by Nadia Lee
Pleasure builds, and I clutch the sheet underneath me, but a small kernel of dread sits in my belly. I wonder if he’s going to use his hand again, and if he’s going to let me touch him…or suck him off.
Surely, a blowjob isn’t totally out of the question. Maybe the doctor forgot to mention it. Or maybe he was too shy. Maybe the people of St. Cecilia are modest and don’t talk about sex very frankly.
But instead of pushing his fingers inside me, he spreads me wide with his hands until I’m totally exposed to his gaze. The cool evening breeze brushes my wetness, and I swallow, feeling vulnerable and at his mercy.
“Look how pretty you are, Liza,” he murmurs. “All pink, wet and quivering for me. I can stare at your pussy for hours…days.”
“Dominic…”
He brings his head closer and inhales. “And you smell amazing. Musk, vanilla, lavender… I swear I get a hard-on just smelling vanilla and lavender, but the musk between your legs? A-fucking-mazing.”
I tremble, wild longing coursing through my veins.
“And your taste… Fuck.”
He runs the flat of his tongue along my slit, from the pussy to the clit, in one slow, deliberate lick. I cry out, my pelvis rocking toward him.
“Delicious. So responsive, too.”
“Dominic.”
“I’m going to eat you out until I have my fill.”
And he does exactly that, his hot mouth closing over my clit. His hands pin my thighs in that luridly split position, but I don’t care as white-hot streaks of pleasure spread through me like wildfire.
He eats me like I’m the tastiest ice cream cone, licking, lapping up, sucking. He knows even more of my sensitive spots, exactly what kind of touch makes me wetter, how much pressure I need.
Honey-thick bliss courses through me, and my hands twist in the cool sheet. Sweat mists over my skin, and I pant fast.
He uses his fingers too—driving into me in that familiar rhythm that never fails to push me over the edge.
“Let me hear you come, Liza.”
He pulls my clit into his mouth and sucks hard. My back arches almost to breaking, the friction of his fingers in my pussy and the suction of his mouth on my clit bringing on a scorching, blinding orgasm.
My mind is blank, except for the ecstasy. I scream so loud I swear people on the mainland can hear.
“Dominic,” I whisper, reaching out for him when my breath settles, but he merely spoons me.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” His erection pulses behind me.
“But—”
“I’m fine. More than fine. I loved it.” He presses a kiss on the base of my neck. “If I could stay between your legs forever, I’d die a happy man. Spiritual, too.”
I snort a laugh. “Happy I understand, but spiritual?”
“Hey, making and watching you come is a highly spiritual experience. Don’t knock it.”
“Mmm… But what about my spiritual life?”
“What about it? The orgasm not quite taking you there?”
I twist and squirm until we’re facing. “I want you to come inside me too. I want to—”
“Soon.” He puts a finger over my lips. “It’ll happen soon.”
He says it with such conviction that I decide that maybe he’s almost there. I’ll definitely suck him off as soon as possible. He’ll love that…
A sound teases at my mind, and I scowl, then slowly open my eyes. It’s still dark, but I can hear something other than the usual waves. I glance around and note Dominic’s side of the bed is cool and empty. The unfamiliar noise is coming from the bathroom…
Not unfamiliar, I tell myself, noticing that the door to the bathroom’s not quite shut all the way. That’s how I can hear the shower spray.
I check the bedside clock. It’s three in the morning. What is Dominic doing, washing this early?
Shrugging into a robe at the foot of the bed, I pad to the bathroom to see if everything’s all right. I hear a small groan, and my heart picks up. Is he in pain?
I hurry, then push at the door. It opens, the well-oiled hinges quiet.
Dominic’s in the glass shower stall. He’s facing the windows, away from me. The lean muscles in his back bunch as the water sluices down his body. His broad shoulders move up and down rapidly, his ribcage expanding and contracting in synch with his shoulders.
