tight and I felt the sweat transferring from him to me. All that did was make me think of sex. I licked his lip ring at any chance I could get and we were then treated to free food and drinks.
All because I was with the band.
People didn’t care about who I used to be. They cared about who I was right then. Maggie the party girl, the slut, was suddenly Maggie the really pretty girl who gets to sleep with Tatum. It worked for me because out of all the false things that had been said about me, finally something held true.
I got to sleep with Tatum.
After the show we went back to the garage and I got to watch the boys of DownCrash set up their equipment. It amazed me that they were so dedicated to their music and their lives to do such work. People thought the band just showed up and played but there was much more to it. Tatum had to take apart his entire drum kit, pack it up in the band’s trailer, then haul it to a show to be set up. Then he had to take it apart, bring it back to the garage, and set it up again.
Over and over.
Night after night.
Show after show.
But that was their life, their dedication, their way of reaching out to the world in a greater way.
Scarlett moved out and while I promised her I would be okay, there was a part of me that ached every time I walked into the apartment. It was my apartment now, but I could not open the door to Scarlett’s old bedroom because it would crush me. Those were the nights when I needed Tatum, so I would send a quick text and he would be there. There to hold me, there to love me, and there to protect me.
I knew I was falling for him, but I wasn’t sure how far I had fallen. When I was in his strong grip, the world felt safe and right.
“We have a show tomorrow night,” Tatum said as we sat on my couch, watching television.
“You always have a show,” I said, kissing his neck.
“No, this one is kind of a big deal for us.”
“Really? Why?”
“It’s a big show. We’re opening for a band on tour.”
“No way. They’re coming here?”
Tatum shook his head. “No. We have to be in Springsford.”
“Springsford? That’s...”
“Five hours away. We’re going to road trip it and sleep in our cars.”
I saw the way Tatum’s face lit up with excitement. Playing our college and the surrounding towns had turned DownCrash into the hottest local band. They were treated well, got paid a ton of money to play the bars and clubs, but I could also sense something bigger waiting for the band. They were too good. They deserved something bigger.
“That’s awesome,” I said.
“Yeah. A friend of Logan’s knows somebody. There’s going to be a management team there. We might have a chance at something here.”
“You deserve it,” I said.
“Come with me. With the band.”
“On the road like that? I can’t. I have classes...”
“Fuck them,” Tatum said.
I bit my lip. I swallowed. I hated being pressured. Being cornered. I stared into Tatum’s eyes and knew what it all meant to him.
“Is Scarlett going?” I asked.
“You two don’t talk much anymore, do you?”
I rolled my eyes, trying to avoid the topic. “She’s busy. I’m busy.”
“You don’t live together anymore,” Tatum said. “So that glue is gone, huh?”
“I guess you could look at it that way.”
“Well, Scarlett actually went home for a week. Her great aunt passed away. She has to go to the viewing and funeral. The timing works since she and Tripp can’t go a second without each other.”
“Oh yeah, I sort of forgot about that...”
I talked to Scarlett on the phone the day before for a few minutes. Girlie chit-chat stuff. I wanted to get together with her but she didn’t have time, or maybe she didn’t want to. I don’t know. But she told me that her great aunt died. She said the woman was filthy rich and hoped she had an organized will. It amazed me too that she would take time away from Tripp.
But that meant I’d be the only girl with the band then...
“I can’t do that to the band,” I said. “I don’t want to get in the way.”
“You’re not in the way,” Tatum said.
“Plus, my friend Annie might be coming in for a night.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. She was my best friend from high school. She’s the only other person who really knows about... you know...”
Tatum nodded and his lip curled. He looked ready to hurt someone.
“I don’t want you alone,” Tatum said. “We’ll skip the show.”
“Like hell you will,” I said. “I’m definitely going to tell Annie to come. And if not, no big deal. It’s one night. You’re the one who told me I need to be alone, right? To relax. To enjoy myself.”
