Cass stared at her boss, realizing what a wonderful life she really led. Opportunities left and right, she'd been rubbing elbows with the mayor and celebrities just days before, and what was she doing? Hemming and hawing over stupid boys.
“Okay,” she agreed quickly. “I can't thank you enough, Joanna, for this amazing chance. I'll really think hard about it, I promise.”
“I have no doubts. Thanks for all your hard work, Cassie.”
13
Cassie was feeling so good about her meeting, and about her upcoming paid vacation time, that she decided to work extra hard for the rest of the day as payback. She got all her invoices squared away and sent to accounting. Updated inventory. Made notes on upcoming events, and even sketched out some ideas for them.
She was the last one out the door, and was shocked to realize it was already eight o'clock when she was heading to her car. Her date with Josh had started half an hour ago. She shot him a quick text, then raced to the bar, probably breaking more than a few laws.
If I can handle Joanna Pressly and adulting and everything else, I can handle a little frank honesty. Besides, this is Josh. The guy who took care of me when I showed up drunk at his doorstep. He'll be understanding.
“I am so sorry,” she gushed as she hurried across the crowded space. Josh stood up from a high top table and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before pulling out her seat. She inwardly flushed at the gesture – she loved old school manners.
“It's okay,” he chuckled. “Makes me feel better about being ten minutes late.”
“Oh, god, you've been here twenty minutes?” she groaned, shrugging out of her jacket. “Next round is on me.”
“Then make mine a double,” he joked. “How was work?”
They chatted idly for a while, catching each other up on their days. It was nice, sitting with a man and not wondering when he was going to say something awful that would make her feel bad. But the twinkle in his eye did make her feel a little sick to her stomach. He was remembering their night together, which was very sweet, but he also had no clue that the next day she'd gone home and stewed over another man's actions.
“So, uh,” Cassie stalled, glancing at her watch. They'd been sitting there for an hour, and Josh had started hinting at wanting to go back to his place – which she did want to do, but not until she came clean. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“How long were you and your wife married?”
“Still hung up on that?” he laughed. “About ten years. Been divorced for almost four.”
“Huh. Ten years. That's a long time.”
“It is,” he agreed. “What's the longest relationship you've been in?”
“Oh, geez, nothing that long. I think maybe two years?” she thought back.
“That's nothing to scoff at. Must have been a special guy, to make you settle,” he teased. She swallowed thickly.
Well, if I ever needed an opening, there it was.
“That's what's funny – this version of me you're meeting, it's not ... normal?” she suggested. His brows drew together and she hurried on. “I mean, settling down is the norm for me. Maybe not for huge periods of time, but usually I'm either single, or I have a boyfriend. Like an exclusive, closed relationship, boyfriend. Seeing more than one person at once, that's a new thing for me, and I gotta say, I don't think I'm very good at it.”
“That works out great for me,” Josh laughed, but she held up her hand.
“I don't know. I've screwed up a lot. Seeing him, seeing you, it's ... it's been a lot. And he's not like you, or me. He's ... intense, which makes me intense. And he's stupid, which makes me really stupid, so sometimes I do stupid things.”
Josh's smile fell away, and Cassie figured he was finally catching on that this was less a “it's you and only you!” conversation, and more a “I have to confess something really shitty” moment.
“Like how stupid?” he asked. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you, or something?”
God, this guy is an angel.
“No, nothing like that. It's me, Josh. I did something bad,” she sighed. “You know the other night? Sunday? When I came over?”
“Of course. Was he the reason you were drunk?” he asked, sounding surprised. She winced, then finally nodded.
“Yes. We'd had a big fight earlier in the day, so I went to my friend Natalie's house, and we -”
Josh held up his hand.
“Wait – you went to your friend's house before coming to mine?” he clarified.
“I went to her house earlier in the day, had some drinks. Then I went back home.”
“And then you came to my house,” he spoke softly, and she found herself wincing again. It sounded worse than it was, like he'd been her second choice.
