I looked at Derreck as he took his plate to the kitchen, dropping it into the sink. I checked the back of my shirt. It was ruined. I wasn’t going to bother trying to get the red sauce stain out of it.
“You better get changed before we go out,” Derreck said. “Looks like you got your period or something.”
I shook my head. He was such an idiot.
“Where are we going tonight?” I asked.
“Good question,” Derreck said. “You know, being in town, I haven’t done anything fun yet. I got settled with you, found a job, and I think tonight I’ll celebrate that. And what better way than to go where everyone else is going...”
He smiled and I knew what he wanted to do.
“... we’re going to see your buddies... what are they called again? DownCrash?”
~17~
It should have been a fun night. Scarlett was there, next to the stage, and when she saw me, she waved, saw Derreck, and decided not to come near me. I couldn’t say I blamed her for not coming near us, but I wanted to at least get a chance to tell her that however things looked right then it had nothing to do with her moving out of the apartment.
Derreck took me to the bar where he stood for a few seconds, eyeing a spot. Two women sat next to each other, the one on the right leaning a little bit towards the other. I saw Derreck make his move - not before checking both women out, I wondered if I was good enough for him which, in turn, made me angrily at myself for caring what Derreck thought of me. He weaseled his way next to the woman, elbowing her as she lifted her drink.
“Fuck,” she said and looked at Derreck.
Derreck had his -ready-to-strike eyes going. “Fuck? Is that how you talk?”
“Fuck you. You spilled my drink.”
“No, I bumped you, which I apologize for. This is spilling it...”
I grabbed his right wrist, but he used his left hand. He smacked the woman’s drink from her hand, letting it spill and fall to the floor, the glass cracking. The woman look shocked and ready to cry.
“Come on, let’s find a new spot,” her friend said as she pulled at the woman.
They both stood and walked away, the woman staring at Derreck. I knew that face. That look of utter disbelief that a human could be so mean and be such an asshole for no reason what so ever.
“There, now we have seats,” Derreck said.
I sat down and as the bartender walked by, Derreck reached out and grabbed her arm. She turned, ready to throw a drink at Derreck, but caught herself, remembering everyone was a paying customer.
“I need a towel,” Derreck said. “Someone spilled a drink here.”
“Sure thing,” the woman said.
The bartender served the drinks in her hand and gave Derreck a towel. When he handed it back, he smiled at her with that flirty smile and batted his perfect blue eyes. The bartender looked at me, waiting for a reaction, but I was too numb. All I could think about was Tatum. Knowing he was in the same building. Backstage, probably getting ready, tapping his drumsticks against a table or a wall, thinking about the setlist. Or maybe he was thinking about me.
I blushed, feeling a little cocky, but then I felt Derreck’s eyes upon me.
“When do these guys play?”
“Little while,” I said.
Derreck rolled his eyes. “You probably have it all memorized, don’t you? Know where they play, when they go on, what songs...”
I shrugged my shoulders and didn’t respond. I’d be setting myself up then.
We drank two beers and Derreck gazed upon the packed restaurant and bar. I couldn’t be sure what he was looking at and I honestly didn’t want to know. Calling me his girlfriend made me wonder if our promise of no cheating was back in place, but I feared asking that would only make me look like I was going to cheat on Derreck.
“Do you have work tomorrow?” I asked, hoping to strike up some kind of conversation with Derreck. I figured if I was going to be stuck with him, tonight and forever, I might as well try to be civil with him.
“Yeah, I do. Why? Should I have cameras installed in the apartment?”
I shook my head. “No. I have work too.”
“Same place I bet.”
“Well, yeah. I manage it. They want me to buy...”
“That’s nice,” Derreck said, ending the conversation.
The lights on the stage came on, testing different colors. This caused some of the crowd to cheer, ready for another DownCrash show. I should have been ready. I should have been excited. I should have been backstage. With Tatum. With Scarlett. With Tripp and Logan, too. I should have been... there. In the moment. In the surge of the storm that DownCrash created.
The lights in the bar and restaurant dimmed and finally turned off.
It was time.
My heart raced, like it always did for a show. When the three figures took the stage, my heart pounded. My mouth went instantly dry and I saw Tatum’s silhouette behind the kit.
I hadn’t seen him since he left the parking lot of the apartment.
“What’s... going... on?” Tripp yelled into the mic.
The crowd responded with a fury of screams.
I didn’t scream.
I wasn’t sure if there would be punishment if I screamed.
DownCrash started their first song. The lights came on and I saw him. I saw Tatum. Playing behind the kit. His drumsticks hitting the drums and cymbals. His lips touching the mic as he sang during the first chorus.
He was beautiful.
He was hot.
He was sexy.
And he’d never be mine...
My heart switched from racing to aching. Then again, it had been aching since the second I opened the door to my apartment and Derreck stood there.
The band in their normal fury of rock n’ roll, commanded the stage, the bar, and the restaurant with ease. When Tripp spoke, everyone listened and cheered. When Tatum kicked at the drums, either a part of the song or in line with what Tripp was saying.