I smiled and winked.
Tatum pushed himself at me. His right hand slipped between my legs and he growled at me. “You better not touch yourself while I’m gone.”
“You better take good care of me before you leave then...”
Tatum looked up and I followed his stare. He made sure the curtains were shut in the living room. He looked over his shoulder, making sure the door to the apartment was locked.
When he looked back at me, his eyes were filled with lust and bad intentions.
He kissed me with a passion I never experienced in a kiss before. I gripped the back of his head, holding him in place. We made out for what felt like hours, our heads turning side to side, our tongues battling for space, me biting his lip and lip ring, him nibbling on my lips in return. When the kiss finally broke, we stared at each other, out of breath. His lips were raw red.
“Fuck,” he said.
“That’s what you do to me,” I said.
“Yeah, well watch what I’m going to do to you.”
His hands were at the bottom of my shirt, lifting it just above my belly button. He gripped and shifted down the couch. I let out a moan, my mind racing at the possibilities of Tatum’s wild urges.
He kissed me just above my belly button. The tip of his tongue circled around my belly button and then he was moving down. My pants stopped him, but only for a second. His left hand pulled at my pants, opening them with what little space he could manage. I felt the tips of his fingers touching my panties and I thrust at him. Tatum put his head to my stomach and his tongue tickled down into my pants, reaching all the smooth skin he could reach.
I touched his head and moaned.
“Tatum... please...”
His other hand came to my pants and he unbuttoned them. Tatum wasn’t in the mood to speed things up though. He slid my pants down just above my knees and stopped. He held my legs in place.
“What are you doing?” I asked, feeling desperate.
“Making sure you’re well taken care of before I have to go,” he said.
I opened my mouth, wanting to say something smart, witty, sexual, but I froze when I saw Tatum’s lips touch my leg. He kissed up my le
g, to the line of my panties. With his nose, he teased me and played with my panties. He moved between my legs, to my sweet center, kissed me once over my panties, then repeated the same process down my other leg. It was torture, but I loved every second of it.
I needed it.
When he kissed down to where my pants were, he opened his hands and backed away.
“Kick your pants off.”
I moved my legs one at time, working my pants down. I couldn’t help but groan each time I did, knowing that Tatum watched my body moving. With a thong on, there really wasn’t too much I could hide. I was so warm and wet that when I finally got my pants off, I opened my legs, ready for him.
Tatum went back to work, touching the inside of my legs, rushing up with speed. His thumbs rubbed over my panties. The second he touched me, I cried out and pumped at him, losing to my instinctive needs. His thumbs moved side by side, up and down, not missing a spot of my slit. I wanted my panties to be off right then but I wasn’t in control of this. My job was just to feel the pleasure and never forget it. When he started moving his thumbs in opposite directions - one up, one down - I grabbed for the couch cushions, bracing myself.
Then one of his thumbs pulled at the side of my panties. He finally touched my bare, wet skin. He made small circles for a few seconds and then cut between my body and didn’t stop moving until he touched my sensitive clit. He touched and I jumped, aching for more. My body remained in some kind of pleasure filled shock. Tatum enjoyed every second of this and he pressed harder, moving left to right, forcing my body to thrust at him. His finger was then gone as fast as it appeared, leaving me lingering, moaning, and watching for the next move.
Tatum took hold of the side of my panties and pulled. This time, he took my panties off by himself. No requests. No commands. That didn’t shock me as much as the look in his eyes. It was ravenous, the kind that made all my nerves tingle as Tatum placed his hands back to my legs. He moved the same way as before only his hands and fingers weren’t seeking to touch me or please. Instead, his hands moved to the inside of my thighs and pushed my legs open, holding them there. As he lowered himself I knew what was going to happen. All I could focus on was his lip ring, waiting for it to touch me.
Torn to Pieces (The Boys of DownCrash #2) (new adult contemporary romance / rockstar romance) Page 8