Which he wasn't even that – he was just the guy you used to make another guy jealous. Ooohhh, this is WAY WORSE than it sounds, you dumb bitch.
“I told you I was a drunk mess,” she tried to dig herself out of the hole. “I got home, and he was having this party, and just being really awful to me. He's kinda always awful to me, but lately, ever since I started seeing you, it's been on another level.”
“He was having a party at your house? Do you two live together!?” Josh looked shocked.
“No! God, no, ew. No, he's my next door neighbor, remember,” she explained quickly. “And he was mad at me for ignoring him all day, so he'd invited all his stupid music people over, and when I wouldn't talk to him, he got really angry. So angry, he ... he ...”
Now that she was saying it all out loud, Cassie was beyond embarrassed. Beyond ashamed, even. What was worse than shame? Disgust. She couldn't believe she'd behaved the way she had, and worse, that she felt honor bound to confess it.
“He what?” Josh demanded. “I swear, Cass, if this guy laid a finger on you, I'll -”
“No! He's not the bad guy, I am!” she snapped. “He got another girl and brought her back to his room, I could hear them through the wall, and he knew it. And I was so angry, I ... I ... I told him I could get someone else, too.”
There. She'd blurted it all out. She shrunk down in her seat and forced herself to return Josh's hurt gaze.
“So the only reason you came over that night,” he pieced it together. “Was to make this guy jealous. Not to see me.”
“Yes,” she whispered, then she took a deep breath. “I mean, that's how it started out, which is awful, I know. But I do really like you, Josh, and after I got there, god, you were so nice to me. So caring. So ... wonderful. After I got there, everything after that moment, was because I wanted to be there, I promise. I didn't think of him again.”
She clenched her hands together, praying he'd believe her. Of course, even if he did, he'd probably always doubt her, as long as she continued seeing someone else. Who knew if she'd do it again?
“This kinda sucks, Cass,” he sighed, combing his fingers through his hair. “I gotta say, I've been feeling kinda shitty about you being intimidated by my ex, when here it turns out you were just using me to get back at some guy the whole time.”
“Not the whole time,” she insisted. “I didn't even tell Micah about our date, or anything about -”
Josh sat up ramrod straight in his chair.
“Who?”
Cassie blinked rapidly in surprise. She'd forgotten – Micah knew all about Josh.
But Josh had no clue that Micah was the other man, and it hadn't occurred to Cassie to mention it.
Maybe I should have ...
“Micah Gannis,” she spoke softly. “I think you know him?”
Josh lurched out of his seat, coming around the table to stand next to her. She was a little shocked – he was normally so laid back. Almost passive. She hadn't been able to picture him angry or upset.
“You think I know him?” he snapped. “The guy practically works for me, Cassie! I have beers with them almost every week! All those guys knew about you and him, and let me babble on about you, and n
obody fucking said anything. Do you understand how that makes me look?”
“I don't think it -”
“Like an idiot. Like I was getting played, which I was.”
“No,” Cassie moaned. She reached out for him, but he stepped away. “It wasn't like that! I'd been ... 'seeing' Micah for months, but I didn't know he was in a band until that day at your hall. It's always been casual between us, so I honestly didn't think anything of it. I didn't think it meant anything.”
“Like how you and I don't mean anything,” Josh filled in the gaps.
“What? No, I'm not saying -”
“And for something that doesn't mean anything, you're sure bent out of shape over this guy,” he growled. “Fighting with him all the time. Getting drunk over him. Jealous over him. Using me to make him jealous. I was fine with you seeing other people, Cass – I was honest from the beginning. Seems like you're the one who isn't fine with seeing multiple guys, and you weren't able to be honest with me.”
Cassie shrank back. She'd known it wouldn't be a good conversation, but she honestly hadn't imagined it would go this badly. She supposed she'd been stupid to make assumptions – she didn't know Josh very well, so how could she have possibly gauged his anger about any given situation? Like, oh, say, being used to make another man jealous? A man that he considered a friend and coworker?
