“A girl never tells her true age. You know that.” She snuggled up to him and bit his earlobe. “I’m old enough to find myself in your bed after hours without the age police breaking down your door.”
Sir Giles grinned sheepishly. “Well then I’ll have to arrange for the locks to malfunction won’t I?”
They both laughed and drank to the sound of Tiny Bubbles.
* * *
AFTER A LIVELY SHOW of flame spitting and fire twirling, the crowd gathered around anxiously awaiting the next performance. Drums thrummed in a deafening roar. Boom! Boom! Boom! Then the limbo sticks with Tiki Gods on top spouting fire were mounted to the floor. An adjustable stick hung precariously on its perch waiting for an unfortunate player to knock it off. The fire twirling acrobats somersaulted off the stage and stomped their feet playfully. The roar of LIMBO! echoed throughout the gala.
Selicious tugged on Sir Giles’ arm. “Come on. Let’s get in line.” He relented. Hoards of participants took their turns bending over backwards under the stick. At first only the inflexible or overly large ambassadors didn’t make the cut. Later on, when the sticks got lower, the crowd of participants thinned out until there were only a few left; Sir Giles and Selicious being part of that few. They laughed and played at the seemingly nonsensical game, drinking between each attempt until Sir Giles began feeling the effects of the alcohol. Selicious just prodded him on to even lower/harder feats of limboing. “We can’t beat Slipsludge. He’s the nimblest delegate since he has no vertebrae. But we can give a good show.” She stuffed another drink into her companion’s hand. “Knock it back, as you Terrans say. It’ll make us limber.”
“And anesthetized to the sore muscles we’ll have by tomorrow,” commented Sir Giles. He downed the fruity rum drink and danced his way into position. She did likewise.
It was a partner match. A pair would limbo under the stick. If either one knocked the stick off its perch, then they’d both be disqualified for the next round. Selicious bent over backwards and waited for her partner to do the same. He stretched and bent around and together they eased their way until they saw that they were going to succeed. Laughing along with the crowd, Selicious and Sir Giles passed completely under the stick. The crowd cheered.
Regaltusk and his teammate, Bristlebush from Sciurus, were discussing whether to participate or not since Regaltusk was hurting from his last efforts and had jiggled the stick. “Come on old man,” encouraged Bristlebush twitching a bushy tail. “Just this last time. I won’t ask you to try it any lower.” Regaltusk nodded and scooted along backwards. Bristlebush, who would not be even close to the stick even if he walked under it, watched Regaltusk struggle due to a naturally large girth. In a moment of compassion, Bristlebush let himself touch the stick, dislodging it on purpose. The crowd cheered knowing he forfeited the chance of winning all in the name of friendship. Laughing together the pair wandered back into the crowd happily chatting.
Nanette surfaced with Smythe as her partner. They got into the excitement and danced toward the limbo stick. When she was close, she cartwheeled up to the stick and then sprung high up and over to land on the other side. Then she limboed back to Smythe who stood amazed at this performance. The crowd roared for more. “You want to try?” she asked Smythe.
“Me? Cartwheel over the stick?”
“Why not? It’s easy.”
“Easy for you maybe. I’d just break something.”
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
“Okay. You asked for it.” He took her drink and guzzled it down. Then he took another from a serving tray and chugged it also. Making a couple false starts before committing, Smythe got the nerve to follow through. His cartwheel wasn’t nearly as pretty and it didn’t remotely deliver the same results as Nanette’s as he plowed through the stick, snapping it in half. He tumbled into a heap with a flaming Tiki God landing in his lap. The crowd clapped in jubilation. Then his grass skirt caught fire and he danced about as Nanette and others swatted at the flames. Eventually he had to discard the prop, thankful he had his uniform white shorts on underneath, while the waiters doused the flames out with seltzer.
Nanette propped Smythe up as they waved to the onlookers who were in stitches. They bowed and went to mingle once more with the purser now wearing scorched shorts. The limbo stands were erected again and the stick was replaced with a fancier pole that flickered with lights. Once pressed into place, the stick burst into a show of las-lighting. Beams shot up and then danced about shining in everyone’s face. There were oohs and aahs as the lights changed colors and directions.