I start to take a step toward him, then stop when I spot his cock hard and throbbing between his legs, balls hanging heavy. The cock head almost touches his six-pack, and the veins in the shaft visibly pulse.
He grips his erection in one rough hand, his knuckles whitening as he tightens his hold. His thumb moves over the tip of his head and the small flap of skin where his cock head meets the shaft. He throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut and teeth clenched hard. Placing a hand on the glass partition, he pumps his cock hard in his fist, ass clenched and forearm flexing.
My mouth dries. I’ve never seen a man masturbate, and it’s an incredible sight—dirty, erotic and primal. But at the same time, I realize there’s nothing wrong with him at all. So why couldn’t he have sex with me all this time?
A low groan tears from his throat. White jets of semen shoot from the tip of his penis. I press a hand over my mouth to muffle a gasp. Dominic doesn’t turn around, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t hear me over the spray, which washes away his ejaculate.
Quietly I retreat, one clumsy step at a time. Thoughts swirl in my head. Even though I feel like I should say something, I don’t know what.
Hey, I saw you jerk off.
Why are you denying us if there’s nothing wrong with you?
Nothing sounds right.
After tossing the robe back on the foot of the bed, I crawl between the sheets, lie on my side and stare into the darkness. I keep seeing those ropey jets hitting the tile wall…the corded muscles in his neck…the bunched jaw…the flush in his cheeks.
He’d rather have his hand than my body. I feel dirtier and more unwanted than a used sanitary napkin. All the pleasure he’s given me seems so…wrong. And selfish, like maybe I did or said something to force him when he didn’t really want to.
Why didn’t he say something?
I’m not such a nympho that I can’t control my sexual desire. If I had to, I could’ve given myself an orgasm.
Dominic carefully slips under the covers next to me. Should I tell him I’m awake? That I saw everything? And then what? Argue? Fight?
It isn’t like you’re totally innocent in all this.
No, I’m not. I know what I’ve done, but I can’t pretend I’m okay with what I just learned.
My eyes burning, I wait until he falls asleep…which doesn’t take long. He just had an orgasm.
But I can’t go back to sleep. I’ve just been handed a huge bombshell.
Slowly I get up, put on the robe and go to the studio. I didn’t put the blinds down earlier, so the full moon in the sky fills the room with silvery light.
I make my way around the canvas toward my portrait. I can’t make out any details beyond the hazy shape of a girl on the canvas, but that’s okay. I don’t need the light.
I sit under the portrait, my back against the wall. I draw my legs to my chest, then hug my knees, making myself as small as possible. There’s a faint whiff of thinner in the air, and I close my eyes, propping my chin on my knees. The sound of waves surrounds me, and I let my mind drift.
Time stretches. I sit in the same position until my butt’s numb from the hard floor. Finally, I shift, stretching my legs out and leaning back until my skull touches the wall.
“Ah… Grandpa. I messed it up. What should I do now?”
Chapter Twenty
Elizabeth
What should I do now?
The question hangs in the studio, but no answer comes. Grandpa’s portrait doesn’t have the power to act as a conduit between us.
Still, I sit under the portrait because it’s the only way I can be as close to him as possible.
&nb
sp; “Where did I go wrong? I definitely made a wrong turn somewhere, didn’t I? Road trips are so much better. I can always go back to the beginning and start over. With life…it’s impossible.”
I inhale softly. I can almost imagine I’m smelling the turpentine from Grandpa’s studio in Tuscany.
“You know Tolyan? No? Oh, right. He’s sort of new in my life. He used to work for Grandma Shirley. You remember her? I don’t think you approved of her much. She didn’t like you either. Said you made me too soft and wild. Actually, her exact words were ‘uncontrolled and undisciplined.’ Control and discipline are very important.”
Gauzy clouds slowly cross the sky, muting the moonlight.
“Tolyan switched his loyalty because I helped him find his son and bring him to the States. He didn’t even know he had one. His girlfriend abandoned the poor boy in an orphanage. Shirley didn’t care about his ‘personal life.’ But I also know he could switch sides again if somebody gives him something he didn’t even know he wanted.
