by Auden Dar
I pour myself a glass of Sancerre, preparing myself for Patti’s gift. My best girlfriend is a bit crazy. The first year I lived in Santa Monica, she sent me a male stripper while Andrew’s parents were visiting us. Mrs. Nielsen almost had a heart attack when she opened the front door. A fireman forced his way into my bungalow, announcing he had to ‘put out the fire’ before stripping out of his uniform. Unaware of the others in the room, the fireman continued to dance and grind his almost naked body against my future mother-in-law as she watched with horror and delight. Another year, Patti took me to a ‘special club’ in downtown LA the day after my birthday only to find out it was a strip club. Reserving a VIP room, there were five insanely fit men dancing to “It’s Raining Men.” Instead of being turned on, we both laughed the entire time. It was so not Magic Mike. The men were definitely more interested in each other than they were with the female audience. It was the first and last time I went to a strip club.
And I can’t forget last year’s gift. Knowing Andrew was away for a conference, Patti ordered me an at-home masseur. It was an amazing two-hour session until Bjorn started to massage my inner thighs, trying to make his way up to my core. In his Scandinavian accent, he simply told me, “The massage gift includes a very happy ending.” Well, although Bjorn could easily have passed as Joel Kinnaman’s twin, I had to decline the gift. To this day, Patti scolds me for not taking advantage of a “real man.”
Patti is insane, and there’s no doubt that her gift is going to be a fun one. Umm … Naughty Nelle’s Toy Store via Amazon. I rip open the box and inside is … No way! Could it be? Wrapped in heavy duty plastic is the “Platinum Jack Rabbit Waterproof Multi-Functional Vibe 10 inch.” Right next to the Jack Rabbit is “The Original Magic Wand.” A smile so wide forms on my face; I had been thinking about purchasing both. I have never owned sex toys before, and both are intimidating. Patti had always reminded me that “Jack Rabbits” were the way to go when masturbating. I laugh out loud remembering her words, “Your fingers can tire, but JR, as long as he’s got batteries, he’ll keep you going.” As if her ears were burning, my phone rings with JLo’s “Ain’t Your Mama” playing loud and clear.
“Happy Birthday! Have you used your gifts already?” she asks while laughing at the same time. That infectious laughter incites me to join her as well.
Catching my breath, I say, “Patti, uh, not yet. I don’t know what to say. You never cease to amaze me. I’ve wanted these toys for the longest time but didn’t have the guts to buy one.”
“One of my favorite erotic romance authors just opened up an online store. I needed some new toys, and when Roger suggested I get you a toy for your birthday, how could I not? I know, I know, I’m fucking awesome.” She continues to laugh. “So I suggest that you get your little ass under the covers or no covers, take JR out or The Magic Wand and just explore. You know what, try JR first. There’s a box of lube there for you as well. You’ll experience more in five minutes with JR than what you have experienced with Andy in the past sixteen years! Do you have it in your hand right now?” I can hear her munching on her favorite snack, Ranch Doritos.
I hold my new toy in the air, quite shocked at its size. “Yes, it’s in my hand. It’s so intimidating. Why are there two tentacles?”
On the other line is the loudest laughter I have ever heard. It’s so loud that my ears are now ringing. It takes a few long minutes for Patti to calm down.
“Lina, Lina, Lina. Yes, for you that’s big because you’ve only been with Mr. Teeny Weeny.”
I correct her immediately. “Andrew was blessed in that department.”
“Well, that’s a shame. Too bad he rarely used it. Trust me, once you put that fine gift inside you, you’ll never ever want to go back to him no matter how big his dick is. And Lina, that’s a clit stimulator,” Patti says like she’s an instructor.
“Huh?” I wonder.
“Oh, my Gawd. You would think that you’ve never had anything touch your clit before. This will give you more pleasure than Needle dick’s tongue. Maybe you should start with The Magic Wand.” I stay quiet for a few seconds, and with sarcasm, she continues to ramble on. “Oh, I. Forgot. He. Doesn’t. Eat. Pussy. Why, Lina, please tell me why, why did you stay with him all those years? He doesn’t even eat pussy! What straight man doesn’t eat pussy????? And please tell me Roger was exaggerating when he said that you and Andy only had sex once a week and it was the same fucking time on the same fucking day?”