During a quick lull, Derreck leaned towards me and said, “These guys suck. How could you like them?”
Of all the things I wanted to say, I held them back, my eyes on the stage. My eyes, more importantly, stuck on Tatum. He played like normal, which actually hurt me. Why? Because somewhere in my mind, the hopeless romantic wanted Tatum to be aching for me. To be dying for me. I wanted him to look like hell, miss some beats, and eventually quit everything in his life until I became part of it again.
But that’s not how life worked, at least not how it worked for me. I wasn’t ever part of something so romantic and never would be. The closest I got to romance was when Derreck cooked or said something nice, but even then those moments were cut short because he would flip his switch and go off the wall shortly after.
“Hey, how ‘bout we slow things down?” Tripp asked. “We’re going to do something a little different and fun here.”
My interest was sparked. I loved different and fun. With DownCrash, everything seemed different and fun. Not that I would know. I had my chance to be with Tatum. To go to the practices. To be in the garage where the band practiced. To go to that show with them.
The regret pained me.
Tripp turned and nodded.
Tatum stood from the drums and more than a handful of women in the crowd began cheering and whistling.
“You like Tatum?” Tripp yelled into the mic.
More people cheered.
“You know, he doesn’t even have a single tattoo...”
Tatum pointed his middle finger at Tripp. Tripp laughed. Tatum took an acoustic guitar from off stage. He put the guitar strap over his head as he walked towards Tripp. I noticed Logan doing the same.
They were going to play acoustic. Three guys and three acoustic guitars.
My heart melted... so did my panties. It was the first time I had been turned on since Derreck showed up. It felt good but it also felt wrong. I hated the idea that out of everybody in the place, Derreck would be the one who was
able to enjoy it.
“No tattoos,” Tripp said, “but... he does have a piercing... or two...”
The crowd kicked up again and Tatum shook his head. His tongue flicked at his lip ring, to emphasize that only one piercing was visible.
I smiled, knowing where the other one was.
I wondered how many women in the crowd knew too, but I liked to pretend that I was the only one who knew. Let it be my little, dirty secret.
The three members of DownCrash all stood, holding acoustic guitars. They plucked a few strings, strummed a few chords, and Tripp finally said, “Can we get a few damn stools here?”
The crowd laughed and a man rushed three stools on stage.
They sat and readied themselves to play.
“Okay. Let’s do this,” Tripp said. “This song is called...”
Derreck leaned towards me, his hand on top of mine, squeezing extra hard. “Where’s the other piercing?”
I didn’t hear the name of the song and I didn’t hear the first few chords being played for that song. I saw the band playing, mostly focused on Tatum and how sexy he was. Derreck’s question paralyzed me because this became one of those moments where I would be wrong no matter what I did.
If I ignored Derreck, I was wrong.
If I answered the question, I was wrong.
The song continued and Derreck wasn’t going to let this go.
“Do you really want to make a fucking scene right now?” he growled in my ear. “I’ll stop this damn show right now.”
I swallowed and shook my head.
His hand squeezed mine again, even harder.
It hurt.
“Tell me where the other piercing is,” he said.
His voice was so cold, so mean. It was the voice he could make that made me know for sure that he could hurt someone. Not just with words or idle threats, but with his actions. Maybe not even his bare hands, but the actions forced through his evil mind.
“Derreck, please,” I said to him.
“Please nothing,” he said. “You have one more chance.”
The song moved into an explosive chorus, all three guys singing at once. I could pick out Tatum’s voice with ease. It made me feel okay until my eyes met Derreck’s.
“Fine,” I said. “His nipple is pierced too, okay?”
“His nipple?” Derreck asked. “Are you fucking kidding me? His nipple?”
The chorus ended and the song slowed back down to the intro riffs. Logan and Tatum strummed and Tripp took the lead riff. Then Logan began to pluck the chords with Tatum strumming. I hated that some of my attention was off the song.
“Is that it?” Derreck asked.
“Yes.”
“He doesn’t have his dick pierced or something?”
Again, it was a losing question to answer. I shook my head.
“You promise?”
“I promise,” I said.
I turned but Derreck still hadn’t let my hand go. When I saw him stand, my heart sank. I thought for a second Derreck was going to storm the stage and do something stupid. But I knew better. Derreck was intense, but I doubted he’d put himself in that kind of position. He pulled at me, looking over his shoulder with a terrible smile. The smile of heartbreaking intention.
I stood and followed, Derreck taking me into the crowd. I wanted to pull back, break away, and run. I couldn’t face things like this. Derreck wanted to get close to the stage. He wanted to torture Tatum in any way possible. Derreck bumped his way through the crowd, hitting people, apologizing, telling people that I was the biggest DownCrash fan in the world. Anything to get people out of his way without confrontation. I couldn’t believe that people bought into it and just moved out of the way. Maybe they saw my face, thinking the pale, shocked look was because of the band. When we reached the front of the crowd, Derreck pulled me in front of him. His hands were then all over my body, holding me, rocking me, acting as though he actually cared about the song.