Then it was Ambassador Slipsludge’s turn. He made a real show of prepping himself for the lowest setting yet. His partner was the lovely ambassador from Millerite, Soomee. Her skin was supple and a pale orange. She slinked up to the starting position. Someone in the crowd roared out, “It’s not fair. They’ll win easily.” And it was true. Both were the obvious winners, outmatching any who’d compete against them in this bending game.
“In the name of fairness,” roared Slipsludge above the din of the crowd, “I propose that my partner lie upon me, stacked so we will be twice our thickness. Will that be adequate to even the playing field?” The crowded roared back with enthusiasm. Slipsludge took Soomee’s hand and twirled her around, snugging her to his front. She giggled at his slickness. Then the drums pounded out a countdown. With each beat Slipsludge twisted himself into a lower stance leaning backwards. Soomee was having a good time wriggling in his grasp making him compensate with jerking motions. The las-lights twirled around blinding the crowd in a blaze of rapid fire display. The crowd cheered them on by clapping along with the drum beats. Slipsludge entered his final position, bent completely backwards, tickling Soomee as he held her. Through the laughter Sir Giles felt a cold shiver run up his spine. The clue ran through his mind:
It slices; it dices; it even julienne fries!
Buy two for the price of one!
Two for one! They were nearly halfway under the pulsating stick. Then the stick started to sizzle with electricity. Sir Giles was running forward while looking around for Nanette and Smythe. He couldn’t find them so he put his middle finger and thumb to his lips and blew a tremendous ear-piercing whistle. Out of the crowd Nanette and Smythe bowled over slower delegates left sprawled in their wake. Nanette saw the danger and pushed Smythe down so he wouldn’t get in her way. She sprinted at the couple under the now lethal limbo stick bursting with energy. She slid on her stomach into the two and propelled them out of harm’s way with stiff arms. The stick began zapping the deck, incinerating everything it touched. She barely had time to move her legs before the stick dropped and burned its way completely through the decking.
Chapter 6
Soothing Soak
THE FIRE BRIGADE HAD A hell of a time quenching the fire. The limbo-laser stick continued burning through the decking, looking for a way to outer space. But in the end, the diligent crew of the Euripides did extinguish the threat. Sir Giles was wandering around the scene, stepping over fire hoses, feet sloshing in the puddles. The party was a complete washout with decorations dangling and soggy furniture. Smoky residue clung to all the surfaces like tar staining the once happy affair.
Nanette went to him and bent down as they looked at the gaping hole the limbo stick made in the decking. “Everyone is safe. I have Smythe guarding Ambassador Slipsludge in his suite. He’s quite a bundle of nerves.”
“I dare say he is,” Sir Giles responded. “I would be too if I was about to be sliced in half.” He pounded his fist into his other hand. “Damn this botched regeneration.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she comforted him. “At least we prevented another murder.”
“I’ve only postponed the inevitable, I’m afraid.”
“How so?”
“Yes, we stopped this double murder. But do we know any more than we did before?” She looked quizzical at his frustration. “No! We don’t. Other than Slipsludge is the next intended victim
. The reason for his murder eludes me.”
“What about the other ambassador with him?”
“Most likely she was to be collateral damage. She appears to be a side thought on behalf of our murderer. She’ll be safe for now, but Slipsludge isn’t to be left alone for even a moment.”
“He won’t be.”
“I’ll be damned if I see any connection in this case. This, above all things, is frustrating me to no end. I should see a pattern by now, but I don’t.”
“Give it more time. Maybe your regeneration needs to repair some damage that was undetected when they brought you out of cryo-sleep?”
“What happens if it doesn’t? Is my brain just going to degenerate over time? Sections that will never regain their powers again? Will I become ordinary? Or even worse . . . senile?”
“Those are a lot of questions I can’t provide answers to.” She hugged him. “Should I tell my CO what is happening?”
