On the outside, he appeared one way, but underneath the exterior, he was the complete opposite. Kind of like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A bad boy pretending to be good. Only Matt wasn’t pretending; he was being exactly who he was.
Women loved it.
Hell, I loved it.
But something had changed these past couple months and it wasn’t Matt. It was me.
Matt turned from the register and leaned back against the bar, pinning me with a look. “You hungry?”
“Sure.” I lied. I really wasn’t. I hardly ever was these days. Well, except for bananas. I ate so many of them it was a wonder my skin hadn’t turned yellow. I didn’t even like them.
What was weirder?
I never went out and bought bananas. One morning there was a perfectly ripened bunch on my kitchen counter. I hadn’t even realized it was odd until I was halfway through the first one and it occurred to me I didn’t like them and hadn’t bought them.
It didn’t stop me from eating, though. They were the first thing in weeks that actually appealed to me. I ate the whole group that day. The next morning, there were more. I ate them too and all the ones that appeared every day after that.
I didn’t know who was leaving them.
But I had an idea.
“I asked the guys in the back to cook something up before they left for the night.”
“You did?” I said, his voice drawing me away from my banana obsession. His words caught me a little by surprise. I don’t know why. He did ask me to have dinner. Maybe it was the fact he thought ahead enough to ask them to make something.
He flashed me a smile I couldn’t help but return and pushed away from the counter to prowl across the floor to my side. He was taller than me, so when he stopped, he angled his head down to look me over. “Come on,” he said, taking my hand and threading our fingers together.
He led me through the back, past the salad station and coolers with the bottled beer supply. Still keeping my hand in his, Matt pushed open the door leading onto the deck and pulled me through. My feet stuck to the floor when I saw what he’d done.
Off to the left, right next to the screened-in view, sat the round table that was always there. But the plastic green top was covered with a simple white cloth and topped with a white candle in a short, clear glass. The candle wasn’t large, but it cast an intimate glow over the table.
Along with the candle and tablecloth were two plates, some silverware, and two bottles of beer.
“It’s nothing fancy,” Matt said, a little bit of nerves creeping into his usually self-assured tone. “But I mean, this is a bar.”
I laughed. “It’s perfect,” I said, taking in the burgers and fries. I really was surprised he’d put so much thought into this. I expected frowns and a lecture, not a casual candlelit private dinner.
“You like it?” he asked.
I tore my eyes from the table to look at him. “Yeah, I really do.”
He smiled, and my heart beat a little bit faster. “That’s good.” Matt gestured toward the chair closest to me and I sat, once again taking in everything. There was even a bottle of ketchup near my plate. It touched me that he remembered I liked to drown my fries in the stuff.
“How did you do all this? You barely left the bar tonight,” I asked, dumping the condiment on my plate.
“So you were keeping your eye on me, huh?” His voice was smug.
I blushed, keeping my attention on my plate. I wished it was for the reason he was thinking and not because I was trying to avoid him. “Seriously, how did you pull this off?” I asked, trying to divert the conversation.
“I have my ways,” he said, giving me a wolfish grin. The candlelight cast a glow over his features, making him look even more devilish.
After dunking a fry into the ketchup and twirling it around, I popped it into my mouth. The flavor exploded on my tongue, and for the first time in a long time, something tasted good (besides a banana, of course). I made a sound of appreciation and helped myself to more.
I felt his eyes on me, but I kept my attention on the food, which frankly wasn’t hard. God, this was so good.
“Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out?” he asked, low.
“Matt,” I said. The fry I just swallowed scraped down my throat.
“I’m really not that surprised, actually.” He continued. “I kind of expected it.”
I abandoned the food entirely, looking up at him sharply. What the hell did he mean he expected me to get pregnant randomly? What did he think I was?!
“Excuse me?” I said, lifting an eyebrow.
He took a long pull of the beer in front of him. I wished I could drink the one he set there for me. Hell, at this point I needed more than one.
“You think I’m playing you,” he deadpanned.
I blinked. Wait. What?
“I know my reputation. I’m kind of proud of it,” he said, a little smirk pulling at his lips.
I could only stare as his words totally seeped in. He didn’t know. This whole night I thought he’d figured out my secret when really, he hadn’t. He thought I was avoiding him because I was afraid of getting hurt.
“The thought did cross my mind,” I said. The relief I felt was incredible.
He sat back, gripping the long neck of his bottle, and studied me through the dim lighting. Beyond us, the evening crickets were out full force, filling the darkness with their song as a night breeze stirred the air and wrapped around the deck.
“Not with you, Soph,” he intoned. “Never with you.”
His words and the way he delivered them affected me. For so long I thought the way I felt was one-sided. I thought he was too busy playing the field, chasing skirts, to give me more than a single thought. I thought the easy chemistry we had between us was more a sign of friendship than anything else.
“I backed off when I noticed how leery you’d become. I thought giving you space and showing you I wasn’t going to chase you and try to charm my way into your pants would finally show you it was different with you.”
It was why he never seemed to question the distance I put between us. “I figured you would lose interest,” I replied honestly. I really thought he would just move on.