“Anyway, he told me he could make me disappear. I didn’t ask exactly what he meant, but I’m pretty sure he would’ve faked my death or something, because he also promised to move my money to some secret account that only I could access, so I could live happily wherever I wanted. The only catch was that I had to be alone, cut off from everyone. Can’t exactly show up in front of my brothers or cousins if I’m dead. Tolyan thought I’d be happier that way. And maybe he’s right…because what I’m trying here? It isn’t working.”
I raise a hand and run it against the bottom of the frame. It feels cool and smooth against my skin. I leave my hand up, so I can stay more connected.
“I thought Dominic would be happy if I gave him the portrait. It’s what matters most to me—it always will be one of the things that mean the most—and he has it. He could do whatever he wanted with it—keep it, sell it, burn it.” My voice cracks with pain at the idea of him burning it, but that’s why I gave it to him. “I thought I’d be free if he could just let go of his anger… No more pain. No more regret.”
I pause, then drop the hand from the frame, suddenly feeling unworthy. I fold my hands in my lap, ladylike, as Grandma Shirley taught me.
“Do you think Dominic came to St. Cecilia to celebrate? Or do you think it was something else?” I dare not say it might’ve been for me, because that’s preposterous. At the same time… “I was so disoriented when I opened my eyes in the hospital. Do you know he stared at me like he truly cared about me? I haven’t seen that look on his face for a decade.” My eyes prickle, the skin around them growing hot with tears. “I thought I was hallucinating. I had to ask who he was to make sure I wasn’t with someone who merely looked like Dominic. Stranger things have happened. I knew something was definitely wrong when people told me he was my fiancé, but I didn’t care. It was so nice to have him be nice to me. So I played along…pretended like I didn’t remember anything because then…maybe he wouldn’t hate me anymore. How could he hate someone who just had a concussion and couldn’t even remember her name?
“Being alone with a Dominic who doesn’t hate me on a private island would’ve been dream come true, much better than what Tolyan offered. I didn’t have to be alone, and I could be so, so happy…at least until I have to return to the States.”
Then what’s the problem? a soft voice that sounds awfully like Grandpa’s asks me.
“It isn’t going the way I imagined. Dominic still has contempt and disgust for me, maybe even worse than in Hawaii. He won’t touch me at all. He continuously rejects what I’m offering. He’d rather…take care of himself than be with me. I mean…that says all, doesn’t it?”
I exhale roughly, my gaze focusing on a spot somewhere beyond the night clouds.
“If we’re both just going to be miserable, I should miraculously recover my memory and go back to L.A. Tolyan’ll come for me. He can keep me safe.”
I lean over slowly until I’m lying on my side on the cool floor. Pulling my knees to my chest, I curl up.
“Sorry I’m not such a good company, Grandpa. But you are a perfect listener. Thank you for being there for me.”
What are you going to do now?
“Tomorrow, I’m going to tell Dominic I don’t have amnesia and leave,” I whisper into the darkness. “I should’ve known better than to dream such a foolish dream.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Elizabeth
When I open my eyes the next morning, I’m back in bed. I blink a few times. Did I dream everything? No. I couldn’t have.
Just like every other morning, Dominic isn’t in bed with me. I turn to see his side of the bed, then stop when I see a tropical flower lying there. It’s an arundina, probably from the drone shipments of fresh goods. I hold it to my nose, inhale its lovely fragrance. Dominic has never put a flower on a bed for me before, and the gesture touches me in ways I can’t articulate. Maybe he can sense our time is coming to an end, and this is a goodbye gift.
A hitch forms in my chest, and I wag a finger at myself mentally. I was planning to end it anyway.
No tears. No grief. Only dignity. That’s all that matters to a Pryce, comes Grandma Shirley’s cool voice.
I swing my legs over to the side and pad to the bathroom. Yup, what happened last night was no dream. My face bears the sign of poor sleep—the dark circles, the slight droop to the corners of my mouth.