I don’t have an answer for her.
Yeah, Lina, why did you stay with a man who never wanted to try oral sex?
Because I loved him.
I still love him.
Patti hears the sadness in my sigh. “I’m sorry,” she offers. “Have you heard from him?”
“No, he’s busy.”
“You finally came to your senses and left, yet you’re still making excuses for him. It’s your fucking birthday. I have no doubt Andy loves you, but I have to tell you like it is. He’s not enough for you. It’s good you left before getting married and Oy vey, having to go through more years of unhappiness.”
“I … I wasn’t unhappy. Andrew and I … we were … we are … going through a rough patch.”
“Lina, Lina, Lina, you were fucking miserable. Anyone could see that. You’re in New York now. You’re home, and you’re single now! Single! Enjoy your newfound freedom. What are you going to do today?”
“Patti, the day is almost over. I just had a delicious lunch with Julian, an old childhood friend.”
She continues to chew in the background. “Excuse me, just munching on some Doritos. These are so fucking addicting. Roger mentioned you’ve been hanging out with your hot childhood friend. He must be hot since we both know Roger is frugal with that term. So is there a bit of romance with him?”
“Patti, I just left Andrew.”
“I know. Now answer my question.”
I twirl my hair, closing my eyes, and the image of Julian comes through. “Yeah, he’s definitely sexy, handsome, smart, and a bit quirky. But he’s also someone who I grew up with. And …”
And he gave me the most passionate kiss I’ve ever had.
“And? You need to get laid. Pronto. Like yesterday. Do you hear me?”
“I don’t think it’s more than friendship. Plus, it would be too weird.”
“Lina, two adults who happened to be friends can have a few hours of sex, and that’s it. Just have fun. Get fucked. It will be liberating!”
Am I overthinking too much? How is it that Patti makes things seem so uncomplicated?
A loud knock startles me. I think it’s time to get a doorbell. “Hold on; someone is at the door.”
With sincerity, Patti apologizes. “I’m sorry. You’re my best friend, and I just want you to be happy. And I want you to get laid. The Jack Rabbit and The Magic Wand are to help you until you find a real lover.”
She is such a thoughtful friend.
I open the front door, cradling the phone between my shoulder and ear. My guest's eyes widen, completely focused on the ten-inch purple vibrator in my hand. Julian’s plump lips curve into a mischievous grin that says you naughty girl. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a smile like his before, and the thunder in my heart begins to beat like an African drum.
“Patti, I … I have to go. Julian is here. Thank you for the gifts …”
Just before my gal pal hangs up, she says, “Wait! Didn’t you two have lunch earlier?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. My. Gawd! He’s back for dessert!” Patti’s voice just rose to a deafening pitch. She’s on a roll as her rambling continues. “Lina, I pray that he will fuck you all night. Do you hear me? All. Night.” She adds, “Okay, just kidding. Actually, nope not kidding at all. I’ll let you go. Have a great time with your friend and have an amazing time with JR and The Magic Wand tonight. Call me later tonight or tomorrow. I want to hear everything. Have an awesome birthday. I love you.”
“Love you, too.” I hang up, horr
ified at what he may have just heard.
The sexy man before me looks quite amused. Yes, he heard it all. I am still holding JR while I survey the room, trying to find a place to hide my new toy. Before I can make my escape, Julian quickly walks over, managing to take the thick vibrator from my hand.
“Is this yours?” he asks with the cutest smirk. His eyes dart back and forth between me and Patti’s thoughtful gift.
“Uh … uh … uh … yes. A birthday gift,” I respond, looking away embarrassed. Without having to check the mirror, I know my eyes have enlarged, and my cheeks have inflamed.
He inspects JR as he holds it with his left hand. Tilting my head slightly, I glance up, and his bright eyes meet mine. With a mischievous grin, he says, “The perfect gift.”