He sat forward, resting his forearms on the table. “That’s not going to happen.” He pushed his chair back and stood, making his way around the table to where I sat. His hand wrapped around the back of my chair and he slid it around to face him with ease. The rough texture of his jeans brushed against my legs as he crouched down so we were eye level.
Part of me was shocked. Part of me was scared… and part of me was freaking thrilled.
“I’m done giving you your space. I’m telling you I’m not playing a game. I’m not going to hurt you. I want you. Only you.”
I stared down at where his hands touched the outside of my legs. It was a gentle touch, yet it was possessive. Matt is touching me. Matt wants me.
I’d imagined this moment a million times.
“Matt, I—”
I didn’t get to say anything else because he pulled me to my feet, sweeping me against his chest and locking his arms around me. His mouth descended upon mine and his tongue slipped over my lips, coaxing me open so he could take my mouth completely.
I melted against him, allowing him in, my tongue reaching out to meet his, to gently entwine them together. He groaned and pulled me a little bit closer so my front was pressed firmly against his. Matt tilted his head and increased the pressure in the kiss, delving his tongue deeper into my mouth.
I grabbed onto his shoulders and held on as the reality of being kissed by Matt washed over me. He was a skilled kisser. He knew exactly how much pressure to apply, when to groan into my mouth, and the exact right moment to tug my lower lip between his and suckle it until it was the only thing I could feel.
Matt’s hands slid up the back of my neck and tugged at the ponytail that hung down, groping for the band that kept my strands contained. He yanked away his lips and
looked at me, his pupils dilating with passion. “Do you know what it does to me watching this thing bounce around the bar all night long?”
I shook my head, unable to speak.
He growled and tossed the hair band so my dark hair cascaded down my back and over his hands. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”
I leaned up and kissed him again, wanting to get just a little bit closer. Feeling him against me was so good. I hadn’t realized how lonely I’d felt… how abandoned.
The thought pricked at my consciousness, trying to loosen the hold Matt was gaining. I pushed it away, my body’s needs eclipsing my mind.
One of his hands slid down my back and cupped my ass, taking a big handful and kneading the flesh.
Something inside me wobbled. It was an odd feeling, like nothing I ever quite felt before. I paused in the middle of the kiss. Matt squeezed my ass again and came back for more, licking at my bottom lip.
The feeling came over me again.
I yanked my mouth away and rested my forehead on his shoulder, trying to compose myself. It sort of felt like there was an actual butterfly in my middle, and it was confused and trying to break free.
Oh.
Oh my.
It wasn’t a butterfly. It wasn’t the effects of Matt’s skilled kiss.
It was my baby.
It was mine and Tarek’s baby.
He was moving.
Reality tumbled over me like a world record Tsunami. What the hell was I doing? I couldn’t get involved with Matt! I couldn’t get involved with anyone.
I jerked back out of his arms and pressed a hand to my swollen lips. My skin felt flushed and my breathing erratic. The little fluttering inside me shook my middle once more, and without thinking, I pressed my hand to my belly.
My baby was moving.
I glanced up at Matt, pure joy filtering through me. He smiled, likely thinking my joy was for another reason.
I giggled. I didn’t know feeling him would incite such a reaction, that I would feel so much at such a tiny little movement.
“Are you laughing at my kisses?” Matt said, curling a hand around my waist.
I jerked back. I didn’t want him to touch me there. This baby wasn’t his to be near.
“Sophie?” he said, giving me a puzzled look.
“I can’t,” I whispered, taking another more deliberate step back.
“You can’t what?” he asked.
“I can’t be with you.”
A look of hurt crossed his face but was quickly replaced with confusion. “I think that kiss proves there are feelings between us.”
“You don’t understand,” I said, my hand still pressed to my stomach. I glanced up, looking into his eyes, not wanting to hurt him, but needing him to realize.
A wary look overcame his eyes. “Sophie…” He glanced at my hand, the hand that refused to leave my child.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.
Matt would have poked holes in any other excuse I gave him. He would have worn me down, and my loneliness for Tarek would have made me cave. I couldn’t cave, and I didn’t want to hurt Matt. The truth was my only option.
“What?” he said, shock lacing his tone. His hands fell at his sides.
“I’m sorry.” I rushed past him, wanting to leave, to be alone, to think.
“Sophie,” Matt said, catching my hand and pulling around. “What…?” The single word hung in the air and I watched him grapple for something else to say. “Who’s the father?” he said finally.
The mere mention of Tarek sent a sharp pain through my chest. I tried not to think about him. Usually, I wasn’t successful, but I managed to bury the way he made me feel the times I’d been with him deep inside me. But it seemed kissing Matt unearthed those feelings, brought them rushing toward the surface with a fierceness that wouldn’t be denied.
“He’s not in the picture,” I whispered, a slight sting of fear pricking at my consciousness.
“What the hell kind of man gets a girl pregnant then bails?” he demanded, a dark look crossing his face.
The kind who says he’s going to come back and take your baby.