“You mean with my health?” She nodded. “Maker no! That could be the worst thing to do in the face of all this madness. We don’t need any more GG interference from the command level. I would like to have the ship’s doctor run a couple tests on my brain function. That is, if he can be sworn to secrecy.”
“He will if he doesn’t want to find himself on the wrong side of an airlock.” He looked at her sternly. Then he laughed and so did she. “So what do you want to do?”
He splashed some water in frustration. “The scene is completely compromised. The laser stick is incinerated and any clues to how it was switched with the real one have been mopped up and disposed of down the drains.” He shrugged. “I guess we should take turns watching Slipsludge. Young Mister Smythe will want to be relieved of his temporary duties so he can have a little time to himself.”
“He’s been an asset to the both of us,” she commented. “But I’m sure we aren’t his only charges as the ship’s head purser.”
He stood up and wiped his hands on his trousers. “Let’s let the boy go off and get some rest. You and I will take turns watching the ambassador.”
She nodded. “What do you really think of him? He’s not SLASP.”
“You say that as if that’s a bad thing.”
“Well, isn’t it? If he were SLASP I’d have an easier time convincing my commanding officers that we were compatible.”
“You know it doesn’t work that way,” he retorted. “The only way you can continue seeing him is if he’s suitable. And we both know that he won’t be found up to their standards. I think Mister Smythe is a fine young man destined to become an average sailor on many Galactic Guild Luxury Space Liners before his time comes to retire; a plain and normal life. But just this once, he’s found someone who he knows he could never possess. That ache in his heart will follow him through the end of his days. A love that can never be.” He stopped and turned her by the shoulders to look in her eyes. “You must not deprive him of the one moment in his life that he will always turn to. He’s made his choice. You are his only desire. Let the man have solace in the fact that he loved deeply enough to never love again.”
His words touched her like no other words she had ever heard before. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Is that what this is all about. Him having his time?”
He nodded. “The poor boy will love you no matter what you do to him. Love him; hate him; they are all the same to Smythe. He loves you and knows he won’t have you.”
She buried her head in his chest and wept. “What can I do? My SLASP side wants him to leave but my womanly side wants to have him.” Her shoulders racked and Sir Giles gave her a reassuring hug. “It’s not fair.”
“Love is not fair, my dear,” he said. “You will continue being with the young man and when this case is over you will have to leave him forever. I have no comforting words to soothe your aching heart. It won’t be easy for you. In time the hurt will become just a numbing pain. Eventually you won’t remember his face or his voice which will anger you till your dying day.”
She looked up into his watery eyes and kissed him on his cheek. “I love you Grandfather. If this is what must be, I will carry the burden with pride.”
Sir Giles sniffled. “So, we have work to do yet. You give young Mister Smythe something to remember you by as he richly deserves that, and me, it is now time to solve this case.”
* * *
SIR GILES DISMISSED NANETTE after relieving Smythe of guard duty so the two could have a few more hours together. Smythe wasn’t comfortable with having the older detective left alone with an agitated invertebrate but Nanette dragged him away saying she doubted there’d be another incident on the same night. So Sir Giles watched the distraught ambassador slither about back and forth.
“Will you please settle down?” Sir Giles commanded. Slipsludge stopped but his eyestalks swiveled all around as if he were trying to see in every direction at once. “You’re safe. Nothing bad happened to you.”
“It wasn’t your life in the balance an hour ago!” The slimy alien continued pacing. “If it wasn’t for your granddaughter I’d be in two pieces.”
“That’s absolutely correct. My granddaughter saved you. But pacing isn’t going to make matters better.”
“No, I suppose it won’t.” He rubbed his slick body and found some dry patches. “Oh, look at this.” He pointed. “I’m drying out. What time is it?”
Sir Giles looked at his chronometer. “Nearing midnight or eight bells.”
“I’m way overdue for my Jacuzzi bath.” The ambassador picked up a large jar of Acochlidean Bath Pellets. At least that is what was on the label of the jar. “I need a good soak. Care to join me? I promise you won’t regret having your skin rejuvenated by my special bath additives. I’m told even Terrans enjoy the soothing affects.”