Reaching for the box on the table, I stare down, willing myself not to look at him again. Anxiety gets the best of me. Unable to control myself, I peek up. And there he goes, licking his lips before biting his bottom lip. I am incapable of speaking a word as I remember those delicious lips kissing me twenty-four hours ago.
Snapping me out of a quick reverie, he asks, “Have you used one before?”
Oh. My. God.
He did not just ask that question.
I’m even more embarrassed by the question than the actual dildo now.
“Julian, it’s none of your business,” I reply as I grab JR out of his hand, haphazardly throwing it in the Amazon box. Because I’m so nervous, I drop the box, and all the contents fall out. The big, thick Unforgettable Rabbit Dildo. The surprisingly heavy Original Magic Wand. A 16-ounce bottle of Passion Lube. The Panasonic Advanced Individual NiMH Battery Charger with four Eneloop AA batteries. And the enormous box of Trojan’s Studded BARESKIN condoms that can last me a lifetime.
Fuck. Me.
I become Speedy Lina, picking up the items in no time and place them all back in the box. Rather than set the box on my coffee table, I rush over to the closet and hide the gifts.
All this while Julian watches me in amusement, his loud laughter rivaling that of Patti’s. He is now sitting on my distressed brown leather sofa, shaking his head and trying to catch his breath.
What is he thinking? Has he ever used one on a woman before? When I play with JR tonight, there’s no doubt he will be the star of my fantasy.
My face flushes.
He’s changed his clothes and is now dressed in dark fitted jeans with a white collared shirt underneath a black cashmere V-neck sweater. Damn, he looks really, really good. Beside him is a lavender shopping bag from Bergdorf Goodman. Reaching inside the bag, he hands me a gift box.
“Julian, you didn’t need to get me a gift.”
Shaking his head, he continues to hold the box out. “Happy Birthday, Lina. I know it’s not going to be as exciting as the gifts your friend thoughtfully sent you.”
Did he have to remind me?
Casting my embarrassment aside, I say, “Really. The museum and lunch were more than enough.”
“Go ahead, darling.” He lets out another wicked smirk.
God, I love it when he calls me darling.
I open the box. Wrapped in white tissue paper is a gorgeous black Stella McCartney long-sleeve damask dress. Taking it out, the material is silky soft. I’m still struck awe by the dress when Julian hands over another box. My heart skips a beat because it’s in a white Jimmy Choo box. Ooh!
It’s the same pair of shoes I had wanted to purchase a few weeks ago.
“If you don’t mind, maybe you could wear the dress with the …” And before he can finish his sentence, I gasp. “These are so hot. I absolutely love them.” In a quick second, my feet are now wrapped in the sexy black suede peep toe shoes. Hot!
I’m wearing these babies tonight.
“I love the dress. I love the shoes. I would love to wear this gorgeous outfit tonight,” I say with a high-pitched voice. I stand, proud and tall in my new shoes. My generous friend remains seated on my couch. Bending over, he touches one of my pedicured toes through the opening of the suede shoes with his forefinger. A simple touch rouses me, and it takes everything in me not to capture his lips.
Taking another deep breath, I will myself not to jump on Julian.
Rising from my sofa, we’re so close I can see his nostrils flare. His beautiful eyes wander, taking in every inch of my face. Caressing my cheek with the pad of his thumb, he says, “Get dressed because I have another surprise for you.” He peeks at his watch. “You have thirty minutes, darling.”
Grabbing my birthday dress and without taking off my new Jimmy Choos, I scurry to my bedroom.
Thirty-Nine
A woman in lust stands in front of the mirror. The signs are there. Dampened silk panties. Dilated green eyes. Swollen lips. A mind filled with only indecent thoughts. The unbearable longing for Julian so desperate, it almost hurts.
Taking a deep breath, I exhale a few times like a woman in labor.
Just friends.
Just dinner.
I hang the Stella McCartney dress on the back of the door and take off the Jimmy Choo shoes. Thirty minutes, I remind myself. In all the years I have been with Andrew, he has never made reservations for a hotel, restaurant, or anything else for that matter.