He didn’t.
He cared about what was going to happen.
As the band sang and played, it took Tatum a minute to finally look around and then down. When our eyes met, his mouth remained open but he didn’t sing anymore. I heard the difference in the song, but I wasn’t sure if the crowd noticed or cared. He continued to play guitar as though it was second nature. Our eyes burned at each other. I could feel the connection, still alive and well. I swallowed and my eyes glazed over. All I needed to do was give some kind of signal and I was certain Tatum would have dove off the stage to protect me.
Before I could do anything, Derreck put his lips to my cheek. He started to kiss me, over and over, working to my neck and then finally to my ear.
“This is fucking killing him,” Derreck whispered. “Fucking killing him.”
I looked at Tatum as I moved my shoulder, trying to shoo Derreck away. But how did it actually look? It could have been some kind of cute gesture. His lips were back at my cheek as DownCrash continued to play.
The song came to an end and the crowd applauded. That included Derreck, who put his hands up and started to whistle. My eyes were locked to Tatum’s. I wanted to mouth something to him, but there was too much to say. He stood and lifted the acoustic over his head. He stood for a few seconds, looking at me. He looked destroyed.
I felt the same.
He closed his eyes as he started to turn and that’s when it hit me, what I could’ve mouthed to him.
The truth.
The only truth I really knew right then.
I love you, Tatum.
I was in love with Tatum from DownCrash.
I suddenly found a shot of energy. I pictured myself taking the stage and jumping into his strong sweaty arms. He could take me away from all of it. Derreck wouldn’t do a thing to Tatum... no way. I had to believe it.
My toes curled and I licked my lips, planning my escape.
I could do this.
I could leave Derreck.
I could shatter all of his fucking promises.
I watched Tatum walk to the side of the stage and someone handed him an acoustic guitar. I was going to wait until he turned to make my move. So he knew I was coming and he could react. As my heart started to fill with life again, I watched a tall, skinny girl walk up to Tatum, holding a pair of drumsticks. She had long, straight hair and the face of an angel. A small, pointed nose, thin lips, and skin that looked like porcelain. She handed Tatum the drumsticks and then kissed his cheek.
My mouth fell open in shock.
Tatum smiled and turned to walk away. That was my moment, right there. But it was stolen when the girl smacked Tatum’s ass, playfully, with the hint of something else there.
I saw the look in the girl’s eyes as Tatum walked to his drum kit.
It was the same look I gave Tatum.
Derreck’s hands suddenly felt like handcuffs on my body.
Holding me forever.
Taking everything away.
Tatum sat at the drums and looked at me.
I loved him, but the eyes staring back at me... they didn’t look the same.
Tatum had moved on, just like I told him to do.
~18~
The show ended in explosive fashion, with Tripp running across the stage, playing the same riff over and over with Logan holding his bass in the air and Tatum standing over the drums but not missing a beat. They played and played for hours, letting the last of their energy drain, letting the crowd scream their lungs out until it all came to a screeching stop.
The silence that followed was intense and Tripp put his mouth to the mic.
“Thanks,” he whispered and smiled.
That was it.
The show was over.
The crowd cheered and began to leave, some going for the bar for another drink, some going for the tables, hoping to grab a bite to eat. Many went for the front door, leaving to continue their night. I stood watching the stage, doing my best to see the band after they left the stage, but it was too late, they were gone
.
I should have been backstage.
On the side of the stage the entire show.
I should have been handing Tatum his drumsticks and kissing him.
The thought of Tatum with another girl crushed my heart. The pieces were already shattered over and over, but with Tatum moving on, backstage with another girl, probably kissing her, probably fucking her, it turned the pieces of my heart into ashes.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Derreck said.
He pulled at my waist and used me to push forward again with the crowd. I put my elbows up, crashing into person after person, hitting them, knocking them away. I faced tons of pissed off faces, apologizing over and over, hoping nobody would smack me in the face for being rude.
“Hey, asshole!” a voice cried out.
I looked left and saw a big, burly looking guy with a thick beard and dark eyes coming towards Derreck. I smiled, hoping it was someone to knock the shit out of Derreck. But I couldn’t get that lucky. The man pushed through the crowd the same way Derreck and I did. Someone said something to the guy and he stopped, grabbing a handful of the other guy’s shirt and went nose to nose for a second. The big guy looked like a bull ready to trample someone. He let the other guy go a second later then came over to Derreck.
“You son of a bitch,” he bellowed at Derreck and grabbed his shoulder. “I was wondering if you were coming out tonight.”
“Yeah, I decided,” Derreck said. “Took the woman out for the concert. She loves the band.”
“Those fucking pussies?” The big guy waved his hands at the stage. “Strum some notes and get pussy all night, right?”
“If it works,” Derreck said.
“Fuck that.”
“What’s up? What are you doing now?”
Torn to Pieces (The Boys of DownCrash #2) (new adult contemporary romance / rockstar romance) Page 12