Determined, I brush my teeth and shower. I blow-dry my hair and apply full waterproof makeup to cover up the signs of fatigue on my face. Then I practice a few smiles, until I find the one I like the best—friendly and warm, but not flirty. Dominic made his position clear on sex. I’m not going to bother him anymore.
How long does it take to arrange for transport to the mainland? If I fess up over breakfast, can he call for a helicopter or something to take me to the closest international airport today? I want to leave as quickly as possible. Anything else will only make me look pathetic, and him suffer for no reason.
I put on my favorite pink dress and beach sandals and join him on the first floor. He smiles, his straight white teeth bright, and leans over and give me a quick kiss—not on my forehead or one of my cheeks, but on my mouth. I don’t pull back, but I can’t help myself from growing stiff. He hasn’t initiated such contact since the first time where he fingered me to an orgasm outside. It’s always me who kissed him, coaxed and cajoled him.
“Good morning,” he says. “I heard you stirring upstairs, but I didn’t know you were going to dress up like this. Now I feel underdressed.” He gestures at his blue T-shirt and shorts. He hasn’t bothered with shoes. “I’m going to fry up some extra bacon. Want some with your bagel and cream cheese?”
I nod, unable to speak. This easy, cheerful Dominic is exactly the Dominic I fell in love with ten years ago.
He gives me a plate with a perfectly toasted bagel and cream cheese, then starts on a huge batch of bacon. It smells amazing, and when he’s finished, I take a couple of strips, while he munches on a mountain of them.
“Take more if you want,” he says.
“I’ll see after I’m done with these.” Tell him everything and end it.
After breakfast, I decide. No reason to ruin our appetites.
After his third strip, he says casually, “Ever gone boogie boarding?”
“Excuse me?”
“You know…boogie board? You get on a short board and ride the surf.”
“I know what it is. Just surprised you asked. And no. I’ve never done it.” Grandma Shirley thought it was an undignified and pointless sport, and that was that. I was allowed to play tennis and polo.
“Wanna try? I have a couple of boards and rash guards.”
“Yours may be too big for me.”
“It’s actually Kristen’s. She left it here last time she was here.”
“Does she come here often?”
“About once a year if she has time. She’s usually busy with work.”
I smile softly. “Good for her. I pre
sume it’s exactly the kind of work she wants to do?”
Dominic leans closer, his gaze taking on an oddly soft look. “Yes. She has a guardian angel looking out for her, making sure she gets all the right opportunities and connections.”
“I’m glad. It couldn’t have—” I catch myself before I say too much.
He tilts his head. “You aren’t curious about who Kristen is?”
“What?”
“She could be my ex or…”
I laugh to cover up my nerves. “Come on. You aren’t that careless or foolish to bring up your ex or another woman, not like this.”
What are you doing? That’s the perfect opening to come clean. It isn’t too late. Just tell him.
But he’s smiling so brightly, and I just can’t… I don’t want the warmth in his eyes to transform into cold hatred.
“Anyway, boogie boarding? Say yes. It’ll be fun.”
It probably will. Surely I can humor him and do the boarding thing before I tell him everything. “Okay. Give me a minute to change.”
It won’t take that long to do a couple of runs, and as soon as we’re done I’ll tell him everything.
It’ll be over before noon.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Elizabeth
Boogie boarding doesn’t end after I manage to catch a couple of waves.
Dominic’s an excellent teacher. He’s patient and lets me take all the time I need to get a hang of it.
It’s surprisingly easy, especially with the gentle waves, and I relish the swift rush to shore. Every time the water carries me, I feel like all my worries are draining away, leaving me with a heady sense of freedom and lightness.
“Having fun?” Dominic asks with a grin, when I start laughing after riding a particularly big wave.
“Yes! This is awesome!”
“Glad you’re having a good time. Let’s get some snacks. I’m getting hungry.”
“Hungry? You ate all that bacon!”