Although I had showered earlier in the day, I jump into the shower again, but rather than do my usual routine of staying in for an outrageous amount of time, I quickly wash my hair, scrub my body, and apply more almond body oil before getting out.
My hair is usually dried naturally, but I want to look sexy tonight. A short shower allows me to spend more time on my appearance. I grab the styling gel that promises to add volume to my hair. I’m going for the Brigitte Bardot look tonight. Tonight’s makeup calls for the works: foundation, powder, eye shadow, eyeliner, blush, and light gloss.
I continue to celebrate my birthday, and I’m celebrating it with a childhood friend. An insanely sexy, handsome, smart, childhood friend. Searching for underwear, the matching set from Agent Provocateur I bought a few weeks ago catches my eye. It was untouched as I recall, and I need to justify spending that much money. The lingerie set is racy, and as I slip on the new Stella McCartney dress over the set, and my new Jimmy Choo shoes on, I feel like a seductress. My blown-out hair is down, slightly touching below my shoulders. Patti would be proud. My neck, stripped of any jewelry, bears a hint of the scent of my new Creed perfume. After I am done, I stare at the full-length mirror and must admit that not only do I feel sexy, but I also look hot.
I remain planted in front of my mirror, nervous. I desperately want something more than dinner tonight.
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I tell the man I want to sleep with.
Julian opens the door and slowly closes it behind him. I can’t speak. I can’t think. The man before me is devastatingly gorgeous. I gape as he stands there, absolutely perfect.
“Lina.”
I tilt my head, and when our eyes meet, I swear, I’ve never ever wanted someone as much as I want him.
All. Of. Him.
“Lina, you,” he says after a long pause. “You are stunning.”
My manners fail me, and all I can do is ogle him. All I can think about is undressing him.
Touching him.
Tasting him.
A slow grin forms on his face. Finally breaking me out of my reverie, in a tone that sets me on fire, Julian admits, “I fantasized about you last night.”
Whaaaat?
My eyes pop out.
His candid confession surprises me. I bite my lower lip, unable to do anything.
Did I hear him correctly?
“I fantasized about you last night,” he repeats, waiting for my reaction. “How does that make you feel?”
Insanely happy!
I fantasize about you every minute of every day.
I masturbate to only thoughts of you.
And although all these thoughts invade me all at once, I’m unable to respond to the man I despe
rately want. I turn my back slightly with my head bowed down.
Come on, Lina! He just admitted to fantasizing about you, and you don’t have a comeback?
He actually fantasized about me.
Was it a rated PG kind of fantasy or was it an XXX fantasy? God, I hope it was the latter. I want him to think of me as a woman he can do anything with.
Make me beg.
Carnal images assault me. Me straddling him, his cock buried deep inside me as he licks my neck. Julian forcefully grabbing my hips from behind, fucking me, pulling my hair as I scream out his name. My heart beats rapidly. It takes everything in me not to jump his bones. My salacious thoughts are interrupted when the sound of his footsteps closes in.
Calm down, Lina.
Calm. The. Fuck. Down.
From a few inches behind me, his right hand finds a restful place on my hip. Dear God, I am wet. The other slowly caresses my left hand. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest. Leaning forward, he brushes his mouth against my earlobe. “It was a wonderful fantasy. I apologize if I have made you uncomfortable. But I had to tell you. I’ll try my best to be a gentleman tonight. But I don’t know how much longer I can be good around you.”
I don’t want a gentleman tonight.
I want a beast to ravage me.
I turn around, and our faces are so close I’m surprised we’re not kissing. My breathing picks up when I realize he might kiss me … again.
His mouth is half-open.
Mine is as well.
Taking in one another, our locked eyes are interrupted by my phone.
We both glance at the annoying gadget that sits on my bed. My bed. Right there. Suddenly, I imagine Julian’s naked body waiting for me. Jennifer Lopez’s “Ain’t Your Mama” ring tone is again loud and clear. Yet he and I are unable to move. Pursing his luscious lips, his eyes remain focused on my bed.