“I can’t just let you go off and be alone. I’ll accompany you but I won’t participate.”
“Suit yourself,” answered Slipsludge. “Your loss.” With a towel over a grey slumping shoulder and the bath pellets in the crook of a gelatinous arm, the two made their way to the ship’s Jacuzzi. Before the ambassador could slide into the bubbling water Sir Giles held him back.
“Let’s not take any chances.” Sir Giles scooped up a little of the warm bubbly water and sniffed it. Then he licked a tiny portion and tested the flavor. “A little too much chlorine but I believe it’s safe.”
Slipsludge handed over his towel and slithered into the warm inviting water. At once he relaxed and sat back with his scrawny arms out, humming to himself like he hadn’t a care in the universe. “I do love a good soak.”
Herbert and Martha walked into the Jacuzzi area and saw the two. “Oh,” she began. “Hello again. You don’t mind if we share the water do you?”
Slipsludge invited them with the flick of his hand. “The more the merrier. Would you like to indulge in some of my bath pellets? It makes the water wash away the stress of the day along with a few wrinkles.”
Herbert scowled. “I like my wrinkles.”
Martha elbowed him. “We’d love to. But I doubt anything can remove all the wrinkles on the pair of us.” The older couple placed their towels next to Sir Giles and entered the Jacuzzi. Martha slid over on the bench seating until she found a strong jet. She swiveled her shoulders to have the water massage those tired muscles. “Today was dreadful. I just want to forget all about that limbo line.” Herbert nodded scooting past her to another jet.
Slipsludge’s lower extremity was in his way. “Sorry.”
The ambassador pulled it away for Herbert to get to his spot. They all settled in, scooching about and sinking up to their necks with sighs all around.
“Today was just horrible. I’m still in a state of shock. I can’t think of anyone who’d want me dead. After all, I’m a very amiable fellow.”
Herbert mumbled something. He was pinched by Martha under the water which made him jump a bit. He cleared his throat. “I’m sure you are. Dreadful business this constant threat of murder. I wonder sometimes if this vacation was a
good decision.”
Martha smiled. “We have a wonderful suite, dear.”
Slipsludge perked up at the turn in the conversation. “Which suite is that? Mine is very frugal for an ambassador’s quarters.”
Herbert wasn’t about to lose a chance at boasting about their accommodations. “We have the Bridal Suite. With all the bells and whistles the Galactic Guild could muster.”
“Really,” commented Slipsludge. He knew that they were the ones responsible for draining the GG’s coffers. But he wasn’t going to be ungracious with this knowledge. “You deserve the very best.”
“That’s what I told them,” said Sir Giles crossing his legs in his chair. He was bored of the chitchat and wanted the ambassador to hurry it up so he could grab some food, that way he could go straight to sleep once he was relieved of his turn at guard duty. “Herbert must be some kind of lawyer to win the biggest settlement against the Galactic Guild in history. Tell us how you handled the case please.”
“You flatter me, Sir Giles,” responded Herbert. “I’m just an average retired lawyer.”
Martha wasn’t having any of it. “He’s just being humble. Don’t let him dupe you into a false sense of security. If you went to court and Herbert was the prosecutor, you’d soon be living in a cell. He’s shrewd to say the least.”
“I’ll remember that,” laughed Sir Giles. “Ambassador, wouldn’t you say that Herbert has to be one of the best lawyers the Galactic Guild has come in contact with in recent history?”
“Most definitely. From what I gathered from the court case, the defense melted under his keen mind.”
“Then, I would suggest having the Galactic Guild offer Herbert a consultant’s position to train new talent.”
“That’s an excellent idea,” remarked Slipsludge. “It’s obvious the Galactic Guild has need of good solid training. Do you mind if I pursue the idea?” He directed this last question to Herbert.
“Well,” Herbert vacillated, “I’m retired.”
Murder on Euripides Page 14