A sound ripped from my throat as pure terror overtook me. “I have to go,” I said, tearing my hand from Matt’s and racing out of the bar.
I couldn’t deny it anymore. I couldn’t pretend Tarek hadn’t intoned he was coming back for my child. I couldn’t pretend this was some bizarre dream. Up until this point, I’d been confused, scared, shell-shocked.
And then I felt him move. I felt the first fluttering of life inside me. My body was nourishing this child, giving another being life.
My baby.
My son.
I knew right then this baby was a boy.
I wasn’t confused anymore. The way I felt was crystal clear.
I loved him.
I loved this baby with every ounce of life inside me.
And no one—not even Tarek—was going to take him from me.
the offer
I
was exhausted.
Being kissed by someone you crushed on for years, then blurting out you were pregnant after feeling your baby move for the first time was enough to emotionally drain any girl.
I could only imagine what Matt was thinking. Likely, he was patting himself on the back for dodging the bullet that was me. I shouldn’t have run out like that. I should have stayed, talked to him, asked him not to tell anyone until I knew what I was going to do.
Who was I kidding?
I had no fucking clue what to do or where to even start trying to figure it out.
It was better if I didn’t drag Matt into this anyway.
What I did know was that I couldn’t keep living in denial. Pretending I wasn’t pregnant didn’t mean I wasn’t. I was, and the clock was ticking. I was going to start showing anytime now. My pants were already too tight, and I wouldn’t be able to hide it forever.
I needed a plan. I didn’t have to know everything right now, but I needed some kind of path to follow at least for the near future. Maybe if I seemed more confident in my situation, people wouldn’t be so shocked (mainly my parents) when I started telling them.
Tarek’s words about coming back for the baby haunted me.
I could leave town. Pack a bag and just drive until I liked the scenery out the windshield. But he would find me. I didn’t know much about Tarek, but I did know that. And I didn’t want to leave. I had parents, friends, school… a life. A life I needed now more than ever.
Maybe he wouldn’t come back. Maybe his emotionless state of mind would keep him away. He wouldn’t come back for a baby he didn’t love. Right?
My stomach twisted and I yawned so wide my jaw made a popping sound. I could figure out my plan tomorrow. But before I would let myself crawl under the covers, I dragged my ass into the bathroom to shower and wash away my shift at the bar.
My hair smelled like smoke and beer. I hated it.
I paused beside the sink after stripping off my top and bra. Should I be working in a place like that in my condition? People weren’t allowed to smoke in the bar, but they did outside and then came in, dragging some of that second-hand smoke with them. Could that hurt the baby?
I worried over it as I pulled off my black shorts and panties and turned on the shower, switching the water to hot. As the water heated, I stepped in front of the mirror to stare at my naked reflection.
My long dark hair was a complete disaster mostly because Matt’s hands had been tangled in it. My skin was flushed, but there were dark circles beneath my eyes. My full lips were still slightly puffy from the kissing and my dark eyes appeared confused.
Basically, I’d looked better.
Abandoning the judgment of my face, my eyes dropped down to my achy breasts, which were already larger than they’d been before. They were sensitive to the touch, felt swollen, and screamed for some kind of relief. At least they were still perky, and the normally blush pink nipples had turned darker, more of a ripened peac
h shade.
My eyes moved on, down toward my bare stomach. It was definitely thicker. No longer was it willowy and lean. Instead, there were soft curves developing.
Chewing the bottom of my lip, I turned sideways, glancing at the side view of my waist. It was rounding outward, no longer flat. I brushed my palm over it, fascinated with the way my body was changing, a little in awe that there was a baby growing beneath that little bump.
Another yawn stole over me, and I stepped away from the mirror and beneath the warm, gentle spray of the shower. I wished the water pressure were better. The knots in my neck were tight and the massaging hot spray would have been nice.
But this was an old rental in Frostburg; great water pressure wasn’t a normal amenity. Hell, I was just thankful the water heater provided enough warm water for a quick shower.
After scrubbing clean and rinsing the conditioner from my hair, I shut off the spray and dried, wrapping the damp towel around me.
I was tired and it was an effort to pull the comb through the tangles in my hair. When I was done, I sighed in relief. Leaving my work clothes in a heap on the floor, I exited the bathroom, shivering a little at the cooler air in the hallway. On my way to the bedroom, I heard knocking at the front door.
My heart rate spiked and fear scrambled through me. Who could be pounding on my door this late at night? Clutching the towel around me, I crept toward the door as the pounding intensified.
“I know you’re in there, Sophie,” Matt said from the other side.
“Matt?”
“Yeah. Can I come in?”
Surprised, I turned the lock and opened the door. He was standing there in his jeans and polo, his hair finally looking less than perfect, like he’d been running his hands through it.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
His eyes widened and he completely forgot I had a head. I might as well have been naked the way he was staring.
Well, okay. I was practically naked.
“I was in the shower,” I said, as if it wasn’t totally obvious.
“Here I thought you were just avoiding me,” he drawled, still staring at the hollow space between my breasts and the towel.
Distant Desires: Part Two Page 4