“It wasn't like that,” she murmured. He rolled his eyes, then grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair.
“It was exactly like that,” he countered, pulling out his wallet and rifling through some cash. “I like you, Cassie. A lot. So much, I didn't want to put restrictions on you. But I did at least expect you to be open with me. I've let you into my business, my home, answered every question you had about my life. You couldn't even let me know you were sleeping with one of my friends. That's shitty. That's ... I don't know if I can be with a person like that.”
“Josh,” she was shocked. “Please, don't leave it like this. Can I call you tomorrow?”
He didn't respond at first. Instead, he pulled out several bills and tossed them onto the table, more than enough to pay the bill and cover the tip. He yanked on his jacket, then ran his fingers through his hair again before finally looking her in the eye.
“I liked you,” he said again. A simple statement that cut her deeply – mainly because of the tense he used. “A lot. I thought you liked me. But this isn't how you treat someone you like, Cass. Don't call me. I'll ... I don't know, I'm busy, I have work to do. I'll ... maybe I'll call you.”
“Please,” she gasped. “I didn't mean for any of this to happen, you have to believe me.”
“Why should I?” he countered. “Go work out your problems with Micah – he obviously knows you better than I do.”
Cassie's jaw dropped, and she was so stunned, she didn't say anything as Josh marched out of the bar.
It took her a few seconds to collect herself, and when she did, she realized they'd attracted somewhat of an audience. She glared at the people who'd turned to stare at her, then she quickly left her seat and all but sprinted out of the bar. She managed to hold the tears at bay until she was sitting in her car, calling Natalie.
“What's up?” her friend answered. “How's the sausage fest?”
At that, the dam broke and Cassie let out a sob.
“I fucked up,” she cried.
“What? What's wrong? Whose ass do I need to kick!?” Nat instantly demanded.
“Mine,” Cassie moaned. “He's such a great guy, I never should've gone out with him.”
“Uh ... what?”
Between hiccups and sobs, Cass explained everything that had just happened between her and Josh.
“Oooohhh,” Natalie sucked air through her teeth. “That's not good, sweetie. Why didn't you just tell him it was Micah from the beginning?”
“Because!” Cassie shrieked. “I'm a fucking idiot! I don't know! I didn't ... I had no clue where this was going. If I'd known how amazing that night with him was gonna be, I would've told him from the beginning! Jesus, it was just supposed to be dinner. Just dinner. What the fuck happened?”
“Cass. He told you that you were a present given to him from the universe. It was never 'just' dinner.”
She dropped her head to her steering wheel, setting off the horn.
Her friend was right. Somewhere deep down, Cassie had to have known that; it didn't matter that he'd said it was okay if she was seeing other people. Josh had obviously liked her, a lot. More than 'just dinner'. She should've been straight with him, or she should've dropped Micah.
Micah. Fuck, now I have to deal with him and his roses. Maybe this is a sign, though. Maybe I should try harder with him, if I'm so willing to fuck things up with Josh.
“Adulting is too hard,” she sniffled into the phone, and Natalie cackled.
“Says one of the adultiest adults I know. C'mon, buck up. I'll come over and we can eat ice cream until we explode. Then tomorrow, you can either try to get back with Josh, or you can stick with Mr. Big Dick.”
“Jesus, stop calling him that! I'll be home in like thirty minutes, meet me there?”
“I'm actually super close by, so I'll just let myself into your place, okay?”
“Sounds good. See you soon.”
Normally, Cassie left her car at the garage at her work place, but she was so upset, she just drove off without even thinking twice about it.
Big mistake. She got stuck in a god awful traffic jam. A huge pile up shut down all but the carpool lane, and she wound up sitting for almost an hour. Nat texted her for a while, complaining that there was some sort of huge rager happening in the apartment next to Cassie's. Micah's apartment. Then she went radio silent, and Cassie was left cursing and swearing at her fellow drivers.
Finally, after an eternity, Cassie pulled into a parking spot near her building. While she walked to the front door, she checked her phone. She'd texted Josh while she'd been stuck, apologizing again and asking him to respond, but he'd just left her on read. She felt her shoulders sag as she schlepped across the entry way and onto the elevator.
She could hear the thumping bass before she even reached her floor, and was shocked by the volume when she finally got out of the elevator. There was live music coming from Micah's apartment, and it was so loud, she was shocked no one had called the cops.
Once again, people were loitering in the hallway, drinking and smoking joints. She snarled to get them out of her way, not even caring if Micah came out and saw her. He didn't, though, and she was able to get into her apartment hassle free.
“Thank christ I'm home,” she groaned, tossing her purse and jacket onto her couch. “You better have brought plenty of wine!”
There was silence, and then Cassie realized all the lights were off in her place. She frowned and stepped down into her living room. Peeked into her bedroom. Even poked her head into her bathroom. But everything was empty.
No one was there.
“Natalie?” she called out anyway, moving back into the living room and turning in a circle. She spotted her friend's bag in a corner, then noticed a grocery bag on the breakfast bar. When she glanced in it, she saw several mag bottles of wine and an assortment of chips. Clearly, Natalie had been there at one point.
But where could she have gone?
The music stopped and there was a loud, raucous cheer from next door, and Cassie stared at her door. Surely, Natalie wouldn't have gone to the party. Would she have?
She's a crazy, loud mouthed, OG party-animal with energy for days and a banging body. OF COURSE she's at the party.
Cassie tentatively moved out into the hallway and stood in front of Micah's doorway. Everyone stared at her like she was nuts, but she didn't care. She'd never been inside his place, and it felt wrong to go in without his explicit invitation.
Three months of sleeping together and he never once invited you into his place, and you treated Josh like dirt for him. You deserve whatever you get, Cassie St. John.
She moved
into the apartment. A short narrow hall had a doorway into a tiny kitchen, then opened into a small living room. It was packed with people, though a small area for the band had been cleared in one corner. No one was at any of the mics or instruments at that moment, but when she looked around, she saw the lead singer, Tyler, sitting on an overstuffed love seat. He was plucking at a guitar, and even to her, it was obvious he wasn't any good at all.
“Tyler,” she called out once she was in front of him. He glanced up at her, then did a double take, but didn't jump up. Didn't give her one of his customary bear hugs.
Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach.
“Hey, Cass, what's up?” he said, speaking loud to be heard over the noise. “You ever heard me play before? I'm shit, but I'm trying.”
He started trying to play again, but she reached out and put her hand against the strings.
“No. Where's Micah?”
“That guy. Told me he'd teach me some day,” Tyler chuckled, then nervously ran his hand through his shaggy hair. “All I got is my voice. I know I'm not as good looking as him, or as built as Shane, or anything else. I'm like the plainest rockstar ever. But at least I can wail, right? Now if I can add guitar to my résumé, I'll be golden.”
Cassie frowned. She supposed Tyler was somewhat ... boring looking, especially when compared to his band mates. But she'd never noticed before, because he had so much energy, so much heart, his presence simply dominated any room he was in; and when he was on stage? It was hard to look anywhere else.
“You're better than all of them put together,” she assured him, and that earned her a genuine smile. “Tell me where he is.”
The smile fell away, and Tyler stood up, clutching the guitar by its neck.
“Look, Cass, you know how Micah is. He gets to drinking, and that's bad enough, but he's all messed up over you. He really likes you, man, I swear. He talks about you a lot. I think he even wrote a song about you. He's a good guy, I swear.”
Cassie didn't want to hear anymore. None of it mattered, anyway. She'd made it perfectly clear that Micah wasn't her boyfriend, and he'd gone out of his way to let her know that she wasn't his girlfriend. It didn't matter what, or who, he was doing. Hell, she'd just been out with Josh. A shitty date, sure, but a date nonetheless. So she had no right to be upset.
Boy #1: The Wannabe Rockstar (Oh, Those Boys) Page 15